Islamic marriage advice and family advice

me, my career, my family & marriage

salam all,

well, I'm a network engineer, as I'm an tele-engineer. It suits me but I want to get into the banking sector, starting as a bank PO.

Now the problem is that my father and mother do not agree that I should leave my field and go to the banking sector which is different (not technical).
The problem is that I want to convince them. It's easyto convince my mom, but my dad it is not. If I put up this issue, it might be that we will exchange a few words and it will be difficult for me to focus on my aim and even more difficult for me to concentrate on my exam prep knowing that my family is not with me.

Well, I'm asking them...I'm not doing anything wrong, just changing my field- that's it. Now what's the issue in that?

I'm a muslim, but I don't feel that my parents have a right to tell which path(career) I should follow unless I'm choosing the wrong path. But here I'm doing what I want to do.

I want to stick to my plan of becoming a PO and I have purchased all the books required for the exam. Even if my parents don't agree I want to go ahead, so please help me know how to get out of this without hurting them and still being able to focus on my prep.

Secondly, there is something more bigger and dangerous than this: my marriage. I knew this was coming, but really I don't want to get married. Don't come to an conclusion, people- I'm straight (lol), but not ready yet.

The thing is right now my priority is my career and money and I have no time to carry a wife along with me; I'm better off as single.

Lastly relating to marriage, I really feel that as a single I'm much better and more independent than I would be if I carry a headache of a that's painful (the responsibilty, the other stuff no not now).
I don't want them to start hunting up a bride for me and if I say this to them, they will tell me "then if it is not now, then when?" so basically I'm stuck between my career and my family, and I want my career to win but in a good way. The most important is my career. Regarding my marriage, I'll see no girl they bring to me.

Allah hafiz


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    It sounds as if you have already made up your mind what to do. You want to choose the career path that suits you instead of giving in to your parent's preferences. I tend to agree with you that as long as you are fulfilling your islamic duties as a son, you should be free to choose the type of halal work that you prefer. As far as how to inform them of your decision without "hurting their feelings", that's trickier. If they are really attached to their dream of you being an engineer, you might end up hurting their feelings regardless of how nicely and respectfully you discuss it with them. Of course be as polite as you can, but if they are having a difficult time accepting it you have to believe you did the best you could on that.

    As far as the wife issue, I can't really say what should or should not be your priority. Marriage is, after all, half the deen. Again, it sounds like you've already determined how you are going to handle any prospective girls that are brought to you, but I wouldn't throw out the baby with the bathwater. If a girl might be suitable for you or even compatible, it doesn't mean you have to reject her altogether just because you are not ready to plan the nikkah. What would be the harm in maintaining an Islamic courtship with a girl you find acceptable while you build your career, with the intention to marry her once your career is solidly established? There is a bit of grey between all things black and white.

    -Amy Editor

  2. You will have to research the income of a PO. is it interest based? if so you are better of as a Telecom Engineer. If you have done undergrad and workng in Telecomunication Field Then it may not be very difficult to do Masters in Islamic Banking or study for PO position. See how much time and money you need to get to you goals? Then make up you mind.

  3. As a Muslim you should respect your parents wishes you know you'll never know your future spouse could make you really happy. However if you really want to pursue a career go for it otherwise you'll be looking back and regret it so you should go for it but reassure your parents that you will get married.

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