Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Meeting a man for marriage

Asalam alaikum,

I have a dilema. I've been chatting with a brother online and we would like to meet. He seems decent and the prospect of marriage is possible.

The only thing is, I'm not sure what to do about the whole chaperone thing.

You see, I'm from a christian background and not a lot of people are thrilled about my converting to Islam, so asking one of them to chaperone won't be the greatest.  My mom said I'm too old for a chaperone.

I'm 22 so am unsure what to do. Also I don't attend a mosque so the whole imam thing probably won't work.

- sisterneedingadvise

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4 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister, wa alaykum as-salam.

    I'm going to suggest that you tackle two problems at once. The first is the problem you are asking about, needing a chaperon to accompany you to a meeting with this Muslim man. The second problem is your isolation from the Muslim community.

    This is Ramadan, a time for community, brotherhood and sisterhood. Take this opportunity to go to the masjid. First call them and ask what time they hold Salat al-Jumah - Friday prayers. (Typically in summer in the USA the service would start at 1:30pm or so). Then go for Jumah. Talk to a few of the sisters there. If one of them is the Imam's wife, she would be a an excellent person to get to know, but if not then speak to any experienced Muslimah who knows the community and can introduce you to the Imam. Then explain your situation to the Imam.

    I understand that you are a convert, and maybe a recent one, and you may be uncomfortable with simply walking into the masjid. But please understand that it is Allah's house, and it is open to all Muslims. It's time for you to come in from the cold, so to speak, and make some friends, and develop a Muslim support group who can help you with this problem and others Insha'Allah.

    Just be aware that Muslims are not perfect and inevitably you will meet someone who will criticize you over one thing or another, or tell you that you should be doing this or that... try not to let that bother you. Seek the individuals who truly have knowledge and sincere attitudes.

    Wael Editor

  2. I think your response is great Wael, but it assumes she has a mosque near her. While cities like Los Angels and Toronto have many mosque, smaller towns do not and the city may be a few hours drive away. If there is a University or Community College near you, sisterneedingadvise, I would advise you to see if there is a Muslim Student Association there. Maybe the advisor for the club could chaperone you or point you to someone who can. This would also be a way for you to become apart of the community as Wael advised if there are not religious centres near by.

  3. well i dont think you answered the question
    yh wateves.

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