IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Assalamo alaikum.

I need an urgent advise from you learned people.

Me and my family had been looking for a girl for me to get married and on a matrimonial site, I was contacted by someone. She was one year older than me and was living in UK while I am in an Arab country. I had no issues and I thought my parents won´t have any issues. I am Alhamdulillah a murid in Naqshbandiya silsila, well education, good family background with a prestigious qualification. Her family had the same and Alhamdulillah she is a practicing Muslim.

When we met, my parents were in homeland. Things were really tough at that time telling them about her as my aunt from my dad's side hospitalized but somehow I did manage to inform them as our intentions were to involve the parents from the initial stage. But then my aunt suffered a lot and passed away so I was never able to raise this issue. Meanwhile we continued to talk, and even I met with her and her father as she came down to see me here.

When we met, we encountered too much trouble in everthing, even in minor things which I won´t write here but we were astonished why hurdles are coming one upon one. Still we made it and she left for UK. After seeing each other, we developed interest. At last my parents came back after attending funeral, and after one week I spoke with them and I was stunned! They were not agreeing on the basis of her being one year older than me as my mom believed this could lead to a disabled child as my brother was born with disability when my mum had crossed her 35th. I am 36 while she is 37. I tried to convince them medically, islamically and by all possible means but stubbornly they refused each time. I told her parents everything very clearly and they were very understanding and asked me to convince them and if not leave it on Allah. After all my efforts, I had nothing left except to cut off with my parents for a while which was of course painful for me. My major arguement was if they can gaurantee me having a normal child marrying a younger woman, I will leave this girl. I knew they had no answer so I told them its all from Allah and these disabled children are gifts from God.

After a brief cut off, but with all respect and no high words with them, they agreed to do istekhara with a consensus that if it comes out to be yes, they will proceed with it further but if no I should stop. My Murshid had the similar views as of me that my parents were worrying about unseen and unknown. He said if we both agree then we could just go ahead with duas and good will. But then this solution of doing istekhara was put forward by him to end this cold war. My Murshid did istekhara and at the same time she also did. Astonishingly, it came out to be unfavourable by my Murshid but her was very good with all favorable technicalities. On the other hand, my parents became very negative as they had proved they were right. Now I was in dilemma that how comes Allah gives two different signs? Yes I am emotinally attached with her as well as she with me but who to believe??? Of course my Murshid is far more pious but she also prays 5 times and practises every thing Alhamdulillah. Still who to believe? I am scared that though I am a sinful person but I fear Allah and can´t go against His will. My family says he is your Murshid and you have to follow him as he was not against you. Technically yes! But she says from the beginning since our meet up and to date, she had performed istekhara several times and all the times it was very good and thats why she proceeded. Another pious person was involved from her side and he also endorsed the same, i.e, good for both of us.

Now _I am really messed up. I was never into istekhara but into hard work to make things possible with Allah's help. Now the time has come where I need your help what to do? Some say go get married and even if there is something wrong pray Allah to ease it. Other say leave her as your Murshid's istekhara is far more authentic. From the beginning I am always for parental involvement as they are much importance for me. But at the same time she is a very nice girl and I don´t want to loose her at any cost. I fought for the right with my parents as they were absolutely wrong in their way of thinking but with total respect. Please come up with a solution, I really in need of and I will really appreciate you of your guidance.

Many thanks in advance.

in.dr.