Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I met a Moroccan man online and I don’t know what to do

Moroccan man in blue djellaba in the walled city of Taroudant

Moroccan man in blue djellaba in the walled city of Taroudant

Asalam alaykum, I am 20 years old and am. living in london..  I. have known a Moroccan. man through the internet. since. about 18 months ago..  I really like him and. I think he really likes me too but am not quite sure.

We are both from muslim families and we understand each other well. He never asks me to send money, if anything he sends me presents through the post; not to my address but. to my friend's address as my family don't know anything about this.

He is not poor but not rich, he has a job and goes to college and. I have seen many pictures of his city which looks so nice. We have. chatted on webcam many times in the internet cafe and he seems like a very genuine. young man. who knows what he wants in life. We sometimes text each other. and. I really think our personalities are very similar.

I feel like. I have found my future husband. and we will get on well in real life. However, I just really want to find a way to know if he REALLY likes me or is just saying it to get a visa out of me..  I have so much faith in this relationship and. I really hope he is not playing games. as. I would love to get married to him in the future inshAllah. I feel like. he is in my fate and. I can't imagine knowing anyone better than him.

If anyone can offer me some good. advice. I will be so grateful thank you.


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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister Fatima, wa alaykum as-salam,

    No one can look into this man's heart for you and determine his true feelings and motives. You just have to trust your heart and your instincts. You say he treats you well and you understand each other well. So what is the reason for your doubt or suspicion? Has he done something to make you suspicious?

    If your only reason for being suspicious is because he is from Morocco, then you are not being just or fair to him. Allah tells us in the Quran not to suspect one another, because surely some suspicion is a sin. Not every young man from a poor country is a manipulative visa seeker. I mean, let's be honest, it's quite likely that he does want to get a visa, because life in Morocco is hard and he would have more opportunities in the UK. But that does not mean that he does not also love you and care for you, or that he is not sincere in his intentions.

    There are some other issues that you need to consider, however:

    1. Why are you keeping this secret from your parents? That's not the right move. They need to be brought into the matter, so they can talk to the man, and talk to his parents, and get everything out in the open in order to proceed. Otherwise, what is your plan? To marry him secretly? Face it, at some point you need to bring your parents into it. Might as well do it now.

    2. I don't know your cultural background. But presumably you grew up in the UK. I hate to generalize, but I have to tell you sister that most Moroccan man are very controlling of their women, and can be very jealous and possessive. I have warned sisters about this more than once, and they ignore my warnings, and either the marriage turns out to be a disaster, or the men gradually cut the women away from their families and friends and isolate them within the marriage. I'm not saying these men are bad (except for one, who is a wife-beater - he is bad). But there is a cultural gulf, and for women who have grown up in the West, it can be very frustrating.

    You need to question him specifically about your future relationship with your family and friends, how he would feel about you working or studying, etc. You must have a clear understanding of the boundaries before you proceed, even it means putting things in writing.

  2. why everyone is thinking bad about moroccan guys ? some accusing them of beinf scammers ..other saying theyt want the visa to europe..listen gurl am moroccan and proud and morocco is better than england in everything and thousands of enlgish people are coming to live in morocco..i would prefer death than to go to europe simply coz am so happy in a country where u can find love peace desert beach and moantanins and nice weather ...

  3. MashAllah, the advice by Wael is quite wise.

    I'm a British Muslim man (no culture), and I was married to a Moroccan woman, we met on online (Qiran).

    My parents always suspected passport, but to be honest, that's being short-sighted and they're always highly suspicious of arabs... and of course accusing an innocent chaste woman. When our marriage broke down, I began suspecting the same, as she didn't want to go back to Morocco, but after thinking about her personality and family, it's doubtful, especially since she was never married before - so it was the first time for both of us.

    With regards to what Omar stated, she also loved her country to bits, and always wanted to live back in Morocco, because of little or no family life in UK, which caused her huge depression when she first came here.

    It's interesting, the marriage broke down because she would put her family and pretty much everything before her own husband and house. On top of that, while I was very soft hearted, loving, and caring, she was quite hard hearted and in the end, showed very little care for her husband.

    With regards to my own bad qualities, growing up in the west, alhamdulillah I don't swear, but would sometimes call her names during heated arguments, like 'lazy' (which was true, as she didn't look after the home), and 'stupid'. And apparently, in the Moroccan culture, this is a big no-no, and as soon as names are called, even during arguments, it spells the end of a marriage or breakdown.

    Going back to what Wael said, and although I'm not Moroccan, my ex-wife (who was Moroccan) accused me of being controlling and trying to separate her from family, even though I loved to visit her family in Morocco. The thing that got to me though was that she was constantly on skype to her parents, brothers, sisters, etc, constantly... even while cooking, or doing anything else (sometimes in bed!), there was no limit at all.

    It's strange she said I was controlling, even though, going against her family's advice, I let her travel alone and meet anyone, and even being a covering Muslimah, I let her work - all in the hope of curing her depression from being in UK.

    She always said she loved me, even after break-up, but all her actions indicate otherwise, i.e. not willing to sacrifice ones own happiness for your partner, and not willing to compromise.

    Anyway, I say all this for anyone else reading this, and perhaps you may have the same experience with a Moroccan man/woman?

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