Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I was Molested as a Child, Do I deserve a Righteous Muslim man?

Who to marry?

Who to marry?

(Editor's note: Sister, I combined your two posts into one as I feel they are related).


wow where do i begin.

I was raised in a joint family, I'm British but my family are from paksitan.  I was molested as a child. This has caused me alot of grief

Its not something you can get over, it just lingers on!

I'm 26 now, graduated and a doctor. I have been introduced to someone for marriage, mashallah he is a perfect muslim and everything I could possible want in a spouse!

I know i should just say yes and a part of me wants to however i just feel like im not good enough for him!

I feel like I should marry someone who is damaged like me! Even tho logically i know that I deserve to be with a good man i feel like i should be with someone with a bad past.

Secondly, recently i have been struggling to sleep at night, I'm hardly sleeping now and i really dont know what but im not reading my namaz and I'm compleatly addicted to music, a problem i did not have before!

I really want to get back to my deen and i need some advice firstly on how to get back to my deen and secondly if  I'm ready to marry, i have not told the guy I was molested!

Does every muslims woman have to marry? In a situation like mine is it acceptable for me not to marry at all?

If I do marry and I'm having trouble coping, do I have to have kids or is it ok if I don't?


allah hafiz

I dont have muslim freind and wanted the opinion of muslims on what i should do?

thank for reading

Allah hafiz

~ brokenbrain

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12 Responses »

  1. definitely you can marry that guy. You were molested as a child but it is not your fault, if you are right from your side then you deserve that guy. Marriage is sunnah in islam so everyone should marry.

  2. Salamu'alaikum,

    My sister, please go ahead and marry that gentleman. You see an ideal husband in him. And insha Allah, for this reason, you'll stay happy with him. Also perform Salatul Istikhaarah to seek Allah's counsel.

    Whatever happened with you in your childhood wasn't your mistake. And Alhamdulillah, our Lord does not like Dhulm (Oppression). And what happened with you was Dhulm. Allah dislikes it and there's a Hadith which says that there's no barrier between Allah and the dua of the Madhloom (oppressed).

    Allah is The All Knowing. He knows where you stand and insha Allah, this will not effect you or your future. Just Trust in Allah and Hope for His Mercy.

    And do not tell about this to your husband. That is to avoid any misunderstanding or any problem. But if you are asked about it, then you should speak the truth. However, I do not think he's going to ask you about it.

    I pray that Allah marries you to this man, if he is the right person for you
    Wassalamu'alaikum Warahmatullah
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • sallam

      thank you brother i was considering telling him but i think maybe i will not now jazakallah. i was speaking to the guy and i dont know suddenly he has changed his mind about marriage, thing is i got a job far away, she told me to follow my career, he wasnt angry he seemed more relived? maybe he is not the one. i pray i find the right one inshallah. if its meant to be?

      Allah hafiz

      • Dear sister first let me tell u that u r very brave to speak about what has happened to u,and congratulate u on becoming a doctor that's quite an accomplishment.u have to know this,this man is not perfect ,no one is we all have our damages it's unavoidable it's called life,so pleeeze do marry him! You sound very special and I bet he his thinking that he is not good enough for u!!

  3. Sister marry the guy do not wait or let the bad experience get in the way of you being happy & yes you can marry regardless of any situation. You deserve to be happy. You are not a bad person what happen to you was not your fault and my advise to you is never to disclose this to your future husband or anyone this may cause you more problems and misunderstandings. Yes you can have kids but you both have to agree, and always communicate to build trust in your marriage. You are probably suffering from anxiety when you cant sleep my advise to you is read something to help you relax you are tense, you don't need to be just relax. May allah always protect you and you be very happy inshallah.

  4. Wa alaikum as Salam,

    Do Salatul Istikhaarah for your job. You'll insha Allah find Guidance whether to choose the job or not.

    Do the same with regard to the man also. Insha Allah, Allah will certainly find the perfect one for you.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  5. Move on and accept what has happened to you ,otherwise you'll keep thinking about it not only that
    but it will also effect your spouse, if you keep bringing it up.

    Thats because something bad happen in you past it doesn't mean that you have to allow it to control you for the rest of your life, you be strong and have faith in Allah and he will you grant you with a good husband.

  6. Dear Sister
    It Sad to read about your past life, but ever you thought that you are not the only lady who has suffered such pain in this world. This world is full of wilds, so what happened to you was not your fualt. And Being a Muslim we should believe that ALLAH makes couples of similar characters as it is said in SURAH NISAH or Surah Noor, That for good man there is good women and for bad there is bad. So What you will find will be on behalf of ALLAH , Please donot disclose such things it will increase your problem and sister the best cure for sadness and anxiety is SALLAH please offer prayer and you will find a cure for your problems try to give something to needy people help those who are in need of help

  7. Salam,

    It is probably too late but I would like to say something. First and foremost you are not damaged! What you went through is something very tragic and devastating and since you are posting this question now I am sure you have been ignoring it.

    Now I’m going to ask you, will you allow what happened to you take over your life? If you allow it, it will eat you up, it will become emotionally and physically exhausting and you will lose a lot in return. You will miss out on the beauty of this world. It is not all evil and bad and I’m not telling you to get over it and move on because that is impossible. I’m asking you to learn from it and don’t let it stand in your way. Marriage is half our religion, Allah Subhanahu Wataalla, sent every person a companion to complete this journey with.

    Having someone by your side will make this journey much easier and more rewarding.
    Don’t lose faith in our religion because of one person’s acts. Allah Subhanahu Watalla knows what happened to you and on the day of judgment you will get your revenge. Stay strong and confident in who you are and don’t let this make you think you are damaged and don’t deserve what Allah is sending you.

    I will make duaa for you.

  8. I was molisted by some one when I was a kid but after long time I kill the guy so I don't know I did write or wrong ?

    • Maseh, if this is true and not a joke, then my advice is to keep it to yourself. Obviously I cannot condone murder - it's a serious sin in Islam, and you need to beg Allah's forgiveness for the rest of your life for this sin. But if I were victimized the way you were (or my child), I cannot say what I would have done. If the guilt is eating you up inside and you feel you can't live with it, then come forward and confess. Otherwise, keep it to yourself and live your life the best you can.

      Some molestation victims end up become abusers themselves. If you feel you are in danger of that then you should see a therapist who you can talk to confidentially, who can help you deal psychologically with what happened.

      Wael Editor

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