Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Mother doesn’t allow me to marry my cousin who I have loved for 17 years.


my name is umair ad i am 21 years old my story of life is very unique when i was 5 year old my cousin said me that she love you she was just 4 years old and now our love is 17 years old this is very strange we started to love each other when we did not know the meaning of love but i think we started to love because we born for each other i was living very happy life with her but at the start of this year my cousin told me her parents are looking for a good boy to marry with her i became frustrated and i told my mother that i love my cousin but she say i will never allow you to marry her she is not a good girl but the fact is that my mother met with her just one time and i know her from 17 years i know she us the best girl i ever saw but today my mom says even if you die i will never allow you to marry her.

i am very dippers ed i love my mother she is very good but i cant leave my love i did not tell my love that my mother is not supporting her instead i told her that my mother will come to your home to talk to your parents after 2 years. i am very sad i lied to her for the first time in my life because i can not see my love sad. now i do not want to live my friends say that you are very talented dont waste your life you will become good for humanity but frankly speaking i have no feelings in me i never feel happy my mind remains confuse every time i started to forget things like what i have eaten one hour before i don not know why mo mother is doing that with me my brother went to America and he married with a girl and did not tell my mother but when she became aware of his marriage she did not scold him but she scolds me every time that you are interested in a girl and etc.

i post here i just want to know a way to end my life i dont want to live more than 8 months but i want to sacrifice my life by doing something good e.g some social work or something else.please suggest me??

Umair Ashraf.

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3 Responses »

  1. You want to end your life and want some1 to suggest you some social work that should kill you? Brother I know you want to go to heaven but who do you think would like to go to hell for giving you such ideas? The very idea of ending your life is sinful. Don't derive joy out of such thoughts. please.

    Its quite strange how your childhood games made you commit for each other for life. if you're certain that this girl is the best for you, just do istikhara. you must seek Allah's guidance in everything you do and this is certainly a big decision. once you are guided, trust it. It may show a negative result so if you sense it follow it. done go on and on and on doing istikhara for the same purpose. The results will be the same but the vision will be different each time and hence will confuse you. Besides your denial will further push you in more confusion.

    Be honest about your mother's feelings to this girl. don't hide it from her for 2 reasons. Firstly its her right to know what your parents think about her so she is mentally prepared and takes her decisions accordingly. your parents are her uncle and aunt and she could take a sensible stand before your mother's hostility aggravates towards her and everything leads into a huge family fight.
    secondly she is probably declining some of the best suitors in hope that her happiness is only with you. God forbid if things didn't work as you promised her then she will hate you for the rest of her life for keeping her waiting with false hopes. Part of loving some1 is getting him go for his best.

    Speak to your father about it if you haven't and try to involve him. if you are sure that you must marry only her and you cannot have another girl for a wife then it is only fair for you to marry her anyway since it is your right. your mother will hopefully accept her as she accepted your brother's wife.

    Btw on what what basis does she reject her so strongly if she only met her once? I hope she hasn't formed her opinion on mere assumptions. it is wrong to speak ill about some1's character without proof. plz do tell her that.

    no matter what you decide, if she is in your destiny you will get her as your wife, if she isn't then you obviously won't. just have enough judgement to understand how much you can push it in your favour and when to stop trying and let go. At the end of all, its in Allah's hands.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Brother, suicide by any means is never the answer to our problems. It means that the problems we face in this life are never able to be resolved, that people we love are caused pain, and that there are consequences awaiting us in the next life. No matter how dark and hopeless things may seem, suicide is not a way out.

    With regards your wish to marry your cousin, I would advise you to discuss this with your parents and explain why you feel the two of you would be a good match - think about things such as career goals, whether you both want children, how you can both help strengthen each other's faith... People often say "I have to marry this one person because I love them", but it is often more sensible (and generally seems to be better received by parents) to consider compatibility in other areas of life, and build a case for your opinion that is based on objective evidence and considered opinions.

    Why does your mum say she is not a good girl? It may be that your mum is aware of something you are not, or has jumped to conclusions that are incorrect. Either way, by discussing that with your mum you can, inshaAllah, work to resolve the difference of opinion.

    Ask Allah for guidance, and trust that what is meant for you will not go by you.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Assalamu'alaikum brother,

    Your brother married a girl and your mother said nothing. Perhaps she doesn't want you to do the same thing. Or even maybe your mother has known something you have not.

    Talk to her and ask her the reason. Brother, a woman is married for four reasons: beauty, wealth, status and religion. One who marries for Religion does the correct thing.

    You must make things clear between yourself and your mother. Know her reason and share your reasons to marry her, mention the good qualities in her. Then make a matured decision.

    This is a matter of your dunya and Aakhirah. Dunya, because you will spend the rest of your life with her. Aakhirah, because she will either make the deen easy for you if righteous and make it difficult for you if disobedient to Allah.

    Remember Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:

    الدنيا متاع وخير متاعها المرأة صالحة

    ``This world is all temporary conveniences, and the best temporary convenience of this world is a righteous woman.'' ( Sahîh )

    But if this woman is not righteous, you may face troubles. You are an adult and this is a serious matter. Do not make a decision based on emotions and stupidity. Do not give chance to Shaitan to trick you into distress and fitan.

    Love is good if it is within the guidelines of the Islamic Sharee'ah. But this becomes depression and a matter of destruction if it crosses limits. Please do not let this happen to you. Killing yourself will land you in hell fire. You must make a realistic decision.

    If you think she is Religious/righteous, the best person you can marry, then be stubborn and tell your parents that you will marry her and that their reasons for denial are invalid.

    Before beginning it all, pray two rakaa'aat of Salatul Istikhaarah.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

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