Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother in law is breaking up my marriage.

interfering mother in law

Assalam O Alaikum,

My mother in law is forcing me and my hubby to divorce. She is creating a situation where we are abused and blamed. She has even done black magic. When we visited her she did black magic on my husband and strange things have happened. He changed completely. He used to get angry at me for no reason and could be very violet at times. He is always angry and doesn't talk to me, in fact he became impatient; he told me like not going to office he was like lost. We all suffered like this for 7/8 months. He hardly loved me as he had no feelings, impatient and all that. If you ask anything he would say you can leave me, don't open your mouth. It got to a point where he forced me to leave him and go back to my parents place. He couldn't even see my face due to so much hatred.

I have been married for 7 years. I have a daughter. My married life was not normal at all. Initially it was his past affair, where he was not forgetting his ex. After marriage I came to know abut his affair, in fact his ex was in contact with him. She used to remind him of their memories together. He never accepted me; ignored me and was very rude toward me. Within a month of marriage, I came to know everything about their affair. I was shattered; I could not leave him, I believed marriage is only once so we need to accept what ever it is. He had saved all the memories of his girlfriend: photos, CDs, cards. I use to cry at those times.

I'm 8 yrs younger to my hubby and have been so mature, so how can he still do this? Then I became strong. I deleted everything. I even talked to his ex and told her not to contact him. It took at least two years for me and my hubby to overcome all this. He never understood how hurtful it is. Then his mother made our life hell. My husband works in a different city, so he took me along with him, but my mother in law insisted he send me back. She's very demanding. It's always about her only as if we don't exist. My hubby was a mamma's boy, he listened to everything she said blindly. For the past 14 yrs he's away from them to financially support them.

She always use to lie about me to him, which caused him to fight with me. He never stood up for me, instead he blamed me like I am the bad girl. His sister added fuel as my mother in law brainwashed them too. Time went on and I cried and cried. No body supported me. My parents were like "it's your marriage you need to tolerate it, don't come to us." My mother in law asked my hubby to buy a plot, which he did, then a car to her daughter- which he did, vehicle for my father-in-law and all in-laws expense with all this loan. We ourselves didn't have money. We were in small flat. I didn't mind as I am a very simple person. If my hubby loves me that was more than enough for me.

Simply they tell him that he has changed after marriage, you listen to your wife and all that drama. My hubby is very violent with me and he even has hit me many times. He has broke all house things but in front of my in-laws he will says anything to them. They don't know his violent behavior. I put up with all this thinking one day everything will be fine. He even was nice later on but his mother and sisters never let us live happily. MIL pestering my hubby for house, she keeps demanding from him. He says he can't afford now so she is blaming me. She thinks I am her enemy and I have taken her son. They keep fighting with me and nowadays with him.

Lately she did black magic and we all suffered, but Allah [swt}supported us. We overcame it and when I visit her she showed my hubby ex snaps to me. I don't understand why she needs to do this. She knows in our marriage we are above to divorce because of all this, now after 7 years why to show me in front of my hubby? They are even in contact with his ex and telling my hubby about her. They are doing everything they can to break my marriage. I don't like to fight. My nature is not like that I believe in live and let live. I always keep quiet as I don't know what to answer but in-laws always fighting now; they abuse, lie, confront for things which i didn't say to them. How can I prove my innocence; they are doing it purposely; they tell my hubby that your wife will leave you, she will run away, she's bad. I didn't run away in last 7 years why would I run away now? They spoiled our holidays by igniting fights between us; when we are in our house, they do black magic and complain.

I don't want to commit suicide as I know its not allowed in Islam; neither I want to divorce as I have a daughter. My hubby is OK with me, he loves me now but his mother is creating problem for us. They can't accept me; niether they want to leave us alone; they are happy in life but we should suffer. When they tell anything to my hubby, that directly affects marriage; he gets angry at me. Its like, behind its a well and above there is pit; what should I do? Every time when they fight we are first to reconcile with them then they blame us and it starts again.

They fighting me using false statements, bad language, all that like fighting with enemies then, they expect us to apologize and again fight using abusive language, blame game. MIL bad mouthed about me and my parents to other family friends that I did black magic on her son to take him away from her. My parents have son who is a Hajji, my dad is hafiz-e-Quran; why will we do all evil things which is shirk; there is no hereafter.

MIL doesn't fear Allah, only misusing being a mother they even tell me tat mother can kill her son, does Islam allow that? She is jealous and wants me to leave her son; as a Muslim wife what should I do? I am very much hurt; my health also is not good because of stress. MIL stays with elder son and his wife; she is happy but still creating all problem in family. Nobody talks to me now; but fights with my hubby always.


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12 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, my beloved Haya,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your suffering. May Allah(swt) help and guide us everystep towards and in the Straight Way.

    Your question is direct, as a muslim wife what should I do? Masha´Allah, you know where your strength lies, yes you are the wife and as a wife, Alhamdulillah, you are the only woman in this world that can have the closeness to your husband that nobody else can, this is a lot.

    Take care of yourself, do relaxation exercises, do physical exercises as walking, don´t drink anything that can give you hyperactivity, keep yourself as calm and patience as you can, your voice will be smoother, everytime a fight is showing, pray ayat al -kursi, calm down, relax, breath in and out slowly, try not to fight back, try to find a way not to enter the fight and if you cannot avoid it, think about the fastest way to get out of it, don´t fuel it. Nurture Peace and Harmony between both of you, insha´Allah, this state will increase day to day.

    Try to create a nice enviroment at home, when inlaws are mentioned, specially his mum, just say, she is your mum, your change of attitude will cause an effect on him, when she comes to your house don´t answer her provocations, be nice and gentle to her. Two don´t fight if one of them don´t want, this is a true rule, think about it. Break all the patterns created until now that allows the fight to begin.

    Insha´Allah you will be able to be your best and when a disturbing thought about them or a disturbing situation, comes to you, pray and let it go, and all this situation will dissapear, insha´Allah.

    Some posts that maybe useful:

    All my Unconditional Love and Support,
    María Editor

  2. why is no one replying to me

  3. Salam to all,

    II am a muslim woman livingn in the USA. I think I will leave my husband. He is abusive emotionally, & physically. His mother is very sneaky an lives with us. He has a gambling problem and doesnt want to fix it. He blames me for all his problems, and the unhappiness in his life. I have beeen married for 3 yrs. I tried to be patient, and reason with him but he just doesnt understand me. His mom does things when hes not there and when I confront her, she denies it. I moved away from my family to be with this man, and he doesnt appreciate or undertsand me.

    Am I wrong?


  4. salam am a mother marriage has always been on rocks ..

    (I deleted the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thanks very much. - Editor)

  5. Salams to all,

    Advise please,
    I have been (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

    • Mo,

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ Editor

    • MO, if you want a detailed answer you need to log in and write your question as a separate post. My short answer is, do your best to separate yourself from all the drama of your family. Respect your parents, but don't get involved in their fights and don't let their negativity affect you. In this regard please check out a post I wrote at

      If You Have an Abusive Parent, Learn to Value Yourself

      Wael Editor

  6. Salaam Sister,

    i have not posted anything yet but your story really saddens me. May Allah give you and your daughter strength through all of this. Have you tried sitting down with your husband and explaining all of this? Don't bad mouth his mother but say i completely understand she's your mum and cares a lot for you.. but so do i and i want us to be a team. A family should strive to be together not be torn apart.

    i understand your husband's a mammas boy- but he is married and YOU are his responsibility. i don't understand why they are pestering his ex- he should make it clear to his mother that this is not right. I'm sure if she feels as though he's upset by it she won't do it. I think your husband needs to start standing up for you INFRONT of his mum so she knows that its unfair to curse you and badmouth you.

    Also, i hope your daughter doesn't hear things her grandmother says about you- at a young age I'm sure this would upset her and confuse her. You must keep her away from negative comments- inshallah she'll grow up to think she's had the best upbringing and family and want the same for her own life.

    Duaas are with you

  7. mama boys are usully so deprived of power show offs that they throw off the fristrations on wives.all I can suggest is to pray n pray.there are certain masnnoon duas for the situation. I undedstand wgen people try to spoil ur relations ur mind conks out but ignore all of the people who loves to sat. nelieve u r wrong.

  8. Assalam alaikum sister
    I am in the same situation as yrs. if u want to live with him remember patience is what I'll advice.the mother will go away the sister too the ex is his past yre present . Pray to Allah for his Hidaya and try try for a second baby. Change yr attitude when he wants to fight leave an to to another room. My mil and dil both made me and husband fight so much . They never wanted me to have a baby wanted me to go for an abortiom.. Anyways thing will ia turn around for u.

  9. I want to know how to stop my evil mother n law every time she comes in are room or look him in the face he turns on me and treats me bad but she looks at me with a smile on her face until I look up at her like if she is letting me know she is about to start some stuff I have been nothing but nice to her and I'm kind! Surprised because she is supposed to be a a holy woman but is really evil

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