Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Mother in law will not accept me or our children

I am a White Christian who had 2 children with a Muslim outside of marriage our child is now 4 and 2 months... We recently got married by nikah...

My husbands mother has never seen our children and will not accept me or our children.. My husband lives with his mum in the house he pays for...

His mother will never accept me or our children and I don't know what to do and neither does my husband she said she will accept if we were married we got married and she still not accepting it...

Who do u think my husband should put first? Is my mother in law being unreasonable?

- help1234

 

Leyla's Answer:

Salaam help1234,

I am sorry that you are having to bear the pain of rejection.

Your mother in law is being stubborn, and she is finding it difficult to come down from her stance - either because of ego, pride or just plain stubbornness. This is unfortunate for you and your husband, because it is unnecessary drama and strife at a time where probably you do not really need it or deserve it. Your husband has already shown his allegiance to you by marrying you and his mother is currently in a stage of denial where she is still seeing things in the way she did before.

My advice to you is to be patient with this, and get on with your life: she will come around in time.

The most important thing right now is for you to live your life with your husband and children, and be very happy together. Live your lives, have fun together, enjoy each other and your children and cultivate peace and happiness between you. The affect of this is magnetic and your mother-in-law will not be able to resist this for very long: because happiness is irresistible. Once she realises that her stubbornness is not having any affect, she will change tactic. When the new tactic has no effect, she will try a different one. Eventually, she will realise that she is missing out and give in. At that moment, when she gives in - accept her with open arms and be of exemplary character to solidify your relationship.

Unfortunately, we have to deal with difficult characters and situations - but the best way of dealing with things is to lot let the harmful thoughts, words and actions of another affect your life and your relationships. Put the negative impact to one side, and wait for it to come around. Be of outstanding character, and be happy in yourself and your way of being. By doing so, you maintain yourself and your peacefulness - and the negative element is revealed, and slowly - the negative element is also influenced.

Refuse to be upset: be patient. These things take time - I am sure she will come around eventually inshaAllah.

Peace,

Leyla

Editor, Islamic Answers

 


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2 Responses »

  1. Leyla's Answer:

    Salaam help1234,

    I am sorry that you are having to bear the pain of rejection.

    Your mother in law is being stubborn, and she is finding it difficult to come down from her stance - either because of ego, pride or just plain stubbornness. This is unfortunate for you and your husband, because it is unnecessary drama and strife at a time where probably you do not really need it or deserve it. Your husband has already shown his allegiance to you by marrying you and his mother is currently in a stage of denial where she is still seeing things in the way she did before.

    My advice to you is to be patient with this, and get on with your life: she will come around in time.

    The most important thing right now is for you to live your life with your husband and children, and be very happy together. Live your lives, have fun together, enjoy each other and your children and cultivate peace and happiness between you. The affect of this is magnetic and your mother-in-law will not be able to resist this for very long: because happiness is irresistible. Once she realises that her stubbornness is not having any affect, she will change tactic. When the new tactic has no effect, she will try a different one. Eventually, she will realise that she is missing out and give in. At that moment, when she gives in - accept her with open arms and be of exemplary character to solidify your relationship.

    Unfortunately, we have to deal with difficult characters and situations - but the best way of dealing with things is to lot let the harmful thoughts, words and actions of another affect your life and your relationships. Put the negative impact to one side, and wait for it to come around. Be of outstanding character, and be happy in yourself and your way of being. By doing so, you maintain yourself and your peacefulness - and the negative element is revealed, and slowly - the negative element is also influenced.

    Refuse to be upset: be patient. These things take time - I am sure she will come around eventually inshaAllah.

    Peace,

    Leyla

    Editor, Islamic Answers

  2. As you have been here

    I would like to tell you about Islam

    We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
    The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allaah), Who has created you and those before you so that you may become al-muttaqoon (the pious).” [al-Baqarah 2:21]

    why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
    Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.

    Allah says
    “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
    {Quran 51:56}
    _________________

    Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
    HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
    HE is not like us.
    There is no one like HIM.

    Allah says,

    Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
    "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
    He neither begets nor is born,
    "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."

    (Quran 112: 1-4)
    __________________________

    what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?

    Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?

    Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.

    I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.

    Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
    -> quran(dot)come
    - > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
    -> understand-islam(dot)net/site/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=151&Itemid=28

    replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
    __________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

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