Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I leave my mother after she lied to me about my father?

Absent Father

Absent Father


My parents have had an divorce when I was at the age of 9 . I have been living with my mother for 7 years with two other sibling  and had no contact with my farther because of my mother, I had so much hatred built in my heart that I hated my father because what my mother had told me. so started building hatred for my father for the sake of my mother also to please in some sense.

Alhamdulilah Allah showed me the right path by finding out the truth about my father, that all the negativity I heard about my father were lie's from my mother. not so long ago I contacted my father after 7 years to get out the answers from him. Mashallah my father is practising muslim but not my mother.

My mother does not know I have contacted my father because the hatred she would give towards me so that is my personal life in some content.

Anyway My mother is not a practising also is not a good influence to me or to my siblings she does not pray salah surrounds her self with people who do bad things, she thinks she knows islam that her knowledge is great but it isn't, by teachings us wrong the things she thinks is written in the quran and also because where she is from, the culture gets mixed with the religion and makes it more awfully wrong- she has so much greed for money and good reputation.

I've tired my hardest to make my mother proud of me she still treats me like i'm nothing to her, my mother tells me hateful things like i wish you were never born, i wish you died when i was pregnant with you' ' i want to kill you' she even threatens me with marriage with her sisters son back at hometown that she will send me away.

Once i had this incident with my mothers cousins brother where is sexually harassed me and touched me one time but not once did my mother do anything about it. NO why? because he had something to give to my mother which was my fathers 'Money'. she makes me feel as if i'm worthless.

I know i maybe saying wrong but this what i have been dealing with for too long. inshallah i want to become more practising in islam but my mother lifestyle is affecting to become more practising... what should I do? I was planning to move in with my father and leave my mother.

my mother is affecting me emotionally and physically also i feel like a prisoner in my own home all i want to find out the truth of my parents relationship also find a way reach Allah more...I really don't know what to do i am in a difficult position in what please give me some advice in a religious perspective


- shumanax

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2 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Given how you described your mother, and the way she has been treating with you and caring for you, it does sound like living with your father is better for you. Based on the years you gave, it sounds like you are about 16 years old, so in most places that would be an adequate age for you to decide on your own which parent you prefer to live with if they are divorced. I am not aware of any Islamic prohibitions in your case, and based on my own logic it seems like it would be better for you to be with your father Islamically not only because he actually is practicing Islam but because it's his God-given duty to provide for your care.

    However, I don't know what country you live in, and there may or may not be legal details your father will need to iron out to assume custody of you. I suggest you express to him your desire (if you haven't already) and have him consult with an attorney if needed to see what he must do to help you transition.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Sister,

    I see that you have not had any contact with your father for a period of seven years. In all that time, has he ever tried to contact you? Has he ever picked up the phone or made any attempt to come and visit you? I ask you this question as I too am a product of divorce although much older than yourself (old enough to be your mother in fact). Although there is no excuse for the horrible things your mother says to you, there are things that went on during your parents marriage that you do not know about and may possibly never know about. Although I do not know you and I do not know your situation...I ask you not to judge your mother too harshly. Pull your mother aside and talk with her. Tell her that the things she says to you hurt you deeply and although you are able to forgive her, it is not easy to forget the hurtful comments she has made to you and continues to make.

    Over the last seven years of your life, it has been your mother who has been there for you...not your father. I pray that you will overcome the obstacles that you face currently at home with your mother. Living with your father is an option...that is if he will even entertain the idea. My father was quite wealthy and when things were bad between me and my mother, I would let him know that I wanted to live with him. He couldn't be bothered in the least. In the end, no matter how things were in my home with my mother and I...she always had my back. She was the one that was there for me when I was sick, she was the one that raised me and gave up everything to parent me and my other siblings when my parents marriage failed. My father had nothing to do with my life and it was because he chose not to. He was a pathetic excuse for a man who abandoned his children and Allah knows how we suffered.

    I will pray for your mother whose heart has become hard and full of anger. I pray that she will see through the eyes Allah has given her, the beautiful daughter she bore. I pray that she may realize the hurtful and ugly things she says to you that you do not deserve. I will pray for a better relationship between the two of you so that one day, you can be like my mother and me...the best of friends.

    What matters most of all here is you. I hope everything works out for the best irregardless of whom you choose to live with.


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