Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother made me swear on the Quran never to see my boyfriend again

oath swearing on Quran

Forced to take an oath

Assalam alaikum,

I've been in a relationship and the guy has even proposed to me. His family knows about me and they are even ready to accept me. But from my family its completely NO. My mother caught me talking to him and asked me to swear over quran that I won't ever talk or meet him.

I don't see anything wrong in him but for my parents they say he's not from our community. I tried really hard not to talk to him at all but I was unsuccessful and started texting him again secretly. And now I've broken the swear I took.

Please help me with this issue. I'm afraid of Allah's punishment for breaking the swear. I pray Allah for guidance and to make me strong enough to leave him but it's soo difficult for me as well as for him.

~ Eemaan

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17 Responses »

  1. Assallamu Alaykum.

    Firstly, you should repent to Allah to forgive you the promise you have broken. It is sign of hypocrites to break the promises.

    Secondly, you should respect you parents because they are the ones you brought you up give you all the necessary things you need in your life without them you have not been in this stage.

    Thirdly, it is haram to have contact with your opposite sex any shape of form so you should also repent that to Allah to forgive you.

    I don’t know the reason why you family are refusing to marry the guy you are with. If he is practicing Muslims and fulfils all the requirement that the husband should have, they should allow you to marry him. Otherwise you may fall into sin which is greater than refusing to marry him.
    Be polite with your parents and try to explain to them from Islamic prospective that there is no racism in Islam.

    I hope that Allah give you give you what you want.

  2. I thick what brother Ahamed said is true you have done a mistake by contact with your non-mehram and by breaking your promise to your parents and ask Allahs forgiveness.if you knew this boy loves you u could have tell him to come and meet your parents and ask your hand of marriage in the way of islam instead of contacting each other secretly because i thick this is what makes your parents not accepting if you really still love him then ask your parents to forgive you and let you both marry because it will help you from falling into a bigger mistakes.and may Allah forgive you and all of us.

  3. well i agree with both of them i mean with ahmed and saja coz what u did is totally wrong first having a secret relation ship with a nonmehram then breaking your promise its like your faith in ALLAH is weak and you disobeyed your parents honestly just remember one thing that nothing will happen except of what allah wills so be sincere to him and pray fisrtly for forgiveness and secondly for a solution to this problem he will surely answer you.

  4. I understand the advice being given to you by everyone above, but I personally think it was the wrong thing to do to ask you to swear on the Holy Qur'an to cut off contact with this guy. I could be wrong, but personally since you have both developed feeligns for each other and are ready to marry, both parents should look into this in more depth and try to find a solution. Once feelings develop for a particular person it is very hard and painful to stop them. If you are both happy with each other, as advised above...ask your boyfriend to respecfully with his parents come and ask for your hand in marriage. Urge your parents to keep an open mind and to consider him as a potential spouse for you and aid you in marrying him. However, our parents are wise and love us unconditionally so if they do detect something negative and advise you against him, then please take this seriously. Ultimately, turn to Allah and repent to Him...perform istikhara, and ask Allah to make things easy for you and guide you to a spuse that is good for you in this world and the hereafter.

    I wish you all the best.

  5. Sister,all advice I can give you is - 'If your parents are not happy,you might never be'
    Someone gave me some advice a while ago,telling me that if you sacrifice your 'happiness' for your parents happiness Allah Ta'aala will give you ten times more than you have. What we dont realise is that in a marriage blessed with the happiness of parents,there can only be barakah and love. Dont go against your parents wishes,sister. As 'confuzedpuzzled' said:

    "However, our parents are wise and love us unconditionally so if they do detect something negative and advise you against him, then please take this seriously."

    Our parents only want the best for us. There can be no mother who wishes to see her daughter suffer. Sis Eemaan, stop talking to him,make istikhaarah about it and draw up a cons and pros table. If he insists on talking to you without your parents consent,then he's not giving you the respect you deserve as a future wife. Love is born from respect. Lust is common.

  6. Absolutely, as laaiqah said:

    If he insists on talking to you without your parents consent,then he's not giving you the respect you deserve as a future wife. Love is born from respect. Lust is common.

    Take the above statement seriously, if he wants you as his wife he needs to respect you and protect your honour, and he will only do this if he is sincere. This is a great time to test him and see whether he really is worthy of becoming your husband. Make it clear to him that you will not communicate with him unless you have your parents blessings, and if he is a decent man he will approach your parents for your hand in marriage, and do things in the halal way. If he insists on talking/meeting in secret, then forget him and pray to Allah swt to guide you to a spouse who will be best for you in this world and the hereafter.

  7. My answer may not be the most popular one, but I stand by it. I firmly believe that you have done nothing wrong. You made the promise because you were forced to, not because you wanted to. Still, it couldn't hurt to ask for forgiveness. Anyways, if you want to marry him, then by all means go ahead. Nobody should be able to tell you how to live YOUR life, the life that ALLAH gave you to be HAPPY in. Honestly, there are people who still think that marrying your cousin is an alright thing. There is a high risk of birth defects and handicapped children. Just do what you know is right in your heart (marry the person you love). If your mother threatens you with physical violence, call the police.

    • Feez let me tell that Allah has given the freedom to everyone in this world BUt He didnt given us the freedom to cross His rules.This sister had done a mistake by contacting with her non-mehram and by disobeying her parents and by breaking her promise so how can you say that it her freedom and it her life a muslim can never had a freedom in disobeying Allah.You have to be vary careful when your advising someone you have to read the question very carefully before answering and have faith in Allah while writing your response. & May Allah forgive you.

    • Brother u ok
      Coz ur suggestion is not appropriate

  8. I think you're all being quite judgemental. I think Eemaan knows she's sinned - I'm sure her family must remind her often enough! What Eemaan needs is some support in how to proceed. The last thing she needs is a bunch of people telling her she needs to repent.

    @Eemaan: You've been put in a difficult position by your parents, especially by your mum who I believe was wrong to make you swear on the Quran in the first place. Do your parents have any valid reasons in denying you marriage? (different community and culture is not a valid excuse). I've no doubt your parents probably think they have your best interests at heart but if you belong to the Indian or Pakistani community, sometimes, there are much bigger agendas at play. For them (and I include myself in this before anyone thinks I'm judging from the outside) society plays a huge role in our choice of partner. Maybe you need to make your paents realise that society has noting to do with your life. That society won't be there to hold your hand through the bad times but maybe he will. If you've no doubt that you have chosen the only man for you, then my advice would be to stick to your guns. Maybe your parents don't think your serious because you've agreed to give him up. Don't be secretive about the fact that you're still in touch with him because this may give them false've donke the hardest part which was admitting he exists. Ishallah, it will all come together when it's the right for you.

    Good luck. I hope things work out for you.


  9. AA

    hello my name is elko and i have swore on the holy QURAN that ( i would never smoke doka by my own hand again) and i was having a really hard day and my freind had his midwak an arabian pipe which u put the doka in anyways i got my freind to hold the pipe and light it up for me and i smoked it i am still really nervouse and keep praying and asking for forgivness but didnt think i broke my promise because it wasnt by my own hand but inshallah allah will for give me i really could use some advise nd now i am not smoking ever again i am a 15 years old and i didnt think wat i did was wrong at first but nw i think about it and just cant forgive my self laillah ilallah.

  10. Salam, My wife suspect me of having affair with another woman, which is true and she asked me to swear with Qur'an and I did that I had never had an affair with any woman since our marriage, but I knew it is not true. What is my position in Islam, can Allah forgive me? What do Ido please swearing with Qur'an on something I know I did?

    • Wassalam bhai.
      It is really said to know that you have lied to your wive also while swearing with the Quran. I think you should repent to ALLAH ask him for forgiveness that you lied by swearing on the Quran. Then when you have repent tell you wife the truth, if you love her leave your girlfriend, if you don't love your wife then leave your wife, but don't hurt her. BUT if you can change yourself for your wife then STOP seeing that girl and STOP committing sin. Please if that woman your seeing is Muslim, ask her to marry you, and stop the SIN. Also don`t hide it from your wife ALLAH is all knowing and sees things. There is nothing hidden from ALLAH, Fear ALLAH and only ALLAH don`t fear the others. When you will start to fear ALLAH, he will protect you from sins and will guide you to the right path.
      Please repent to ALLAH for the lie swearing with Quran. Then ask ALLAH to give you courage to go to your wife and tell her truth, Stop your relationship with that girl. Move on with your wife, discuss stuff with her, if there is something you dn`t like in her that you liked in your girlfriend. tell you wife you want to see her that way, so you will forget your girl friend. try to be honest not just to your wife but also for yourself, because your not fooling her, your fooling yourself, because you lied and you thought you could get away with it. But ALLAH put in your heart that your doing wrong and you feel it now. Just tell her the truth and ask ALLAH for forgiveness, inshALLAH if you heart is pure ALLAH and you wife will forgive you. BUT PLEASE DON`T DO IT AGAIN. May ALLAH guide you to the right path ameen.

      You sister in islam and best wisher,

  11. Asallamu alukum brothers and sisters if you swear at your mom once or twice Allah will forgive you. If you do it allot for example every day Allah will never forgive. Instead of doing that read namaaz or go the masjid/mosque
    Allah hafiz huda fiz

  12. hi i m maria actually i had loved to one boy who was hindu and my mother was not ready for him my full family was not .and i try not to talk him or meet him but iloved him my mother forcefully kept my hand on quran and made me promise not to meet him or text him please guide me in this situation however i didnt broke dat promise but i m depressed all the time

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