Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I inform my father of haram relationship between my mother and his younger brother?

Hi guys,

I want to ask a very personal question to you. I am 22 years old, I lived with my mom and my grand mother.

My dad is in Canada; for the past 6 years in this years he didn't came to my home.

Now, since last 1 year or so my mother established an illegal relationship with my uncle (my dad's younger brother) as he used to take care of our all needs. My uncle and my mother is in illegal relationship which I have also seen both of them from my own eyes they are doing such illegal things in our home.

I am very worried about that; shall I tell my dad or not? Please suggest me.

I am very thankful if some could help me.

Samuel.


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17 Responses »

  1. SAMUEL....
    THE 1ST AND FOREMOST FAULT IS WITH YR FATHER WHO HAS NOT TURNED UP FROM 6 YEARS.

    NEXT THE RELATIONSHIP IS FLOURISHING BETWEEN UNCLE AND MOTHER IS MORE THAN JUST ADULTERY AS THEY ARE NOT STRANGERS BUT OWN BROTHERS WIFE AND OWN SISTER IN LAW.

    IF SOME THING WHICH EVIL AND IS LEFT LIKE THAT ONLY IT WILL BECOME DRAGON.

    SO BEFORE THAT MAKE IT KNOWN TO YR FATHER BUT THROUGH SOMEONE ESLE SO THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YR MOTHER IS NOT EFFECTED DUE TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR CRIME.

    AFTER ALL YOUR MOTHER IS YOUR MOTHER IN THIS LIFE.

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF.

  2. I don't no agree with the brother above about its the fathers fault, you do not know why he was away and why he hasn't visited his family and that shouldn't mean that his wife should go and have an affair with another man!

    I think you should tell you father but before u tell ur father speak to your mother about what she is doing wrong and try and talk her out of this as this is a haraam relationship and it shouldn't continue. So please speak to your mum and then approach your dad, this is my opinion and I don't know if its right or wrong but maybe someone else can help you with this but this is what I think.

    Good luck in shaa Allah everything works out well x

  3. Samuel, your role is to advise your mother. Show her verses from the Quran or hadith to remind her that what she is doing is sinful and wrong. Advise her to divorce your father properly, then she can marry his younger brother if she chooses.

    Leave your father out of it. He is effectively not part of the family. It's not your place to "inform" on your mother and possibly invite violence or retaliation from your father. Plus, in doing so you may alienate yourself from your mother permanently.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salamualaikum

    As Allah's Messenger Peace be upon him said 'Brother in law is death' when it comes to non Mahrams.
    First of all, know why your dad's away. Is he away for his job and he keeps his contact with you, sends you money and stuff like that? Then, though he has done a mistake by not taking his family there or finding bread in his own place and staying with his family, your mother has done the greater part of the wrong.

    Protecting her chastity and the belongings of her husband when he is away is something which Islam prescribes. You should immediately, but wisely inform your dadd about this. And your dad should take steps to unite with his family by any means, otherwise, it's going to be difficult. Further, if he unites with you in your country, then it should be in a different home, away from your uncle, to avoid the fitnah involved.

    But if the case iis the otherwise, where the father is not in contact with you, the problem is entirely different.

    May Allah help you
    Aameen
    Salamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem

  5. Assalam o alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. THIS KIND OF THINGS HAPPEN WHEN WE DONT OBSERVE PROPER HIJAB /screening between non mahrams . and we blame islam being strict and to hide ourself from uncles etc..

    YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR UNCLE HAVE COMMITTED ZINAH (ADULTERY FOR UR MOTHER AND IF UR UNCLE IS NOT MARRIED THEN ITS FORNICATION .)WHICH IS INDEED A GRIEVOUS MISTAKE A BIG MAJOR SIN AND ALLAH SWT HAS WARNED ABOUT THIS AT SEVERAL PLACES IN QURAN.
    YOU HAVE TO INFORM TO YOUR FATHER ITS A MUST. (WHETHER SHE REPENTS OR NOT)

    STEPS TO BE TAKEN:
    1) Well even an illiterate non practicing Muslims also knows that adultery is HARAM IN ISLAM , secondly there are no alibi ,excuses to commit this horrendous,awful sin . So Inform your MOTHER THAT YOU HAVE NARRATE ALL OF HER ACTION TO HIM .SEE WHAT WILL BE HER REACTION AT FIRST. Try to make her understand the effects of this sin and its punishment here and hereafter. Because ALLAH SWT ACCEPTS REPENTANCE EXCEPT SHIRK .

    2) AS SOON AS Ur talking session ends with her inform this to your father. dont DELAY.

    3)INFORM A GOOD ,A MAN OF PIETY IN UR FAMILY OR UR MOTHERS FAMILY ABOUT THIS.

    BECAUSE the situation is at the decision state.whether she will actualise her mistake or not and first and foremost YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO STOP LIVING WITH YOUR UNCLE.
    Though your father is blamed for not coming back to you people for this long. despite of that ur mother have no reason to display so loose character.As i said earlier she has no alibi for her sin.

    May Allah swt protect you and guide always to the right path.

    Be firm and strong .May Allah protect us all from this atrocious,heartbreaking sin IN WHICH SHAITAN MAKES US FALL VERY EASILY AND IT CARRY HEAVY PUNISHMENT AND BANISHMENT.THAT IS WHY ITS STATED IN QURAN MANY TIMES TO BE AWAY FROM ALL SORTS WHICH LEAD TO THIS SIN. AMEEN.

    fee amanallah

    • Imane, what is the benefit and the Islamic justification for telling the father? Think carefully about what you are saying. Do you think it is wise for a child to expose his mother to danger and ridicule? In Islam our practice is to counsel someone privately, not to expose their sins to others.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Imane, what is the benefit and the Islamic justification for telling the father? Think carefully about what you are saying. Do you think it is wise for a child to expose his mother to danger and ridicule? In Islam our practice is to counsel someone privately, not to expose their sins to others.

        I don't agree to the advice given by Wael .

        I feel extremely sad that a man who is working hard in an another country to feed and clothe his family , is being betrayed by his own daughter and wife .

        You (the daughter) must tell your father about the activities of your mother so that he can decide the future of his marriage . You(the daughter) must understand the fact that a open betrayal is being done on your father's back . You know what is happening and you are seeing this sin with your own very eyes .

        There is a hadith in which prophet said that a person with the highest level of iman or belief will
        do everything possible to stop a wrong thing happening if he or she can stop it .

        There is also a hadith which tells us muslims that one who cheats is not among us .

        There are numerous hadiths in which prophet described the punishment to adulterers ...

        Abu Huraira reported that a person from amongst the Muslims came to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) while he was in the mosque. He called him saying: Allah's Messenger. I have committed adultery. He (the Holy Prophet) turned away from him, He (again) came round facing him and said to him: Allah's Messenger, I have committed adultery. He (the Holy Prophet) turned away until he did that four times, and as he testified four times against his own self, Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) called him and said: Are you mad? He said: No. He (again) said: Are you married? He said: Yes. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Take him and stone him. Ibn Shihab (one of the narrators) said: One who had heard Jabir b. 'Abdullah saying this informed me thus: I was one of those who stoned him. We stoned him at the place of prayer (either that of 'Id or a funeral). When the stones hurt him, he ran away. We caught him in the Harra and stoned him (to death). This hadith has been narrated through another chain of transmitters.

        Book 017, Number 4206:
        'Abdullah b. Buraida reported on the authority of his father that Ma'iz b. Malik al-Aslami came to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Allah's Messenger, I have wronged myself; I have committed adultery and I earnestly desire that you should purify me. He turned him away. On the following day, he (Ma'iz) again came to him and said: Allah's Messenger, I have committed adultery. Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) turned him away for the second time, and sent him to his people saying: Do you know if there is anything wrong with his mind. They denied of any such thing in him and said: We do not know him but as a wise good man among us, so far as we can judge. He (Ma'iz) came for the third time, and he (the Holy Prophet) sent him as he had done before. He asked about him and they informed him that there was nothing wrong with him or with his mind. When it was the fourth time, a ditch was dug for him and he (the Holy Prophet) pronounced judg- ment about him and he wis stoned. He (the narrator) said: There came to him (the Holy Prophet) a woman from Ghamid and said: Allah's Messenger, I have committed adultery, so purify me. He (the Holy Prophet) turned her away. On the following day she said: Allah's Messenger, Why do you turn me away? Perhaps, you turn me away as you turned away Ma'iz. By Allah, I have become pregnant. He said: Well, if you insist upon it, then go away until you give birth to (the child). When she was delivered she came with the child (wrapped) in a rag and said: Here is the child whom I have given birth to. He said: Go away and suckle him until you wean him. When she had weaned him, she came to him (the Holy Prophet) with the child who was holding a piece of bread in his hand. She said: Allah's Apostle, here is he as I have weaned him and he eats food. He (the Holy Prophet) entrusted the child to one of the Muslims and then pronounced punishment. And she was put in a ditch up to her chest and he commanded people and they stoned her. Khalid b Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and there spurted blood on the face of Khalid and so he abused her. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) heard his (Khalid's) curse that he had huried upon her. Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: Khalid, be gentle. By Him in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax-collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven. Then giving command regarding her, he prayed over her and she was buried.

        ----

        These are some of the hadiths which I am posting . Show your mother the punishments of doing these sinful acts . If she doesn't change her path , then you have to tell your father .

        • Lala, how do you know that the man is working hard in another country to clothe and feed his family? The questioner says that the uncle has been providing for the family's needs, which indicates that the father has abandoned his family and his financial obligations.

          I fully agree that we are obligated as Muslims to prevent evil if possible. That's why I said that the young man should present his mother with evidence from the Quran and Sunnah that what she is doing is abominable and must be stopped. If necessary he could go to the grandfather, since he is the master of the house. But the father is not involved. He has apparently abandoned his family and I see no good reason to involve him.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Lala, how do you know that the man is working hard in another country to clothe and feed his family? The questioner says that the uncle has been providing for the family's needs, which indicates that the father has abandoned his family and his financial obligations.

            I missed that . My mistake

            But still , I think the father should be informed .

          • I'm not saying you're wrong. I think it's a judgment call, only because they are still technically married. But what if the father responds by committing violence against the mother, or even killing her? Such things happen. Is that a burden that a son should have to carry on his shoulders? Of course the son has an obligation to his father, but remember that in Islam his obligation to his mother is greater. That means he should try to correct her behavior, but should also protect her from harm.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salaams,

    I realize so far the advice given has been based on the understanding that your mother and uncle are doing something immoral (presumably zina), and if that truly is the case then Wael's advice is the best course to follow from what I see.

    However, you used the word illegal, so I am going to take you literally and assume you mean that your uncle and mother are doing some type of illegal activity to help cover the expenses your father is not contributing toward. If this is the case, I would still speak to your mother and ask her to stop engaging in whatever these activities are. If she refuses, I believe if the activity is truly illegal, you would have the responsibility of reporting it to the authorities. I would also suggest removing yourself from her home if it comes to this (even if you decide not to report them) because otherwise you take the chance of being implicated as well if you remain there.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      I agree, after informing your mother, if she does not stop illegal activity such as selling drugs, prostitution, etc., you should find a way to leave the house by moving in with another relative, friend or on your own. Afterwards, you will have to weigh the balance of reporting them to the police. If you have other brothers and sisters who would be at risk, then I think you should develop a plan by having the grandparents petition a court for removal of any minors into a relative's house if you decide to report your mother and uncle for illegal activities. I must caution however, that it would be wise to consult an attorney and then speak to your mother about turning as a witness against your uncle to save her self from prosecution by getting a letter of immunity from the prosecutor's office.

      However, if you are implying that your mother and uncle are having an affair, then I would not only confront your mother, but firstly, confront your uncle. If need be, I would inform your grandparents (his parents) and involve them in this confrontation of his sins. I would also contact a local imam to help you provided that your uncle attends a mosque, but try to limit the exposure of your mother.

      Confronting your uncle head on, if they are having an affair, is the best course because it puts him out there through shame and since you are his nephew, he would have to understand the implications of this going farther or being further exposed.

      As far as your mother is concerned, if she does not stop her affair, I would recommend you to distance yourself from her for the time being. You need to get away from the situation and decide that if she does this, you will not be a party to it. At 22 years old, there is no blame on you for taking care of your own self and leaving your mother to her own actions, if she will not stop.

      Informing your father is not wise at this point, since we do not know his actual role in your life. Is in incarcerated, deported, ill or what? Has he abandoned his family? If the latter is true, then advise your mother to get a divorce from him and then try to sort out the situation. Without knowing more, it is a bit difficult to elaborate on this aspect.

      Most of all, if there are other siblings you have, if they are minors, and depending on what the definition of "illegal" here is in this case, you need to ensure that they are safe and are guarded from either law breaking or fornication/adultery. Whether, in the former scenario, that will involve removing them from the house is something you need to confer with relatives about. In the latter, it is something that you will have to confront your mother about.

      I pray that you make this best decision and plan it through beforehand.

  7. you can inform your father or your grand mother, directly or indirectly........... because such things can not be tolerated.................

  8. Asalaam Alaikum

    Inshallah May Allah guide you, your mother, your father, and uncle to the right path, and do that which will better for you in this life and the after life. amin.

    I think that seriously leave your father out of this, weather it is his fault for leaving country or not. The issue to be focused on is your mother, so don't cause the situation to get out of hand, instead speak to your mother, tell her what is right and what is wrong, that you love her, and because of that you are not taking any big steps for things to get extreme.

    Read verses from quran regarding the sins in which she is comitting. Pray to Allah. Tell your mother to use the Quran as a guide. Speak to your mother with words of honor. Tell her she is harming herself and what she is doing is clearly wrong.

    Dont cause trouble and don't sprad her sin to others.

    Allah SWT Knows best, Pray to Him.

    InshAllah things work out.

  9. I have just read this , i also cried.. if only i had read it 10years ago. Ya Allah forgive us for sins 🙁

  10. It surely is your father'$ fault but I think you should talk to your mother and convince her to
    Not to do this, and let her know that u know about this relationship, try spending more time with her
    And also email you dad to come home as u want to spend some time with your parents

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