Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her mother wants a doctor for her.

internet dating/relationships

Asalam o alaikum,

I met a girl on social networking website 9 months back. We became friends and started  chating and then after a month on Eid-ul-Fitr day we spoke for the first time on phone. She offers prayers 5 times a day.  Then our friendship became stronger and we  fell in love . We have met only once after 8 months she met me for the first time.  Mashallah we are totally pure .

Her mom came to know about me that she loves me. She talked to her mom but her mom wants a doctor guy for her and asked her not to talk to me anymore. But still we talk to each other and we love each other.

When  we talk on phone, I usually tell her about Hadees and make her learn Dua's and ask her for HIJAB. I started offering prayers I am totally changed because of her.

But the problem is her mom has given her own swear not to talk and when ever her mom ask her Do u talk to him? She tells her that she doesn't; which is a lie as we are still talking to each other. After that  she used to ask me and weep that she is lying to her mom. Please I need a solution. What we should do ?


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2 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum,

    Do you understand why this situation is wrong? Dating is haram, to meet alone behind parents back is breaking the rules and putting under risk her reputation and dignity. You say you love her, show it, be a straight muslim man, tell your parents and propose her.

    If you were in her mum´s shoes you would understand why she is not trusting you, she loves her daughter and wants the best for her, I don´t think it has to do with your career choice, that maybe just an excuse to mantain her far from you, it has to do with the quality of your actions.

    Stop playing games with her, if your intention is pure, why are you hiding yourself and keeping contact with her knowing that you are putting her under so much stress even lying to her mum to be faithful to you.

    Acknolewdge your wrong behaviour, your faults, repent and act straight.

    If you don´t want to straight fight for her, stop contacting her, you are being already a cause for deep pain, don´t you listen her heart crying?

    Brother is not enough to pray our salat, our acts must be a reflections of our thoughts and words, I understand you think you have done your best, but the best would be stop contact and propose formally through your family. Show your respect to her family, to your family and to her, acting straight.

    From Heart to Heart,

    María Editor

  2. When we talk on phone, I usually tell her about Hadees and make her learn Dua's and ask her for HIJAB. I started offering prayers I am totally changed because of her.

    In Islam, end does not justifies the means. If I loot and then distribute the money among the poor, will I have any reward? I won't. Because looting itself is a haraam act, and thus it does not matter what I do with the wealth that I have gained in such unscrupulous way.

    So what if you talk about hadith, or hijab or dua with her? That you talk with her despite being not married with her is an haraam act itself, and it is thus of no importance about what you talk with her.

    You said you have changed because of her and started offering salah for her. What benefit changing for her sake will bring to you? Should we not direct all our worship to Allah? Can you how Shaitan here has corrupted your intention?

    To summarize, Islam does not approve any relationship between an unmarried man and and unmarried woman. If you intend to marry a girl and think you have what it takes to marry her, go and propose to her guardian. If you cannot do that, be a man and stop thinking about her. Do not do things on the back of her parents because that would be the most horrible acts of cowardice on your part.

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