Moving forward after leaving abusive husband
Asalaamu Walaikum,I thank you for your comments and support, it is greatly appreciated and comforting. I pray to Allah for clarity of mind about being stuck here in this new state without friends or family.
I contacted my husband and went back to my home to visit my family, My husband was acting very loving and declaring many changes. But I could only think of how things already were. I told him that I would agree to work on our marriage but that I am staying where I am.
He agreed, but now two weeks later he is giving me 'suggestions' as he calls it. He says I need to return home immediately. He now wants to dictate Islam to me. I apologize but it make me angry, because where was HIS Islam when he was slapping me, belittling me, or making false accusations. I am afraid all over again. He now knows what state I'm in and the general area.
How can I tell the program I'm in that my location has been compromised by me after all their assistance? How could I have done this to my children? Allah please have mercy on me.
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there is nothing wrong with being married and seperated especially if there is problms btween husband and wife peace is better then violence....
Salaams,
I realize that it's been a couple months since you submitted this query. I am hoping Insha'Allah that you were able to find a remedy for the situation which benefits you and your children.
If not, I want to advise you to inform those who have been helping you immediately of the fact of him knowing where you are. If you are still staying at a shelter, usually they require this information due to the fact that the compromise not only puts you and your children at risk, but also the other women/families/employees who are at that shelter.
Given the fact that abusive relationships are so cyclical, and victims often leave and return to their abusers not once or twice, but several times before the relationship is severed once and for all, it would be wise for you to turn to them again for help. It is likely that they have probably helped the same women more than once before. They would have the best resources to help you "fix" your mistake and work on finding solutions to prevent it from happening again as you continue to stablize your new life.
A lot of times finding a good therapist who specializes in treating abuse victims will help you re-construct the old patterns you have established with him. Even if you are no longer at that shelter, they should be able to help you find one who is free of charge or at least charges reduced fees. Some states even have programs that pay for counseling for victims of an abusive relationship.
If you're still feeling to guilty to access your previous resources, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available for resources and referrals, and is completely anonymous. If I remember correctly, they are staffed by survivors of domestic violence, so they would truly understand the complexities of your situations to help you find the best solution for you and the children. Their number is 1-800-799-7233, and their website is ndvh.org.
Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister,
Alongside Amy's comment, I also want to add that the Program that are helping you and your children have probably had this situation occur with other women and domestic violence cases aswell. So please do not worry about this. They would much rather appreciate that you tell them now instead of have your husband turning up.
InshaAllah, confide in them and this will give you some strength.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
Salaam my Sister,
I agree with what has been said here before me.
I understand that you feel you have put yourself in jeopardy and there is guilt around that - but these things happen, and there is no time to feel guilty about it, or worry what people will think about it. What's done is done and you must keep moving forwards.
The best thing to do is inform your program of what has happened and inshaAllah don't look back.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Salam,
First of all, always remember that you have to be more wise and smart about your choices, otherwise you will be doing the same mistakes over and over again. its not worth it.
anyhow, most imp thing is to get help again and again , thats what it is there for. seek some professional help, like counselling coz you need to think clear and strong. just ask for help, dont feel gulity or shy.
thank you friends, i am sad to say that i told the program that i was in about my huge mistake and was told that i would have to leave my residence due to safety. I was moved from a 3 bedroom apartment into a one room shelter to share with my four children, ages 17,14,9,8, we stayed for a night but my fourteen year old has ADHD and was constantly told to relax due to other familes being there. It was too much to bear and we decided it was best to leave. we called serval other shelters in many other states but some had no room and others wouldnt accept a 17 or 14 year old. so back to my husband we had no choice to go. some days are fine but the bad days are really bad, i dont know what to do; i feel so horrible for my children. they have experienced a piece of happiness when we were away that at the slight bad day they wish they were back in the program. i feel like such a horrible mother, i feel so weak, i ask Allah for strengh for courage and for peace of mind. i pray to Allah that my children do not grow up to hate me and will be good God fearing men who are loving to there wifes, if anyone has any suggestions as to what i could do next please reply or email me at