Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Muslim boyfriend is getting married and is abandoning me

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Boys who betray the girls in the name of love

Hello Everyone,

I started dating this muslim guy a while ago we've been together for over 8 months now we always had our up and down regarding of our differences, he is a controlling person and usually get jealous for no reason so i stop talking to all my friends and just dedicated my all to him. im a christian girl we are both in university and he is an international student.

At first he used to tell me to get in a relationship with him until i gave in and we started dating. he always dumped me for no reason and i always took him back, i never got to spend much time with him as we used to before when we started the relation, now when we see each other he only want to include sex and not take me out in public like he used to....

But i never complaint cause i didn't want him to break up with me if i did. after our 8 months of dating he decided to end everything because his mother had chosen a bride for him and he had to go and get married in 6 months,,, I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do, he knows that i love him and i would convert for him in a heartbeat and married him if that was the case....

one time he told me why don't i convert to Islam and i said yes that i would study the q'uran and see if i should convert. we also have intercourse but we always promise to each other that we won't do it again. Now he is getting married and but i can't seen to let him go i can't stop crying cause he really made me believe that one day we would be together but now he acted cold and just ended things up like we never had nothing.

He said that he doesn't love me but i know deep inside of him that he is in denial i know that he feels something for me but he is not a man of his own decision. Is there anything that i can do or should i just move on even thought that is hard for me i can't sleep at night over crying for him.

he told me that he doesn't even know who is the girl that he's getting married to but that his family all agree on that he should married her and he can't say no, and he also told me on how he don't go nothing for himself (like property, money, power)so basically he need his family. What did i do wrong ? i know some Muslim can married non Muslim women then why can't he be a man and tell his family that he doesn't wan't to get marry?

~ sarah

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16 Responses »

  1. Sorry to say, you've been used by a devil. He'll be severely punished for his evil deeds in the judgement day. Btw he doesn't represent a true muslim. A true muslim will never have physical relation without marriage, nor he will cheat. Thats all i can say.

  2. It's best to let him go! but that shouldn't stop you from studying the Quran and considering converting..

    wave goodbye to him as if he were a nightmare.. he clearly isn't worth it..

  3. Leave him alone. what he did with you is wrong. you should have not let yourself fall into the sin of fornication. please ask forgiveness from Allah (the one and only GOD who created you and me and all that exists) for what you have done. it is a sin. i don't know how you see it.
    Don't you feel used ? Do you really think he is right for you.?

    you said "now when we see each other he only want to include sex " - look if he likes you and really loves you, he should come to you through proper doors and ask you to marry him.

    Have respect for yourself. How can you let a stranger even touch you?? you are not a tissue paper to be used and thrown. You stop communicating with him. You break this off. let him go. insha'Allah you will find someone better.

    and As you have been here

    I would like to tell you about Islam

    We Muslims worship Allah - the one and only GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
    The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allaah), Who has created you and those before you so that you may become al-muttaqoon (the pious).” [al-Baqarah 2:21]

    why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
    Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.

    Allah says
    “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
    {Quran 51:56}

    Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
    HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
    HE is not like us.
    There is no one like HIM.

    Allah says,

    Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
    "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
    He neither begets nor is born,
    "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."

    (Quran 112: 1-4)

    what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?

    Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?

    Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.

    I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.

    Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
    -> quran(dot)com
    - > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com

    replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  4. Salaam Everyone,

    I am patiently waiting for my post to be published but it seems to be taking forever,,,
    Can you please do something about it... I really need to get responses as quickly as possible..
    Jzk kheyr

    • Salaams,

      It looks like you just submitted your post a couple days ago. We are still working on posts from the end of April through the first half of May which are ahead of you, so please try to be patient. I would expect a wait time of about 2-3 weeks.

      -Amy Editor

  5. Hello Salaam
    My suggestion for us is to let him go... thank god u diden't have any kids for him. I was once married too.. i have 2 kids, my husband used to treat me like "cold". I left with my two kids and now i am so much mor happier. Trust me run and DON'T TURN BACK.
    Lots of luck

    • ide NdPlease dont mislead people into thinking that divorce is a good idea.

      Although in this case its a good thing that he had to leave you early. You should realize that it doesnt matter whether you were Christian or a Muslim. Your bf would never have considered marrying you. People like yr bf are insecure and shallow. They are only looking for some side relationship to sail their boat. Most of the times girls dont even realize if the guys loved them back or were they just faking it.

      So you will be better off forgetting him. You sound like a sensible person. The sooner you get back on the horse the better you will start feeling.

      Good luck

  6. I'm sorry to say, but I honestly think he's being honest with you when he's telling you he doesn't love you. He's saying it directly to you, but you say he's in denial. In actualty I think you're the one who's in denial. You won't accept the fact that...well...this guy has been using you and, unfortunately, made you smitten badly with him in the proces.

    The worst thing you can do now is to act desperate - just let him go and move on with your life. Be grateful that you're not the one who's having your spouse picked out for you by your mother :). Look in to Islam for your own sake...just...focus your attention on better things than this douchebag.

  7. Sister Amy, thanks for replying. I submitted my post the end of April, it seems to be revised by the moderator on the 3rd or the 15th of May. But it's been pending since then. Let me know insha'Allah. .

  8. Hello I'm new here so if I'm writing in the wrong place please let me no.
    I have a Muslim boyfriend ( I no this is not allowed in Islam )
    We have been together for four years I met his parents after around 6 months at first we got on very well after this they started being very rude to me, they offered to buy him a house to leave and treated me very bad. I always thought we would be together he doesn't drink eat pork however he doesn't pray everyday.
    As he is getting older and is now 21 he's seems to wants different things for example I have recently come back from Turkey we took his mum as she was meeting her parents there (his mum and dad is from Iraq) she didn't speak to me or see me entill she wanted him to go and thought he would be happier if I was their. I was kept a secret from his grandparents whilst he was with them I was in the hotel room it was a very upsetting time for me as he changed and we was only their for 3 days. He started talking more Arabic forgetting he was talking to me, carrying prayer beads talking to me about men have more than one wife I found my self trying to test him saying things like would u want your wife to wear a hijab and he said yes if she wanted to yes. I was also kept in the room intill his family had came back to the hotel just incase we seen them I felt like I was a dirty secret and an embarrassment I would never want him to feel like this, and he didn't seem to care, Whilst arguing he told me that it would be better for him to be with a Arabic Muslim women 'as people stick with their own' he has also said that he would want his wife to teach his children about Islam and teach them Arabic. He also said he would love to move to an Arabic country, when we first got together he was very westernised he was born and brought up one England know he seems to have changed just wanting advise is this it for us ? ohh I'm english by the way.

    • Amie, it does sound like he's changed, and that happens sometimes. It's not uncommon for a Muslim to grow into his faith as he enters his twenties. In my opinion the two of you are not compatible for marriage. He is telling you clearly that he does not see you as marriage material, as he prefers to marry a Muslim. If you're not willing to convert to Islam then I think it's time to end it with him and move on.

      Wael Editor

  9. Thankyou for your reply, I agree however it's not I would even consider converting I still don't think that will be enough but thankyou anyway

  10. I am in the situation also like that now.We are 3 years already. He is Syrian and Im a Filipina..its really always crying also.But the different is..I know he loves me and respect me.The only one thing I couldn't accept is why he didn't tell me from the start that someday his parents will find a girl for him and we cant be together in the end.
    When I ask him like that he told me because he loves me.I said no..because you are selfish and u dont want to be alone here.You only used me.I hurt him when I told that to him because I know at myself he never used me.He loves me and I feel it.
    But why so suddenly. .his parents call him and tell him .They have find already someone for him and he has nothing can do.He cannot say no because that is tradition.And we need to end our relationship right away.
    I was shock and hurt. .I feel dumped! He didn't tell me that he dont love me.I swear we love each other so much..I cried. .and he cried too much also.Saying im so sorry..thats the most hurting words I heard.How many times he told me he loves me and he didn't used me and I know that in myself. .But why he give up so easily? His a muslim also and im a Christian. .
    He is a good person..thats why ilove him so much. .We avoiding to See each other now coz it will bring us more pain..I cry..then he cry also..and I dont like to see him crying..I feel pain more.He told me if he know he can do anything..he already did..but..theres nothing he can do.That is his parents will.
    Maybe God has a reason why its happening to us..thats what he always tell me.All I can do is to accept that we are not for each other that's why I decide to resign in my work now and go back in my country just to move on and forget him.

    • Hi I was dating a Muslim man too for 8 months and I am Filipina who was recently divorced with two kids before I met my Muslim boyfriend.

      I am in the same situation. His mother found him a bride. I cried also, many times. I said I loved you and you were just all fabrication. He said he cares. And he kept saying I am sorry. He kept wanting to see me but recently he said he can’t be messaging with me and wants to message in a different way that no others can see. I felt so low, I am still suffering because I thought what we had was real. I am still on denial, thinking he would come back and tell me I am the one he wants. But in reality I will never be.

      If I had known this was going to happen in which my gut feeling did warn me. I would’ve just walked away the first day we met. I am sorry I participated in his sinful ways. I respect any religion and this is never my intent is to interfere with such sinful ways.

      I thought love would conquer all but it doesn’t after all. I have decided to cut the ties, I will not be angaged with such relationship with him nor will I even be friends with him. I am so hurt and ashamed of this. I am happy to know that I am not alone. I hope one day we will all find happiness.

      • This has just happened to me tonight. We been together for 3 and half years. He was besotted with me, absolutely in love and talked about marriage abroad. He lied to me at the beginning, told me he was Cypriot and 6 months later I found out he is Muslim. But I was already in love with him by then. We had a rocky last 2 yrs mainly because of my mood swings and he put up with all that. But this year, I hardly seen him, he seemed disinterested. Then he called me and insist we meet for a night out, stay in hotel etc. We ended up arguing that night and hardly contacted each other. That was 3 aka ago. I just plucked up the courage to tell him that I am still in love with him and still fancy him, but he said it is too late. He has been on 2 meetings and it is possible he could've marrying in 6 months or one year. He can't predict but it will be in the near future. He said, that is why he been trying to spend precious time with me and without all the mood swings and fighting. It's like as though he knew our time was up very soon.
        I am gutted and I feel lost. I have turned down many relationships including millionaires and sportsmen to be with this boy who apparently is not well off. I feel like an idiot even typing this

        • I am going exactly trough the same situation at the moment. It hurts immensely and I feel myself very stupid and ashamed.

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