Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I was planning to convert, but my Muslim boyfriend cheated

Muslim woman, female Muslim convert, Converting to Islam

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I wanted to convert to Islam but I was waiting till we got married (since I live with my parents).

My boyfriend cheated on me so I do not know what to do. How will become a Muslim now that he has cheated?

We never did anything (sexual) maybe that why he cheated but I live my life according to the laws of Islam.

Should i forgive him so I can practice since he was my only avenue to Islam? What to do?

- azia

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Your conversion to Islam is distinct and separate from the actions of anyone else, even a significant other or spouse. It is also a separate matter from making the choice of who you want to marry. Your desire to become Muslim shouldn't be because you want to marry a Muslim guy as much as it should be because you really, truly want to start living the life Allah intended for you.

    Azia, you don't need that particular guy in your life to become Muslim. If you want to become Muslim, go ahead and convert now! All it requires is for you to say, with conviction, La 'ilaha 'illa llaha (there is no god but Allah) wa Muhammadun rasulullah (and Muhammad-saws- is His Messenger). Once you've made the declaration of faith (known as the Shahadah), you can start trying to learn what you need to do to practice Islam and make salat (prayers). If you cannot anyone (female) at a local masjid to help with this, there are still countless resources available online.

    It's always dangerous to mix up your personal faith and journey to Allah with a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. You are free to practice Islam and better yourself under the guidance of Allah, whether you marry or remain single, or whether you forgive an accept him as a husband or let him go and find another man. This person was never your ONLY avenue to Islam, and his behaviors have no impact on your ability to become a good Muslimah. Personally, I believe that he might not have had all his priorities in order to begin with (because he not only cheated on you- which is wrong- but he had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you for 3 years which is totally against Islam), and you probably would be better off letting him go for good and putting all your energy and focus into the new love of your life- Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Dear sister Azia.

    I am sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. One comment I would like to make is that do not regret not doing anything sexual with him. If a man will stray he will stray regardless - you did the right thing by not being sexually active with him. Never regret abstaining from a sin. The truth is if this man was serious about a married life with you then he would never have cheated regardless of whether he got sex or not.

    However, in Islam we do not have such bf-gf relationships. So do not attempt to continue such a relationship with him.

    Coming to your main point: You do not need this man to convert to Islam, and he is not your only avenue. Sometimes in life God brings you someone for a purpose. And once that purpose is fulfilled they are no longer needed in your life. Your bf is likely to be one of them. So certainly forgive him - by letting go of what he did. This will take some time. But do not keep any contact with him or resume your relationship.

    "How will become a Muslim now that he has cheated?"

    Dear sister, if you are serious about becoming a Muslim, it has to be for the right reasons. Examine your intention. Ask yourself honestly, if this guy was not in your life - if you were single, would you still convert? If the answer is no then look into Islam deeply and try to correct your intention. A person should convert because they believe that there is no God except Allah (God) and Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of God. There should be no aspects of the trinity and no associating partners with God in Islam. God has no partners, no son, no daughter and no equal.

    So ponder upon this dear sister. And think about Gods creation when you go outside. Think of the earth, sky, stars and planet. These are all signs.
    I am sure these are things which you know already but there is so much beauty in a reminder.

    If you are still serious about converting continue reading about Islam. You are welcome to ask questions on this post if you need clarification. And please find a good local mosque to visit to meet other sisters and learn about Islam if you can. Make friends with the sisters too.
    And most importantly trust in God. And know that you dont need this guy to convert or to practice or even to learn. If you are sincere about finding out the truth, God will guide you to it. Let Him be the avenue for you to learn, for no avenue is better.
    So ask Him alone sincerely to open the doors of knowledge to you and let you see the truth and learn.
    And He will open the right doors for you.

    Although I would advise against it if he has cheated on you already - if your man is remorseful and has changed and you want him back then you should both marry and not continue a relationship.

    Please have a read of some of these posts on the link below and feel free to ask us questions by commenting on this post.
    Sara Editor

  3. Azia, you should take the advice Sister's Amy and Sara have given you. They have good advice.
    That being said, I can see that you depended on him to teach you everything about Islam. He is not the only way to learn. There are many sites you can look at to teach you Islam (including this one). If you have any questions or you just want to learn everything, I'm sure if you post another question, many people will respond to you and explain a lot about Islam.
    There are many youtube instructional video's to teach you how to pray (the motions for men and women in praying are different), there are many stories you can learn with the Hadiths and such, and of course you can read the Qur'an online(after ablution, which is when one cleanses the body). Reading is the best way to learn about Islam and live out Islam; reading about it and reading the Qur'an will affect your mind and that will affect your actions so I strongly suggest reading as much as you can.

    I find this video especially helpful to pray, it is very clear and easy to remember:

    Also for the Qur'an:

    Do not hesitate to learn about Islam through here.
    And please, do not depend on this guy so much. He has hurt you, and he should not be the reason that you miss out on knowing about God and living your life for God. Ultimately, you are responsible for yourself; you should learn about God for yourself. Be strong and look for God for yourself and God will bless you greatly for having so much faith in him.
    Perservere in Allah Azia... please.. 🙂 Do not hesitate to ask more questions and do not be shy.

  4. Dear Azia,

    I just want to say that your conversion to Islam must be because you feel it and want it by yourself not because other person. I was with my son's father in a serious relationship for long long long time, i began to learned about islam and i love it, but when i finally revert was 2 months and a half after he left me pregnant.

    Best luck, and May Allah guide you

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