Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslim Boyfriend Forced to Leave me by his Parents

Crying young man, heartbroken, sad

Please help me, I am very confused and heartbroken.

My Muslim boyfriend and I have been in a serious and happy relationship for the past 1.5 years. I am a very decent Christian lady. I believe in marriage first before we can do anything (sexually). And he respected that. He treated me as a real lady and very gentleman towards me.

But the problem is, he broke up with me just few days ago because his father told him that if he will not marry a Muslim lady they will cut all ties with him. That means he will lose all his family.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to make it hard for him to choose between me and his family. But I love him so much and I don't know what I will do if he will be out of my life forever.

Please help me. Thank you in advance.

- krizzie

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44 Responses »

  1. Peace be with you, Krizzie,

    First of all, thank you very much for sharing.

    You should know this:

    .... Dating is not allowed in Islam, then he wasn´t alloud to have a relationship with you.

    I don´t doubt of your good intentions and your pure behaviour, but this is the way it is, he could avoid both of you all this suffering, because he was conscious of this and you don´t.

    My personal opinion is to move on, go ahead with your life, go through the dennial, the anger, the pain and go over it as fast as you can, if God wants it.

    Please, go step by step, and try to move on, I really understand you and feel your pain but the healthy thing to do once he has decided this is over, it is for you to accept it, knowing this is really painful right now.

    Take your time but I am afraid this is a closed door already.

    Find something you like to do, go for walks, enjoy your family, take care of yourself, ....

    Please remember that behind the clouds the sun is always shining.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

  2. Dear Krizzie.

    Im sorry for the pain you are experiencing, I know how painful it is and I second what Maria said. Heartbreak is unfortunately common, but can be avoided in many cases. He should have never have got involved with you for the obvious reason - its forbidden in Islam to date. Secondly it was not fair on you at all.

    I want to assure you that no matter how you feel now, you will heal. This dark cloud in your life won't be forever. Sometimes we may want something which is not good for us. You believe in God so turn to Him. We may not know this, but God knows this and He is the Best of Planners. So know that He has a better plan for you. Keep yourself busy. Volunteer if need be - try to help others, take up a new hobby. Most importantly as Maria said - you need to accept its over and you need to accept it will take time to move on. So make an effort to get on with everyday life - keep yourself as busy as you can.

    One day InshaAllah you will look back on this objectively and see the good in it. If you fall very deeply in despair, dont be ashamed to consider counselling for a while, it can be very helpful if you are stuck through one of the stages (of moving on).
    I pray that God fills your life with faith, light and happiness and replaces your loss with something much, much better.

    Sara Editor

  3. Please visit your local church and find a guy of your own kind. It will save you all a hassle in the future. You are thinking about the 'now', but when your kids come, he will be in a pull-push situation. You will argue from christening to circumcision to childs ultimate religion. If its a girl, then god save us all, the problems are even worse. Fact is, no matter what, a child to a muslim man results in the child being muslim. Your family will most likely not want that, so think about them too please. If you insist on being with a muslim, accept the shahada, and Allah shall guide you and find you the right partner. Leave it to God, the one and only Allah.

    What his father did was appropriate and sadly something you both have to live with. He raised his child from birth, not be stolen away by kuffar. The pain he would feel is probably ten time greater then the loss you would feel. Please think about his family who have been there for his whole life, not 1.5 years like you!

    • I think you need to consider the fact that the man willingly entered into a relationship with this woman. It is his responsibility to think and decide whether he will be able to get this family to agree, make an independent decision or end the relationship before it gets to be long-term . He didn't do any of the three for a year and a half and I don't think you are fair in blaming the woman for picking him. At the least, she deserves consideration for the fact that she loved him and was true to him - he doesn't even have an iota of respect and empathy that he was going to affect her life by keeping her on hold till he decided.

      There is nothing wrong in wanting to abide by your parents and making them happy but this should not be done at the expense of someone else's time and life- can he give her back the time and moments she invested in this relationship ? Your reply is cruel and you ought to remember that there are woman in your families too- by answering this way you are encouraging men to think it is ok to treat women this way. god is just and so what goes around comes around and that includes the likes of you who blame the women.

    • BTW -Islam does accept Jews and Christians (people of the book)- so how is she a kafir?? I think you need to read more on your religion- even on this site would be a good idea before replying without any empathy for the other person's difficulties

      • To BrokenSmile. You have said that you had a group of muslim friends and that you fell for one of them. I'm curious; were any of them muslim girls? Did they advise/try to discourage you from entering into a relationship with this guy?

        • I have both male and female muslim /non-muslim friends in my current circle. All of them did expect us to marry as we had been together for a while and we both are older (30 and 33) and this was not a rose-tinted love affair. We both have been through a lot together in the last five years and our faith in the relationship is what even propelled us to think of marriage - we were aware of the issues and both of us spoke about our concerns several times. The decision to stick it out and make it work was after a lot of deliberation and thought and that is when we brought it up to our respective families.

          • I find that even imams and scholars are ignorant of the conditions in which Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women and 3 of the 4 madhabs saying that this should not be the case in non-Muslim majority countries.

            Surprisngly, something that I don't see in such relationships 99% of the time, this women is (sexually at least) chaste, a condition for such a marriage in Muslim lands or without, according to Baqrah 222.

          • Hi brokensmile, you are truly inspirational. Your response is considerate and at the same time neutral to right from wrong instead of from a religion point of view, like most muslims do. I respect Muslim people but I've seen things in them that I never wanted to and a man hurt me just the same. Islam has evolved into the modern way of the world and so have muslim people, they fall back on their religion to justify their responses but every adult has a mind of their own, The religion shouldn't be given a bad name because of them. So thank you, thank you for your kind heart and reply. thank you for understanding. Alot of muslims refuse to take responsibility for their share of the situation but when it comes down to blaming, they are the holyest than thou. I am so grateful for your understanding, really am. As much as this post is from 2011, My first love who is muslim , dated me for 3 yrs, who said he wanted to marry me - and discussed our future, Threw me aside for his family, I always respected them and treated his mum like my own mum - they turned around and treated me like dirt underneath their shoes all because of my religion. Our relationship has ended because he never stood up for me, even for the simplest of things against his family. He is an adult and so am I , we made decisions together and now he dropped me like a hot cake. I am not muslim, I am a decent tamil lady, brought up with good family values and my mum is heart broken because she treated him more of a son than his own parents did. I'm so heart broken but I have to learn to deal with it. You understand this pain and I admire you for this.

      • I would like to emaile you privately. May I have your email address please?

    • People may say your comment is harsh, but I fully agree. Very well said. You basically said almost everything I was going to say. She could never love him more than his parents. It would hurt them more to raise and love their child their whole life for him to be snatched away by a non-muslim. Why should he marry a non-muslim when there are plenty of muslim girls out there. They just look at they are in love now and all that fairytale nonsense. When they are married and children come into the picture it is not going to be a fairytale love story anymore. If people just follow Allah's teaching and have halal relationships then they would save themselves a lot of heartache. I don't blame krizzy, but the naive muslim boy who let lust deter him from his religion and get involved in a haram relationship.

      And yes a non-muslim woman who is Christian or Jewish does not have to convert to marry a muslim man, but that is only if they live in an Islamic country. There are many conditions placed on that ruling that many muslim men seem to over look. And like a potential muslim wife, the potential non-muslim woman must be chaste if she has has never been married. How many non-muslim women in the west these muslim men are marrying are chaste? Besides, since the west is not an islamic land, they should not be marrying non-muslim women in the first place.

      To krizzie, leave him alone and get a guy from your religion. Leave him for a muslim woman who is better suited for him and can raise his children in their religion. You will save both of you a lot of marital problems over religion.

      I don't care if my comment is harsh, but I am not going to sugarcoat reality just so people don't accuse me of being an extremist.

      • To khadija:
        Your response is harsh and seems to be targeting only one person here. You seem to feel that only the non-muslim girl is at fault here. What do you say to these muslim men who get involved with non-muslim girl when they KNOW that they shouldn't. They tell these girls what they WANT to hear and when it comes down to following through they end up turning out to be hypocrites. You say that these non-muslim girls should leave these muslim guys alone to be with muslim women who understand the culture, religion and would be better at raising the children that way. Well, what do you say to these muslim men who think that they can have it both ways? They think that its okay to be involved in haram relationships and commit zina with these non-muslim girls and then pray 5 times per day, not drink or eat pork and think that everything is going to be okay. If that is not the biggest hypocrisy, I don't know what is. It's absolutely absurd to think that only one person is at fault here and that person is the one that generally gets hurt the most because they believe in what is being told to them by these men. These girls have every right to choose who they want to be with, however, they tend toget involved with people/cultures that they don't fully understand. It is the RESPONSIBILITY of the guy (because he is the one bound by these rules/principles) to have the discipline and decency to stay away from or fully inform these girls of the situation. And this is sugarcoating the actual reality of what usually happens.

        • To Need Answers:

          This is what I said:

          "I don't blame krizzy, but the naive muslim boy who let lust deter him from his religion and get involved in a haram relationship."

          So I was blaming the muslim boy for getting involved with her, not just her. And you also seem to also be blaming one person, the men. If the girls have a right to be involved with anyone they want to like you said, can't the same be said for the muslim men. The point is the are BOTH wrong for getting into a relationship with someone they know is from a different faith. The girls also knowingly got into a relationship with a guy they know is not from the same religion as them. If they also know they are not going to convert, why get involved. These men are also not forcing them to have premarital sex with them. Yes, they are wrong and haram for doing that with these girls, but the girls also WILLINGLY consented to that type of relationship with them. They are BOTH to blame. Don't these non-muslims girls as if they are just innocent victims. Keep your legs closed and you will save yourself a lot of heartache.

          • Sorry, I know the girl in this particular situation has not done anything sexually with him, but the relationship is still haram. Besides, how can you be with a guy for 1.5 years and he still has not said anything about marriage. Girls also need to be wise and not waste so much time in one guy without any sort of commitment. Arranged marriaged (NOT forced) are the best way. You meet potentials who share your same religion in a halal way and see if you like them. It saves you a lot of heart break. This type of fairytale love never lasts when such a huge part of you life such as faith becomes a problem between both of you. Ali said it best:

            "You will argue from christening to circumcision to childs ultimate religion"

            Love is not going to help you decide which religion your child will follow, how you will raise them, etc...BOTH COMPATIBILITY AND LOVE are important. Compatibility includes religious compatibility as well. Religion is something that cannot be comprised. Something like cultural difference can since a child can learn from both cultures, speak both languages, eat both types of food etc...But the problem is the religious difference. You cannot go to mass ans jumuah. You cannot be both christian and muslim.

          • There's no need to argue. Have we become so narrow minded that we cannot accept that everyone has different opinions?

            @ krizzle : It is definitely in your (and his) best interests to insist that he extend the same courtesies to you that he would extend to a Muslim woman from a Muslim family. That means, any and all contact he has with you should be within the boundaries of Islamic law. If he observes these limits, then, God willing, this will go a long way in helping the both of you to avoid sin and to understand your situation better. It should be noted that any form of dating is rebuked upon in Islam,even be it with a Muslim woman,not only for the dignity and respect of the woman and man, but to ensure the moral fibre of society is upheld.
            I do understand your point of view,his and his parents.To start with,he was wrong in the 1st place to be dating you,with the knowledge that:

            1. Its against his religion to date.
            2. He knows his parents temperaments and should have known they would not agree to this.
            3. It seems that despite all this,he still gave you hope that he will marry you. And that is just downright cruel.

            However,as the saying goes: "It takes two to tangle"

            Sister, we can't look at the world with rosy blinded glassy eyes. We cant be naive enough to believe that life is perfect and will turn out perfect. 'We love each other,and everything will be okay' It just simply doesnt work that way. That is why dating is not allowed in Islam,because often its not just a matter of 'me and you' (except maybe if you are both orphans with no siblings) ,its adjusting to a whole new life with a whole new family. Its been able to perservere,to accept,to compromise,to abide,to give and to take.Although I,offcourse, dont know the whole world, I can honestly tell you that atleast 80% of people Ive met who have gotten married after dating,their marriages inevitably ended. We can attribute many causes to it,but I solely believe that we haven't learnt who we are and our purpose in life,so how can we fulfill the rights of humanity when we can not fulfill our own. A married life and one dating is two totally different things. Most pre marital relationships are born from lust while marriage is born from respect above anything else.It is impossible to love someone or something without respecting them. Marriage is a commandment from God,and in abiding to Gods rules God will place the love and respect in each others hearts.

            Any persons parents want the best for their childrens religion,worldly life and Hereafter. To marry a non Muslim woman in Islam it is not advised as we can see in the following verse of the book of God,the Quran:

            “Do not marry women who associate others with Allah [mushrikat] until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrika] even though she allures you. Nor marry men who associate others with Allah [mushrikeen] until they believe: A male slave who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrik] even though he allures you. They [associaters] beckon you to the Fire but Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden [of Bliss] and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind that they may receive admonition.” [2:221]

            The word 'mushrika' is often just translated as 'idolaters' while it means 'one who associates others with Allah' (As the Christians do with Jesus(may peace be upon him) and the Jews with Uzayr(may peace be upon him))

            All interpretations must end when there is a clear Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad(may peace be upon him) on the issue. He never recommended marriage with non-Muslim women. Addressing men, he makes it quite clear that Islamic integrity and faith is the requirement for marriage:

            “The messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be on him, said: Women are married for 4 reasons: for wealth, for family nobility, for beauty and for Deen: You should marry for Deen, otherwise may your hands be rubbed in the dirt.” [Narrated by Abu Huraira, r.a., in the Sahih of Bukhari and the Sahih of Muslim.]

            Our Muslim brothers try to take advantage of the verse in Chapter 5 to marry 'People of the book': These brothers conveniently ignore the fact that the verse they are using was revealed after the victory of Islam when Islam had become the dominant force in Madinah: ” … [lawful unto you in marriage] are not only chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time ….” [5:5]

            This is a legal “permission” within a context of Islamic dominance. The Prophet, pbuh, does not recommend it. What is legal is not necessarily the best course.

            May you be guided to make the right choice. If it does not work out,remember that it was never meant to be. As the common 'modern' saying goes 'Let him go. If he comes back to you,he will be yours and if he doesn't he never was'.

        • I completely agree with this. It is the responsibility of the man who knows his culture's and religion's rules in much finer detail and also his family's attitudes and what would be his own normal response to those attitudes, which is something that the girl he goes after does not know unless he tells her, in which case she would not get involved with him to waste her time, disturb her emotions and damage her ability to trust again and have what should be a happy marriage and life with someone else.

          Many people have lived abroad or often make international friendships since they themselves regardless of their ethnicity are actually more comfortable with other cultures. They should not be blamed for these choices if they do not know the finer details of actually getting romantically involved with people from the cultures they otherwise feel happier with. Also, not all Islamic men treat non-Islamic women disrespectfully. I have woman Christian friends who married Moslem men and live with them in the Middle East or abroad regardless of whether or not they converted to Islam, and are happy in these marriages and were respected by these men before they married them as well. Sometimes women who have Moslem relationships in hopes of marriage do so since they know of these other situations that went well and know that it is possible.

          What is more, many Christian women have in fact been very sheltered by their own families and are not aware that they could really be hurt in this way. Serious Christians are in fact very similar to Moslems in many ways including in the way in which they shelter their children including adult children. So it is not the young woman who should be blamed for making a mistake by trusting the wrong man. It is the man again for withholding information from her, which is under many countries' laws a means of illegal control since it gives rise to unlawful consent.

          What someone also said about it being rare in the West to find sexually chaste unmarried women is also stereotyping and hurtful bias, since you forget that Christianity in the West is a choice, not someone anyone is born into, meaning that while it might be in a lesser population of most Western countries these days, those who choose to follow it normally choose the whole package including its rules, and one of the rules with the biggest emphasis is that we cannot sleep with a man before marriage, so we don't. However, I find that many so-called Moslems do sleep with one another in secret before marriage and have affairs after marriage as well. Perhaps since it is our choice and not our laws that is the reason we do not do that, we manage in most cases to follow our choices since we do so for a reason that we understand. In Moslem countries people are forced to do this by law not choice, so many will find a way around it, such as again taking advantage of what they believe to be more morally open Western women, without questioning how this might hurt them. And women are more sensitive so even if they are in a relationship on the emotional level only without any physical contact at all they can still be very profoundly hurt with this even affecting them for some time into their futures and getting in the way of other possible marriages. the man though is only thinking of having some fun before he has to marry someone he is forced to marry. Which is totally selfish.

          Also, many of you seem to forget that it is almost always the man who pursues the woman. He does not always do so by simple straightforward and honest pursuing but he can also withhold complete information or do many other things to make the girl like and trust him more, even if she has already made up her mind not to. While men are often inflexible in that whatever they initially decided (such as that she will be for the time being but they wont try to change their parents' minds, etc.) they are very likely to stick to. Women though are often more flexible in that we look at all sides of questions more easily so that if we have initially decided something, we might get to know the man better (when still friends or acquaintances) and decide we actually like him, and then decide to deal differently after all with the situation.

          Also, saying the girl should go back to a church to find her spouse not only goes against her freedom to chose for herself whom she will marry and in what circles she will find him, but also demonstrates your extreme bias and judgemental thinking in comparison with someone who can change their minds and learn new information. You dictate for her where she should find someone and also feel due to stereotypes that the only place for her to find someone is a church, for instance, yet she is far more open-minded to others' ideas since she can consider looking for a spouse in other locations and not only in a church. She knows there are good and bad people everywhere. Unfortunately, she met the wrong one, or so it seems, someone who either knew from the outset he would never be with her but withheld the information, or who also had hope they could be together and was too weak and immature when he suddenly had to take a stand which he should have taken long ago.

          What this shows me is the difference between levels of social development and education. Some of us are still back in the Medieval Era or Dark Ages while others can actually learn and are open enough to process and consider new information. There are many biases against Islam in non-Islamic countries, and many extreme exaggerations as well, even to the point of hysteria. There are also those of us who have travelled to Islamic countries and who make Islamic friends, who even prefer some things in those cultures to our own, and who are willing to say that people are only people, to not judge others, and to come back and tell others that Islamic cultures are not what they suppose. Does anyone open to your culture or religion deserve to be abused and slammed in turn for this, so that they question their openness? and how do you expect to find converts if you turn others off your religion in such a way? What you are doing is in fact trying to undo all the good that others are trying to do by being more open to yourselves.

  4. re: to ali....i find your comments extreemly offensive and not in the spirit of God's teachings from any "book"...."stolen away from a kafr" ...... so.....why is the father not open and accepting...generous and kind? seems like this behavior is selfish, controlling and racist on the muslim family's part. these are not qualities i think God would look favorably on. for they have a chance to know other people and even spread islam..
    ..i live in the Gulf now...and i see almost 90% of the people here are two faced hypocrites.and racist to the core even against other muslim people like pakistani and indian...surely God does not promote that.....there is a lot of "secret" stuff going on...actually worse than the town where i am from in the u.s.a......somehow there is this idea that if you dress the part and follow the rituals you will be o.k...
    .but i think not..there is actually a complete void of spirituality, deepness and humanness is kind of scary.....people are really lost...they will go pray and then 2 seconds later embrace on the same bad behaviors...!!!!! to be honest it is one of the worst places i have ever lived...and i have lived in many places....whatever nice things that may have been here before are totally is complete chaos....and i am saying this from my own experiences and observations...actually my opinion of arabs and muslims was much higher before i came here......but i have been lied to, stolen from, severely harassed, one attempted only 10 months...more attempted immoral things happened to be here than in my whole life before...and i believe these problems are based the culture here......i guess i think you should spend a moment to look inward...because the truth is really shameful of what goes on..and i am sure not condoned by the religion.......maybe you have been hiding it or in denial about it from yourselves but you cannot hide from the outsiders...we see through it pretty quickly surely God sees through it too...sorry to have become a culture of hypocrites with "sook" mentality........

    • I totally agree with u nicole. Ppl think if they carry out the motions they are good ppl. Forget treating ppl right. Its al this cultural nonsense

  5. Hello Nicole and all on this blessed Site,

    I totally agree with you on this. I am a non Muslim women from a Pentecostal background of Puerto Rican descent and have a child from a previous relationship. I began dating a Muslim boy who I love and hold so close to my heart. Our love is pure and faithful and is constantly being viewed by everyone else including his family and mines as a sin. Which I do not disagree with. (My family not so much as his). I was not ever exposed to Muslim people or Islam until I met him and feel very fortunate in having him share this wonderful religion with me and educating me on Islam. Otherwise I would have lived my whole life never knowing the differences between the different cultures of Muslims. Not to be ignorant but I thought every time I saw someone wearing a Hijab or traditional clothing that they were just from the middle east and believed in all the same religion. But I began investigating Islam and its culture and traditions and I appreciate this website very much as it has been a helpful tool on my journey of educating me to Islam. I have not converted to Islam but I was able to spread its messages of peace and love by making my close family and friends understand its origins and truth and this alone has opened my eyes and has made me love more deeply and appreciate others good deeds and be less judgmental. Basically I feel blessed and feel like Allah had this planned for me all along as I have not followed any religion since I was 17 yrs of age due to my parents close mindedness. I know and my bf knows that our relationship is Haraam. We love each other very much and wish there was a way to do this the right way and I am pretty sure there is but we have obstructions that have to do with my BF parents. He wants to introduce me and for us to make plans for our future. I do want to convert but need time as I feel kind of pressured to convert and I want to do it out my own will so that Allah looks at me with approval. I do not want to convert just because I am in love. But I am confused about Islam. Am I wrong in thinking that Muslims people especially the old school folks who migrated here to America need a wake up call? That our generation (me and my Bf are in our 20”s) is totally different form there generation so things regarding religion, bf, marriage be handled differently? I mean does anyone honestly believe that if prophet Mohammed and Prophet Jesus were walking around in today’s day they would not be succumbed to our daily vices? Yes they were holy in there time which was ages ago but the world has changed. Nothing is holy and pure anymore nothing except the bond you have with your creator and the example he laid out for us to follow by sending these prophets. I could be speaking out in ignorance but I feel like the old school Muslims need to change their old school ways and open up to this new generation to spread Islam in new ways to reach people who otherwise know nothing but what they here from the media or what is portrayed on TV. It is disgusting to me that on my search for Islam, it is a religion mostly considered TABOO by Americans, when I know Americans follow religions with the same concept of peace. Do Muslims not know that now a days in today’s generation being Muslim is the new Black ( I mean that as in example on how people use to be racist against blacks). I question these things solely on my own experience with my BF parents who I have not met, so I will not judge. My Bf is from Pakistani and just migrated to the USA when he was 11 yrs of age. His parents are old school about religion and culture and are great in my opinion but also very ignorant. They have tied this Boy to them to the point where he has no life, no job, no bed, no peace unless they give it him, yet they do all what Americans do just undercover and behind closed doors. I know this to be true from the stories my BF tells me. He just had an argument with his dad where his dad called me names of sexual nature because he did not come home at night. But when his rebuttal to his dad was: dad you don’t know her so please don’t judge. He also told me that he asked him, Dad how come you pray and do all that is considered good in Islam but yet you judge her and call her names? If you pray and are so in tune with Allah then how come you have no patience and only show love to your family and fellow Muslims, Why not someone like me a non Muslim who is trying to embrace Muslim and needs guidance from someone like you who is purely committed. Is that not what Allah wants for peace and love and for his word to be spread? Now I ask all of you my dear brother and sisters the same questions. Pls excuse my ignorance as I have just come to learn of this in the last ten months. But I have no regrets, I feel very blessed to be able to spread the peace found in Islam and not the contradictions. Pls give me all the advice you feel appropriate and try not to judge me and tell me that my relationship with this man is doomed and I should move on. I will not move on, I love this man and feel that Allah has a reason for everything and this is my path. How I follow it is up to me but I need guidance and as long as website like these are available to help I will keep seeking.

    Quran 49:13 O mankind, truly We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Truly the most noble of you, in the sight of God, is the most God-conscious.

    • Hi Lisa.
      Congratulations that you have begun your journey to Islam.
      I pray that Allah makes it easy for you, God willing. I agree with you 100% that on how many of us Muslims pray, but lie, cheat and judge others. What I dont agree with is that the Prophets would succumb in this society - we are far weaker than them in our faith. This doesnt justify the name-calling but his parents may be upset that he is dating as this is not allowed in Islam.

      I recommend reading the Holy Qur'an in English (you may have already done this) and also reading a biography on the Prophet Muhammad's (SAW- peace be upon him) life such as 'the sealed nectar.' We as Muslims should be worshipping Allah alone, and following the example of the Prophet Muhammad SAW. He was always merciful to others, he had the best of manners, he would never judge. Also ask God to show you the truth.

      I just wanted to add as a reminder to all that the behaviour of the Muslims is not necessarily a reflection on Islam. As Muslims we should strive to emulate the Prophet SAW and show true Islam to others.

      Sara Editor

      • @ Lisa: regarding the prophets Jesus and Muhammad peace be upon both of them and their being tempted an succumbing to the guilty pleasures and sins of the 21st century, I will have you know, that that society was corrupt for its own time. Women were traded like objects. There were multiple unblessed relationships (zina) then too, alcoholism was rampant too. read history and you will see. Allah sent messengers periodically when things would turn bad in a society. Prophet Lot was sent to guide humanity when homosexualism was rampant and so on and so forth.

        Trust me - In this day day and age, the ones who have the will power and faith/ relationship with Allah, STILL manage to keep themselves away from these wordly sins and will inshAllah be rewarded in this life or the hereafter, whatever is His wish for them that He has decreed.

        May Allah guide you to the right path and help you see what is right vs what appears right. Amen

        • @Lisa

          Alhamdulillah,All Praise is to Allah Ta'aala who guides whom He wills to the truth. I pray and hope it will be easy for you to learn it and that you grow in faith and find the core of serenity and peace in this religion of peace.
          After reading your post I totally agree with you on most of what you say except for a few points. you say:

          Am I wrong in thinking that Muslims people especially the old school folks who migrated here to America need a wake up call? That our generation (me and my Bf are in our 20”s) is totally different form there generation so things regarding religion, bf, marriage be handled differently? I mean does anyone honestly believe that if prophet Mohammed and Prophet Jesus were walking around in today’s day they would not be succumbed to our daily vices? Yes they were holy in there time which was ages ago but the world has changed. Nothing is holy and pure anymore nothing except the bond you have with your creator and the example he laid out for us to follow by sending these prophets. I could be speaking out in ignorance but I feel like the old school Muslims need to change their old school ways and open up to this new generation to spread Islam in new ways to reach people who otherwise know nothing but what they here from the media or what is portrayed on TV. It is disgusting to me that on my search for Islam, it is a religion mostly considered TABOO by Americans, when I know Americans follow religions with the same concept of peace. Do Muslims not know that now a days in today’s generation being Muslim is the new Black ( I mean that as in example on how people use to be racist against blacks). I question these things solely on my own experience with my BF parents who I have not met, so I will not judge. My Bf is from Pakistani and just migrated to the USA when he was 11 yrs of age. His parents are old school about religion and culture and are great in my opinion but also very ignorant. They have tied this Boy to them to the point where he has no life, no job, no bed, no peace unless they give it him, yet they do all what Americans do just undercover and behind closed doors. I know this to be true from the stories my BF tells me. He just had an argument with his dad where his dad called me names of sexual nature because he did not come home at night.

          We have become these pious kind hypocrites who believe that just what is in our prayers with God is what counts. No way,in Islam you get what you call 'hukukullah'( Rights to Allah Ta'aala- prayer,fast,etc) and you get 'hukukul ibaad' (rights to creation). Where we've gone wrong is that we forget our rights to creation in thinking that if we pray whole night we will get paradise. Islam is not just a 'religion' to pray to God when we need him and to ignore when we dont, Islam is a way of life. Everything we do should be to please Allah Ta'aala alone.Before we say something,before we do we should reflect on whether God will be pleased or not. I might sound like a fanatic now,but its not all that difficult or extreme. God does not forbid us from doing wordly duties,from going out there and seeking a living, infact Allah says in the Qur'aan " and spread out in the earth seeking the bounties of Allah' and in another verse ' and I ha

          • Sorry,I posted it by mistake without finishing

            'I have not created men and Jinn except that they may worship Me'

            'Ibaadah can be defined as: to do what Allah has commanded and to avoid what He has prohibited. 'Ibaadah has also been defined as a concept that includes all actions that Allah loves and approves of, whether they are actions of the heart, the tongue or the limbs. In a saying of the Prophet (pbuh) it is mentioned that even sexual intercourse with ones wife is worship. Why? Because it prevents one from engaging in adultery.

            So yes...I agree,Piety is your bond with your Creator but everything can be worship if you so wish it to be. Even beeing good to your friend, been nice to the neighbour... It depends on your intention.

            As to the rights of a Muslim,what unites us is our rights that we owe to each other and once we break that of we will be in discord. Some of the sayings that the Prophet (pbuh) taught us are:

            "The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe and the Muhaajir (Migrator) is the one who distances himself from what Allah has prohibited." (Bukhari)

            "By the One in whose hand my soul is you will never enter Paradise until you believe and you will never believe until you love one another. Should I not direct you to that which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the [greeting of] salaam amongst you." (Muslim)

            "When one of you loves his brother [in Islam] he should let him know it."

            "Every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim. He does not oppress him nor surrender him. Whoever occupies himself with his brother's needs, Allah occupies himself with his needs. Whoever relieves a Muslim of some hardship, Allah will relieve him of one of the hardships of Qiyama. And whoever conceals the fault of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults on Qiyama.(judgement day)" (Bukhari)

            "The du'a of a Muslim for his brother made secretly is answered. By his head there is an angel assigned to him. Whenever he makes du'a for his brother for something good, the assigned angel says, "Amin, and for you the same." (Muslim)

            You will never enter Paradise until you believe and you will never believe until you love one another. Should I not direct you to something that when you do it you will love one another? Spread the greeting among you.

            Allah said:
            {And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet [in reply] with something better than it or return it [in kind]. Verily, Allah is ever taking careful account of all things.} An-Nisaa:86

            To make the du'a(supplication) for them when they sneeze and say "al-hamdu lillahi". The du'a you say is "yarhamuka allah" meaning, "May Allah have mercy on you." The Prophet (pbuh) said:
            When one of you sneezes, he should say al-hamdu lillahi (praise is to Allah). And let his brother or his companion say yarhamuka Allah (may Allah have mercy on you). And when he says "May Allah have mercy on you", let him (the one who sneezed) say yahdeekum Allah wa yuslihu baalakum (May Allah guide you and rectify your affairs). (Al-Bukhari)

            The Prophet (pbuh) ordered us with seven things and prohibited us seven things. He (pbuh) ordered us to follow the funeral processions, visit the sick, respond to invitations, help the oppressed, fulfill our oaths, return the greeting and make the du'a for one who sneezes. He (pbuh) prohibited us silver utensils, gold rings and ... [he (pbuh) then mentioned four kinds of silk]. (Al-Bukhari)

            The rights of every Muslim over every other Muslim are six. It was said, What are they or Messenger of Allah? He said, "When you meet him, give him salaam, when he invites you, respond to his invitation, when he seeks your sincere advice, give your sincerity to him, when he sneezes and praises Allah make the du'a for him, when he is sick visit him and when he dies follow him (i.e., his funeral procession).

            Allah said:
            {Woe to every humaza (those who harm others with their tongues in their presence) and lumaza (those who harm others with their tongues in their absence)} Al-Humaza:1

            They said, O Messenger of Allah (sas),w hich Islam is best? He (sas) said, "The one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe."

            "It is not lawful for anyone to turn away from his brother beyond three days turning away from each other whenever they meet. The best of them is the one who restarts the greeting."

            From Abi Dharr: The Prophet (pbuh) said to me, "Beware of Allah wherever you are and follow up any bad deed with a good one to wipe it out and act toward others with excellent character."

            From Ibn Abbas who said that Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said: "Whoever failed to have compassion for our little ones and reverence for our elders and to command what is right and prohibit what is wrong is not one of us."

            From Abi Dharr: The Prophet (pbuh) said to me: "Do not underestimate anything among the good deeds, even if it is only to meet your brother with a friendly face."

            From Abi Ad-Dardaa who said that Allah's Messenger said: "Should I not inform you of something on a superior level to fasting, praying and giving alms?" They said, "Yes!" He (pbuh) said, "Good relations between you for bad relations between you is the destroyer."

            "Every Muslim is the brother of every other Muslim. He does not oppress him nor turn him over to any enemy. Allah is always occupied with the needs of one who is occupied with the needs of his brother. For whoever relieves another Muslim of some distress, Allah will relieve him of one of the distresses on Qiyama. And for whoever conceals the fault of another Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults on Qiyama."

            So we see that Islam has alot to do with dealing with your brother. What your bf's parents do is not right(swearing you) and what he does (telling you) is also not right cause it causes bad feelings. We Muslims have forgotten what had made the previous generations great! it was none less than their unity and love for their brothers.

        • You say that if Muhammad (pbuh) and Jesus (pbuh) were living,they would have fallen into vice. I dont believe so- For one,each prophet is under Divine protection from God and 2:

          Muhammad (pbuh) lived in the time of Jahiliyyah(ignorance) and vanquished the ignorance with the light of Islam. In the time of ignorance,it was so bad that 10 men used to sleep with 1 woman and pay her for it(common practice),if she got pregnant she could choose any of them as the father. They used to bury their daughters alive and treat their wives like cattle,like any other posession. But Muhammad (pbuh) was chaste,pure and did not indulge in any of this despite it being a common practice. Even before he (pbuh) was given prophethood,he was known as the Trustworthy,the Truthful one etc because of his excellent manners and pure nature. Jesus was blessed in birth,in life and will be in death and after death too. He was made a prophet at birth and spoke in his cradle. He called to God from childhood in a nation that was corrupt with vice. If the nation were not engaged in alot of sin,why would God send them a prophet? These prophets called away from the vice and never engaged in what they prohibited.

    • Lisa,
      I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been engaged to a Muslim man from Iraq for the past year. During this time I have read most of the Holy Quran, I then, after lots of prayer, converted to Islam because I believe with all that I am that it is the correct way. (I have been a protestant christian my whole life). Well to make a very long story short, we have broke up many times, but decide to stay together everytime the same day without even leaving. This is all because of his family, which are still in Iraq. His family says mean terible things about me that my fiance will not even repeat, they threaten to disown him or tell him he has to go back to Iraq if he does not leave me. When he is in the US to begin with because there were several attempts at his life back home so he had to leave to live. So his family will rather him die than marry me.
      This is what I have learned from talking to my fiance about the culture and religion...
      These people are not true Muslims, they are not following Islam.
      They are born "Muslim" because they live there but I believe the Quran to teach that you need to believe with your heart and confess with your mouth Allah.
      I am now Muslim so it is not going against Allah.
      The problem is that Im American. They watch the bad American movies and think that they show what Americans are.
      It is their culture... the sons are supposed to marry an Arab girl that they pick and live with the family.She is to be a virgin and after they have sex on marriage night, he has to bring them some blood from her to prove it.
      This great Muslim family has a father who drinks and has cheated on his wife and been with prostitutes, one son who drinks and will not be faithful to his wife. His wife cries to my fiance to talk to his brother all the time to convince him to stop this. And much more.
      My fiance has supported the family (been the only breadwinner) for the last ten years, but he is afraid. Thats what his family does to him, makes him live in fear of living with no family. That is completely against Islam.
      They are mean, controlling, racist, drunk, hateful people. That, my friend is not Islam, is not Muslim and I pray for them everyday.
      But now we are ending it, he can not take anymore heartache and pain from them and can not live with the fear that they will cut all ties from him. He and I have cried for days, months over this and prayed for Allah to find a way for us to marry but its not possible. He feels terrible for the pain he caused me because he did not expect this from a father who does not follow Islam himself. He was in complete shock when his father did this to him.
      Do not let his family and the bad things you see from Muslims affect your choice on your religion for this is not Allah's way. Allah is all loving, we are here to worship Allah.
      This is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and its hard to let go of a man who I love so much and loves me so much. This is more pain than I ever imagined.
      I will never again talk to a MUslim man from the Arab world who still has family ties. I have read many stories of this with very few working out. The world they live in is the world we came from 1000 years ago.
      I will never stop believing that a marriage is love, partnership, a bond between two people and especially their marriage bed is not to be shared. Marriage is a sacred relationship like your relationship with Allah.
      I wish for you peace through this, though mine seems full of a lot of pain for a long time from now, the pain will end and Allah will give me a husband and partner one day if menat to be.
      Asalam Alaikum

      • I had the same experience as you patty.He was also from Iraq.. But my ex-fiance told me he would marry me as well as marry an arab woman of his parents choice. He told me I would have to stay in my country till 5-6 yrs and then he would come to take me after he has built a house for me. He said we would have a kid and I can keep myself busy with the kid for 5-6 yrs thats he will be visiting us every 6 months for a month. I said ok then when i come there would he live with me... He said he would live in both houses and maybe have kids with that other woman also...

        Wow I dont know if he loved me or was just trying to clear his consience... how could he even think of another woman if he still was in love with me. He finished everything in 2-3 weeks. We were going to get married in a month and he finished us. He did not even fight... He is willing to suffer with 2 wives but is not willing to wait for some time to maybe convince his family. His mother used to like me so much. She had met me... BUt now even she has turned her back..

        She asked me if I did namaz everyday or not... or told me to wear prpoer clothes or told me when I would join them on family trips... How could they say such things and suddenly stop him from marrying me?

  6. Krizzie, did you ever meet his parents/family? Did you ever ask to?

    • Hey krizzie,
      I just wanted to say that I've been in the same situation...and believe me it hurts like crazy. I'm a non-Muslim and I dated a Muslim guy and it caused great problems. We were together for 3.5 yrs and I gave him my heart and soul. His parents found out and were completely against it, we broke up...and even then back at the time I felt that so upset, I look back and go 'thank god it is over'. I came to understand that I didn't need to convert, and that I didn't need to be accepted into a family who didn't respect me for who I am. Don't get me wrong, Islam is a religion that is beautiful, but when fanaticism comes over ppl, regardless of any religion, and they start thinking that their religion is best and we need to convert to satisfy God, it didn't make sense to me. If I was sinful for not being muslim, and god didn't accept me, then why was I not born a Muslim? Why would I be judged for that? And even though there are many ppl there who are respectful, please don't enter a family that doesn't look at you as a human, but instead as a religion. You've got a choice now. It's in your hands. This time you make a decision, whether you want a guy who left you, because you were an option. Why do you want to make a guy a priority who makes you an option? Believe in yourself, you don't need to move on to another guy, just let yourself experience this pain, but don't give up hope. You have a precious caring heart which is worth more than any religion so take care of it. I'm not by any means condemning Islam, or the ppl who follow it, but don't hold onto ppl who's made you an option. He knew dating you was haram just like my ex, the time and energy you put in, you won't get back. So why do you want to put more time and energy into changing the circumstances? I really wish you all the best, happiness but stay strong. You've got so much more life to look forward to - this is coming from a rship I had which was amazing - we loved eachother like crazy but sometimes they're experiences we néed to learn from. There are ppl out there who are more suited to you- good for your heart. Now I'm with a guy, my soulmate and fiancé, who after a long time made me believe in love again. I hope and pray that you too.

      • Good for you musicrose.

      • Musicrose
        Im very happy for you - I know the pain and misery as I deal with it each day. Hope all the wronged woman here meet someone who values them . Right now I dont feel like I will ever learn to love again or trust someone - my faith in people has been shaken as noone who knew both of us ever expected this to happen. Life is strange and as
        I get older I realize that hope is sometimes the greatest wound we inflict on ourselves.

        Wishing you a lifetime of happiness -God be with you.

  7. ok so i was reading this and i got bored after a few comments because of the length of them.
    open your eyes and see beyond your noses not everyone is the same, not because you're muslim means that you arent allowed to be with the one you love. many people do chose love over family.
    i want to go back to what ali said "Please think about his family who have been there for his whole life, not 1.5 years like you!" you gotta understand that family is family love is love. family cannot give you what love can if you understand what i mean. not only that people who love each other should be moved my love, not but religion nor color of skin, you say you dont discriminate nor are you racist towards different kinds of people but in a way having him leave her because of religion is discriminating. whether you agree or not. if you can find an appropriate balance in life than anything can be possible. i am not muslim but my fiancee is, we been together for 3 years, and he did left everything for me. i respect his religion, and someday when we have kids, they'll be open to experience and join any type of culture or religion that they wish. I am extremely happy and so is my fiancee though his family wont talk to him he still enjoy life with me. God loves everyone who respects him and who idolizes him. god is all mighty. tell me why all them terrorist believe that they'll go to allah after death and they killed millions, but if a muslim leaves his family he going to hell?? you people gotta fix your heads. so krizzie do what your heart desires not what the rest does, live to please yourself not the rest. dont let a foolish believe control your life.

  8. Simple become a Muslim , the Muslim belief is the truth it's the answer to all your questions Muslims have no problems in relationships because they only have 1 relationship ( marriage ) .

    • Dalia, this is a rather simplistic view, don't you think? If you read the posts on this website you will see that Muslims have plenty of problems in relationships.

      Wael Editor

  9. @Normal Poster,
    These scholars and Imams have many reasons to prohibit such marriages and believe me they are logical. We as a Muslim believe in Quran first then Sunnah and Hadith. Such inter-faith marriages don't fit the conditions stated in Aayah which allows Muslim Men to marry believing women from the people of book (Jews and Christians).
    It's a very touchy subject and many of my brothers are quick to issue their self-made fatwas sometimes saying that Allah (swt) has allowed them to marry them but there are condition in the same Aayah which these women don't fulfill and so does these Muslim men.



    • Many but not most.

      I also see the failure of going into the consequences of those who do as a cultural patriarchical problem. Since most women don't fullfill the condition of chastity mentioned in Baqrah when dating Muslim men in the West (something I don't agree with, but will assume true for a second), then isn't their relationship after marriage illegal and zina?

      I have yet to see one scholar say it's zina. Yet God forbid a Muslim woman...

      Well I'll save that for another day.

      • I don't know what scholars are going to make of such marriages whether they are halal or zina but I guess if they repent then they may be forgiven; Allah knows best. I have heard scholars such as Yusuf Estes, and another Sheikh (forgot his name) strictly dis-courage such marriages; even they are themselves converts. Islam doesn't allow any dating, neither does it allow free mixing let alone sex before marriage. Besides, if you notice these Muslim men in majority (meaning almost 99%) are not practising properly themselves. A Muslim man who prays five times, fasts, recites Holy Quran and lowers his gaze would never do such a thing. Even if we suppose that he is practising in the right sense; how is he going to approach these women for marriage; don't forget we are supposed to approach them in a respectful way as we will approach a Muslim sister for marriage.
        Many of women who have married to Muslim men have accepted Islam after studying themselves, before or after marriage. However, these men and women have committed a fair share of Zina (not just physical one) before choosing to make things halal after knowing that their relationship was haram (though Allah forgives past sins once someone accepts Islam but what about the man who was already Muslim and knew the punishment?). I am not judging them as I myself am not perfect but just I wanted to prove that how the approach is not halal. Oh, and compare Muslim men today with the Shahaba of that time who were the best of all the Muslims until the day of judgement and I once heard Yusuf Estes saying that purpose of such marriages is/was to teach Islam to those women so that they accept Islam. Here another question arises which is; are these men practising themselves fully? in fact a lot of them are following cultural Islam.
        There are a lot of other points bro; but this topic is very vast and time consuming. Any layman can do their analysis without quoting any fatwas from any scholar.
        Please understand that I am not saying that such marriages are prohibited or considered haram in Islam but the way couple meet and get married is not Islamic; in fact a lot this stuff is not allowed in Christianity and Judaism either meaning no boyfriend/girlfriend or sex before marriage etc etc.


  10. First of all, this woman's heart was broken, and most of your comments tell her "thats the way it is, get over it". I'm sorry, but that's not the way it is.

    Is not religion supposed to be non-judgmental and accepting of people of all races and backgrounds?
    Is not the point of religion to respect others and treat them the way you would like to be treated?
    Is not the point of religion to do no harm to others?

    I have been dating a Muslim man for two years, who I love very much. He has told me he wants to marry me. We have been living together. My whole life basically revolves around him. So, basically, you are telling me if he just dumps me out of the blue, its just the way it is?

    I'm sorry but just because that woman is not Muslim, that is no excuse for someone to leave them. It is judgmental, rude, and he led her on.

    You women focus far too much on HIS beliefs and your own than on hers. The woman also has beliefs of her own. She probably is encouraged to marry within her religion. However, she was accepting and loving and non-judgmental--the core principles and goals of most religions.

    • Hi Bobo,

      I am sorry that you are offended by some of the comments. Please do remember that what Muslims say and do not necessarily represent Islam. As Muslims we should be accepting of all people, and respect others and treat them well and do no harm to others. There is no doubt about that. The Holy Prophet SAW was kind to all people, even to those who were ill mannered to him. Unfortunately now what you will find is Muslims forget about the importance of character.

      'your comments tell her "thats the way it is, get over it". I'm sorry, but that's not the way it is.'
      I am aware it's not that simple - she is not the only one who has had her heart broken. But hearts do heal with time and its important to accept that it's over when it's over as harsh as it sounds. In my experience that is key to beginning the difficult journey of healing.

      I dont belittle her heartbreak - as I said I know how difficult it is. Neither do I condone the mans behaviour. It was not nice - and unislamic of him to date someone full stop and to also hurt someone who undoubtedly cared for him very much. The truth is this man could have married her in Islam - as a Muslim man can marry a Christian/Jewish woman as well as a Muslim woman. But he didn't. As you said he wrongly led her on - and frankly she is better off without him.

      Either way we can never force anyone to accept us. But this is one of the good reasons why in Islam it is important to not have any form of pre-marital relationships. Had he had involved his parents straight away before they fell for one another they would not be in this predicament. It sounds harsh but it is matter-of-fact. But I will try to be more sensitive in my responses in future.

      "You women focus far too much on HIS beliefs and your own than on hers."

      We advise from an Islamic viewpoint and given the circumstances (that its his Muslims family being difficult) I think it is appropriate.

      Sara Editor

      • Perfect answer sister sara, you have done great justice to the islamic viewpoint and its benefits mash'Allah.

  11. Well, I believe this whole issue has nothing to do with religion at all whatsoever.
    I have wrote about my experience above with my Muslim BF.
    After going through all this for the past two years and converting to Islam, his family still disapproves. Its not that they do not want him to marry a non-Muslim but they want him to marry a non- American.
    The only thing they know about Americans in Iraq is what they see on the television(speaking for his families point of view) so they believe every American girl is marrying, divorcing, sleeping around and all the crazy stuff you see on tv, so obviously they think he should be single forever since he is not able to probably ever return to Iraq.
    To top it off, one Iraqi family I know will not allow any Muslim man who asks to marry one of the daughters to marry, everyone is turned away.
    So why bring your family to America if you will not allow them to live?
    Sad, but the daughters will probably end up leaving the family, they cry about how they are treated, the men, the father and brothers, because they are inferior? I think not...these girls all work, go to college and then go home and cook and clean. They are far superior than any of the brothers who drink, smoke, and sleep around with girls.
    Beginning to think the people from this area are a bunch of hypocrites hiding behind religion.
    Even my BF says its not about religion, its about 1000 year old cultural traditions because numerous things they believe/ do are against the Quran teachings.

  12. I ended up on this forum because I'm trying to find help for my cousin whose Muslim fiance broke up with her because his parents told him they would never accept her because of her skin colour and religion.
    This man would rather spend a loveless life in order to please his parents than follow his heart and be with the woman he loves because his parents threatened him telling him he will no longer be their son if he marries her.

    Don't they see that their grown-up child is a GROWN UP capable of making his or her own decisions??

    It breaks my heart to see selfish parents resorting to blackmailing their children in order to control their lives.

    Humans are humans.
    By separating ourselves with categories like Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist etc based on belief, we just turn against each other.
    Our world will never be at peace as long as people still believe that one person from one religion is more suitable for someone of the same religion.
    This is a completely false idea.
    I am a Catholic, my husband is Muslim.
    I didn't convert, he didn't want me to.
    Our kids are Muslim and they go to the mosque with their father every Friday.
    Sometimes, they go to the church with me on Sundays.
    We are a very happy family because we respect each other, and our children are the most tolerant kids I know.
    Neither me or my husband tried to force our religions onto them.
    We are not the brainwashing kind of parents who will put ideas into the heads of our children since they are young so they side with us.
    They have the right to choose what THEY believe in regardless of what WE believe in!
    After all, if God wanted us all to be the same, why would there be so many religions?

    I believe that God came to us in different ways for different reasons, but the message is the same in all religions :
    Love your fellow human the same way you love yourself and don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you.
    Respect other people and accept their differences.
    Couples like us will shape the world of the future, a world of tolerance, a world of love and a world we will all share as humans!
    We should stop dividing ourselves and creating barriers that don't naturally exist!
    After all, God is love and if two people love each other than it IS the act of God!
    My husband and I strongly believe in the power of love above the power of religion.
    Religion isn't God.
    Religions are there to try and guide us, but the truth is that nobody knows the truth!
    That's why it's called "believing" and not "knowing" ...
    But people use religion to create divisions, to make themselves different and to feel like they are better than others who don't believe the same as them.
    This is just a backward way of thinking and eventually, it will stop.
    Humanity will prevail above discrimination.

    Because want it or not, there are more and more people like us who see humanity for what it is, and who know how to use their brains instead of just following what had been forced into their heads since they were children.

    A word to all the parents : if you think that by forbidding your children to date who they want you're protecting them you are fooling yourselves. You're just making them miserable inside and even though they will obey you, deep down they will resent you for the rest of their lives.

    Let your adult children be adults and make their own choices!

    My husband and I discussed it and we both agree that even if our children wanted to be with Buddhists, Hindus, any other person from any other religion or even Atheists, we would not oppose.

    Every human has the right to have their own mind and make their own choices based on what he or she thinks is best for them.

    It's hard to accept this truth when you are a parent because you think you know everything about your children and what will make them happy, but the truth is that once your child is a grown up, he or she knows way better than you what will make him or her happy!

    Simply because you're not in their head and heart, they are.

    You made your children not to be little robots versions of you, but to be their own person, with their own mind, capable of making their own decisions as regards to their own lives.

    They are the sole masters of what their head thinks and what their heart wants.

    So you can help by guiding, but if you choose to try and force your child to obey what you want and do what you want them to do, you are violating their freedom, you are making them less of a human than you.

    And parents who use their children's love to them so that they can blackmail them into doing what they want them to do, you should know that this is manipulation and no religion condones that!

    Let your kids be their own person, make their own choices, let them be free and trust me, they will love you so much more for respecting them as an equal grown up individual, and on top of everything : they will be happy!

    Stop trying to control every aspect of your child's life. It's a selfish behaviour disguised as love, but it isn't a loving behaviour.
    A controlling behaviour is not a loving one. Letting your child choose who they want to be and what they want to do and who they want to be with, that's a loving behaviour.

    Parents are there to guide, they aren't dictators.

    I hope people will read this and think about it, because I met so many people who were in pain because of their parents' pressure and selfishness (Christians and Muslims alike) and it just needs to stop.

  13. No I totally disagree. I am in the exact same position we have been together for 4yeas two months to be exact. His parents don’t know about me and it’s going to be ugly when they do. So we will deal with it together. If your bf is strong enough and sees that he will be happy in life with you then he will come back. Don’t be pushy with him let him know that you will never let him down in life give him that scene of security. Because he’s more than likely suffering over this as much as you are. Let him know that you will be the one holding his hand when you are both old people his parent me won’t be there for the rest of his life. You will be. If he doesn’t stay with you he will spend the rest of his life always wondering about you and wishing he never let you go.
    Do NOT give up on him.

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