Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am a Catholic, and my Muslim boyfriend has been punished by Allah because we committed Zina

A Muslim confused about marrying a Christian

Muslim and Christian Marriage

I am a Catholic woman with an Islamic boyfriend.

We have been secretly together for 2 years. His friends know about me but he has to hide our relationship from his family as they do not accept me as I am not Muslim and not from the same culture.

We love each other very very much and we are both very loyal to each other. We have had our ups and downs as every relationship does, but we always come back loving each other more and more every time. I have been a very good girlfriend to him and visit him 3-4 times per year from another country.

He made plans to come to my country at the beginning of next year (2013) so that we can be together all the time and start our life together.

We have come accorss a very BIG problem and I am very afraid and dont know what to do. My boyfriend has just been diagnosed with a life threatening illness. We do not live in the same country but he informed me of this over the phone and sent me his medical reports. He has told me that he has become ill because we committed Zina and God is punishing him.

I cannot express how incredibly hurt I am. He has told me that he needs to be alone for a while and wants to work out what the best thing to do is.

I am not Muslim but I have ALWAYS respected his religion and even did some research so that I could understand his life and beliefs. We have discussed and agreed to get married and start a life together. I have told him that our children will be Muslim and he was of course happy for this.

I am catholic but I also believe in Allah, as strange as this sounds...but it’s actually true. I did not know anything about Zina until now, however I knew that what we were doing was maybe not permitted. I was in his country just a few weeks ago during the beginning of Ramadan.

I was very respectful to his religion during this time and made sure we didn’t touch at all and tried not to be alone with him. He on the other hand did not hold back as much and I was the one to stop anything from happening. I return back to my country and he informs me a week after that he has become ill.

He is very frightened because he knows that he may die. He wont allow me to support him emotionally or even to call him to see how he is. He said he has been so bad to God and he must repent. I am very sad and depressed and I want to do anything to try and save our love.

I have since tried to find out about what the Quran says about Zina. Is it true that if we are both sincerely sorry and repent over and over again that we are permitted to marry if we do not commit this sin again????

He thinks that he became ill because of this and someone told him that he must stay away from me. Other people are telling me that he must marry me to correct his wrong doings and make things right???

I am very confused and I need some reliable facts about what Allah will permit after continuous repentance.

~ inlove90

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11 Responses »

  1. Well first of all as a Catholic you realize that zina is a mortal sin in the eyes of the church. So just as your boyfriend needs to repent, so must you. One of the requirements of repentance in both Islam and Catholicism requires that the sin not be repeated. So, if the two of you decide to marry, you must both keep your relationship free of zina once you repent. Your boyfriend must follow his religious requirements for repenting, and if you choose to, you can go to confession and receive and perform your penance.

    I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is suffering from a life threatening illness. No one can say that it was the result of zina, because only He knows. We don't. However, your boyfriend does seem very guilt-ridden by his actions and faced with a grave illness, repentance is probably in his best interest. Also, when one is faced with such devastating news, they need time to take it all in and deal with the shock. Every person reacts differently in situations such as this. Some want people around them, and some want space and to be alone to deal with their feelings. If he is asking for time and space, then I would give that to him as hard as it may be on you.

    From your post, it seems as though your boyfriend is being given conflicting advice as far as whether to marry you or not. In my opinion, your boyfriend should repent his sin, deal with his disease and whatever management it requires, and worry about marriage last.

  2. could it possibly be that your boyfriend is using this illness as an excuse to avoid/leave you? He might be extremely guilt ridden (or not) and is unable to face you to break up with you.

    Also, take this time alone as an advantage to repent. For both of you and to clear your mind and better yourself. This is a reminder to all of us. first and foremost myself. May Allah help us and forgive all our sins. Amen.

  3. @inlove90,

    I am really sorry to point this out to you, but I very strongly feel whatever your boyfriend has been claiming is clearly a fabricated story!

    SisterR is completely right in stating your boyfriend is doing this to avoid you and separate from you. In fact, I feel, he's on the verge of marrying a local Muslim girl of his family's preference.

    I won't suggest you what you're supposed to do next, but will certainly request you to stop being emotional about everything and insist you to look at things with a reasonable mind.

    Please try and browse through this forum, you will find innumerable stories of women (both non-muslim & muslim) who were taken for a ride, were lied to, were betrayed and who eventually suffered miserably all in the name of love. So please save yourself from an impending misery before it's too late.

    May God help you through this.

  4. I agree 200% with Tourbillon's assessment. It smells very fishy and lab reports can easily be tampered/fabricated. He is trying to get rid of you. Move on, sister.

  5. I confirm and agreed with sisters above that he is going to married Muslim woman of his family choice so it's time to leave u.
    Then make an illness as an excuse. Please don't fall in the trap.

  6. nothing must happen ukhti!

    Only Allah *swt* knows whether he really does have a life threatening illness or not! I guess it would not be just for me to jump to conclusions & present the whole situation as.. Ohh he's wrong.. he must be telling you false lies! because as a matter of fact.. I do not know..

    however.. It does seem a little "unreal".. once again that is what i assume based on the threads presented above.. anyhow.. Ideally if you both do love each other & have committed zina.. etc.. I believe you should repent for your previous mistakes & should marry.. If that is your will at both sides.. & that is only if you still want to marry him!

    perhaps you need to speculate a little more in terms of whether he is telling the truth or lying.. go & see him if it's possible & visit the hospital with him! or even so much as offering to marry him whilst he is suffering from that illness.. If that is what you want.. observe his reaction.. If he is still cutting you off then i guess you have your answer there sister..

    then it shall be best for you to move on with your life.. 🙂

  7. Hi there,

    Well...i went through the same experience and i regret the time i left my catholic ex. 7 years on and i still feel the pain. i didnt get married to a local muslim girl though i was under pressure from all people around me to leave her and marry a muslim grl.
    Maybe he is sick, maybe not...what will happen will happen and life will go on, but residuals of emotional agony will never fade away totally.

  8. Medical records and certificates can be produced if he knows and could pay a doctor to do it. If he's really sick he doesn't need to show proof meaning if he's telling the truth his words are enough.

  9. I think so . he is telling u lie sister .

  10. Askm.
    Dear sis
    1st of all u go through the islamic ideology and revert to islam..
    Because islam will make ur problem essy..
    N if u acept islam means u'l be an muslim an u cn essly mary 2 him as a law..
    Thank you.

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