Muslim boyfriend says he will kill himself if I don’t have an abortion
Emotional blackmail.
Hello - i hope someone can please help me.
i am not muslim but my boyfriend is. im pregnant and he says i have to have an abortion or he will kill himself because he doesnt want to be a dad.
he has health problems that mean i actually believe him - he thinks he wouldnt be able to cope with it.
i dont want to have an abortion but unless he chenges his mind i wont have a choice because i cant do it alone, my family wouldnt suport me and i physcially couldnt manage being a single mum because i'm disabled.
How can i chenge his mind and convince him not to end the baby's life??
(sorry for poor english - 3rd language. by the way, were both in our early 20s, from the same country. this isnt a casual thing, weve been serious since school.)
- pleasehelpme
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I am really feel your difficult situation. I would suggest against the abortion. If God has given a life inside you He will provide for it. Try to calmly convince your bf that having a child is a blessing and put positive words into him. He might be just scared to be father but maybe he will get used to it in time. The life inside you has rights as well . Think of it as a human being . You are entrusted to protect it. I dont know what sort of health problem your bf has so i cannot comment on his behaviour. Show him pictures of cute babies maybe and encourage him that he will be a great father and that God will provide a way but aborting is not an option. He is a muslim right then tell him its haraam to kill a baby. In Islam abortion is haraam he should know that. Having kids does not come wt a manual and everyone is scared but nothing gives us the right to end a childs life.
Please don't abort your child you will regret it. Both of you created this child and BOTH of you should take responsibility for your actions.
You BOTH should have thought of the consequences BEFORE having sex. Your Muslim man is making excuses of not WANTING to take responsibility.
Both of you need to stop the sin, repent and face up to your responsibilities.
In Islam boyfriend and girlfriend relationship does not exist, either you marry him and raise the child according to Islam or stop the sin and move on.
Dear 'pleasehelpme,'
I understand that you have been in a relationship with this boy for a while, however, I believe this person is toxic because he is trying to control your life decisions by threatening suicide. Threatening suicide isn't always a cry for help and it also makes me wonder if he is a narcissist.
The truth is that this boy not only knows that he was engaging in a haram (forbidden) relationship with you, committing zina by having sexual relations with you outside of marriage and now he wants to threaten you with another sin, which is suicide.
I am not sure if you are Christian or Jew - because in those cases a Muslim man can marry you without you reverting to Islam, BUT even if you are, I don't think this man is healthy to be around, let alone bringing a newborn life near or marrying. Do not marry him just because you have a child with him because at this moment it does not appear that he has any remorse, intention to show responsibility or make repentance.
Also, the length of time you know someone is not a guarantee that they are truthful.
I suggest that you keep the baby because aborting the child would be taking a life. You should consider getting counselling to assess if your relationship with this man is abusive.
I also invite you to start reading the Quran and learning about real Islam. You can find many lectures on Islam on the internet if it is difficult for you to reach out to someone.
Whatever you do, please take care of yourself and your child first and foremost. Your boyfriend, no matter how long you have known him, is exhibiting irresponsible and highly inappropriate behaviour--please do not take yourself for granted.
May Allah ease your difficulties and I pray for your guidance inn shaa Allah. Ameen.
Just remind him these phrases from Quran
1- Nisa 23: Who ever kills a Muslim without a valid reason he will go to hell and will stay there forever.
And our Prophet Muhammed says "Every baby borns as a muslim" that means if your boy friend force you to kill your (both of yours) baby. Allah informs us he will go to hell.
And another thing because he is Muslim if he kills himself he will go to hell and stay there forever because of the ayah above.
Another phrase from Quran
2- En'am 151: Don't kill your children because of poorness. We give your food and theirs. (dont be afraid)
As he can see killing a baby is unreversable very big sin. Don't let him do it. And encourage him to marry you. It is the true way.
Your situation is not an easy one. Allah be with you and I hope he helps you to find the true way (for both of your lives) and save your baby and you.
To be honest I recommend you to search Islam and learn it from the source (Quran and Life of Muhammed Peace upon Him). I know you can find very big light to enlighten your life and your decisions. in it.
OP: i am not muslim but my boyfriend is. im pregnant and he says i have to have an abortion or he will kill himself because he doesnt want to be a dad.
Looks like this guy was just interested in using you for SEX. He may get in trouble if his family and friends come to know that he has a baby. It will not be easy for him to keep this secret all his life.
SVS, how is your comment useful or helpful? The issue is not the degree of difficulty that this man will experience if he keeps his child a secret -- are you suggesting that because "he might get into trouble if his family and friends come to know that he has a baby" that she get an abortion for that reason -- so that this irresponsible and sinful man can save face in front of his family and friends?
I dont think he was just interested in sex. If he was why would he pick a disabled girl and why stay with me for 8 years. His parents no me since 5 years. He has problems and worry he'd get ill and not no whats reel and hurt the baby. And he says he has worry i wouldnt be able to do the pregnancy and would die but i want to at least try. He says because of his problems and that the pregnancy mite be dangerous that it wouldn't be bad in Islam. Is that true?
Is your boyfriend a doctor? How do you know if you can continue this pregnancy or not?
Maybe he stayed with you for 8 years, because you allowed it--we can't know without more details and hearing from him.
Also, you have to realize that threatening suicide isn't something a healthy person would do--please do not make excuses for him. How is committing suicide going to help the situation and how does it show genuine love and care for you?
Please involve both a doctor and counsellor.
If his parents already know you then i don't understand why are you waiting for? you need to tell them about it!!!don't let him blackmail you, if he wants to kill himself, well its his choice and not your fault but please do not kill your innocent baby!why does he think the pregnancy would be dangerous for you?is he a doctor????or does he want to find an excuse for murdering an innocent soul??he could have thought about it before having sex!well its too late for that now. you are blessed with a baby , please do not abort your child, there is always a way, talk to his parents about it, tell them everything and you should also talk to yours!
Dear Sister,
In addition what everyone else has said, I think you should go straight to his parents and tell them everything. The chances are that he is trying to get out of this situation by disposing the evidence " baby". If he won't take responsibility or is claiming to be unfit to look after a child then his parents need to know so that they can help out with the baby.
Please do not kill a life to please this useless man who after having his fun does not want to build a family with you. These men need to be named and shamed in the community, then only will the stop using women as toys and disposing them after.
Please do not kill your child. A child will love you unconditionally ( Well at least untill their adults!) more then any man can or ever will!!!!. Instead dispose of this man.
And last but not least. This man is very far off Islam.
May Allah bless you and give you a healthy child.
flyingfish,
Your boyfriend is only thinking of himself in all of this. It's too bad that he doesn't think he can cope with a child however...this child should not be murdered for the convenience of either of you. Please think long and hard before you decide to end the life of this unborn child. It is something you will live with the rest of your days.
Salam
SVS.i apologise if this offends you but why does everything have to be sexual. She is feeling bad as it is without being made to feel worse by putting ideas into her head that she was used for sex. Even if she was or not is not the issue and it is not doing her any good having an extra doubt in her head and somethin else to stress about. If she was happy for 8 years leave it at that.She is pregnant and probably emotional and cranky and confused 😀
Meen: If she was happy for 8 years leave it at that.She is pregnant and probably emotional and cranky and confused
You do have a good point. We all sees problems in little bit differrent way. If she gives birth to a baby, she may never be happy again, unless her so called b/f marries her. If the boy marries his cousin or another girl, he will always be fearful that his secret may be revealed and his wife will leave him. Looks like you have experinced emotional cranky and confused feelings.
I hope OP will be take proper security precautions.
Peace be with you sister, I have a few sites for you to read regarding your issue. After you read these pages, please do this: Go to a room by yourself and prostrate yourself before God Almighty and with all sincerity ask Him for forgiveness and ask Him to Guide you. God guides those who seek His guidance.
There are many Q&A at the following website with regards to abortion. If you get an abortion you must do it before 40 days. Before the soul is breathed into the fetus. May Allah help you Ameen.
http://islamqa.info/en/42321
http://islamqa.info/en/147435
http://islamqa.info/en/85046
http://islamqa.info/en/177305
My post is still pending and i really need advicd on it.
Asalamu alaikum.
I m sorry i hate to be posting here but i really need advice and my post is pending since yesterday.please please please help me.
Iam in a very difficult position and need some advice. I married my husband 3 and half years ago. More than 2 years ago i found him cybering with other women during and before our marriage. Everytime i consult him about it he insults me and my family. He says Iam a low life and ugly and all that.i know im not perfect and i make mistakes but do i really deserve to be insulted. It was love marriage by the way he was the one insisting in getting married in the first place and now he insults me that i never liked him and his family and thats why he cheats. 6 months ago i found he had been cybering with my young cousins.They are half his age. A year ago depressed and alone i started going to chat rooms. First it was just talking to people and getting things off my chest. Everytime he insults me i cut myself. As his cyber thing increased so did my chatting. I started going on facebook opening fake accounts which i learnt from him not that its an excuse for my behaviour.I never did anything haram other than talking to non mehram men.I made mistake of talking abt ny husbands behaviour to a friend which is out character for me i never meant to do it but i was so depresses. My husband under fake identity had cyber sex with my brothers wife and asked her to strip. And they ended up with divorce. My brother doesnt know it was my husband. My husband has seen my chatting and he called a bitch. He insults me beats me and calls me every mean thing possible.he accuses me of sleeping with other men. Iam 7 weeks pregnant and he claims he is not the father.My family live far away.I dont know what to do. Few months ago he had stopped his cybering and had apologised vaguely but i didnt believe him.After 3 years of hurt i wanted to hurt him.Though nobody ever touched me or or saw me in video cam or anything.Whenever i caught him he wud accuse me of things i never did.And i never was on facebook or chat rooms but after his constant accusations and put downs and betrayal i got into the filth. I feel filthy and ashamed and i dont know what to do.Iam turning away from my deen more and more. I should have left him long time ago but this was my second marriage so i was trying to endure it.He smokes near me even when im pregnant and i hate him. He disgusts me and im disgusted at myself for what i turned into.He made me quit my job amd move to another state so im financialy dependant on him. My doctor told me not to be on my feet too much so theres a limited number of jobs i can do at this time. Its harder to find job while pregnant. Amd his claim that this is not his child probably means he would not give any support until i can proof its his baby. Any advice please what should i do thats best my child.My parents are old and poor and i dont want to burden then with my problems.I know i never cheated on him but he makes me feel like im the worst person on earth.I feel like killing myself daily. My parents and brother live tgether. And my brother also is being very mean because he says that we shud have lived with him so that he can save money.My brother wants me to help him support my parents. I have been helping support them but im schooling as well and i dont have a job right now and i cant support them right now. And i dont think it was right of him to force me and husband to live with him as his reasons were selfish in my opinion and for the fact his wife dresses very undecently and even though my husband is perverted i could not be the source of his amusements.My dad doesnt work my brother wants me to finanically help and my husband is ruining my deen and life.I dont know where to go.I try to pray but with the namaz timings fajr being at 4 am and isha at 11 i get tired easily and fall asleep. Please pray for me for Allah swt to show me the right path and forgive my mistakes.And i pray that the false accusations get lifted from me because Iam suffering for sins i never comitted.My husband treats me like a whore now and calls me b ich.I dont think i did something that bad to deserve it.And besides he did way worse for which he doesnt think he did anythin wrong.Am i wrong in this? I never let anyone touch me and he accuses me of bringing men to the house when he leaves for work.Why is Allah swt not siding wt me when He knows my innocence.Why do i have to live with this shame when i didnt do it.and he is threatening me that he tell everyone im a bi ch and that im going with other men and stuff like that
Thanks.
Assalam alaikum,
Accept responsibility for whatever you did that was not haram by not putting the word "just" infront it. Allah forgives both small sins and big sins; but Allah may choose to not forgive both small and big sins. Whatever He does, His judgement will be Just. So acknowledge what you have done, be true to yourself, make Tawbah and do not repeat again.
When you are fed up, realize that no human can fill your soul with peace and harmony as this is only meant to be complete with the remembrance of Allah swt. Do not look elsewhere, because it will only be filth, as you have already discovered.
Focus on taking care of yourself and your baby right now. Stop arguing with your husband for now and stop thinking about what he is doing. Focus on your well-being and take care of yoruself both physically and spirtually. Fill your soul with the words of Allah, speak with Him, ask Him, pray to Him, and anything else will lead to pain.
When you reach peace and stop destroying yourself, then you will be ready to talk with your husband and you and him can then go for counselling. Right now, you have to do a lot of self-reflecting and soul-searching--but in the right places.
Do no discontinue your prayers 5 times a day. Even during the days you can't pray, still sit in the remembrance of Allah.
You have some growing up to do before you are ready to make it work with your husband because both of you are hurting yourselves and your own families.
May Allah swt destroy even the thoughts that come between you and your husband. May Allah restore the faith, love and trust between you both stronger than ever. Ameen.
" no human can fill your soul with peace and harmony as this is only meant to be complete with the remembrance of Allah swt".
SubhanaAllah, you siad it beautifully .
Thank you sister Saba. This is what I needed to hear today.
Meen: 6 months ago i found he had been cybering with my young cousins.They are half his age....... My husband under fake identity had cyber sex with my brothers wife and asked her to strip. And they ended up with divorce.
How do you know about this? Your cousins may be minors and if you husband goes a step further and meet them, he could end up in Jail. Have you tried marriage counselling togather with your husband?
Now a days it is easy to prove who is father with DNA tests.
Both of you need to forget about the past and start afresh.
I had suspicion so i put keylogger on my laptop and saw everything he was doing.Astaghfirullah i regret it i know it was wrong to spy and i hav seen things that i cannot erase now . i think will not try to proof it. If he is making such a claim then my child does not need such a father.The baby is innocent and he kicked me knowing im pregnant.He can divorce me. Ill be better off on the streets and starve to death.
Do you think your husband used some software to track your chats and webcam activity also?
Did you tell police about him kicking you?
I am accepting my responsibility. I apologised to him and Allah swt and i made promise never ever to do anything bad. I made vow that ill make my child a hafiz inshaAllah. Im not argueing with him but he comes and kicks me and insults me.no matter what anyone did nobody shud be kicking a pregnant woman and they way u commented is really hurtful. I never drink i never smoke nor do drugs nor commit zina why am i being given harsh punishment.people who do a lot worse are way happy and people who try to make themselves better are suffering.
Dear Sister,
Inn shaa Allah, you will get through this as you are first acknowledging your part of the mistakes. You certainly can't own his, and can't deal with it until you find peace in yourself.
You never mentioned before that he was kicking you and being physically abusive--if that is the case, you should not tolerate it and you should notify the authorities--you mentioned that you are in Canada, so that means you must have access to police and counsellors.
Sister, please do not think that hardship is punishment. Sister, Hazrat Yusuf's AS brothers abandoned him in a well and left him to die. Prophet Ibrahim's (AS) father arranged for him to be thrown into a pit of fire.
And one, after the other, the Prophets when afflicted did not have any harsh words to say about their trials.
In fact, Prophet Ayub AS is mentioned in the Quran [21:83]:
Now this is the response of the Prophets....and we are no where near the likes of their characters, but we so quickly judge our situation and blame Allah for our pain and turmoil.
Sister, take a deep breath. Stop looking at other people who are much more happy and if you dare to do so, then also look at those that are much more sad/upset/ and fighting the worst of zulm. Look at the whole picture, not half of it.
Go back to the basics of Islam. Understand your purpose for being here. Understand that pain/hardships are not necessarily punishments. Happiness/Contentment will never be achieved by looking at others, taking out your anger in inappropriate ways and ultimately ignoring the lessons that Allah swt is deliberately putting before you--in fact, these things will lead to more suffering.
Thank you . and im sorry if i sounded cranky i wasnt feeling well before.
Meen,
if you are a good person as much as you described in your messages, this is very big exam for you from Allah.
if you are not clean as much as you described in your messages (if you also do something in chat rooms) do tovbe first
As far as I understood from your messages.
Your husband is pure evil. Considering his behavior I can clearly say this, if your husband dies I WON'T go to his salah (funeral pray) that means I don't consider him as muslim.
Why?
1- kicking a pregnant lady shows he doesn't have mercy. A heart with no mercy cannot belong to believer.
2- Even though it is cyber sex, -making to your relatives-!? It can not be forgivable.
zina (fornication) is called with being musrik in Quran, it means making zina is the job of musriks not Muslims (Nur 3)
Divorce him. Tevekkeltu al-Allah. You can not live in this dishonerless way of life. Find a way to live without him.
However in your sitution I have no idea how hard this is...
Thanks for the replies. And no i didnt go to bad chat rooms. Just moderated muslims ones. I know im far from good im not pretending to be goody good. But my husbands behaviour shocks me and i dont know if thats normal. I come from very simple background and i didnt know much about pakistani way of life. But its a horrible place with horrible peope most of them. Theres too much lying and deceit and unislamic practice. If anyone considering marrying into a pakistani family please dont. Iam harsh and judgemental because i have seen horrible things. I was never exposed to such things in my little bubble of life before i got married.
Sister Meen,
I agree with you, I have also heard really bad things about men from this culture too. It is unislamic as the treat women very badly. Women's feelings are totally irrelevant in that culture. They follow more culture then Islam!.
You have done nothing wrong compared to your husband. I think much of the problem is that us women allow men to abuse us! And this is where they move to gear 5 and don't care anymore. At that point they blame you
For the sins they committed. To hide their sins they slander the wife!
I know we must obey our husband and be kind and compassionate to them, but the husband must be worthy of this too, by being loving, caring and faithful to the wife. You wouldn't love and respect a murderer or thief? Would you? You would respect and be kind to a good person. Just the same with a child, if a child is naughty you punish him. If he is good you reward him! And thats how they learn.
So these husbands need to learn. They need to be punished for their bad behavoiur, patience will not change your husband. You should have pulled him up when he was having affair with your sister in law. Its not too late. Get the families together from both sides and tell the elders everything he did. Show them the evidence. Why are you scared he has no evidence that you did anything wrong. You swear by Allah that you are chaste and demand your husbsnd to do the same. Tell him in front of everyone that you will not stay with him unless he changes. Take a break from him. Show him you are serious, and report him to the cops about the phisical abuse.
These men need to be punished for their behaviour. If you do nothing they will continue their sinful ways. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him you will not take this from him.
Women need to stand up to abuse, not just take it and hope that one day the husband will magically change.Thats the brightest green light you can give him to continue his sins.
You are very true on how they disregard womens feelings.they have this ability to do bad and make you feel guilty instead. I told his fanily about it his mother actually said come here son ill do a second marriage for you. And his sister said cant u have married someone for the visa only and paid them.When i had ledt his family were worried that his PR will end since it is within 2 years that i hav sponsered him.If he does something wrong i cant cry about it i have to be happy. I have reported to the police and left once and thats when i found i was pregnant so i came back. I have my final exams on Friday after that im just packing up and taking the 10 hours drive back to my parents and looking for a job. At least i can work few months and qualify for maternity leave. I already told him this is solely my child from now on and he will never see him/her.
Assalam alaikum Brother,
How can you clearly say that her husband is not a Muslim? There are some very serious repercussions for your statement, especially for his wife.
May Allah the Merciful help you. Try to get out of it. I'm sorry to say this, but for your own safety and that of your child. Not only that, but Islam has given women such an honorable place. Practicing Islam can be much easier for you if you were in a safe environment. I'm not entirely sure of who you can go to for help, but if you can, get a muhrim involved. Especially someone trustworthy, or an Imam. If you absolutely can't, for any reason, pray sincerely to Allah to help you get out of it. I heard that if you pray in the last 3rd of the night Allah will most surely answer your prayer. Sister, you're a very good person. For the protection of your faith, your own sanity and safety, and that of your child, this is my advice. My heart hurt reading this.
I will pray for you. There is no place for oppression in Islam.
I jusr found out that he has registered to a muslim marriage site pretending to be single and messaging women. I feel bad for the womeb he would be fooling. I am also likely to be miscarrying maybe this is sign from Allah swt
Meen,
You need to take action now. You need to take care of yourself and your future child. That's the priority now. Get elders involved or take a break from him and give him an ultimatum to change himself or else you will leave. You need to be strong and firm, and pray lots to Allah to help you.
Svs there was no webcam activity from me. I wish he had some software so that i can use it to proof his accusatiions wrong.
Salaams,
Meen, in the future posts will be deleted if they are submitted as a comment under another person's post like this. You said your post was pending for only one day, but others have waited 2-3 weeks to have their questions answered. However for emergency posts (where someone is being hurt or it's a life and death situation) we post them immediately after we find them.
To the OP, you said that your boyfriend is concerned that he will "not know if something is real and may hurt the baby". To me this means he is mentally ill, and this is the health problem you refer to about him. It sounds like he has some type of psychosis where he either hallucinates or loses touch with reality.
Enough people have counseled you about keeping the baby and not aborting it. Adoption is always an option if you don't feel you have the resources and support to raise the baby on your own. This is better than abortion in every case.
However, I would like to counsel you about your relationship. Being involved with someone who is this seriously mentally ill - that they become suicidal under stress and at other times lose touch with reality in some way- is not healthy for you. You say you are disabled. You need healthy, supportive people in your life. Your boyfriend is not capable of being one of these, no matter how long you've been together. Moreover, what he needs for his own challenges with mental illness, you will likely not be able to provide him.
You are in your early 20's, and you are just starting out in real life. This pregnancy is the first taste of what life is actually like for an adult. You have to make some very big, serious choices, and you have to make them wisely.
We cannot choose based on what others tell us, nor can we choose based on our own feelings. They are not reliable for such things. We have to make choices based on wisdom. In your case, the wise choice is to keep the baby, and give it for adoption if you are not in a place to be an adequate caretaker. Once the baby is born, start focusing on your needs, and developing a support network or friends and professionals that will help you reach YOUR fullest potential. If you do decide to keep the baby and raise it while you do so, you will become a much better mother as a result. However, the chances of this happening successfully are significantly reduced if you remain involved with this young man. Quite honestly, he is a liability to you and the baby, and it's better for you to let him go.
I know this may be hard to hear, as after 8 years I imagine you've become very attached to him. It may be that he's the only constant in your life. However, having one constant person who is chemically imbalanced, unreliable, unpredictable, and arguably dangerous is actually WORSE than being on your own. I am speaking from experience with this.
I hope you can consider my advice carefully, and make a wise decision for yourself and the baby.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy,
Your comment is true. But there is a logical dilemma I have to mention.
in the phrase below you first say "make your own decisions" but just after that you say "Here is the solution" Your second say effectively ruin what you said before. Because you also say "what to do"
You decide which of your phrases is true. First one or second one?
The thing is Truth is Universal. And Truth means "Allah's decision" if you can find it by yourself you are lucky, if another one find it and you are clever enough to accept it you are also lucky but I don't want to be in 3. group. Who thinks they have wisdom enough to make decisions on their own, but they just fall into the darkness after each wrong decision.
Obviously the Questioner has lack of wisdom or knowledge and asks for our help if you encourage her to make her own decisions because she is confused she may think emotional decision (erge) is wisdom and can make a wrong decision.
I just wanted you to be carefull next time.
Quota
We cannot choose based on what others tell us, nor can we choose based on our own feelings. They are not reliable for such things. We have to make choices based on wisdom. In your case, the wise choice is to keep the baby
Salaams,
No offense, but it seems like you're just picking apart the words and not grasping the greater picture. When I say "we cannot choose based on what others tell us", it means we should not blindly follow what another person says to do with no critical examining of a situation. Wisdom is the result of critical analysis and experience- both our own experience and those shared by others.
I believe one person can share wisdom with others. One can offer a "wise" choice, but it's the subject's duty to still weigh that offering and ultimately decide what is to be done with it. That doesn't seem like a contradiction at all, to me.
By the way, I think every human being falls into category three. We all make our own decisions, for better or worse. Sometimes it will be the right decision, sometimes a mistake. Learning from the mistakes is not darkness, but enlightenment. And that's exactly the type of experience that leads to wisdom in the end.
Fatih, between the light of rightness/correctness/obedience/guidance and the darkness of wrong/error/sin/misguidance, there is every spectrum of color and choice. That is where we live real life. Sometimes closer to the darker hues of falsehood in the browns, purples, and blues; and sometimes closer to the lighter hues of truth in the yellows, pinks, and greens.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
So,
The difference between you and me is, even though I don't like it, I always force myself to find and do white. Because, white is the most valuable color in my book. (over my shoulder).
Probably, since you are a woman, it is natural for you to deal with purples, blues and yellows with emotional decisions however men are little bit more rationalistic. Therefore 2 x women means a man in calculation of Allah.
Note: Aleikum salam.
Salaams,
In my view, the colors are not emotions at all. I think many women (myself included) can and do try to make rational decisions about many things.
The white, to me, is the perfect decision. The perfect choice. I don't think many of us are capable of perceiving that, let alone choosing it. If that were the case, Allah wouldn't have given us istikhara as a means of guidance. In fact, we wouldn't need religion at all. Everything would be so self evident, that prophets, holy books, shariah....all of it would be completely unnecessary.
But in reality, there is a perfect choice for every dilemma, but we may have a hard time seeing it because of nafs. Or perhaps because of spiritual disease. Or because of cognitive impairment. Or even because two options seem like a good fit.
If we pass that point, and identify the right choice, then there's the whole issue of (as you say) doing it. Some people don't have the will, or the strength, or the capability of enacting the choice. The aspects that can impact will/strength/capability are countless and varied. That in itself is a rainbow. And that's why choices become so complex, and why I personally look skeptically on anyone who claims to consistently follow what's right and true without deviation of any sort, at any time lol.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My point of view was very clear
as it is said in the Ayah "Kad tebeyyener-rusdu minel gay" white and black is distinguished.
And it is also easy for someone to find the truth as long as he is sincere believer ( a lot of ayahs).
And about the colors. All the colors you talk about are introductions of shatan will in human will.
may be we are trying to get rid of them and make the will white again in here...
Assalam alaikum,
Where did you get this calculation?
If you are speaking about witnesses in court--when it comes to finance, two women's testimony would be needed simply because the financial responsibility lies on a man. However, in the case where a deceased woman's body may have to be reported on in court--it may be that only a woman's witness may be taken and no man. Having listened to Dr. Zakir Naik's detailed answer regarding witnesses--he explains how some Muslim's think that two women are equal to a man--but this is not true.
Furthermore, Allah swt created women, so do not find fault in the emotional part of a woman because it is the very thing that was created for a MAN, not for a woman as women are the companions of men in a relationship. So when you put down women, you put down the creation of Allah swt.
And I do not know how you have concluded that you make perfect decisions--did Allah swt tell you that? Until we are in the court of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement, we do not know how our good and bad deeds will be weighed. We can argue about this until we are blue in the face, but the truth is, we just don't know. When the Prophets knew that they would be going to Jannah, still they feared Allah swt, did not abandon their prayer and cried before Allah--how can common people like ourselves venture to even fathom having more confidence than them? SubhanAllah.
As-salamu alaykum Sister Saba,
Just wanted to thank you for writing the above; I was also thinking the same, but you expressed everything very eloquently. I feel that such a statement like "therefore 2 x women means a man in calculation..." would be detrimental to any women who read it and are already struggling with identity issues, self-confidence, or trying to be more aware of their rights granted to them by Allah in Islam. And it would also be something that any non-Muslim reader on here would see and perceive in a very negative light.
So Jazakillahu khayran, and may Allah continue to increase you in your knowledge, Ameen (:
Wa alaikum Assalam Sr. Healing,
Indeed we have to be careful before making such statements and May Allah prevent us from misunderstanding the Quran. I felt that I should share some hard evidence to my previous words as I was in a hurry when posting it.
It says in the Quran [2:282]
This Ayah is specifically speaking to financial matters and as we know, that Muslim men get double the inheritance of women because they are responsible for the women in their lives. They are the maintainers and protectors of women. So, indeed this is both logical and just if we study the responsibilities of men and women in Islam, rather than take Ayahs out of context.
Further to this in the Quran [24:4-5]
In the above Ayah, the gender of the witnesses is NOT mentioned.
In addition: Al-Quran says [24:6 to 10]
If we read carefully Ayah's 8 and 9, then it is ONLY a woman's testimony that would be suffice in the case where the husband is accusing his wife of adultery with no witnesses.
And yet again, in the Quran [4:35]
Again, the gender of the arbitrator is not mentioned.
We also often forget that it was Hazrat Aisha (RA) alone reported 2210 Hadith.
So are two women equal to one man? I think not.
If I have misspoke, then please, I invite others to correct me because I would be deeply hurt if I was sending the wrong message about the Quran.
I can only say that the knowledge of the Quran is deep like the ocean. Most of the time we only dip our finger into and claim to have swam into its beauty. I pray that we all continue to learn not just the message of the Quran, but the true, authentic message, inn shaa Allah.
Saba: If you are speaking about witnesses in court–when it comes to finance, two women’s testimony would be needed simply because the financial responsibility lies on a man
A whole lot of Muslim women do get hgiher education and work now a days.
To Fatih: Four pious men wintnesses who actually saw penetration are needed to prove adultry. What does that say about men. No men are not perfect. Men do react to emotions too. Nothing wrong with that.
If you re-read what I wrote, I was talking about financial responsibility, not education.
AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Fatih,
The human's mind, is of two dimensions.
1- Emotional dimension.
2- Rational dimension.
These two dimensions are there for every human being, be it a man or a woman. Human beings in general stand in the middle of these two dimensions as an initial living home. Both men and women are capable of traveling to each dimension from time to time, depending on each one's situation. When men and women are both in the rational dimension, they both can produce the same result, and it is the same when they are both in the emotional dimension.
A woman in her nature has the tendency of traveling to the emotional dimension (this is what helps her while pregnant, while with her children, and while with her husband etc). However, the fact that a woman has the tendency of the emotional dimension does not mean that she cannot be in the rational dimension when necessary (there are many women who know when to be in a particular dimension, and they are even far better than many men). And the fact that a man has the tendency of the rational dimension (which is due to his nature to find ways to make money for his family) does not necessarily mean that he is there already.
Hazrat Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was a Mujtahidah and a Mufti by the age of 19, and she taught many Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them) at the same time (she alone reported 2210 Hadith as Sister Saba mentioned), yet she was a woman with the tendency of the emotional dimension, who traveled to stay in the rational dimension. This means that any woman can follow her steps and become like here, inshaAllah.
There are over thousands of Islamic women scholars who taught over thousands of Islamic men scholars (such as Imam ibn al-Qayyim, and Imam ibn al-Jawzy, and Imam ibn al-Mundhir etc). What about Shiekha Karimah al-Mazuriyyah who taught many great scholars of Islam in Makkah? She was very versed in the Sahih Bukhari, and many scholars around the world traveled to Makkah, in order to study under her. What about Shiekha Fatimah bint al-Jawhar, who taught this great Islamic scholar (Imam ibn al-Qayyim)? The list can go on and on, but the point is that, the fact that these great Islamic women scholars were able to achieve what they achieved, means that women can also travel to the rational dimension when necessary.
It is wrong to use a statement, such as "2 x women means a man in calculation of Allah", to bring women down (of course we need to seperate between when we are playing with our sisters/wives, and between when we are discussing serious matters). There is no where in the Holy Quran and Sunnah that says "this is the calculation of Allah". This is either a misunderstanding or a falsehood, "And who is a greater wrongdoer than he who attributes falsehoods to Allah...?" (Quran 61:7)
The fact that the man is given the leadership of the house is not an indication of superiority in intelligence over his wife, necessarily (it means that the husband should play his role in taking good care of his wife perfectly and nicely, in order to earn one additional degree of reward to be ahead of his wife with it--that one additional degree of reward is the ONLY thing that can make him the winner, and real leader is known through his positive achievements.). There were many Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them), who were more knowledgable than some of the Khulafa (may Allah be pleased with them all), yet the Khulafa were the leaders of the whole Muslims, just as there are many ministers and civilians who are more intelligent than the president himself--so leadership is about working with everyone to achieve the best, not superiority in intelligence over everyone. This is part of Allah's wonders, and He bestows His Bounty to whomever He Wills.
Allah knows best.
just read my message above yours
What is truth in what you wrote?
ishaac there is no private message in this website and have to tell it here.
and felt obligation to say it
repeating well known information is not advice.
and if you want to advice, you need a soul
and you get it by 3 ways
1- Thousands of prays.
2- Hundreds of people happy with your help
3- Active jihad or a head with ready to die for Allah.
take care.
Assalam alaikum,
I have to say these negatively judgemental posts by Br. Fatih are very disturbing to read.
First to read how we equate women and men, as if the worth of men lay solely on devaluing women.
Secondly, point #3 advice about jihad and dying.
Not only is this pointless to discuss when none of the statements are thoroughly explained or backed up with evidence and are in fact statements misconstrued and taken out of context. I fear that those with limited knowledge or non-Muslims could be misled by such a narrow and chopped up view.
As far as I see I have to explain every word I used
Jihad: As ordered in Bakara 193 means "fight until there is no riot on earth"..
That means if there are some people -with the help of Gun power- on earth, torturing others, just because their believes, fight against them until they stop it That means "Fight with Guns"
If there are some people on earth, using supposedly scientific words to make people blind with the lie of evalution and existance without God use science to fight against them. "Fight with knowledge"
If there are children on earth hungry, illiterate, sick or abused. As muslim we have responsibility to feed them, cure them, educate them and protect them. "Fight with virtue".
There are a lot of fights we have to do, as Muslims. We just ignore All of the ayahs from Quran and still we claim that we are Muslims.
For this situation Allah urges -actually threaten- us:
Tevbe 24: Say: If your fathers, and your sons, and your brethren, and your wives, and your tribe, and the wealth ye have acquired, and merchandise for which ye fear that there will be no sale, and dwellings ye desire are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger and striving in His way: then wait till Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah guideth not wrong doing folk.
You can not ignore these ayahs. Because you afraid of called "Terrorists"
Salam Editors, sister Saba,
I am distressed about something and I wanted to ask a knowledgeable sister. Sister Saba seems very knowledgeable and approachable masha Allah.
I wanted to ask her about something which I think cannot be discussed in this forum. Is it possible to email her with sister Saba's permission and the editors permission please? I would be most grateful.
Preety please : )
If Saba agrees then I will forward your contact info to her. However, I would point out that there's nothing that can't be discussed in this forum. We've answered questions about every conceivable relationship problem, sin, or sexual issue. If anonymity is the issue you can register under a different name and submit your question.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam alaikum,
I would be happy to offer support to Sister Sumaira and Br. Wael, you have my permission to forward the contact information of Sr. Sumaira's.
I must add that I do not agree that I am that knowledgeable, so you may still want to consider posting anonymously as there are many others on this site that I often look to for wisdom.
May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.
Thank you brother Wael and sister Saba,
May Allah reward you.
Salam sister Saba,
Did you get my email address?
No, Sister Sumaira, as of yet, I have not received it.