Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My brother doesn’t want to marry his fiance but he is doing so for our parent’s happiness.

Forced marriage often don't work and create a lot of problem in life later on

Assalam O Alaikum,

My brother and I are very close. We're both Muslims. He trust me with his whole life. He has told me about his past. Like how he used to sell drugs and have sex with other woman. He has also told me he was in love with his ex girlfriend. How she treated him different than any other girl he even meet. He still loves her. But didn't marry her because it was a long distance even though they lived in the same city. He lies to my parents to get him engaged. He doesn't want to marry the girl he is engaged too. He doesn't want to hurt my parents and break up the Engagement. And he feels if he does and goes back with his ex girlfriend. She might take him back.

How could I help My brother?


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7 Responses »

  1. Simply tell your parents that your brother does not want to get married to the girl he is engaged now.

    To be blunt, I am pretty sure that this girl's life is more important than the feelings of your parents and your brother's reputation in front of his parents. Put yourself in that girl'd shoes, how will you feel if you marry a man/woman who does not want to marry you.

    As far as your brother is concerned he should man up and marry the woman he wants to marry instead of ruining the life of your fiance. Although he'll still ruin it since he is engaged to her and breaking engagement is not considered good many societies. But may Allah be with her.

    You should also tell your brother that although he did wrong deeds in past but the "Kaffarah" or expiation for his actions is not to ruin another life and his own life. He should simply ask forgiveness from Allah(s.w.t.) and stop doing the bad deeds from now on. And marry the person he likes. Its his sense to seek expiation from Allah(s.w.t.) and his guilt that he does not want to tell the parents. Even though once he gets married how can he be happy and keep the other person happy.

    My 2 cents.


  2. Asalamoalaikum Scar22,

    Before I give you advice on what I think your brother should do in regards to his engagement I believe that giving you another piece of advice is extremely important as well.

    Clearly your bother is very far from his deen (from what you have written) and I truly hope that he has stopped engaging in these haram activities. First and foremost he needs to sincerely repent to Allah swt and beg Him for his forgiveness. Zina is a huge sin in Islam coming third place after Shirk (associating partners with Allah swt) and murdering someone, so I hope this paints a clear picture for you in regards to the enormity of his sin. However, Allah swt is the most merciful so if your brother truly realizes his mistakes and asks for sincere repentance and never turns back to that path inshAllah Allah swt will wipe his slate clean. However, he needs to realize the enormity of his sin and feel guilt for what he has done for this to be possible.

    In regards to his engagement, I believe that he should end it as soon as possible and not leave that girl hanging because it’s unfair to her that she is engaged to a man who is not interested in her rather someone else. Of course it will hurt her but the sooner the better. Your brother has all the rights to marry a girl he desires but within Islamic guidelines (i.e.: must introduce her to the family, get her family involved, and strictly stay within Islamic boundaries—that means no zina, etc). If he can formally ask for that girl’s hand and get both families involved that will be the best route to take.

    If however he plans on dating her and then introducing her to the family he’s again going to displease Allah swt. He needs to explain to your parents kindly that although the girl he is engaged to is a good person he isn’t interested in her and that this is his Islamic right – to choose a girl he deems desirable

    Just a small piece of advice though; before he chooses this girl tell him to make sure that she is one that will help him become a better person, help bring up his children in a positive way and most importantly help him achieve jannat.

    -Helping Sister

  3. Wasalam sister scar22,
    Masha Allah you have received good advice from above posters; I only wanted to add following;

    You and your brother need to understand that their are clear guidelines to what you both should be discussing between each other as brother and sister. I had to remove some information you provided as they were not appropriate for this forum. All I would like to say is that their is an AWRAH between brothers and sisters which means that he doesn't have to discuss all the graphic details of what he does and what he doesn't or how he is intimate with his girlfriend (s). Please do not commit sin and ask your brother to learn more about your beautiful religion and practise it. Take this month of blessing to repent for your sins and ask for forgiveness from All mighty Allah (swt) for your previous sins and promise to never to commit them again.

    May Allah (swt) help us all Muslims to understand our religion in its right spirit and to practise and implement it in our everyday lives. (Amin)



  4. Where were your parents happiness and Islam when your brother was committing zina left and right? Surely if he felt so courageous and had an ego inflation from those acts he should have the grit in him to marry someone he actually loves?

  5. Assalam O Alaikum my dear brothers and sisters,
    I have a problem which is simmiler as the brothers above however I am not engaged to no one and I have never had a sip of alcohol or ever had sex etc in my life and I have always tried my best to be a good muslim.

    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

    • Dear Brother, Asalaamualaykum,

      I have read through your situation and Alhumdulillah, it does not appear to be a 'problem'. Its just something you need helping with progressing in the right way. Please be wary as to how you interact with this girl, as even though you are not physical with this girl, it is wrong to spend unneccesary time talking with her aswell.

      Anyhow, as per our website rules, I will have to ask you log in a submit your question as a separate post and we will offer you advice when your turn comes inshaAllah!

      SisterZ Editor

  6. let him commence with this marraige in order to make his parents.
    may his parents be happy with him

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