I married a Christian woman; which religion my children should follow?
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am a Muslim, married a Christian girl without her getting converted, which religion should my kids follow? Is it okay to keep her family name after my child's 1st name?
chat2ryan.
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Salaams,
Children always should take the name of their fathers over their mothers, as the following hadith indicates:
“Whoever knowingly claims to belong to anyone other than his father, Paradise will be denied him.” (Ahmad, al-Bukhaari, Muslim).
As far as what religion the children will follow, no doubt NO ONE would tell you that they should follow anything other than Islam. If you truly believe Islam is the pure, correct, and true path, then how could you allow them to believe or follow anything else? As a father you a responsible for the outcome of your family:
" O you who have believed, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are [appointed] angles, stern [and] severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He orders them and [who] so [precisely] what they are commanded." Surah Al-Tahreem 66:6
Part of saving your family would be raising your children in the true guidance of Islam, regardless of your wife's beliefs. In fact, you should try to entice her as often as you can to Islam as this would be better for your family as a whole, as well as her own soul.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
With all due respect..how can you say that? If she believs in Christianity then it is out of faith..it is her own choice...why should he try to change her beliefs???
In fact if I am not wrong, your advice, "you should try to entice her as often as you can to Islam"...this will only lead to problems within the family and may ultimately lead to a divorce!
Zaraa,
with all due respect to you sister; one of the very important reason for which interfaith marriages were allowed for men (shahaba RA) in the time of Prophet (PBUH) was to teach those women about Islam and how to implement it in real life as we Muslims believe that Islam is not only a religion but a way of life. It gives us rules and guidance in every aspect of our lives as beings father, son, brother, husband, wife, mother, daughter sisters etc etc.
That said; Islam doesn't allow to force anyone to change their religion or simply give up straight away what they believe. What sister Amy meant was to do dawah to his wife and teach her the good things about Islam; remain patient and don't force anything.
It doesn't create problem only if a Muslim man who is married to a woman from people of book (Christian and Jews) observe patience and is practising himself. However, interfaith marriages are not right in the current situation given that a lot of them are taking place in Non-Muslim lands. Besides, their are other issues which a lot of brothers ignore and they are not practising themselve; how can they pass on the knowledge to these women if they don't practically implement that in their own lives.
I hope I was able to clear your confusion.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
"Part of saving your family would be raising your children in the true guidance of Islam, regardless of your wife's belief's"????? Let us not forget that, that those children and your wife shared a body, they are more a part of her then they will ever be a part of you. 51/49% she carried them, wrecked her body, takes care of them, those are her babies!!!!! She has every right to instill her Christian belief's in HER children. She would be doing a nice thing by letting you also teach your faith to them, but by no means do you have a say. I don't care what the male dominant religion of Islam says. Those are her babies, she has every right to instill her religious views in them and then in return they have every right when they are older to choose what religion they want to follow. You can't force anything on anybody. My fiance is Muslim and I am Christian.....he tries to tell me that our children have to be brought up Muslim and I can't "confuse them" with my belief's......good thing the law is on my side and I would get custody and be able to raise them anyway I wish......LOL how in the hell are you going to tell the person that brought those babies into the world that they cant instill their belief's in those children......not to mention the fact of asking a Christian woman to deprive her children of Christmas! Hell no!
All the more reason for a Muslim man not to marry a Christian woman. Readers, check Sarah's comments and take note! She has not even married the poor man yet and already she is thinking of how she would get custody in a divorce and raise the children as Christians. Read and beware. Marry a Muslim woman and preserve your faith and that of your children, not to mention your peace of mind.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
lol what does the bible say about marrying non christians ? and what is unbiblical "christmas" ? May Allah guide that muslim man before great evil occur. ameen.
Woah! Another condescending christian. Poor man thinks he is marrying ahl al kitab i guess.
What a feminist BS....
Let us not forget that, that those children and your wife shared a body, they are more a part of her then they will ever be a part of you
Nope,it is 50/50. The only reason women get custody of the children in the west is because of those biased,messed up laws. No wonder,american or should I say western men are shunning marriage. What a social disaster caused by these man-hating feminists.
they are more a part of her then they will ever be a part of you. 51/49% she carried them, wrecked her body, takes care of them, those are her babies!!!!! She has every right to instill her Christian belief's in HER children
It is not my fault that women have menstruation or have to keep fetus in her womb for 9 months.It is pure biology.Nothing extraordinary about that.Are you a female supremacist or radical feminist by any chance ?
She would be doing a nice thing by letting you also teach your faith to them, but by no means do you have a say
Women do not own their children.The father has equal rights towards his children.You speak as if men just borrow their children and women are the owners. This sick mentality is probably resulting in the increase of single-parent households.No wonder american kids are messed up.When you have a society which is completely dysfuntional.Where man-hating is the norm.You are just setting your society to be a complete disaster.
I don't care what the male dominant religion of Islam says.
Haha.....Christianity tells women to obey their husband in everything.
'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord,' that is, as unto Jesus Christ, and so of course in complete submission. And again, 'Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing' (Eph. 5:22,24).”
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There was a man and woman in a court during divorce proceedings.The women told the judge that,since she kept the baby in her womb for 9 months , she must have the custody of the children.The judge looked pretty convinced but he gave the man a chance to defend himself.The man said to the judge that if there was a soda machine.If someone puts the coin in that soda machine and soda pops out.Who do you think the soda belong ?? The person who inserted the coin or the machine which temporarily stored it ??
The man won the case.
Yea true that.
"To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."" (Genesis 3:16)
"Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3)
If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man." (1 Corinthians 11:6-7)
"And in case a man should sell his daughter as a slave girl, she will not go out in the way that the slave men go out. If she is displeasing in the eyes of her master so that he doesn't designate her as a concubine but causes her to be redeemed, he will not be entitled to sell her to a foreign people in his treacherously dealing with her." (Exodus 21:7-8 )
seems as though Sarah doesn't know anything about her religion only that "law is with her" lol and she thinks of divorce even before marrying that man. How pity !!
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Quran 4:19)
"Verily, you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you.." (Tirmidhi)
If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man." (1 Corinthians 11:6-7)
And then these people say Hijab is oppression .....lol.......
I think he means to use her maiden name as the child's middle name, not their official last name. I don't know if that is ok, I'd guess so as long as it isnt the last name. And yeah, speak with your wife regarding religious choices for your children and choose what will be the best thing for your family!
Hello, chat2ryan.
May I know how did you manage to marry her without her converting? I'm currently stuck in this situation where I would need to convert in order to be with my man...
Thanks.
It's not necessary for you to convert, this is just the preference. Don't feel forced, do it ONLY if you want it.
now a days muslim christian marriage is not allowed and its not done ... you must do tobah
Fuad, I don't know what you mean by this. Marriage by a Muslim man to a Christian woman is allowed. Whether it's a good idea is another story.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Zaara,
Of course religion should not be forced anyone. This is not a question of force though, is it? It is about instilling the correct beliefs in your children from a young age as Allah(swt) has told us to do. A Muslim believes that Islam is the only deen that will be accepted by Allah and that it is the only route to Jannah. If you believed that, you would not want to leave your children to chance on such a big matter.
Rasool(sws) had a servant boy whom he treated as a son. This boy was Jewish and such a time came that he fell ill and was on his death bed. Rasool(sws) called for his family to be at the boy's side. As he(sws) cared so much for the boy and wanted good for him in the Hereafter, he(sws) asked him if he would accept Islam. This boy felt confused, he knew Islam was right, but he hesitated as he looked at his parent's for their opinion and approval on the matter. This boy's parent's were Jewish too and as any parent would want, they wanted the best for their child. Deep in the hearts, they knew that Muhammed(sws) was the Rasool of Allah as it had been said in the Taurah. So since they loved and cared for the child, they gave him the acceptance and told him to accept the deen of Muhammed(sws), however, in arrogance they would not call him(sws) by his name, instead calling him 'father of so and so', I say 'so and so' because I cannot remember the name of his(sws) son whom they were referring to. This was because the name of the Prophet to come was clearly written in their Taurah as 'Muhammed', but they did not want remember this name as it would remind them of this truth that they were hiding. They would not leave the religion of their forefathers themselves, but they prompted their son to accept it as death came to him.
So my point is simply this, that if you know what you believe in, is the only right way forward, and you love your children as a parent should, you will do all in your ability to guide them to that way and not leave it to chance.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
True, but every religion believes that their religion is the right religion. I just think that growing up learning any religion is going to be better than no religion at all, no matter which one it is. It's a very personal choice for the family to make amongst themselves.
Dear SarahL,
I am not going to say what other believer say about their religion or what Muslims say about Islam. For us, it makes perfect sense and it is the true religion. We respect all other religion because Islam teaches us to treat all the humans with kindness regardless of what belief they have or even if they don't believe in anything. As far as they are humans; we are supposed to respect them.
Often children growing up in interfaith marriages are confused since it's a struggle for them to choose which one they should follow; so that's why I think one should marry in their own religion for the better interest of children. Like Sister Z said; we are not supposed to leave things on chances. Wouldn't you want to pass on same teachings to your loved one if you believe they are right in your heart and save them from the problems in this life and hereafter?
As far as personal choice goes; well again our paths are the one which Allah (swt) and HIS Prophet (PBUH) has chosen for us. Allah (swt) and Prophet (PBUH)'s teachings and commands take precedence over our own choices/decisions because for us this world is a test which everyone of us must do their best to pass. So, no question of if/buts/why/maybe etc etc.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Chat2ryan,
Please raise ur off-springs as muslim only. When ur kids are growing, please from their earliest age, teach ur kids the shahdah, short surahs, register them to Quran classes, islamic studies, surround them amongest other good muslimahs, teach them the islamic manners and respect. Always show ur kindness and love towards them yet at times be firm/strict.
Please try to fulfill ur fatherhood responsibilities. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) will reward u for this act of worship. And please try to learn and practise islam urself too. One-step-at-a-time though... Islam is a complete and beauitful deen.
As with ur wife, u cant force her to change her faith as that only comes naturally... All u can do is share beauty and truthfulness of Islam with her. And if ur respected wife happens to know a lot more in religion matters and if u don't, then pls dont ever feel Islam doesnt have the answers to her questions or concerns! Islam does have the answers, it is just sometimes we do not know because we ourself pose little knowledge about it. the more islamic knowledge we gain, the better we will be to share beauty of Islam with others in respectable manner.
May Allah (swt) give us taqwa and strength so we remain faithful towards Him...ameen.
Ur sister 🙂
Assalaamualaikam Sarah
I would urge you to read more about Islam. Far from being male-dominated, Islam has historically done more for women's rights than any other religion - at a time when women were considered a commodity, Islam revolutionised how women were regarded, established rights to own property, inherit, request divorce, marry a man of their own choice, testify in court, be given fair trials... Unfortunately, cultural practices which are not in keeping with the spirit of Islam are often assumed to be representative of our faith.
Many people feel that Islam is the clarification and conclusion of the teachings of Judaism and Christianity, and it would be worth reading about how Islam records and gives high respect to all the Prophets and Messengers of Allah.
If you are getting married to a Muslim man, I would feel that it would be important to try to understand what it means to be a Muslim, and why men and women around the world love Islam. If your husband is a practising Muslim, he will want to raise children in accordance with the faith in which he believes, and this is perfectly reasonable. If you are adamantly opposed, to the extent that you are already considering custody rights and divorce, are you sure you want to marry him?
I would also like to point out that the statement that the law is on your side is not necessarily correct. In some countries, mothers tend to get custody in divorce cases, but in others, it tends to be the father, or a more equal split. Ultimately though, the law which your fiance should be prioritising is that of Allah, by following Islam and raising his children with knowledge of their faith.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor