Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am a Muslim girl who wants to marry a Catholic. How do I convince him to convert?

Can Muslim-Christian marriages work?

Can Muslim-Christian marriages work?

I am a sunni muslim girl who wants to marry a practicing catholic christian. Is it possible for us to get married without changing our religion? Is it allowed in both our religions?

My second question is that if it is not allowed, then can you please guide me as to how should i approach the topic of asking him to convert so that we may get married.

He is extremely devoted towards his religion in terms of prayers and fasting.

Please help.

- sana87

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27 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum Ms. Sana:

    01. A Muslim women is not allowed to marry a non-Mulsim man. This is the law of Allah. When you have taken Allah as your lord and acknowledged Muhammad (pbuh) as His messenger, you have also pledged to prefer the will of Allah to yours and obey whatever His honorable messenger brought to us.

    02. Enjoying a relationship outside marriage is not allowed in Islam. That is why need to immediately cut off any form of relationship with that boy until the boy becomes a Muslim and you do nikah with him.

    03. You even cannot yourself give dawah to that boy, since you are a non-mahram for him. You may send your brother, father or any other male person whom you know to your bf with the message of Islam.

    04. Conversion to Islam has to be sincere. What if he converts externally just to marry you but remains firm on Christianity inside? How will you be sure of his conviction about Islam? Is this risk worth taking? Say you married him, have children and then he openly goes back to Christianity. Your marriage will be instantly annulled and your children will be affected by a broken marriage. So, is this risk worth taking?

    05. There is no definitive approach of giving dawah. More importantly, there is no guarantee that even the best possible approach will bring him to Islam. Can there any person whose approach to dawah will be better than that of the prophets? There can't be. Yet know that Noah (pbuh) failed to convert his wife and son to Islam. Prophet Abraham (pbuh) failed to bring his father to Islam. Our Messenger failed to convert his uncle Abu Talib to Islam. All these incidents speak of just one thing: guidance only comes from Allah and even His prophets and messengers can't guide a person unless Allah wills so.

    Conclusion: Most of the time when we make decisions in life, we face three options:

    1. A decision that will please Allah, and will also please us.
    2. A decision that will please Allah, but displease us.
    3. A decision that will displease Allah, but please us.

    You could have been in the first category if your were careful before developing your relationship. Since you weren't, you will have to pay a worldly price, if you want to please Allah. But remember, Allah will reward you zillion times greater even if you make the smallest possible sacrifice for Him. If you opt for the third category, you will only be doing zulm on your soul, that is, you will only wrong yourself.

    May Allah make things easy for you.

    • Lol how was abu talib not a muslim?? Are you telling me the guardian of the kaaba, the protector of the hasmites, was a non believer?? I think you forget who exactly read the nikah between the prophet and khadija. It would not make any sense for the prophet to have been married by a non believer.

  2. Assalamu Aleikum Stranger,

    wow, what a great answer! I can ony confirm what you've just said, my own dad converted to Islam,

    just to marry my beautiful Muslim mother and then he became Christian( or secular) again, so

    I wouldn't definitely convert anyone for marriage. Conversion must take place in the heart, or

    it's not going to stay there.

  3. under sharia law you are allowed to re-marry twice.

  4. Dear sana 87,

    I'm not different from you. being a girl i had to face lot of things in life.
    To answer to your question: " how should i approach the topic of asking him to convert so that we may get married."
    I would like to ask you why do you want him to convert?? Do you really love him?
    love is about accepting a person the way she/ he is.
    Would you agree to stop practising your religion if he asked you to?
    why so?
    If you can't in the same way he too must have been brought up with his culture, rites and rituals.

    Dont ask him to do what you can't do for him.
    Accepting each other the way you are is love.

    Some time back I had to facea philosophical aspect of life, which sent me to think: Islam believes that Allah dwells in everything, be it a tree or living creature. It means that allah is in every thing and everyone.

    Why is it then that we should treat people from any other religion differently?
    Why do some people take the name of allah to create hatred and division!!

    And my dear remember one thing, when a girl gets married and leaves his parents house to go to her husband, she becomes a part of his family.

    I totally disagree with STRANGER who says if : you married him, have children and then he openly goes back to Christianity. Your marriage will be instantly annulled.
    What type of stupidity is this! when u marry him you should follow his religion or if you dont want at least respect his and continue with yours. his going to christianity doesn't change anything in your love. He will respect you more for your understanding. No court will annulled a marriage on the basis of him practising his religion.

    I belive if a girls get married and goes to her husband she should mainly follow his religion or is she wants follow hers. As far as the children are concerned they will follow both if you and your husband (if its this christian boy) follow your respective religious. Or the children will be free to decide.

    sOMEONE TOLD ME ISLAM IS A RELIGION WHICH TRIES CONVERT PEOPLE TO THEIR RELIGION, Being a muslim I felt very bad when I heard that but at times it feels true, specially reading this conversion thing you mentioned and STRANGER's reply.

    Sana talk with that boy if you feel you have courage and if you feel you really love him. tell him if you want to marry him and tell him that you will continue to follow your religion and if he is ok with it.

    Its very difficult for girls, to take our own decisions. very often its society who desides for us.
    If you feel you have courage to go and tell your parents that you love a non-muslim and if they don't like it, if you have courage to fight for you love and maintain your position, then go for it. If you feel you can't stay on your decision in front of your parents refusal then forget him.

    If you have been physical with that boy, then marry him. As if you were to marry another man, be in a muslim, the moment he learns that, you have been physical with another man he will leave you.

    If you have been physical, then tell your mum she will advise you on what to do, if you should marry the non muslim or not.

    Don't try to convert him. If you want your partner to practice islam then look for a muslim partner and forget this christian boy. Other wise accept him the way he is.

    • Sarah, your mistake lies in thinking that love for a human being is the most important thing in life, more important than Truth, and more important than God. Sometimes this idea of absolute, unconditional love can be taken so far that it becomes a religion in itself, and that's what you have done.

      The premise of your argument is that, as you said, "Islam believes that Allah dwells in everything, be it a tree or living creature. It means that allah is in every thing and everyone."

      Actually that is not correct. That is a concept called "wahdat al-wujood". It was created by some deviated sufis and is false. Allah says very clearly in the Quran,

      "It is God Who has created the heavens and the earth, and all between them, in six Days, and is firmly established on the Throne (of authority); you have none, besides Him, to protect or intercede (for you): will you not then receive admonition? He rules (all) affairs from the heavens to the earth: in the end will (all affairs) go up to Him, on a Day, the space whereof will be (as) a thousand years of your reckoning." (32:4-5)

      There are many things we learn from this ayah and others like it. Allah is the creator of the heavens and earth. They are not a part of Him, and He does not live inside them. The ayah mentions that Allah is firmly established on the Throne (Al-'Arsh). The Throne has been described in some hadith as something vast and incomprehensible. It is not a physical chair like we would imagine, but something great, a symbol of Allah's power, and the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said that it exists above al-Firdaos, above the highest level of Paradise. In other words, Allah is outside of His creation, above all the creation and even above Paradise, in a way that we cannot understand. That's why the ayah says, "in the end will (all affairs) go up to Him."

      This makes sense. The creation is a limited thing, while Allah is unlimited. Everything in creation dies, or decomposes, or changes, or disappears, while Allah is Eternal. If Allah was inside things like rocks and trees, wouldn't those things live forever as well? Also, if Allah was inside everything in creation then He would be inside dirty things as well, or small things like flies and mosquitoes. So how could one justify killing a fly or mosquito? So you see it makes no sense to say that Allah exists in all things, and it is contradicted by Quran and Sunnah. Furthermore, such a belief led many of the sufis to commit shirk (association of partners with Allah) because some of them said, "Well, if Allah exists in everything, then I can just as well pray to myself, or to another human being, or even to the trees or mountains." So you see this false idea leads right away to shirk.

      Still, Allah's power is unlimited and can reach anyone. He sees and hears all, and knows all, and has power over all, without having to be physically present. That's because Allah is powerful in a way that is not comprehensible to us. We cannot limit Him or understand Him with our minds.


      Getting back to the issue at hand. Allah says in the Quran that he made humans and jinn only in order to worship Him. That is the true purpose of life. We Muslims must be dedicated to Truth above all. Our judgments and decisions must be chosen in order to bring us closer to Allah, not take us away from Allah.

      Sarah, you wrote, "I totally disagree with STRANGER who says if : you married him, have children and then he openly goes back to Christianity. Your marriage will be instantly annulled. What type of stupidity is this! when u marry him you should follow his religion."

      So according to your reasoning, if your husband or wife decides one day to make an idol in the living room out of a broom and a dust mop and start praying to it, you should follow him? If he decides that the local church minister is god, and that both of you should dedicate your lives to the church minister and obey all his commands, you would follow him? This is not so unrealistic, you know. There are many cult leaders who have proclaimed themselves to be god, and in the process have led their followers to all kinds of corruption and falsehood.

      If you would not follow him, then why not? According to your philosophy the wife should follow the husband to Christianity, right? And what is Christianity except the worship of a man? They have taken one of the honored Prophets of Allah and deified him, claiming that He is the son of God himself (astaghfirullah!). Do you know what Allah says about this belief?

      88. And they say, "The Most Merciful has taken [for Himself] a son."
      89. You have done an atrocious thing.
      90. The heavens almost rupture therefrom and the earth splits open and the mountains collapse in devastation
      91. That they attribute to the Most Merciful a son.
      92. And it is not appropriate for the Most Merciful that He should take a son.
      93. There is no one in the heavens and earth but that he comes to the Most Merciful as a servant.
      94. He has enumerated them and counted them a [full] counting.
      95. And all of them are coming to Him on the Day of Resurrection alone.

      (Quran 19:88-95)

      Allah says that this belief that Allah took a son (which is the central principle of Christianity) is so terrible, so false, that the sky is about to split from it, and the mountains to fall in ruin.

      So would you suggest that someone should leave Islam, the religion of truth, and follow a false belief that is repugnant to Allah, just to please a husband? Should a woman sacrifice her soul, and her status on the Day of Judgment, and her afterlife in Paradise, for the sake of loving one person?

      Sarah, you mentioned that someone told you that Islam tries to convert people, and you felt ashamed. This only shows that have no real faith in Islam. Of course Islam wants to invite everyone in the most peaceful and loving way! Why, because we want the truth for them. We consider Islam to be something true, precious, and pure, and we want to share it with others. If we do not share it then we are selfish.

      I am exactly the opposite of you. If I have a non-Muslim friend, and I do not tell him about Islam, then I feel ashamed. I feel that I have this beautiful and true thing that has helped me so much in my life, and if I don't share it with my friend then I am not a good friend.

      There is no compulsion in religion. No one can be forced to accept Islam. But that does not mean that we cannot discuss with them, try to convince them with our words, tell them about Allah, tell them about the Prophet Muhammad, tell them about the Quran. There is nothing wrong in that. All other ideas in the world are discussed and debated. Political ideas are debated. Scientific issues are debated. Why should religion also not be discussed and debated? Especially since we have something important and real to offer.

      Everyone is free to do what he wants. If I loved a non-Muslim woman (I would not let it get to that point, but some people do) I would tell her, come to Islam and be my wife. I would try to convince her of the truth of Islam, but in the end she is free, it's her choice. If she embraces Islam, ma-sha-Allah, we can be married and live a happy life together. If she does not, then she must go on her way, and we will continue the journey of life separately. I might still care about her in my heart, but I would not marry her or continue my relationship with her, because my goal in this life is seeking Allah's pleasure. I need a partner who will walk on that path with me, share that goal with me, help me attain Paradise.

      Wael Editor

    • Dear Ms. Sarah:

      First of all, you need to cool your head.

      You post is dangerous in a sense that-

      01. You are trying to make the marriage between a Muslim girl and a non-Mulsim boy halal (lawful) that Allah and His Messenger have clearly forbidden.

      02. You are trying to make things halal in the name of love.

      I have personally talked about such dangerous attempts many times, and I am re-stating my talks here again:

      Issue 1: Making haram (unlawful) things halal (lawful):
      (I wrote the following post somewhere in facebook, and I have just copy pasted it)

      Al-Quran, the Criterion revealed upon His most beloved servant and greatest messenger, remains the prime source of Islamic Shariah. This Quran is like a rope that Muslims are supposed to hold as firmly as possible so that they can remain close to the Allah. Quran is so important that when Allah will lift it from the hearts of people and from all types of mushaf before the Hour, Islam shall perish. May Allah not make us the witness of that terrible experience.

      That being said, if you examine the Quran, you will find that Allah mainly talks about tawheed (the Islamic monotheism), the purpose of life, the hereafter, and about previous nations who rejected the messages of His prophets in the Quran. Yes, the Quran says that interest is Haram, pray salat, give zakah, do not fornicate, give divorce this way and many other such issues. But if you compare the number of verses dedicated to describe the way of life and the number of verses just to establish the oneness of Allah only, you will find that the latter vastly outnumbers the former. Because Allah sent His honorable Messenger tell us everything about the way of life.

      Since Allah blessed us with faith, alhamdlillah, we have more or less good grasp of Islamic monotheism, the concept of hereafter, predestination, and the purpose of life. As we already have this knowledge, we are thus now in a position to execute this knowledge. The execution of this knowledge is worshiping Allah. That means doing Ibadah. According to Imam Ibnul Qayyim (R), the word Ibadah in Islam encompasses every aspect of our life; it does not indicate some rituals only. It means, aside from prayer, siyam, zakat, and hajj, our whole life style should be Ibadah-our marriage is ibadah, the way we do business is ibadah, what we eat is ibadah, how we interact with people is ibadah--every moment that we live in this earth should be ibadah.

      Now, if we want to make our lifestyle ibadah, we have no other option but to look at the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah, since the Messenger of Allah was indeed the practical and perfect demonstration of how the deen of Allah should be executed in every moment of this worldly life. This is where the conflict begins. Irrespective of where I live, be I live in Qatar or America, our present life-style has the basis on secularist and atheistic mentality of the West. Although it is often shielded by a layer of scientific, technological and other such advancements, the prime mentality of people of any other religion other than Islam is to worship their whims and desires so that they can enjoy this life to its fullest. Their love for this world is so immense in their mind that they try to enjoy this world as if there is no tomorrow, no hereafter. For this single reason, people corrupted all three previous divine revelation of Allah so that they can make everything lawful. Christians took their priests as their lord and Jews took their rabbis as their lord. Do you want to know how? Because both the priests and rabbis declared the unlawful things lawful for their respective people through manipulation and twisting the scripture. In reality, they were only following their desires. Today do you see any difference between the lifestyles of an atheist and a Christian? I do not, because to both of them, nothing is unlawful. I once asked two of my Christian friends in my university, one American and one German, what is the purpose of life. They answered, “FUN”. However, despite all such hunky-punky, in the deepest corner of their heart, their common sense and their instinct say that they are wrong. Their situation is like a rabbit that is in front of a wolf. The rabbit knows that the wolf will soon kill it, but it denies the reality by closing its eyes. After closing its eyes, it thinks that there is nothing in front of him. This is a wishful thinking and it is of no avail, as the wolf will soon kill the rabbit. Those people, to whom enjoying this world is the main goal of life, in their heart knows that something is wrong, yet they become like that rabbit. That is why every religion from their wishful thinking invented some false consolation. Like Christians think that God sacrificed His son, which washed away all their sins. Now they can enjoy their life and attain salvation only by the belief that Jesus Christ is their lord and savior. Jews have something like this. I think they have a goddess beside god. Hindus believe in continuous birth and death. Buddhists have no God. Then there are agnosts who doubts the existence of God. And an atheist denies the existence of God all together. How fascinating!!!

      Now believe it or not, a great majority of Muslims have been severely affected by the mantra that life is all about enjoying. They may have mechanical salat (no khushoo and never try to understand its meaning), mechanical fasting (to some fasting is joke, never tries to fully comprehend its wisdom), zakah is like tax, and hajj like a tourism. Outside these rituals, they want to enjoy the life like a Christian enjoys. They date. They go to parties. They have bfs and gfs. They take riba. They go to any restaurant and do not care if the food served is halal and haram. They want to keep themselves updated with the latest fashion and thus have no time to consider if the latest fashion is compatible with Islam. They want to enjoy this life at its fullest, which requires violating the law stipulated by Allah and His Honorable Messenger, and at the same time, they want achieve salvation just by belief alone, like the Christians.

      But the problem is, they know in their heart it is wrong. At the same time, they have no wishful consolation like Christians and Hindus. They know that Jahannam is the only way. They know that Hell is the reality. When they affirm the oneness of Allah and the prophethood of His Messenger, they also affirm that they will abide by everything Allah said and His Messenger brought. Since they can’t do that in their lifestyles, they try to halalify the unlawfuls. How can they do it? Some try to question the authenticity of the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah. When you say to them something, they will shout, "Show me this and that from the Quran". Some try to gloss over every law of Islam in the name of love. Some do it in the name of humanity. Some do it in the name of modernism. Some says, we follow different interpretation. The bottom line is, they only fool themselves by following their own wishful thinking and desires, which will be of no avail in the hereafter.

      No one is a perfect slave of Allah except for the Messenger of Allah, but I sincerely believe that we should at least have the decency to acknowledge our deeni deficiencies. We should not try to justify our failures by trying to bend the rules of Allah. Allah and His Honorable Messenger made halals and harams clear like the sun and the moon. If you try to bend the rules of Allah, you will only fool yourself, and in the process you will only wrong your own soul. My piece is not necessary to preserve the deen of Allah, nor I write it protect the deen of Allah. The deen is from Allah, and He is the preserver and protector of His deen. If you follow it, you will be rewarded, if you corrupt it or do not follow it, you will be punished.

      Issue 2: Love

      In Islam, love is not like that of Christians. Christians always say, "We love God. God loves us". In Islam, we also love Allah and Allah loves us too. Allah always manifest His love for us by providing us with provision. Therefore, our love for Allah has to be manifested by actions, unlike Christians, who never bother to manifest their love through actions.

      Suppose you love your wife. You love her immensely, madly. If she gives you a shirt as a present, which has stripes on it that is not exactly of your choice, will you still not like that shirt if you have love for your wife? If you have true love for your wife, you will think that that is the best shirt in the world. Such thing happens a lot between bfs and gfs.

      There are many Muslims (I include in that group too), who claim that they love Allah and His Messenger but their actions do not manifest that love. I know many people giving up many things just because their spouses do not like those things. Smoking for example. Out of love, the choice of their spouses became their choice. Before I say we love Allah and the Messenger of Allah, we will have to see if I have lovingly adopted the will of Allah and preferences of His Honorable Messenger as my way of life. If I didn't, I cannot claim that I fully and truly love Allah and His Messenger. Like I am struggling internally at the moment to keep beard. I love Allah and His Messenger, but having no beard means there are still room for perfections in my love. But if I say that my love is perfect without my action manifesting it, I will be like Christians-who talks about love for God all the time but never bother to back it up with deeds. Such love is of no avail, because it not a true love.

      A Muslim in whose heart Islam has truly entered can do good deeds and refrain from bad deeds for three reasons (I may be wrong about one reason here as I do not remember the hadith exactly)

      01. He or she fears the punishment and wrath of Allah, thus does what Allah and His Messenger ordered to do and refrain from what they forbid.

      02. He or she expects the eternal reward from of Allah, thus does what Allah and His Messenger ordered to do and refrain from what they forbid.

      There is nothing wrong with these causes; the example is like a boy who obeys his mom only because he fears her punishment or likes her reward; he may or may not necessarily love her.

      03. He or she loves Allah and does not want to cause any pain and dissatisfaction in the mind of his/her Lord, thus does what Allah and His Messenger ordered to do and refrain from what they forbid.

      This is the most beloved to Allah. When your lord if pleased with you, the reward is also greatest.

      So, if you want to be a true Muslim, you should first try to love Allah most. Then you should love His Messenger most. You can love them fully only if you abide by their laws and live your life in a manner that is pleasing to Allah. So, you can't love your non-Muslim bf and marry him and at the same time claim to love Allah and His Messenger, because it is contradictory.

  5. no ya can't marry him , he should convert 2 islam if he loves ya enough , and ya should nv nv think bout convertin' 2 his religion or marryin' with out him bein' a muslim

  6. Salam sister!
    For your first question the answer i think is you can't marry a catholic or any other religion as you will be changing the religion of your children as the religion goes with the father and would not be an addition to islam,Love is a thing you can fall in and find no choice but to do what you feel and think is right after thinking about what feels the right,answer to 2nd question is that Just talk to him about your concerns that what you really want and feel about your relationship and what is right thing to do as in long run,he is going to be your partner and father of your children.People got their own opinion about things,Converting to Islam is not easy as we don't have many muslim brothers who really care about other people feelings or so or someone they can feel is normal person to follow when it comes to religion.Not all the human beings are the same and history is always a history thats why they call it a history not present or future,
    Rest,Allah knows better


  7. Hello people,
    I was born as a Catholic in Germany, but I never practiced my religion with heart, because I always learned to think twice. I started to study deeply about religion, since I got a Muslim woman to know, which I honestly started to love. But since I study about Islam, the teachings are just deflecting me. I am not arguing with any Muslim and tell him or her that what he or she believes is wrong. I am happy for anybody who found the beauty in his or her beliefs. But why I am wrong to believe that there is no superior deity and why will I burn in hell for that?
    And generally, who gives anybody the right to say that she can't believe in Allah and stand on my side, while I am not doing it? The advice that some of you are giving here is simply that Islam is sublime to anything else in the world. For me as an unbeliever this is just reprehensible and disrespectful. If you know about German history, you will realize that those kinds of statements were made in my country before and lead to WW2. I really hope that things like that are not going to happen again.
    However, I really appreciate the comment from Mrs Sarah to get to know that open minded people exists in all societies of the world.
    I appeal to everyone, please don’t stick to out-dated laws and make the world a better place to live.

    • M.W., of course we believe that Islam is the best religion in the world, because we believe that it is the truth. But we also have respect for other religions. Islam teaches us to be kind and fair to all people, regardless of religion. I think to make a comparison to what happened in Germany in the past, just because we believe in the truth of our religion, is ridiculous and wrong.

      Muslims believe that our laws and teachings are derived from God and from His Messenger. That is the source of their authority. And we do not see our laws as out dated at all, in fact they are increasingly relevant and needed in the modern world.

      Of course you are free to believe what you want. No one can impose their beliefs on you. But a practicing Muslim woman will not marry you. Those are her beliefs, and she has a right to them. You cannot impose your opinions on her or tell her that her faith is irrelevant just because you don't agree with it.

      Lastly your question: "why I am wrong to believe that there is no superior deity and why will I burn in hell for that?". I don't know if you will go to Hell or not, but I can say that your rejection of God is ungrateful to Him who created you, gave you life, and even today continues to provide you with everything needed for life. He gave you a soul, free will, a healthy body, a mind to think, and a beautiful world in which to live. To reject Hiim is quite simply ingratitude and arrogance.

      That's between you and God. No one knows your final disposition but Him. I do not condemn you. Each person must choose his own path and accept or reject the truth on his own.

      Wael Editor

    • Dear MW:

      I have one question for you. Assuming that you do not believe in any deity, provide me with a meaningful purpose of life.

  8. Well, to answer Wael first, I don’t think I am acting arrogant at all, if I question something that doesn’t exist in my opinion.
    Please don’t get it wrong, I know religion is a sensitive issue for many people, but to believe that there is some danger in something, that claims itself as superior, as Islam obviously does, is neither ridiculous nor wrong.
    However, unfortunately you are right to say that a practicing Muslim woman is not accepting me. And in fact, she is denying me and I do not love her less because of that. Maybe you can imagine that this causes a lot of trouble inside of me. How would you feel, if I indirectly force you to change your belief just to get what you want? Well I can imagine what you might answer, Allah said it is haram and you would never question it, but that doesn’t help me since i do!

    To answer Strangers question, I am a scientist moreover a biologist. I study life and its function. I believe that there are a lot of causes for everything and to say there is just one, which is controlling the motion of life is just a way to avoid a deeper explanation. The more I study, the more evidence I get that life is driven by infinite causes.
    I give you just an example: A predator hunts its prey. Do you think god is the reason for that? There are a lot of mechanisms involved in this obviously simple and daily process of nature. The predator and the prey are competing here, with all of their possibilities to achieve their aim – to eat and not getting eaten. I know what you are might say now, god was the reason and equip them and he causes all of that mechanisms involved, well I can’t argue with that and I don’t want actually, that is your believe and if you decide that this is the truth, there is little I can do to tell you the opposite. I might agree with you if you say that god isn’t able to be captured, but for me more due to irrational reasons for you more related to his magnitude. For me however, I am looking for the real cause(s) that I and fellow humans are able to capture and understand. It is a little bit more complex to say there is a thing that causes all of it (them).
    But that is just an explanation of life itself; your question was: What the meaningful purpose of life for me is. I guess the meaningful purpose for me is simply to find the truth in what I am doing. Get reputation for that and live a well-established and reputable life in the here and now. And if I am successful and lucky people will remember me due to what I contribute after I pass away.

    • And if I am successful and lucky, people will remember me due to what I contribute after I pass away.

      • I guess the meaningful purpose for me is simply to find the truth in what I am doing. Get reputation for that and live a well-established and reputable life in the here and now. And if I am successful and lucky people will remember me due to what I contribute after I pass away.

        Couple of questions here:

        01. You can live a good life for 60 or 70 years, but you will die anyway. Since you have to die, and the stay is temporary, what difference a rich life and poor life makes?

        02. Reputation: Since you will die anyway, how it would benefit YOU if people remember you? Like we remember Newton today, but can you tell me if our remembrances are helping him in anyway? Likewise, can you tell me if all of our hate for Hitler is harming him?

        03. People never remember a certain person forever. Like do we know today who invented the wheel? We do not know the discoverers of thousand other things. After a few hundred years, it may happen that advancement of science will be so much that people will eventually forget Newton.

        04. You said that you are looking to find the truth in what you are doing. In a way, you are looking to find fulfillment of you life through that. Now, what happens if you do not find the truth in it?

        Some philosophical question:

        01. Not all people have the opportunity to live good life. Some people born in poverty, live through poverty, and dies in poverty. What will be the purpose of their life? You may here say that hard work will give anyone a good life, but there is no guarantee. I have seen such poor people in my country, who works like 18 hours a day, yet sometimes cannot manage a decent meal.

        02. Suppose I kill you. I may be tried in the court and given proper sentence, but what meaning it would give to your life? You are gone forever from this earth.

        Some other thoughts:

        If you do reject Allah (the God), then you have taken this universe and your desire as your God, although you perceive it not. I will explain it simply.

        The Quran asks a rhetorical question:

        "Did they (this universe and everything) come out of nothing?" [unfortunately cannot quote the chapter no and verse no at the moment]

        Now, we say that Allah brought them into existence from nothingness. An atheist will first say that nothingness cannot be defined. I say nothingness can be defined easily. If you ask me to make pizza right now, when I have none of the materials in my hand to make pizza, I am in a situation of nothingness. When they grasp the concept of nothingness, they have no other answer but only one answer: this universe always existed. They say that it was not always in the form of its present form, it was in different form (energy and bla, bla). This in a sense is the essence of materialism: attributing matters as eternal and divine. So, materialists take matters as their deity. So I have proved that atheism = materialism.

        Now, when I take Allah as my sole deity, I try to please HIM only. When people take material as their deity, they try to please it too. How? People think that they are also matters, and they are at the moment in a state of matter that allows them to enjoy their life. So, they do not think anymore and start enjoying their life as much as they can before death (which will convert them into different matter). Because enjoying this life to them is like pleasing their lord 'materialism', materialist people are mainly after desire, as this life can be enjoyed, enjoyed, and enjoyed only though unrestricted fulfillment of desires. Example is given below:

        01. Technological/scientific advancement = make this life enjoy more.
        02. No restriction in dinning/eating = enjoy this life more.
        03. No marital restriction in sex = enjoy this life more.
        04. Popularity = enjoy this life more.
        05. Money = enjoy this life more.
        06. Status = enjoy this life more.
        07. Democracy = people's right to decide what is good for them = enjoy this life more.
        08. You name anything = the core inspiration comes from the fact that it would help enjoy this life more and satisfy their desire and materialist deity.

        Why Islam says that denying Allah is arrogance

        It is futile to bring science to give people the concept of God. Not all people are scientist. A poor farmer in India is not Einstein. So how would they understand God?

        According to the Messenger of Allah, every human child borns with ‘fitrah’. The word ‘fitrah’ means natural inclination. Fitrah is comprised of two things: instinct and common sense. First, instinct is something that you neither can teach nor do need to teach. For example, if a one year old wants to touch a hot kettle, you may explain how it would hurt the finger. However, despite the best explanation from you, the child will never properly understand ‘hotness’, unless the child touches the kettle. Even if you had never taught the child that hot kettle would hurt fingers, any child would still instantly put his or her fingers away after touching hot kettle. This is instinct, and Allah gives it to every human being.

        When Quran talks about God, it first talks about instinct. What would you do if you know that the plane you are in would crash in a minute? Instinctively, the word that would come from you heart will be, "O God". If you find your ship amidst great sea storm and if capsize is imminent, your heart will automatically say, "O God".

        The second element of fitrah is common sense. It comes as child grows. Like common sense tells us that a part of something is always smaller than the original thing. Common sense tells us that the smallest distance between two points is a straight line.

        Now, to understand some issues, you need both the common sense and instinct-fitrah. Like cheating is evil. Lying is bad. Even if no one had taught you, you would know that lying and killing are bad-by dint of your instinct and common sense.

        Now, when a archaeologist discovers a piece of pottery, he doesn't say that because of random arrangement of clay, this pottery came into existence. Nor does he say that matter has taken a new form by random arrangement. He says that some ancient people made it. Cell phone need silicon and plastic, which comes from petroleum. Both silicon and petroleum are found in the desert, yet cell phone never came out from desert. Someone made it.

        Another incident that requires the common sense to understand is order. Order never come from chaos. If it did, why a country has president? Why an school has principal? Why society has police? So common sense says that someone is keeping the order of this universe.

        Now, if you argue with me, only bring common sense and instinct, not bring anything else, because common sense and instinct are something that every human being has. Quran has used them in its argument. Since you dare to renounce these two God given abilities, Allah has called the rejecters of Him arrogant.

        Why a practicing Muslim woman can't marry you

        Morality will come into place here. Islamic morality vs. materialistic morality. I will simply copy paste:

        " To be moral, in a philosophical sense, is to be able to find a means of satisfying your desires without infriging the rights of others to satisfy theirs. In this sense, therefore, morality is primarily a socio-materialistic concept, in so far as its object is the equal distribution of pleasure.
        The religious concept of morality is, however, diametrically opposed to this. To be religiously moral is to ex rcise self-control by curbing your desires and restraining your passion in order to attain your exalted tatus as a human being worthy of inheriting the Kingdom of God, and indeed, the whole world that has been put in your service. You could never be worthy of being a master of this world until you have suceeded in mastering your own "self', that is, being fully in charge of your inner kingdom.
        Religious morality in this sense requires progress from the lower level of self-slavishness (being a slave to the self) to the higher level of being closer to God. Rather than a call for a better distribution of pleasure morality is, in this sense, a call for breading the shackles of pleasure.

        The two approaches, the philosophical and the religious, are therefore totally different and they produce totaly different human beings.
        Materialistic philosophy, furthermore, has produced a materialistic man who seeks immediate pleasure, an imediate materialistic reward for all human activity -hence his 'temporal' orientation, that is to say, his approach to reality in terms of the 'pleasure of the moment', and what time has to offer. But moment are by definition transitory and time perpetually flies, so that this kind of man inevitably feels he is be ng left behind, and, paradoxically, with a lump in his throat. The greater the fulfilment of his desires, he greedier and hungrier they get. He bets on time, with no assets for the future; for as a moral h man being, he expects death to come, unexpectedly; and, as the fleeting moments give him satisfaction only to take it away from him, he lives in anxiety, pulled apart by conflicting desires, until death comes in the end.
        A believer has a different psychological make-up, however, and a different sense of morality based on a diff rent human vision. He sees worldly pleasures for what they are transitory and, in a very real sense, ortal. They constitute a test which, if passed, should admit him to higher ranks beyond this world. I need, the whole world is nothing but a path of transition from this world to the other, with God as the only security for such a trip. God is the only ruler who reigns supreme, and who determines His weal and woe. If all people decide to profit or do harm to him, they could not achieve anything that was not preo dained, he believes, and that is why he is neither overjoyed by material gain, nor over- dismaye by material loss.

        Continue reading

        • i need time to reply that and i definitely don't have it at the moment. but i will do so next month.
          thanks for that detailed answer.

  9. Salam alaikom Sana87.

    I am a muslim and i am a sunni too. I am in same case like you are. I have a lovely, handsome, nice and hardworking non-muslim boyfriend (he's truly better than any other muslim man I know) and I do love him so much. We've shared so much things and memories together and separating from him is like killing half of my soul and life. Too bad he's not willing to revert to Islam and marry me, and i will never force him to do so because I also don't want to be forced to revert into other religion. I do love him, but I love Allah most. If he is the one created by Allah for me, I hope Allah will open his heart one day to accept Islam, practice Islam and later accept me as his wife. If this is not going to happen, I believe there is a better muslim man waiting for me as for his wife. If I don't find that perfect man as for my husband in this life, im sure I will get one in my afterlife in Jannah. There's a lovely husband waiting for me in the Jannah if I die unmarried. I always advice my boyfriend to find himself a non-muslim girlfriend and have good lives with her, and so that we can be friends. I will never leave my boyfriend alone. I will always stand by his side as a good friend to support and help him in anyway I can even if I'm married to other muslim man.

    So Sana87, life is up to you. If you devote your life for a man (who will die sooner or later), you will leave Islam and marry him according to his belief and lifestyle. If you devote your life to Allah, please try to invite him into Islam. If he refuses, then he is not the one created by Allah for you. Maybe there's another man is waiting for you and later you both could live happily together with the blessing of Allah, both your families and the rest of society. Since I choose to devote my life for Allah, I have broke-up with my boyfriend. We're no longer in relationship, but we still are good friends. I will always take care of him until I die since he is a good man and a good friend too.

    Sana87, whatever your decision is going to be, just be strong in this short life span. I dont know if there is really Jannah or Hell. I dont know if there is Allah (God). If there is Allah, Jannah and Hell and afterlife, alhamdulillah I am preparing myself for that. And if there is no Allah, Jannah and Hell or afterlife, I dont regret myself to devote myself into religion called Islam because I dont loose anything since from the beginning. I dont know what will happen to me after life. is afterlife real? if it's not real, it's okay, there's nothing to feel sorry for. but, what if there is afterlife? have i prepared myself to meet the God? Will God accept me if Im not worshipping Him all this my life on this earth? I dont know ... but it's always good to prepare an umbrella before the rain comes.

    That's all from me.
    -Sarah Eiva-

  10. Dear George,

    A Muslim woman is permitted to marry only a Muslim man.

    SisterZ Editor

  11. yes dats d right answer, but if we look nowadays a Muslim woman marrying a christian man there marriage ar ending sucessfully than that of a muslim ..but we cant because of this turn our back to what the Koran said we should follow.

    • How do you define "successful"? Someone who disobeys Allah is not successful. And I have seen many, many successful and happy Muslim marriages.

      Wael Editor

  12. I am a white Irish Catholic Christian. My spouse is an African American Protestant Christian. Her two sons belong to different Protestant Christian denominations from her 😉

    Every person's journey to find a faith home is unique, so nobody should criticize.

    In America, Keith Ellison made his journey from being an African American Catholic to being the first Muslim in Congress. In Italy, an exiled Egyptian journalist made his journey in the opposite direction. Story here.

    More information on interfaith Catholic marriages here.

    Also consider that Catholics and Muslims both respect the special role of "Mariam".

    Think about what brought you and him together. Do you have beliefs in common about G-d? About the world in general? Do you support each other in the things you do? It sounds like you are both faith-based people. If you consider the end result (more people behaving well with each other) more important than the process (how many malaki can dance on the head of a pin), your relationship will be successful.

    He should not cut you off from what you believe is important. You, in turn, should not cut him off from what he believes is important.

    Sorry I did not give you a Qu'ranic or Biblical answer. My expertise is limited to the real world.

    • Your comment is thoughtful but incorrect from an Islamic point of view. In Islam our first obligation is to Allah, our Creator. Our first duty is to Him, our obedience is for Him. Allah has said in the Quran that a Muslim woman must only marry a Muslim man. There are good reasons for this, even if you do not see them. They relate to our faith, our devotion to Allah, and our journey to the Hereafter.

      It's not up to us to disregard what Allah has commanded, or intellectualize it away. Our thinking and reasoning are not superior to His.

      Wael Editor

  13. Marry who you want okay!Live and enjoy this dunya because it is the best!Make Zinah all the time and love it!!!Ex-muslim enjoying my haram life to the fullest!!!!

    • Hmm, Pookie, I'm quite sure you won't be so full of yourself on Judgement Day if you keep up your stupidities. Grow up mate.

      SisterZ Editor

  14. Dear sana keep remember our real life will be start after death so dont worry GOD should forgive know in this world is temporary life is temporary every thing is temporary every body is in exam from GOD.who is successful which search way of GOD.The way of GOD,The love of GOD,The love of GOD knows Tabligi Jamet Waly.Their meeting will be successful for you pain.INSHAALLAH your pain will be end.your husband get accept islam.

  15. @Sana87

    Converting to another religion is by choice and not by force, and unless a person doesn't feel that he/she has faith in the other religion one cannot convince a person to convert against his/her wishes.
    Secondly all this complicated matters need to spoken with clarity before marriage because there could be strong chances of disapproval later in making important decisions.
    For eg.
    1. What religion will the children be raised either Muslim or Catholic?
    2. CIVIL Marriage?
    3. Surname change?
    4. Marital status and name change in passport?

    There could be more such questions that needs to sorted out before making an important decision to like marriage.
    Because we marry for a lifetime not to get divorced in few Months just because one couldn't make a firm decision or commitment.

    Make your decisions wisely
    All the best.

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