Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslim man and a Christian woman; Is it possible?

Christian/Muslim Marriages

Hello,

I am currently dating a Pakistani man who I am deeply in love with  and vice versa. We have been dating for four years now. We have discussed our futures together. We both want to marry each other. The only obstacles in our way are our parents and religion. He is worried that it is not accepted in Islam to marry a non-believer in the Islam faith. He told his mother about me but she is not pleased with it. I am originally from Africa (Nigeria) and my parents want me to marry someone who is from Nigeria. Everyone that is important to us are against us but we are still strong in love and still want to be together. I'm looking out for our happiness but its hard because all odds are against us. I have been taking time out to learn more about Islam so that I can be more familiar with it. What should we do?

Thanks,

Afi.

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14 Responses »

  1. Dear Afi,

    "He is worried that it is not accepted in Islam to marry a non-believer in the Islam faith."

    Muslim men are not permitted to marry non-Muslim women. "Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you.... Unbelievers beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the garden of bliss and forgiveness. And He makes His signs clear to mankind, that they may receive admonition" (Qur'an 2:221).

    An exception is made for Muslim men to marry chaste or pious Jewish and Christian women, who are referred to as "People of the Book." This comes from the understanding that Jews and Christians share similar religious outlooks - a belief in One God, following the commandments of Allah, a belief in revealed scripture (Books), etc. "This day are all things good and pure made lawful to you.... Lawful to you in marriage are not only chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity not lewdness. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost" (Qur'an 5:5).

    So the marriage between Muslim man and Christian woman is possible but when you have children must be raised in the faith of Islam without any other choice.

  2. Hi Afi,
    I agree with what Maria-us said above. I would also like to add that pre-marital relationship in Islam are forbidden as they are in Christianity. I would say to read this article below, in fact even better if you have your boyfriend by your side while reading.

    http://www.therevival.co.uk/what-does-islam-say-about-relationships-whats-wrong-with-having-boygirlfriends

    Now coming back to the real problem; sister you are dealing with three things here which absolutely go against you both. First being religion, second culture and third race; yes we all say that it doesn't matter but it does especially when both the families are also opposing. Believe me marriage within one culture, race or religion difficult in these time and you both will have to make many sacrifices and requires a lot of understanding to make the relationship work. As Muslims we are required to marry MUSLIMAH for reason such as it helps rearing child when both the parents have same faith and share the same values and goals. Also, conversion is not answer to this at all; Islam doesn't say to convert for the purpose of marriage to a Muslim but convert because you believe in the oneness of Allah (swt) and teachings of Prophet (PBUH).
    So, my advice to you would be to take a step back and analyse the situation; speak to this Muslim man and discuss your options but please don't be together as it is one of the worst sins. Cease all the contacts with him and take some time out to assess the situation. May be it's not all the lovey dovey as you think it is and when reality will hit you then their won't be any turning back. It's better to be safe then sorry. Also, I would recommend you to explore our data base and read the stories of other women who have been through a lot in similar situations. I hope this helped; please write back and we will try to help you as much as possible.

    thanks,
    Muhammad1982.

    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  3. Beautiful answer maria us... Seems your knowledge in the deen and your love for Allah is growing higher day by day., because i can recall you just reverted to islam last month or so (if am not mistaken)... May Allah increase you in knowledge and also increase your faith in HIM and love for HIM, may Allah grant you and all muslims (including me) garden of paradise for all eternity in the afterlife.. I really extend my care to you and your unborn lovely daughter even though i know we are thousands of miles away from each other.. But i will alway remember you in my prayers, since that is the only thing i can offer you with for now. PEACE!!!

    • Brother Mohd,

      I didn't read you comment until now. Thanks a lot for your words.... Inshallah my knowledge and faith will increase day by day. My baby is about to born in couple of weeks but know it's not a girl, the last ultrasound reveled that is a baby boy that was hidden for 3 times, hahaha. I wrote to you on my post because I found some information which I wish get an advice from you. Thanks for your prayers and you will be on mine as well.

      • I would say, anyone who said Muslims can marry nowadays Christians and Jews are Completely uttering nonsense. Yes, the Koran mentioned its permissible between Muslims an Christians. But what about Al--Fatihah that you utter 17 times a day, when the last sentence says Christians have gone astray???

        Basically means, the Koran said Muslims can only marry Christians who used the real Gospel and their akidah is Islam's. The ancient Christian figure, Naufal, relative of Khadija(Wife of Muhammad) is a person knowledgable of the true Gospel, and he accept Muhammad as the Prophecised Messenger of Jesus. Therefore he is the true Christian. Which is actually part of Islam.

        But nowadays, Christians have changed the Gospel and mix it with Man's words. And those bible, 80% are in contradiction with Koran. And they reject Muhammad. And they say God has a son. So, ow can you say they were Christians???

        This is what I say, SENSE. How can Christians reject Muhammad when the Hadith and Koran says the Gospel has already talked and asked Christians to follow Muhammad? How can Christians eat pork and wine when the Gospel says NO????????

        So are they Christian?? The answer is no. :

        • Zayn,

          I used to think the same as yourself, well I was not clear on the matter, until I attended a course last week.

          Shaykh Bilal Ismail made it sound very simple. He said, Muslim men are permitted (although not recommended) to marry Christian and Jewish women, simply because their faith stems from one of the Books: Torah or Injeel, they were permitted to do so in the Quran.

          But to say that this refers only to the Christians and Jewish women of 'that' time (i.e. time of revelation of Quran), because they were real Christian and Jews does not make sense. Why? Because, the Quran was revealed partly because people had already moved away from the 'real teachings' of the Torah and the Injeel. They were already believing in the Trinity and such things, hence many were already committing shirk - but they were 'Women of the Book' and that was the distinguishing criteria.

          We all have different reasons for understanding things the way we do, so this is just something for you to think about.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Thanks sis for the words,
            But, an enquiry,
            If you said that verse allowing inter-religious marriage is allowed from past till now, what about this thing, 2:191 of Al-Baqarah,"Slay them wherever you find them.."
            "Them" refer to Unbelievers. And this verse refers to the past only, Muhammad killing meccans to regain mecca.
            If verse 2:191 refers to past till now, why don't we Muslims kill the unbelievers??

            Just curious, because I heard about this from Sheikh Abdul Gaffar, its exaactly what he said,

          • Zayn,

            The ayah that you have quoted in 2:191 was specific to a battle that was ongoing at that specific time, NOT for everyday or every situation.

            Every ayah of the Quran has a context so we cannot apply the same rule of understanding to each one. To understand the Quran, it is necessary to study Tafsir. it is when we take things out of context that we start preaching falsehood (albeit sometimes by mistake) and Islam is made to look very bad in the media and western world.

            My opinion on inter-religious matters is based on what I have heard from some learned scholars. I have also heard your opinion by learned scholars too and both opinions are strong. So although I am now leaning more towards the opinion that the marriages are permitted, I will look further into this matter.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I'm dealing with an issue regarding myself and my boyfriend.

    (Please log in and write your question as a separate post. Thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  5. For 1 year I was online(skype & email) with a Muslim man and we grew very fond of each other. He asked me to come to Vancouver to spend some time together.
    (Comment deleted by Editor - please log in and submit your question as a separate post, thank you)

  6. first of all, just even looking at any Na-Mehram is Haraam. so making relationship ( f/gf or whatever names people give to such unlawful relation) with them is completely a Haraam and a very major sin. its Zina. and Zani will be punished in Jahanam. so first do sincere Tauba to Allah , show urself guilty and embarrassed and leave whatever u r doing.

    • It's only haraam if the look is in lust, as the first look is not on the person, but the second look in lust is a sin. Please do not post information that is not Islamically accurate.

      Another exception would be looking at non-mahrams that a person works with for the etiquette of conducting business.

  7. their is a word 'ahle kitaab' .there are 104 books [holy books] sent to nabi-rasuul [prophet] (alaihis wa sallam). qur'an , jabur, towraat , eenjil ..... are this type of books sent from allah .qur'an is for the ummaat of mohammad (pbuh) .without qur'an other 103 books' follower are treated 'ahle kitaab'. yeesa (alaihis wa sallam) is a nabi and rasuul like mohammad(sallallahu alaihis wa sallam).in western world yeesa (a w s) treated as jesus. 'Y' and 'J' is are equal letter in some language grammer. like sanskrit (old aryan written language[in south asia] ) and iranian aryan and latin. example: jakob [yakub] , joseph [yusuf] , jesus [yeesa].

    eenjil is sent to yeesa [a w s] (jesus) but not bibel . bibel is written after the taking yeesa [alaihis wa sallam] from the world to sky. he is still alive . and not died. he was changed by the other the man.bibel is not eenjil .so christian are not treated 'ahle kitaab'.it's for jew also.jew are not 'ahle kitaab' also.

    people who don't treat themself as muslim but treat jejus as prophet (messenger) [not god or son of god] and believe in one and only god are treated as 'ahle kitaab'. but now most of the christian are treat jesus as god and also son of god .they believe in three god [god , son of god , holy spirit ]. so christian [in mordean sense] are not 'ahle kitaab'.

    a muslim man [not muslim woman] can marry 'ahle kitaab' but not christian.

  8. i am also christian i know a muslim man and almost since i met him he started talking about marriage and what he wants in a wife. i think if u love him and follow the rules of Islam which may be confusing at times then u would have a good marriage.

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