Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslim girl married to former Hindu

Hindu temple in Sri Lanka

I am a Muslim girl who married a Hindu boy who was an atheist, but he reverted. He is not interested in Islam and he doesn't want to follow Islam due to his parents and society. He loves me, so that is why he reverted. I love him too, but there are so many problems for us in starting our new life. Let me share my complete story.

Last year in Ramzan I disclosed to my younger sister that I wanted to marry him. Without my knowledge she went to all my maternal uncles and disclosed it to everybody. I was an assistant professor at an engineering college. After a few days, my mom and everybody's behavior changed with respect to me, but still I didn't feel like they knew about that boy.

One day after Ramzan, my mom took me to my grandmother's home, telling me they will be back after two days. They all believed that that boy mixed something and did black magic to me, so they all beat me very badly and house arrested me for 22 days. In all these things my dad was not at all there for me. My mom told so many lies to my dad, and he believed her.

The situation became worse as I was having only 2 options: 1. to commit suicide, and 2. to take the help of the police. Finally I ran out of house and went to the police station, and filed a petition against them. At that time my father suffered from a heart attack, as he was not aware of the exact things which my mom hid from him. I spoke to the boy, and he promised that wherever I go, he will marry me.

Then I went to my home, and there I learned everything my parents and my mom's family ruined at my workplace in order to take revenge on me. So I had to resign from that college. Now almost 1 year later, I'm still hunting for a job.

The most painful thing is that my family, who I served for 25 years, is completely against me. no one talks to me and my food is given to me separately. My mom became the queen of black magic, and I witnessed her mixing things for me to change and leave that boy. My parents don't want to see my face, even though they are unaware that I already married that boy. They think I will leave that boy.

That boy is the only one taking all my responsibility so far. He is a government employee, and he took a new home for me and is asking me to come there so that we can start our life. He told me before marriage that he will never ask me to convert or perform his things, and his family too. His family is not at all accepting us, but still he is not ready to leave them.  He is asking me to listen and bear whatever they say, apart from converting.

He completely changed in his behavior, and all our kids will follow whatever he says. He is saying that he doesn't respect my things like my job, my independence etc. Whoever comes and tells him anything, he believes it. He doesn't carry any stability. He belongs to low caste; that's also one of the reason my parents didn't want him for me.

I have already proceeded with him and have full trust in Allah that He will bring that boy on the Islamic path.

Please, my Islamic brothers and sisters, tell me what I have to do now, as I don't have my family's love and trust with me, and that boy is going off due to his mood swings. He became completely selfish. He is unable to see my pain, but he will first focus on his things. I'm feeling that he may leave me for his parents even though I opted for him over mine.

Please suggest to me the righteous path. I committed so many mistakes, and I'm guilty for it in front of  Allah. I can't even quit, as that sort of death is haram for us. I am not getting any clarity. My parents left me like I am dead to them. That boy is asking me to come to him ASAP, as he loves me now also. What do I have to do, tell me. Please pray for me, too.



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11 Responses »

  1. Salam

    don't marry him

  2. You cant marry him as he is non Muslim.
    If he accept Islam just for the sake of marriage then that conversion will not be acceptable and marriage will be still invalid.
    Only if he converts by heart and convinced about Islam then only this will be valid .
    The Affairs are haraam and going to lead you to all sort of troubles .
    Your parents are not with you and you are in to haraam relationship with him and going away from straight path .
    You need to ask yourself , is it worth?

  3. First of all your marriage is not valid. As you said that you have full trust in Allah that he will bring him on straight path then why don't you trust in Allah swt that Allah Almighty will restore your pain?

    You are breaking command of Allah swt and....
    He is a Kafir that's all and a Muslimah can't live...

  4. This is haraam for you to continue any relationship.
    If he is accepting Islam for your sake then it's not acceptable in sight of Allah .
    You have spoiled your relationship with the family for this haraam relation .I think it's not worth .
    Just control yourself .All these attractions look good only to have sex and then it fades away
    Better you improve your relationship with Allah

  5. This guy is selfish and doesn't respect you and you want to stay with him?
    There is something wrong with you. You need to look into why you married this guy who seems lacking in character. You gave up your family for him and he still treats you like garbage. He is not a fit husband for anyone never mind a muslimah.

    You hoping Allah will revert this person is just that, hope. Why would Allah want to revert this selfish person? How is he deserving of Allah's mercy? He tricked you into marrying him by saying he reverted when he did not. Allah would indeed be very angry with him as should you be.

    You need to stop living in la la land and dumb this garbage of a person before he ruins your life even more!

    • Al Salaamu Alaykum,

      You need to fear Allah when you say things like someone is "not deserving of Allah's mercy" or "why would Allah revert someone like that". There are countless reverts who Allah guided from all types of sin or wicked ways. That's Allah's business who He "reverts", and we should never question or presume to know the ways of Allah with that.

      Regarding Allah's mercy, that's exactly what mercy is- a generosity none of us deserve.

      -Amy Editor

      • You seem to have missed the point here. She is living in hope that Allah will change this person and revert him. There is no evidence that he ever wanted to or has reverted in the first place.

        She wants to continue her relationship with this person when Allah has not changed him. The evidence is against Allah changing him as Allah has not changed him despite her sacrificing everything and leaving her family for him.

        I don't think I will jump off a tall building in the hope that Allah will save me. She is pursuing what appears to be a totally hapless relationship with a garbage of a man in the hope that Allah will change him.

        She needs to face reality and stop living in la la land. She needs to realise that Allah has not changed him and maybe its better for her to leave and marry a real Muslim, maybe that's what Allah wants and is waiting for her to do.

  6. Al Salaamu Alaykum,

    If you married that boy without your wali, the marriage is not valid. He is not technically your husband, so he has no rights over you.

    About the matter of his conversion to Islam, if he is still practicing Hinduism and believes in it, then that is not actually a conversion. Conversion requires at least a change in belief, which is usually followed up by some sort of change in actions that align with the new belief. He is not demonstrating either of these, so it stands to reason there was no actual conversion. In this case again, a marriage with him is not valid. You're not married.

    Considering that there are two strong evidences here to leave the boy alone completely and stop factoring in whatever he wants, your best option is to return home, tell your parents that you are no longer with him, and work to earn back their trust. If your parents will not accept you back even after that, then try to find a living situation with a female friend or relative that can stabilize you while you continue to look for work.

    Above all, focus on your own Islam. That is the only remedy to mend broken things that we cannot fix in our own power.

    -Amy Editor

  7. Just go back to your parents. Ask their forgiveness. Never trust these bastard kaafirs. Get a job, live with your parents and wait for a decent muslim to ask your hand in marriage. Have trust in Allah in this not on whatever you think would be right in your way as you did with that bastard. I pray that your parents accept you back with them.

    • Nfam, Your advice is horrible. The woman should end her relationship with the man, and re-establish her Iman, but name calling and using vulgar terms is inappropriate.

  8. Before you decide to get married fix your mentality it's very bad and toxic. That same mentality ''low caste' is what broke your relationship with your family

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