Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslims keep letting me down

arrogance and humility

I find 99% of Muslims that I have met: - rude and arrogant, disrespectful, foul mouthed liars, merciless and abuse Islam for material gains, while non-Muslims I have met have displayed humbleness, patience, charity, good manners and forgiveness- this is what I have consistently met over 15yrs - both lists go on.

I now no longer feel anything when I hear of atrocities against Muslims. Because of my experiences, I am able to think nothing of them.

Not so long ago I broke a covenant to never work with Muslims, because I met the guy in a mosque after prayer I think it was Ramadhan and he ran dawah circles, so I agreed to work on a business with him on a 50/50 ownership - he eventually ran off with the product. I know I broke my covenant so I deserved it.

Not so long ago, I spent several hours helping a Pakistani Muslim  get into a competitive course; soon after I was faced with insults and abuse. Today I have no Muslim friends, and I hope Allah keeps it that way.

I am attending court and the opposition is a so called Muslim. Based on my experiences, I want to destroy him in court. I know I can, the only thing stopping me is my deen.

So much for Islam, but I am about to join the so called enemies, they allow me to practice Islam better than the Muslims do.


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9 Responses »

  1. Kash, I'm not going to try to deny your experiences, but I'll point out to you that to equate what you have experienced with Islam is folly, since you are Muslim. If Islam produces bad people, then logically you must also be a bad person. The reality is that Islam, if followed properly, produces people who are kind, decent and generous. "Muslims" are not some monolithic other. Muslims are you and me.

    I think your experiences have been real, but your vision has been selective. I have met many good non-Muslims. I teach a martial arts class and one of my students is a non-Muslim fellow who is the backbone of the class. He shows up early, sets up the mats, brings equipment... he's a great guy.

    I have also met non-Muslims who are downright foul, racist, and vulgar. My parents (who are Muslim and are good, decent people) just finished evicting their non-Muslim tenant. He left the apartment full of garbage and badly damaged. In one room he nailed a sign to the wall with the word "ni**er" scrawled on it. I have met non-Muslims who have not an ounce of morality; in fact, the very idea of morality is a joke to them. They believe in nothing.

    The same dichotomy exists with Muslims. Some are good, some are bad. One only has to read the news to know that. Many of our Muslim nations are deeply mired in bad cultural habits, poverty, and corruption, and this certainly affects the way people think.

    On the other hand, the Muslim world is full of heroes as well. I recently read about a female doctor in Bahrain who has been sentenced to prison because she gave medical aid to injured protesters, against government orders. She is a hero. There are many others like her, and often it is the teachings of Islam and their Allah-consciousness that drives them to do heroic things.

    Myself and a group of other local Muslims recently completed an event called Humanitarian Day, in which we set up booths in the poorest part of town, and gave away food supplies, clothing, school supplies, and basic free medical care provided by four Muslim doctors who attended. This event was patterned on similar Muslim-sponsored Humanitarian Day events all over the world. That's what some Muslims do. They care about their communities, they sacrifice their time and effort, they are generous and kind.

    In our local masjid, whenever someone comes on Friday to raise money for a charity, whether it's to build a mosque, or relief for Somalia, or medical care for children injured by mines, they never leave without raising at least $20K; and we are not a particularly rich community. But people open their hearts and their wallets, because they believe in Allah, and they know their reward is with Him.

    When I look at my Facebook friends, I often see the non-Muslims posting about parties and drinking, while many of the Muslims are posting about human rights and God-consciousness. So to me there is a clear difference, and Muslims are a rank above.

    Ironically, you have become the thing you despise. You want to destroy a man in court just because he is Muslim. You want to hurt your brother. You care nothing for Muslims suffering atrocities, only because they are Muslim. You have become a hateful person, and a bigot. You have become the thing that you claim to despise in others.

    There are two routes we can take. We can say, "I have met bad Muslims, therefore I renounce all Muslims and I hate them!" This route leads to bitterness and self-loathing.

    Or we can say, "I have met bad Muslims, but I will strive to be an example of compassion and good character. I will teach my children, and set an example in the community, while at the same time protecting myself from those who would take advantage."This route protects our souls, keeps our hearts soft, and serves as an example of what Islam should be.

    I extend my sympathy and love to you brother, and I pray that you will find a way forward that allows you to retain your deen and your heart, and to find a way to co-exist with your brothers and sisters in faith.

    Wael Editor

    • If everyone thought like you do Wael then I'm sure this world would be a better place. Positive thinking helps. 🙂 Your advice is just perfect.

      Kash I think you should try looking into your deen a bit more. Islam teaches us Muslims to show forgiveness and tolerance. If a muslim or a non-muslim has behaved or done anything wrong towards you then you should forgive them and move on and keep positive. Allah (swt) has described forgiveness as a superior quality.

      "Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e don't count on their doings" (Quran, chapter 7, verse 199)

      I also found this extract from something I was reading before.

      "In the valley of Hudaibiyah while Prophet Muhammad (saw) was saying the morning prayer with his companions, seventy or eighty non-believers came down quietly from the mountain of Taneem in order to kill the Muslims during prayer. They were caught and brought before him. He treated them well and released them all"

      Prophet Muhammad (saw) treated the ones who came to kill him, with kindness and also let them go without any punishment. Infront of that your problem with the muslims you dislike seems miniature. So please think this over and think about what your doing and don't let this hatred ruin you.

      One more thing, you say that you helped certain people with things and they just abused you in return, well just remember if they don't appreciate your efforts, Allah (swt) is looking and will insha'allah reward you for your efforts. That's how I do it everyday of my life 🙂 Let me tell you that no matter if a person is muslim or non-muslim, you will defiantly get someone out there who might not appreciate your efforts so to tackle that just keep positive and keep in mind that Allah (swt) knows about the 'good' you have done.

      Hope I helped.
      May Allah (swt) grant you peace in your heart & mind and keep you on the right path. 🙂

  2. my brother, do you know that the prophet[saww] faced much much more than you could ever imagine, yet whenever he saw rough/tough behavior from the beduoins, he [saww] would say "may the mercy of Allaah be upon my brother muusaa [moses], for he had to put up with much more than this."
    the bediouns eventhough muslims, would do acts that were not tolerable from civilised people, such as urinate in the prophets mosque, slap the prophet[saww] from his back in order to get his attention, throw things at his house at midnight in order that the prophet comes out and they ask him something.
    these were muslims btw, im not metioning the countless harm, and blood he lost at the hands of jews/arab polytheists.

    this is what the prophet[saww], the perfect muslim.

    so you should forget about those pathetic so called muslims you meet, and learn about the prophet[saww] and his companions and the Salaf and follow their 'aqeedah and manhaj.

    infact the muslims today are in such disgrace and turmoil and humiliation because of what and who they have become.
    they have abandoned the religion that the salaf of the ummah were upon, and have replicated the lives of the kuffaar is speech and action and treachery, foul mouth.

  3. Kash,

    I am a Muslim and although I may not be the best person in this world I am a human being. There are times when I want to do things that I am not supposed to do and hurt people. What is keeping me from being a horrible person is my deen. When I follow the rules of Allah, even though it goes against my emotions and what I have learned growing up I am at peace knowing that I am letting go of my desires that often are destructive and I am being better by following the rules of Him who knows the characteristics of pious wonderful people.

    Just because there are Muslims out there in this world who do the wrong things does not mean ALL Muslims are bad. There are Muslims out there who are compassionate, caring and wonderful. It's just some of us fall prey to our desires often. Our haraam desires end up hurting ourselves and others. But this is like this regardless of the person being Muslim or not. You need to start looking at people as people. That person who does wrong things will do wrong things even if they weren't Muslim.

    I pray that you warm your heart and see us as your brothers and sisters. I also pray that you soften your heart and forgive those Muslims who have hurt you and find the strength to become a role model for them, inshAllah. Ameen.


  4. Kash
    Brother there are 1.8 billion muslim in this world including u now

    Tell me u might have bad experience in ur life with how many muslim 100 / 1000 / 10,000 lets us say 1 lac

    Now if in your life u have bad experience with 1 lac muslim u cannot say that the other 1.799999999 billion muslims are bad

  5. Salaam Kash,

    I am usually just a "lurker" here on, but in this particular case, I thought it might be beneficial for you to have a response from someone who is not a Muslim, but who is looking at Muslim culture, religion, and society from an outsider's viewpoint, which sounds like the way you seem to be feeling, too: an outsider, and quite a skeptical one at that.

    This is a very easy time in history to be skeptical (and in fact downright depressed) about the current state as well as future of mankind on this planet. If it's not bad enough that we have countries and peoples warring against each other over political idealism, religion, or even just perceived slights that occurred centuries ago, there is also an overwhelming amount of violence within communities, perpetrated by as well as directed at people "just like us". For instance, in my country (the United States), we have parents murdering their babies, we have astronomical black-on-black crime rates in parts of our inner cities, we have people shooting random strangers, their schoolmates, or even our elected congressmen, for heaven's sakes! Just a cursory glance through the newspaper is enough to make even the most optimistic, positive-outlook types of people lose heart.

    And it's happening all over the world. The first question that has to be asked is: Is the world really getting all that more awful? Or is it just now that with technology such as satellite news, instant Internet updates via video camera phones and Twitter - in other words, with how fast bad news travels - that what's happening is that we're just all finding out about every last little horror that goes on in even the most remote corners of the world? Think about it: there were actually a LOT more wars going on in the past worldwide, but it's only that now we get to see the dead bodies broadcast in our face on the 11 o'clock news. So I think that's something we should all keep in mind when we despair of the state of our world: in the past, all the same (and possibly much worse) atrocities were happening, but we didn't have the giant spotlight of mass media bringing them all into the light and right onto our computer screens. With this onslaught of bad news, I think many people become numb and inured and jaded about it. But some people - people like me, for instance, and I think perhaps people like you, Kash - really take it to heart. We can't help getting hurt and angry and even bitter sometimes, because we're not blind to the fact that sometimes people just act really, really horribly.

    The second big issue is that as individuals, we're going to take it the hardest when the bad news hits closest to home. For instance, as an American, what I'm exposed to most is the American news media, so what I get deluged with every day is what's shaping what I tend to get upset about. In the last week alone, my US edition of Google News has pounded me with these three HORRIFYING news stories:

    1. A small ring of criminals in Philadelphia kept about ten mentally and physically disabled people (adults and kids) chained to radiators in a basement, practically starving, frequently beaten, in order to steal the money from their monthly government welfare checks.
    2. Yet another baby has disappeared and the mother - who admits she was so drunk that night that she blacked out and remembers nothing - appears to be the police's main suspect. (Even if she did not harm her child, the story brings to memory countless other stories of murdered children where the parents were the murderers.)
    3. A man who kept a zoo's worth of large wild/exotic animals in the middle of Ohio, in an apparent final act of revenge against his neighbors, opened all the cages and fences to let the animals go "free", and then killed himself in his bedroom. (I put the word "free" in quotes because he was in fact condemning these animals to death - and he knew it - obviously you can't have lions and bears menacing the local population, and the giraffes and such were not going to be able to fend for themselves and would be terrified and thus likely get hurt.) Only six animals were successfully tranquilized and re-captured; approximately 50 had to be killed for the safety of the people in the town. And even though I believe the senseless killing of any animal is very sad, these particular killings amounted to tragedy on a global big scale: there are fewer than 1000 Bengal tigers left in the world; 18 of them were just shot and killed in Ohio. Law enforcement had no choice, but this all happened because one very mean bitter old man decided to go out of this world with a big "screw you" to everyone, not caring that he was condemning the animals he supposedly loved to almost certain death, not to mention endangering the lives of innocent people in his small town. What a pathetic waste.

    On top of it all, nearly as much media coverage as any of those stories has been given to former child star/actress Lindsey Lohan, who has been in constant trouble with drugs, drunk driving, and shoplifting for the last 5 or so years. So not only are all these horrible things happening, but the American populace is so shallow that they care more about whether or not Lindsey Lohan bought cupcakes for her fellow workers at the facility where she is serving her community service for her parole? Well, GUESS how that makes me about being an American right about now?! And that's not EVEN counting the big stuff like our multiple (and in one case horrifically ill-advised) wars, repeated hypocritical behavior on the world stage, our politicians speaking and sometimes acting like adolescents (if not criminals), the fact that the next generation are already starting off bankrupted by the financial irresponsibility of my and my parents' generation, executing people in prison that may not have been guilty of the crime they were sentenced for, and a million other things that make me want to pull the bedcovers over my head in the morning and not come out. Sometimes my husband and I seriously consider immigrating to Canada.

    Are you seeing where I am going with this, Kash? As you are a Muslim, even if you don't live in a Muslim country, you are steeped in Muslim history, thought, and culture in your everyday life, through your family, friends, colleagues, and associates. It is the community closest to your heart, and so when "they" misbehave - of course you take it personally! Of course you get angry as hell! You know these are people who should know better; you are embarrassed to be associated with such awful behavior!

    Well here's the bottom line, in my particular little universe: yes, America has some serious problems. But Americans do not just wholesale suck. I'm actually quite patriotic, because as countries go, we at least have a structure in place that says these sorts of horrible behaviors should not happen, and should be punished. And I believe that the majority of Americans - even most of the ones I don't agree with, and even some of the ones who act a little obnoxious sometimes - really do have their hearts in the right place.

    But I believe that to be true of all people. My religion teaches that everyone, at their fundamental core, is basically good, that they possess, at the very least, the inherent seeds of wisdom and compassion, and have the capacity and capability for living in harmony with each other and their environment. It can be a long haul, but those of us who stumble and fall depend on the good examples set by other people to motivate us.

    And Islam, if I am not mistaken, teaches very much the same thing about mankind. Allah (swt) of course did NOT create mankind as evil, horrible, awful beings! We were created in his image, right? With all the abilities we need to live the right kind of life, to do good deeds, correct? Yes, some people go astray. But remember one of the major things that has helped us throughout the ages: again, it's those human examples of how to be good people - role models. Mohammed (pbuh) and all of the other prophets (pbut) are just that: shining examples of how to manifest good in the world. But despite the special status of such holy people, does that mean that they are the only examples we can or should ever look to? No. As Wael pointed out, there are Muslim heros all over the world living today, like that Bahraini doctor. And so I propose a bold approach to you, Kash, that there is one more Muslim hero you should be turning to as an example:


    To borrow a phrase from Mahatma Gandhi: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Funny, that phrase was also used by US President Obama during his election campaign, and I think of it often on those anti-American days I don't feel like getting out of bed. I decided that *I* want to be the kind of American so that people around the world don't think all Americans are schmucks. It's a small thing, but if there are lots of people like me - and I know there are - who aren't going to just give up and stop caring and stop voting (or move to Canada), then I believe it all adds up and makes a difference in the long run.

    I don't have an answer for you for why you've seen and endured all you have, and I'm so sorry these things have happened to you. But that fact that you wrote in with so much passion makes it clear you still really do care. Obviously, there is much turmoil within particularly the Arab Muslim world -- people behaving terribly (but yet they have their own reasons for being so desperate, don't they?), and then others who despair that their Muslim brethren are resorting to such behavior. But looking around, there really are many good reasons to have hope; for instance, this very site is one such reason! Recently, someone I know made a disparaging and generalizing comment about Muslims. I wanted to show her that her generalization was just that - a generalization (that was, in her case, actually a generalization about the Arab world; it's frustrating that nobody remembers that most Muslims don't even live in the Middle East, and that too many Westerners ascribe things that they don't like to "Islam" that are actually just ethnic customs that don't even have anything to do with Islam at all!). So, I showed her this site! I said, hey, this is what Muslims are about; caring deeply about being peaceful and compassionate, loving their families very much, and - perhaps most strikingly - looking out, over the Internet, for brothers and sisters in faith that they haven't even met, giving of their time to provide advice and support to each other.

    Or in your case, to be incensed enough to write in, because you do love Allah (swt), so you do still believe and know that Islam is fundamentally good and pure, and are hoping that maybe somehow something can change in the bad trends you are seeing. My argument to you is that you already are proof that you know at least one Muslim with a caring heart, and that you could be the kind of example that would give others like you hope. To borrow another phrase, it's a leap of faith: to not get dragged under by the hopelessness, to hold to your belief in the fundamental goodness of people, and to make the concerted decision and effort to manifest how you believe Muslims should be manifesting in the world. You may be just one person, but it will make a difference, not the least of all, to yourself.

    I wish you spiritual prosperity, hope, and joy on your journey.


    • Sometimes my husband and I seriously consider immigrating to Canada.

      Don't think , just do it . I am sure that you won't regret your decision . In my town , only one person was killed in a decade . The crime rate is negligible .

      • I also come from a town with effectively a 0% murder rate, but, erm, the moral of my personal story was kinda about not giving up on my country! I do however have a very strong connection to Nova Scotia, and may wind up retiring there someday.

  6. People are people, that is why the prophet (saw) said to surround yourself with GOOD muslims because you are who you are with. It sounds to me that your islamic community wherever you live is very weak and maybe uneducated islamic wise. I know many muslims who move to the west forget their religion to get rich through haraam means, and if you can do that, you can screw over Muslims as well. There are many many good religious Muslims out there but you have to find them and make dua that Allah provide you with good MUSLIM friends. But I will warn you, if you continue to choose to be around non muslim, it is only a matter of time before you become one. A non muslim can give charity, be kind to their fellow neighbors, or whatever, but in reality they are committing the worse things which is denying the final Prophet (saw) and denying the oneness of ALLAH and that is the WORST kind of atrocity over any other thing, that is disbelief. Why don't you become a better Muslim yourself and make dowa to these Muslims who obviously need guidance and dowa? Instead of abandoning your Ummah for a bunch of disbelievers. I will leave you with a verse from the Qur'an that you should think about:
    "Oh you who believe! Do not take close aids or friends except believers, others would never miss any opportunity of exploiting any weakness of yours. They only desire your ruin, rank hatred has already shown itself from their mouths, and what their hearts conceal is far worse. Now we have made the signs clear to you, if you possess minds. You love them, but they do not love you, and you believe in all of the book, and when they meet you they say "We believe." But when they are alone, they bite off their fingertips in rage against you. Say: "Die in your rage!" Surely, God knows what is hidden in their hearts."
    يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَتَّخِذُواْ بِطَانَةً۬ مِّن دُونِكُمۡ لَا يَأۡلُونَكُمۡ خَبَالاً۬ وَدُّواْ مَا عَنِتُّمۡ قَدۡ بَدَتِ ٱلۡبَغۡضَآءُ مِنۡ أَفۡوَٲهِهِمۡ وَمَا تُخۡفِى صُدُورُهُمۡ أَكۡبَرُ‌ۚ قَدۡ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ ٱلۡأَيَـٰتِ‌ۖ إِن كُنتُمۡ تَعۡقِلُونَ (١١٨) هَـٰٓأَنتُمۡ أُوْلَآءِ تُحِبُّونَہُمۡ وَلَا يُحِبُّونَكُمۡ وَتُؤۡمِنُونَ بِٱلۡكِتَـٰبِ كُلِّهِۦ وَإِذَا لَقُوكُمۡ قَالُوٓاْ ءَامَنَّا وَإِذَا خَلَوۡاْ عَضُّواْ عَلَيۡكُمُ ٱلۡأَنَامِلَ مِنَ ٱلۡغَيۡظِ‌ۚ قُلۡ مُوتُواْ بِغَيۡظِكُمۡ‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلِيمُۢ بِذَاتِ ٱلصُّدُورِ (١١٩) إِن تَمۡسَسۡكُمۡ حَسَنَةٌ۬ تَسُؤۡهُمۡ وَإِن تُصِبۡكُمۡ سَيِّئَةٌ۬ يَفۡرَحُواْ بِهَا‌ۖ وَإِن تَصۡبِرُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ لَا يَضُرُّڪُمۡ كَيۡدُهُمۡ شَيۡـًٔا‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِمَا يَعۡمَلُونَ مُحِيطٌ۬ (١٢٠)
    Don't forget that ALLAH speaks the truth and knows better than you do. They will never ever truly accept you unless you do what they do (that is a hadith or Quran, dont remember). Also, Please notice all the loving Muslims on this page who took time out of their lives to connect with you and talk to you on the matter MashaAllah. Also, if you have Facebook, you can use that to connect with righteous Muslims as well, or move to a better place if you desire.
    Salaam Aleikom. Make dua for them, not against them..

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