Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend is abusive but I love him

pain healing

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

I’m facing so many problems in my life. I got involved in a relationship, one which I have been in for the last 8 years. I really love him but he always bothers me, he uses abusive language against me, he slapped me, kicked me. One time I ended up with plaster on my hand for one month during Ramzaan because of him.

I did all Roza, Namaz, Quran and I never told anything to any one, but he left me. Now he’s back in my life doing continuously the same things for last 8 years.

Recently, he left me. My parents don’t like him because he has no work so his financial condition is bad, but I love him from bottom of my heart. I’m in a trouble he did a very wrong thing the last time he met me and he said he want’s to do something wrong with me. I said "no” and then he admonished me told me he will marry another girl because “you’re not allowing me to do it”.  I told him that what he was asking me to do was haram and that I was not expecting this behaviour from him and then he spit on my face,

I was blank at that time and cried very badly. I did not say one single word. I know Allah is looking at everything. I have never been dishonest to that guy.

I went to home & broke my sim,

I want to die now. I am not well. I gave 8 years of my life and listened to him when he said don’t talk to your cousin and I did so many things for him.

Please pray for me. I’ll forget him. I am frustrated, because I know that he will change & come back in my life.

I always pray to Allah that he will change. It’s to difficult for me to leave him and forget him.

Please help me, how can I get married to another guy? Please help me and answer me: what should I do now? My heart is not with me at all. Will he realise he did very wrong with me? Allah please help me to out of this problem, give him some true love feelings for me...he never touched or misbehaved with me.

 


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40 Responses »

  1. THANK YOU SO MUCH I REALLY NEEDS ONLY ALL OF YOU"R BLESSING,PLEASE REMEMBER ME IN YOU"R DUAS.

  2. salaam
    thanks brother kelvenater,he told to my one friend y he left me because i had an affair with another boy(she goes to the market or anuwhere wd boys) he shifted blame on to me, he did n"t tell her he want to do sex with me i said no.it"s haraam he tried to convence mei love u ,i marry you now,i can"t live without sex i said no, then he admonished me,he said one girl she loved her because of you i said no to her you have to talk that girl & say to he loves you not me please come back his life so,i said ok give me u"r phone i call to her he said no give me u"r cell i already called her she didn"t receive my called i picked a qurrel with him y u played with my feelings,carrer & me he said live me don"t call me he used bad words against me then he left me alone in his car for 20,30 minuted & i cried y he always do misbehave with me then after30 minutes he back & said go & push me his leg fractured at that time i also care about him he tried to push me & then he said ALLAH_ALLAH then i back 2,3 steps suddenly he was spit on my face,i cried so badly,& he is saying he leftme because i have an affair with another boy it"s to ridiculous how he can do this to me,i really can"t understand y because he want to marry another girl,i never forgive him,i gave 8 years of my life & he deceived me,he is saying because of his parents he is getting marrige ok but imy parents also forced because only for him i did n"t marrige to any one,so many boys want to marry me he knows very well i"am so beautiful ,i"am too alne what was my mistake i trust i spoil my parents trust because of him,he spoil my carrier,he is happy in his life even he is saying he is not wring how?
    i"am e wrong.i"am totally blank sometime i realise i"am so bad humenbeing thats-y he did with me he is not realise what he done with meAllah please help am i wrong becuse i said no for haraam, i never forget what he done with me,i never for give him,i will get everthing from him the day of kayamat.now he is performing namaaz but how he is not realise what he done brother kelvenator,i really want to be cabin crew as soon as possible please pray for me i want to for get him today,i want to see me happy wth no memories about him....

  3. Salaam
    Aliyee & brother kelvenator please tell me he is getting married another girl i"am not sure but my cousin told me so,he will happy with another girl because he is a man,he did so many bad thing with me abused me, slaped,spit on my face even he kicked me so,please tell me he ever realise what he done? &i"am still trying to forget him but it"s to tuff what i should do i don"t want to stop to get married vd another girl is it right?after spitting on my face he never try to know me i"am well or not?is it love? is he humen-being?
    he is happy,he will be haapy in his life & what about me,it"s to tuff for me to get married another guy ,how i will tell him about my past i can"t cheat anyone in my life i want jannat in my akhirat,i"am not getting anyj job in airlines,i"am not able to get married anyone& he is ready & get married vd another girl i was wrong or he was wrong he is getting everything & i"am suffer in my life he ruined my carrer as well as my life,Allah when i"ll forget him,i"ll be happy from bottom of my heart,i never forgive him,he broken my heart ,my feelings, my life & my trust also,i trust on Allah & the day of kayamat,i cried for him ,he kicked meon a public place,he said u"r prostitute infront of his mother but i tolerated each abused word he said against me(so many dirty words he used against me & my family) i never cheated with him Allah knows very well,i never fogive him,i cried for him i want everything whatever i lost only because of him, in duniya as well as the day of kayamat i relly hate him.....he cheat me doing marrige good bad people always get everything?

    • Nisha,

      Have you read anything I've written above?

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • walaikumsalaam, i apologise for my late reply i have been busy, i take great sadness from your situation, but i agree with SisterZ and what she has said, you must turn this anger and rage for this man into prayer and strength in Allah, it hard but you can take small steps to a better future. you say he kicked you in places which no humane person would do, this man is bad for you and Allah has saved you from him, accept this help from Allah and keep praying and having faith, believe me you will find someone who will love you, but you MUST keep faith and be positive.

      In my eyes he is no man, he is a animal and his treatment of you shows that evidently, he has no respect for women and that saddens me greatly, but you have escaped from jail but you cant see that right now, sister dry your tears and raise your hands, embrace what you have, your indentity and your personality, he does NOT own you or have any control over you, so why let him bring streams of tears down your cheeks, you will find another husband and you will get your career back and you will be succesful and happy, you know why, because you will have faith in Allah, and that is enough for anyone.

      The pain is evident and your head is not in the right place, but you must understand you have escaped, why would you want to live with a animal, you are free, regain your identity, your personality, stand on your own 2 feet and prove that no man can hold you back, because you have Allah and with him you need noone else.

      'he cheat me doing marrige good bad people always get everything?'

      I have always used this phrase, and i will use it once more, sometimes we think we have lost the best, but for all we know Allah may have something even better around the corner, if we dont make that corner how will we ever know. Bad people may seem like their getting everything, but this life is a test and the man with nothing in his pocket, may well have millions of deeds in his name, and surely the deeds will be more beneficial that any amounf of money on the day of judgement, so persevere and keep praying you WILL recover and you WILL be happy insha'Allah.

      Sister i wish you the best, and ask you to take both SisterZ and my advice and prove you are in no need of this man, and that you can get over him and make that corner and insha'Allah meet a husband who will make you happy, and have a rewarding career.

      my duas are with you, if you want further help as to what you can do to forget him and recover, then please ask and i will be happy to help.

  4. assalam alaiakaum wr wb
    I Want To share Something very important all of you please give some advice ,He Is Getting Married With Another Girl,he is happy & he will happy WHat About me Now Iam thinking I"am a bad humen-being i did something very wrong ,my mistake was i loved him,trust him this was my mistake thats why i"am not a good girl,y this all going with me Allah i really need help, i"am not able to make my carrer in airlines,not get married y all this happening with me he is happy in his life,i think i"am a wrong girl i"am very frustrate I request to Allah this life is not good for me so please kill me.(tell me sister Z is it right he was spit on my face he is happy getting married another girl &i was that girl who cried i"am not getting any job airlines as well as not any suitable guy for me,he slaped me kicked used abused word against me about my family i listend that was my mistake i"am a women that is my mistake ,he is a man thats why he is happy????????????

    • Nisha,

      You are upset, which is why you are saying things which I believe that deep down you know do not make sense and are not true. 'He' is not seemingly happy because he is a man, and you are not currently unhappy because you are a woman. Whether he appears to be happy or not, he will be accountable for the bad manner in which he treated you - that is a given. None of us can escape the consequences of our bad deeds unless we Allah forgives us through His Mercy.

      When someone has a flashy car, or a big house, when he gets married or his career seems to be booming - these things can be either blessings or trials, so for one to become overly happily with these things is not right. Instead they should ask Allah to make the thing a blessing for them in this life and the next. Lilewise, it will help you to understand that what you are currently going through - although very painful is most likely a blessing in disguise.

      Allah took this abusive man out of your life - this is a blessing for you, so thank Allah. I know you are feeling heartbroken and angry, but this time is a time that can be of great value for you; because you can do sabr, make tawbah, withdraw yourself from the buzzing noise of what has been bothering you and meditate. Re-evaluate your life, move away from all the negative influences, move towards the positive ones and keep striving. Keep praying Salaah, keep making tawbah - even if it seems that you still cannot see any light, even if it seems that the pain is not going away, even if you have to struggle. Allah promises to pick you up and to take care of you - all you have to do is just turn to him. Value this time sister - the sweetness of emaan that can potentially be gained by turning to Allah at painful times is like at no other.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. thanks aliyee to give me a right advice,please pray for me allah give me right a guy as soon as possible,i really need someone who really loves me.

    • Dear Nisha,

      Just focus on loving Allah and on respecting yourself, find fulfillment in your life through deen, family, work, hobbies etc. Insha'Allah when the time is right, Allah will give you a good husband. Just don't devote your life to looking for a husband, life is not limited to 'marriage' and happiness should not depend on having a 'husband or wife'.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Of course Nisha...
      agree with SisterZ
      Once you focus on getting closer to Allah then all of your desires will be fulfilled.

  6. Sister Nisha :'(
    How can you still want the guy after so much pain he has brought you? I can tell that you are good since he asked you to commit haraam with him and you said no and stood firm. You are a good woman. So you deserve a good man. You deserve a man who PROTECTS you, who CRIES when he sees YOU CRY, he should be so soft with you and love you from the bottom of his heart. That is the kind of man you deserve.
    Maybe you feel you love this man, but sister, even if you did, he is not a man and he does not love you. I'm sorry if that offended you, I just want you to realize he is not worth your time. You shouldn't want to marry him.
    Imagine, if you were to marry him, he would still hurt you and abuse you because he knows that he can because he has done it before! If you married him and had children with him, your children will see him abuse you. My father used to abuse my mom, and she left him when I was 4 years old! I still remember him pulling her hair and punching her face and throwing her against the wall for painting my nails. I am ashamed of this and it hurts me to know that my father hit my mother. Don't let this happen to another child...
    Sister, he will not change. You hope he does... but it has been 8 years. Do not waste more of your time and beauty on a man who doesn't appreciate it.
    He is not truly God-fearing, if he was, he wouldn't do this to you.
    I know you love him... and that makes it hard, but you need to protect yourself. And you should've protected your heart from loving the wrong person. Protect yourself and just think, is this what Allah wants for your life? This certainly isn't what Allah intended for your life. So find what Allah wants for you, firstly by forgetting about this man with the help of Allah. It will be easier to leave this man if you use all your energy to pray to Allah and be closer to Allah.
    Allah knows Best
    - Aliyeee

  7. thank you so much sister Z please remeber me in your prayers,i"m sure Allah will definetly do right to me i need only you"r duas

    Regard
    Nisha

  8. alam alaiakaum wr wb
    i want to get married as soon as possible becase i love someone but he deceived me i gave him 8 years of my life. he always said don”t do this don”t do that & i listend him because ? how he did me very wrong thing with me? he always said he really loves me?is he loves me?how? i did n”t make my carrer i wanted to be a cabin crew recently i tried singapore or some more airlines but i did n”t get job because of him i lost so many time,i”am really frustrate of my life, my parent find one guy for me some other people said something to him against me now,i don”t have carrier ,any partner nothing please brother & sister pray for me ALLAH gives me everything ,i will be happy i really need someone who really loves me cares me, i”ll get right partner as soon as possible then i”llget married,or i”ll be a cabincrew in any airlines Allah please help m,i don”t want to do suicide i know it”s haraam but i”am also a humenbeing Allah i really needs u…………………..

    • Sister nisha, you've been given a lot of advice, so please read the advice you have been given and try to move on with your life Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Nisha,

      I know you are having a real hard time, but posting your same question as a separate post so many times is not going to help your situation, it will not be published again and again. You have left this same comment here on your 'already published post', so keep a check on that, insha'Allah someone will reply to you here. All duplicated posts that you have submitted will be deleted.

      Use this time to seek nearness to Allah. I say this with all sincerity, that when one is at their lowest point, the heart automatically cries out to Allah. Our our innate fitrah is such that even someone who does not believe in Allah, will cry out to Him(swt). So Sis, don't push this feeling away, use it to connect with Allah, He(swt) is as-Samee' and al-Mujeeb, The One who Hears all and The One who Answers all. He is closer to you than your jugular vein. So speak to Him(swt), it gives one peace, a peace that can only be attained through serious and sincere speaking to Allah.

      You are human, yes. And Allah has told us human's what to do when we feel desperate, that is to turn to Him(swt), not to commit suicide. He(swt) has promised to Answer, so this is your time to be patient in awaiting His(swt) reply. Maybe His(swt) answer is this, that He(swt) wants to give you a husband who is good and kind to you, not one who is disrespectful and harsh. Have you ever thought of that?

      ***

      So try tp put a stop to this insanity Sister and calm yourself. Focus, focus, focus on your purpose of being in this world. Do not belittle your existence by allowing your life to be defined by this experience. Learn from this experience and move forward in life. Learn this, that: in future, you will strive to adhere to Allah's Laws, you will adhere to the Islamic laws of gender interaction, you will not submit to anyone but Allah and you will thank Allah for saving you from that man and for giving you another chance to have a better life.

      ***

      If you continue to feel as low as you are, I seriously recommend you to see a counsellor or psychatrist in person. Prolonged depression to this extent is not at all healthy for you.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Sister Nisha, please be very patient and turn to Allah (swt). You really need seek forgivence from Allah (swt). Repent to Allah (swt) and keep up with your 5daily prayers. Please do not contact him again. Premartial relationship is not allowed in Islam.

    Furthermore, mashaAllah you very young. Take your time to allow yourself to heal. Ofcourse you are feelin fb lonely and that is because you left an attachment from your life. Please be very patient. One if my uni friend was in relationshp with her second cousin for 9years and at the end he left her. She was heart brkoen. But now after good three years or so, she is very HAPPY in life- why? Because she is now married to a very nice person who looks after very well and her family have a lot of respect for her husband. Though my friend was torn apart she still kept calm and carried on- she finished all her studies, she got really good job and spent quality.time on herself. Therefore, you as well as all broken hearted sisters must remain patient and take care of yourself. When Allah Wills, it will happen. Be a good, succesful and happy Muslimah. Love Allah (swt) more than anything else in this life.

    Take care.
    Parveen
    -x-

  10. salaam
    brother kelvenater i want to ask you something , is he realise in his whole life what he lost?u r a man u know veru well man mentality?is he miss me,he changed or not please pray for me brother and sister i"am feeling very alone .....

    • walaikumsalaam, nisha men are different to each other, as i wrote earlier in terms of character and their way of doing things, for me i am a hardnut from outside and to many people, but when it comes to my wife she would know its all a front and im actually a soft man inside, in your situation i cannot speak but i think considering what you have said he is a user, and they dont love anything until a day when they are old and it hits them, but you really like him so i will give you a last thing to try.
      If he really misses you or cares then he will respond, write him a letter, no text, no call, a plain letter and in that letter write the truth tell him how much he hurt you and the hate built up, then tell him if he really loves you and cares for you, write something like the following:

      Come forth and hold the quran, as Allah is witness declare you will love me, respect me, care for me, teach me, and most of all follow the law of Allah as a husband, never lay a hand on me, never let a tear come to my eye, if you cant do that then goodbye, but i am the girl who would do anything for you, i hope you realise all i wanted was to have a smile on my face, its not about sex, its not money, its love, if you dont want love then dont contact me again, live your life and i live mine, Goodbye

      i will pray for you sister, write this letter to him and let us know what he replies, or if he ever replies, be direct and dont do anything until he agrees to hold the quran, and state Allah as witness as he makes his plea, this is your last chance, i only said because i understand how you feel, but if he says no, then sister move on from him, he has no feeling and will never really do.

      Keep us posted, may you find happyness insha'Allah.

  11. Dear Nisha,

    I've noticed that you've submitted your same question twice more. Please do not do this as it creates unnecessary work for the Editors. If you want to continue seeking advice on this same case, then feel free to post your comments and discussions here insha'Allah - this is your thread and your space to speak.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • SisterZ, as editor i wanted to ask you if i uploaded a article to you, would you be able to post in one of your advice sections, such as the sin&fornication section.

      • Kelvenater,

        Paste the link here and I'll put it to Brother Wael to decide insha'Allah, as he's Chief of this website.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. Assalamualaikum dear sister & brother
    thankyou so much for u"r advice i really want to out come this relationship but it"s to tuff for me ,i"am 22 i"am slim & very beautiful girl y he alwaye live me,i really don"t know,last one year i did not talk to him ,he was used some abused word against me & i stopped talk to him ,meet to him even i did n"t see him but before two months ago he had very serious accident his leg fractured very badly,he was in the hopital i asked to my friend i should go or not,she said u should go (i listend his accident news i felt so bad i prayed to ALLAH please do well,do good everything with him ,i "am not talking to him last 8.9 months but i love him) i went to hospital i saw him i"was feeling very bad 4 him i did n"t talk to much to him , i went to hospital 2,4 times finally he said don"come in the hospital i don"t like u see me in this condition,& he said give a one more chance i never leave u ,i" LL alway"s love u in his condition my heart not allowing me to leave him this condition he really needs me ,i was care of him i went to hospital with him.. his leg it"s not proper after accident i already told to my friend if his leg not will proper he do anything WRONG WITH ME I"LL DO MARRIGE ONLY WITH HIM never leave him,how can i leave him my love in this condition but he always misbehave with me & spit on my face & now all of u know what he did... i broke my sim & now,i didn"t try to contact him,thatswhy i little bit worry about him because of his accident so tell me now i" really don"t know what i should do i also don"t want contact with him, i lost my self respect after that i never left because i really love him ,more then my selfrespect but his ego ,man-ego anytime he need to choose between ego & me he choosed ego & about me between selfrespect & him i always choosed him ,,,y muslim man never give respect muslim women they always treat their girl-frnd or their wifes very badly,(pair ki dhool hai sar ka taaj nahi?any time i try to out of his life something happen lke this because Allah want all this..i"am confused ?

    • You are only 22 you still have your own life ahead of you.
      Muslim men do give their wife’s respect its just being in a relationship in Islam is forbidden. You are with the wrong guy that’s why you feel the way you do, but trust me there aren’t perfect people out there but a match good enough for your respect and apperciation.

    • Walaikumsalaam, sister you have a big heart masha'Allah this is a great quality but i want you to understand what i say next.

      When a human is born he learns things and over time develops certain behaviours and characteristics, now these over time become permanent and so cannot be changed. sister this man is a control freak and has very little emotional control and lacks the power to love, your good nature led you to visit him in hospital and worry about him, his thanks came in the form of spitting in your face, this shows his lack of emotion and his lack of care for those around him, not a quality you would want in a husband, and his control freak ways have taken effect on you, its like he tells you how to feel, sister from what i can tell you dont feel happy and your love is simply what he has told you to feel, i am a man but i know what women and girls want from a relationship, i am similar age to you and i treat my wife as a princess, never let a tear come to her face, now as a 22yr old girl you want to be happy and in love, you want to have gifts and you want to be held and told how beautiful you are, but this man has merely caused you pain and has no shown appreciation at all, so i conclude your not happy at all, the reason you still feel something its not love, but sympathy or a feeling that you owe him your faith and patience, but sister he does not deserve you and once you leave his life he will realise but if you stay with him, he will use you and wont appreciate you.
      Your a beautiful girl who deserves someone who can make her happy all the time, someone who never brings a tear to your eyes, someone who when holds you makes you feel a million dollars, this man can never provide this, he lacks respect and dosent know how lucky he is to have you, sister dont contact him again, let him glorify his ego and you gain your self respect back, make the chose best for you and leave, you are still young and you will find another man worthy of being your husband, and he will love you like all women deserve to be and you will be happy insha'Allah.

      Pray to Allah for guidance and i pray you escape this man, as a brother i am sad to hear his treatment of you, and its not the character of a good man, their is man out there, just have faith in Allah and keep praying, one day you will experience such great emotion and happyness with the right man, you will thank Allah for guding you past this dark period and bringing you happyness.

      I hope my words make a difference sister, i say for your benefit, may Allah guide you insha'Allah.

  13. Assalamualaikum dear sister.

    I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. You must feel bed to face this condition during 8 years with the reason which I'm not able to understand. Sister, first of all, I wanna tell you one thing about prohibition of practicing having any gf or bf in Islam. Islam tells us how we should keep our chastity by avoiding any relationship with our non mahram before marriage. You would find further information related to it through many sources easily so I won't talk about it much. What I wanna say is that, sister, try to open your eyes, if the reason why you are still that patient to be with him is because of your love then I will say it is useless dear to give your love to such person who doesn't at all deserve that. If he love you then he won't treat you harshly sister, how will a guy suppose to spit on a girl's face if he really love her. He has no right even a bit on you dear.

    There is no single reason you have to stay with a person who has no respect on you sist. You deserve someone better than him. Try to imagine, he is only a bf but how dare he is to treat you that way, what if he is your husband as a person who has right on you, how will he treat you. It may be hard for you forget him dear but by Allah, you will In Shaa Allah. He is Allah who has control of our heart. Keep praying to Allah. May He help you and heal the pain you feel inside. You will In Shaa Allah find the true joy in the future ahead dear with patience and faith. Allah is always with you.

  14. Salaam sister & brother
    we both r muslim & both r not married we involve in a love relationship he said he cant live with out sex he is 27,nothing is wrong i love u, u love me,we both will do marrige to each other allow me to do whatever i want to do with you,if"u want i"ll do nikah at present,yes,it"s true he apways force me to do nikah to him but i never do because of my parents how can i deceived him,i know after sometime he will get married with him ?but he left many time how can i tell to my parentsy he left me many time & continuesly doing samething.i"am blank.. i hope ALlah do everything right in my life.

    • But you dont need this guy nisha
      he is not to be trusted and if a man is not giving you respect do you seriously want to marry this man. There are plenty more muslim guys way better then him it seems he loses his temper very quickly and if he says with force then marriage to him is not the option. Sister you wasting your time on him you wont change him, your PARENTS ARE RIGHT, LISTEN TO THEM AND LEAVE THIS MAN.

      • If this guy keeps leaving you, you are actually allowing him to take advantage of your good nature. You need to cut ties full STOP i.e. remove his number, emails etc. I am sorry but you are allowing him to cause pain to you in the longer run after one chance after another, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to move on and have some self respect for you.

    • I would say marry him, and convince your parents, but sister its trying to sell a broken car with a top price tag, he isnt worthy of you, and marriage is doomsday for you, follow sister samina advice and please run out that exit door and slam it shurt, cut off contact, he WILL ruin your life otherwise.

  15. Nisha,

    Why on earth would you ever allow anyone to spit in your face? To kick or hit you? This is not the behavior of a grown man...they are the actions of a coward who feels the need to control you. Eight years you have put up with this? This man knows not the meaning of the word love. Move on with your life.

    Salam

  16. Muslim girl gets her heart broke - by Yassir Fazaga (Director of Mental Health).

    ***

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. Salaam sister.

    My boyfriend is abusive.. no need to go further these are 2 perfect reasons for you NOT to write the words you did after.
    This relationship from 8 years back had nothing to do with Allah, it was shaytans creation and so the events that followed are none other than his aswell, sister sadly you were a victim of this game that boys play it has no happy ending and the promised sunshine is invetably darkness, but they just want a relationship so they can build towards their target, which is sex.
    girls emotion played with
    Sister this man has hurt you so much, i am shocked to hear you stayed in relations for so long, but i understand that this man really used your emotions and feelings to his advantage, he manipulated so well that whatever he does to you, you will accept and forgive him, but sister now you are slowly realising his intentions are wrong and he dosent love you at all, he just wanted you for the same reason most young men do.
    First of all its haraam to have relations outside of marriage, and so that was your first mistake, secondly its a very big sin to have sex outside marriage, its called zina and is strictly forbidden, sister this man has intentions that are against islam and words of Allah, surely this is the biggest sign that he is wrong, his treatment of you is wrong and his ideas about his future with you are based on sex, clearly a sign that he just wants to complete his mission and then leave, thank Allah you said no, and for that sister i have so much respect for you, it took courage but your faith and belief in Allah pulled you through, same way it will pull you through forgetting him and finding another worthy man.

    Love is ever growing within marriage, and a key thing is appreciation of the partner, this is a important thing inside a marriage, you were in a relationship and he never appreciated you, so if islamically you did marry you would be signing up for a doomed life, so escape this abuse, lack of appreciation and pray to Allah to find you a good loving husband, who will respect, honour and take care of you as you should, the love is non existent and your feelings for him are merely installed, and shaytan will try to bring those back, so you meet him again and commit zina, but be strong and stay clear.

    Pray to Allah, and have faith, insha'Allah your pain will go, and you will find another man who is worthy of you.

  18. AA;

    If you are both Muslims, there should be NO SUCH THING as boy friend and girl friend!! I am not sure hwo do your parents allowing this to happen either!! Islamically is wrong, and even if you are not practicing muslim, have self respect as the previous posts mentioned and dump him. You deserve better than someoen who wants to do Haram with you!!!

    So, PLEASE, stop dealing with him, seeing him, talking to him, etc. Repent, do toubah, and get closer to Allah and inshallah Things will be better and Allah will send you a better man who deserve you and knwo how to treat you.

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.

    AA

  19. LEAVE HIM! You can do it! Don't ever say you can't. You are strong internally but you don't know it. He is the wRong guy for you. Asuming he didn't say he wanted to do it, you could have prayed for him to change but the face that he wants you to commit zina and enter hell fire, its something you should open you eyes and see.

  20. Dear Dear Dearrrr

    I am really feeling bad for you right now....I realize that Girls feel so bad whenever their relationship with a guy get worst and worst....Why?? because Girls are most sensitive than Guys....

    First of all, you should realize that self respect is important. You should understand that Once a person goes out of your life, than he no more belongs you whatever happens next, either if he comes back....Make it understand that people go because they have to....He went once because he was never yours....Dear this is not Love, this is for granted love. He is taking you for granted, and when he gets off he realizes that you were the one who were after him so it tempts it to make him come back....

    You seem so upset and I can feel your depression and worry from your words....but trust me LEAVE HIM....

    I know that girls become scared and become upset when their man ask them to have sex with them and they become even more depressed after denying it....but trust me trust me, if you do it, he would never ever come back and would kick you off from his life....i have faced all this and i know it....Just dont do anything wrong....Sin looks really attractive and fascinating until you dont commit it but once you commit the sin, your heart, mind and body sinks into the oceans of regrets, sorrow and anger only forever.....you cant even believe that i am facing this regret and sorrow and grief from the past 2 years and still i am not fine....

    so just dont do it.....stop yourself right here right now....

    Let him go and just stay away from him please......

    I would recommend you to read loads and loads of Ayat Kareema....you would see the miracle inshahAllah once you start reading it......but please be regular in it......

    than read Surah Yaseen and Surah Bakrah alot.......

    Offer your prayers and whenever his thoughts come into your mind, start reading Quran or Ayat Kareema....

    keep on doing Astagfaar and Pray to Allah for your good.....Remember, Allah's plans are the best one, we dont realise it initially but once our faith gets strong we start seeing the miracles happening right at the moment.....

    Dear you are a girl, its very important for you to maintain your self respect, if you ruin it, than it means you are ruining the respect of your parents too....just dont do it dear dont do it....Why?? because at the end, there would be only you who would suffer only.....Clean your heart and have faith on Allah....Fine you loved him and everything messed up, Fine you again did it and than again everything got messed up, fine fine fine....but just dont repeat those mistakes again, tell shaytan to get off for ever.......

    Once you promise with your self then everything would be fine.....just trust on Allah Almighty.....this time is definitely hard for you and it would take alot of time to heal your wounds but please GIVE IT TIME

    Sometimes its really important for us to get relaxed and calm down and give time to our life to get the things on track....just forget about him....see you are frustrated about him now, so, STOP IT RIGHT AWAY.....LEAVE HIM

    Just Pray to Allah and leave the things to him.....

    I hope your are feeling better better now.....do keep on updating us about your situation.....

    May Allah help you............

    • assalam sister, i am really impressed by your words. i have a question as well about the same thing, i have been suffering from the same thing. since last year. my fiance misbehaving me and abusing me, and he also restrict on me that don't go to your uncle's home and never meet with your cousins, beacuse they have purposed you, abusing me a lot, tell me what should i do.. plz. im afraid of my future. help me please.

  21. salaams sister

    This guy is not worth crying over yes this hurts but wake up abusive relationship does not work only will bring you more pain and you will lose your self worth/respect. I suggest you cut all ties with this loser he is using you even after that just shows how low he can get let alone what he is doing. May you find the encouragement to move on and you don't need a man like this in your life you deserve better.

    • Another thing sister do not commit zina or any wrong dong outside marriage if a guy asks you for this he should be ashamed of himself and i believe for your own safety walk away far from him. Let him marry another girl and throw him out like litter out of your life for good, behaviour like that is not acceptable for anyone to put up with. I hope this helps

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