Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend is ignoring me

Interactions between the engaged couple

So I've been in a relationship with this guy he's 24 & I'm 17, we've been together for nearly 6 months.

But just recently he started acting all weird he wouldn't reply to my messages he would ignore my text etc this went on for 3 days straight the following week he texted me saying he's busy with work and it's best if we take a "break" for now. However  the thing that really confuses me is that he says he's busy but then I see him talking to other people on social media he's going out with his mates and all that other stuff I've told him if he doesn't want to be with me then why can't he just say it like I'd preferred that over the silent treatment. It's been 2 months and he still hasn't told me what he wants? He's ignoring me but he's not telling me that he wants to break up like what do I do should I wait for him?

I would have left him but the thing is I had sex with him and I really really love him I know what I did was wrong I do repent and ask Allah for forgiveness but i don't know what to do I still want to be with him because I can't just let him walk away like that knowing that I had sex with him I don't know why he's being like this I've told him how I feel and why he's doing this to me but he chooses to ignore me still?

What do I do??

Sara

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26 Responses »

  1. Well I know you're not a kid, at 17 I was more "experienced" than I'd like to admit, but feelings are so strong and central at that age. you may feel you love him, but it seems to me that he's trying to stop communications with you. Actually, he was pretty up front about it. Taking a break and breaking up are the same thing. You had sex, so that's done. There's not much to do except move on with your life. Sorry this happened to you.

  2. Salam sister,

    I am sorry to hear about your situation. You need to leave this brother. Nothing good will come out of it because its a haram relationship. You committed a sin and you repented, so best thing to do is to move on with your life. Don't go back to him and the same sin. I know this will be hard for you but remember nothing is impossible when Allah is on your side.

    Also, keep repenting because Allah tells us, "..."O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of God. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful" (Qur'an, 39:53).

    Listen to the tugging of your heart that's telling you it longs for its Creator. Turn to Him. You will find Him always ready to accept you.

    • Its a Major sin.. making tauba for a few days doesnt work like that. Do you know what happens to the person in the hereafter for commiting adultry. lets just say in this world he or she like somany people are cursed unless they make sincere tauba begging crying to Allah for this act..that will live with him...but it takes Iman to have this qaulity so if doesnt have it and his friends enviroment are hanging around he /she will always lose and thats a big question? Today the elders say less then 5%are pray salah with taqwa and sincerity.Salah is supposed to keep you away from evil?hmmm

    • AOA i am 17 years and i have a bf i know its haram we have been together for 2 years but hes dad forcely engaged him to another women he is pathan and belings to very strict family i know i m doing zinnah i want to do nikkah but we cant tell anyone because no one will be agreed and we cant leave eachother should we do nikkah to avoid zinnah because my dad died when i was lil i dont want to do stiff which is out of islam please help what should i do

  3. There is nothing for you to do, other than to move on with your life. He is no longer interested in you - that's why he is ignoring you. The relationship is over. I know that is hard to accept and you will be sad for a long time, but eventually you will get over it.

  4. Dear little sister
    Firstly your post is written as if you are lost soul, the thing is this guy you so called boyfriend is not right in Islam. Okay you say his had sex with you and you repent,it's silly that you say that and still want him. The thing is in Islam you can't have boyfriends and then sex, you like someone, "yes cool,but carrying on with the person taking it to the next level, is cRazy. Honey his used you,and you have been a target of cheap easy get thing,. There are plenty people out there these days doing wrong and boys using them!
    I think you should stay away from this user who probably thinks your cheap scum, and please honey sort yourself out, RePenT proPerLy.
    Honey it's ghunna having sex before marriage you should know this. Your so young and you got used, please stay away from boys and learn from this lesson,that there is no love sex thing before marriage.
    people use people and move on that's what his done. Your si called boyfriend is a coward and a user,and his got what he wanted from you and now there is no need for him to stay with you.
    Loving someone does not mean having sex to prove it, Naaa, it just means easy to get, lowering your self to show you love him is silly, because he has used you, and this is him now saying it's the end of the love, by hiding from you.
    Honey please forget him and never put yourself in that position again, ask Allah swt for forgiveness and each say a pray for the wrong doings. This lad will pay for his sin too in next world.
    Please look after yourself put yourself forward to an Islamic class and learn about Islam and educate yourself honey, to me you are young and sound weak in your religion, young girl, please look after yourself and study Islam carefully. Mistakes we all make and learn from, hoping that you have learnt a lesson from this creep too.
    Study and forget boys for now,keep yourself clean and pure from now on, insha Allah one day when your a bit more older more educated and more wiser you will have a better understanding of how the world works too. For now honey take time to study Islam, plus other studies, repent and sort yourself out, don't get used and be made a mug of.
    Allah bless you with more deen Ameen.

  5. Sara contact me on ***** (Removed by Editor)
    in sha Allah every thing is better dontworry

    • Contact you for what??? Sister pls don't contact this guy.

    • Dear faisal
      your words are making us uncomfortable, why would this poor sister contact you.
      What is your meaning of telling her to contact you, do you see weakness in her and want to see if you can mess her up even more.
      I don't like the way you are prying on this seventeen year old girl, have respect huh! we all die go to the same mud. We are equal in Allah's eyes, maybe some men get away with wrecking lives of young innocent girls in this world but like I said next world punishment is same.

      • But they might even escape punishment in Aklhirat too if Allah forgives them .

        Say a boy spoils 10 girl's lives but one good repentance might take him to Jannah

        or

        say a woman commits multiple zina multiple times but one final repentance might take her to jannah .

        Faisal ,
        Get lost and don't ask numbers for evil purpose .

  6. Salamalakum sister
    I am so sorry you have to go through this, I wish we lived in a world where people would show respect and be honest. From my experience, I believe he does not want to be with you and it is easier for him to just ignore you. For your health, let him go. It will be painful. But a year from now you may well have met someone new. Someone proper. Or not. You have school to focus on as well do you not. Either way this boy is not worth your time anymore.

  7. It is sad to hear this boyfriend girlfriend relationship and to know that sex was involved but this kinda enviroment we live in with somany evils that are in disguise is always testing the true belivers from the so called muslims. lets ee results! 1)You been fooled he got what he planned for. A 24 yr old ? over powered you with b.s . soooo you lost big time . Now Ask yourself how will Allah deal with you when your time is up. The punishment in the grave and in the hearafter is forever unless you ask with sincere foregiveness and maybe Allah will forgive you...This is whats happening in the world today alot of monkey buissness. The real truth is that the devil knows that if the mothers of Islam are corrupted they can never bring pious children in this world .You can say there way of doing dawah work.It seems your upbringing is weak and now will have to recollect yourself and build in solid foundation of Iman because the next guy will know your not a virgin your just a piece of meat.The only person that will marry is a person with Iman and thats fact so give this thought or else your life will be noo different then a hooker

  8. The guy just wanted sex and he got that easily so girl just move on with your life and next time be careful not to fall for guys who are much older than you. Second of all concentrate in your studies when the right time comes you will get a nice guy who deserves you.

  9. it is the time of your life to achieve your goals be it a degree. you should focus on your studies first achieve something, get educated marriage is the later issue. you ill find the right person but this is a very sensitive age you must enjoy it live it instead of making boyfriend and regretting afterwards, you are still not mature enough after 20 you will feel some maturity and you will understand everything but not now.
    so please repent and make promise to yourself that you will nt engage in physical activity with anyone. it is your right to chose your own life partner but it does nt mean you have to present your body to the man before marriage.

  10. But why you waiting for him to tell u anything??? i mean he is ignoring you says it all and he already told you he wants a break, so why do you stalk him for?? he had sex with you, he got what he wanted now there is no use for you anymore. Thats life dear thats why you should respect yourself and dont have sex with random guys.

    You dont sound like you regret what you did, you sound more worried to have your sex partner backbut he wont come back since why should he??? he got what he wanted, best thing for you is to repent and move on, dont have sex with random guys dear, if you dont respect yourself why should they????

    He is not the guy anyone would like to have as a husband, be gratefull he left you and stop stalking him, he doesnt need to tell you directly, no answer is a good enough answer , remember!

    • Please don't be too harsh on the kid, you say she sounds like she doesn't regret anything about intimacy.
      We shouldn't judge her, how does anyone know she doesn't regret. She was and is young naive and needs to put the past behind her, she's come for guidance .
      Although other things you have written are very to the point.
      Sister we shouldn't judge no one, this poor girl came to this site because her heart tugged her towards Islam, she just needs to understand religion more and get more knowledge, and may Allah swt protect her in the future and keep her away from the deadly sins Ameen.

      • Age 17 of current generation is not the same compare to older generation . They are far advanced .

        She is not too young to give excuse about age .She is accountable for her action as she is adult .

  11. Sister,
    Sounds like he has used you and walked away. This is not a good man with strong character to have sex with tou before marriage, so let him go and ask forgiveness from Allah swt A LOT. This is one of the highest crimes in Islam, so please do not treat it as a petty thing to try again. The reason it is such a serious thing is this: what if he made you pregnant or gave you a disease that he has? What would you do without his support? The women of the world do not need men who have sex with them and walk away from responsibility forever, so Allah swt put these rules in place. If we follow these rules then our lives will be easier. Don't make it hard for yourself in the future, sister. Just follow the rules and don't make the same mistakes.

    Salams,
    Shereen

  12. So glad this man is ignoring you and is out of your life. Now you can finish the deal completely and block him off all social media, phones, emails and your life.

    Your not in love with him sister, your just lusting after him. Your young, but you'll realise soon enough that this man was nothing but bad news. I'm sure your not the only girl he has used, he'll just move onto his next victim use her and leave her too. He doesn't care. You need to stay away from him. He's a grown man and your barely out of school, I feel disgusted with his behaviour! He should know better.

    I feel bad that you let him sleep with you. No one has that right except your husband. Right now your young and your hormones are all over the place your likely to make mistakes, but please learn from this experience, and realise that nothing good will ever come out of a sinful relationship.

    Repent sincerely for being in this relationship and for letting him touch you. Be grateful that Allah turned him away from you to protect you from further sins. Use this experience to grow stronger and build your relationship with Allah swt.

    For future reference, please don't let a guy disrespect you by inappropriate language/flirting/sex etc - the only person who has that right over you is your husband, nobody else. And the minute someone behaves inappropriately block them, delete them and forget about them. A man of good character will respect you, care for you and will progress with the relationship appropriately instead of becoming your boyfriend and using you.

    Sorry if I've been blunt, but please don't focus on this immoral guy. Give yourself time you will forget about him. Protect yourself and wait for Allah swt bless you with a lovely husband who will respect you, care for you and love you, Ameen.

  13. Just start ignoring him. If he loves you, he will come back. If he doesn't comes back - he is NOT for you. There are many other man in the world. Don't waste yourself for someone who doesn't know your value.

  14. Sadly this is the society we live with. Please DO NOT EVER FALL for this trap again. You are worth so much this. This man tricked you and used you like so many hypocrites men do who hide behind masks who say one thing then do another thing they give the good genuine men a bad name shame on them. Remember to repent sincerely and Allah will forgive you. You made a mistake that is between you and Allah no one else has the right to judge you. Do not worry about anything read the replies above masAllah good responses. May Allah guide you please move on from this DO NOT CONTACT THIS USELESS MAN and do not disclose this to anyone.

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