Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend married other woman

I'm an asian woman very much in love with a kerala man. We have been for 8 months before he go for vacation in india. We are working together. After 1 month and half of vacation, he got married a kerala woman.

indian cultural wedding

He said it was an arranged marriage, he does not want the girl they chose for him, because he loves me, and never forget me.

I love him so much. He told me he loves me more than his wife,what can I do?? Will I still continue my relationship with him?

~ Whitenoble

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam whitenoble,

    Sorry to hear your in this situation,

    PLEASE Do not continue your relationship with him.He is married. It doesn't matter whether he loves her or not, it is still wrong. How would you feel if your husband was continuing his relationship with someone he loved. Dear sister this is not fair on his wife. It is also not fair on him or you either.

    By cheating you are betraying his wife and are just as much in the wrong as him. You are preventing him from being a faithful husband, and you are denying yourself the right to be a wife, rather than a secret mistress. Worst of all you are gaining Allahs anger. Continuing with him will cause you nothing but pain and jealously. Accept he is married and let him go.

    Many couples have been in this situation, yet a few have still managed to marry the one they loved because they fought for them. As he didn't make the effort to marry you he is not worth it.

    Remember dear sister that this life is short and any pain you experience here as a result of your good works will be rewarded. If you give up a sin for fear of Allah you will be rewarded. Don't lower yourself to the stage of secret mistress. Yes leaving him will hurt you badly but this pain is temporary - you will move on InshaAllah, your broken wings will heal and you will eventually see that you made the best choice. Make tawbah for your relationship with him, turn away from this sin. Delete his contact details and be patient. In time you will move on InshaAllah. Work on your relationship with Allah in the meantime.

    So you have 2 choices:

    1- Walk away from this relationship now. Give this guy up for the sake of Allah and stay far away from zina. Ask Allah for forgiveness and work to change yourself for the better. In time, look for someone who will be willing to make a stand to marry you and who will honour you enough to not try to keep you secret. This path is the most difficult but it has the better end result - it is more rewarding.

    2- Continue this haram relationship, get more attached - continue hanging onto hope that he'll leave his wife etc. This is a big risk to your akhirah and will most likely make you feel guilt, shame and jealousy as well as being left 'hanging' over time.

    We do not know when Allah swt will take our soul, so please sister be strong and do the right thing (choose 1)

    Sara Editor

  2. the best thing he can do to safeguard both of you from adultery is marring you as a second wife because islam allows up to four wives, for now he is some ones spouse, respect that for the sake of Allah.

  3. ASA!

    If anyone understands what you are going through is ME... This guy I wanted to marry and he wanted to marry me told me he would and he loved me. He went overseas to his brothers wedding and came back ~ a week ago, engaged. It hurts sooo bad to know that the person you loved would do something like that.

    My point is, if he was not man enough to tell his family this is the woman i love and the right woman for me in Islam, and he chose the easy way out. To marry someone else then he is not worth your time...

    1. He was not honest to himself and yourself
    2. He married someone else, poor girl maybe she thought he married her for the right reasons
    3. Now that he is married he comes back saying he loves you...

    That is not a way to show it, sometimes ACTIONS ARE WORTH MORE THAN WORDS!!

    Keep praying to Allah swt to help you through this hard times... I will tell you what a really good friend of mine told me
    " Allah swt tests the good ones" Stay strong sister and stay away from this person...


  4. salaamualaykum, your premarital relationship is a mistake and may Allaah rectify it for you.

    if you love this man soooooooo much that it is disturbing you, and he aslo loves you, whats stopping him from marrying you as a second wife? is it not a brilliant solution.

    because you also are a human being, and deserve to have a husband who loves you and you love him and to fullfill your desire and to have children, to be a mother, you also deserve this, so why should he refrain from marrying you because of his wife.

    he can remain married to her and he can also marry you, thus get the best of both worlds.

    so end this haraam relationship and propose to him, if he can financially take care of one more woman and be just amongst them [time/gift wise etc], whats stopping him?

    everybody will be happy if he just marries you, Allaah will be happy with you, he will be happy, you will be happy, his currecnt wife may not be happy, but she has no say in this matter.

    i hope Allaah gets you together in a halaal way.

    Allaah ma'ak

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