Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My brother is gay. How should our family approach this?

A Muslim familyAsalamualaykum,

My brother is in his mid-thirties and we found out that he is practicing gay acts with multiple non-Muslim men. This has obviously come as a shock, but he has been involved in this for some time now.

How can we, as a family, approach this matter?

I have so many doubts after finding out that he has made profiles on dating websites... just to meet men! What should be our steps to take, besides asking Allah for help?

We haven't spoken to him yet. Our father is no more so there is no other man in the family. I really pray that no family has to under go this trial.

Thank you for any help or advice you can give.


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5 Responses »

  1. Dear,

    Make sure you guys don’t do some stupid things to resolve this.
    Be smart in making decisions to get him rid of this vulgar and sinful act.

    Approach him in smartest way, come up with some story and make a plan beforehand that all in your family including your mom dad and siblings just act weird and all of you show interest towards older man’s like 55+.
    Now this is just to make him feel and think that why they’re all doing wrong and these activities.

    Just talk about men and older man and their body stuff in a way that if someone hears them he/she feel’s disgusting.
    Do that until your gay brother comes to you guys and ask why you’re doing all that.
    Again, tell them we have an interest in boys and men’s.

    Now make sure you guys Portray the message in a way that this sin looks extremely disgusting dirty, and just like garbage.

    Now, this is something a psychological approach to treat this illness.
    The whole idea of make this look so dirty and bad in front of your brother coz your brother knows somehow that this is bad but he’s now habitual of this.

    Talk to him that we are now a gay family and we should celebrate with our relatives.

    Again, this is only to make your brother feel shame and feel this is exceptionally sinful.

    • Asalamualaykum Syed,

      I can appreciate your creativity, but this kind of "acting" is not the Islamic way of handling this type of situation. Homosexuality is his big test in life, prescribed for him perfectly by Allah, and drawing attention to it in the way you describe is inappropriate, in my opinion.

      And Allah knows best,


  2. Asalaamu Alaikum

    My brother turned out to be gay as well. Know that Allah has given him this challenge and that he is not somehow evil or less than anyone else. It was extremely traumatic for me when I learned of this, but I didnt have to pretend and live a lie and it was of course alot more traumatic for my brother himself. I remember eventually thinking, this is crazy, hes still the same brother that I love and care about and want to succeed. So I asked him to take a drive, and i was so firm that no matter what happens, I support him and I love him, he may make mistakes, things may happen, but he has my undying support. We both cried alot (first time ever as brothers we did this), but it literally lifted the weight off our shoulders and we are still so strong because of that extremely difficult day and difficult conversation. He prays, he fasts, he practices Islam and lives with this challenge that HE has to live with as per Allah's Will, alhumdulilah

    Good luck, May Allah make it easy for you and him, Ameen.

    • Asalamualaykum Brother Ahmed,

      Thank you for sharing your experience and for having been compassionate to both your brother and this poster. I too have a sister who "came out" to me with her lesbian inclinations as a teenager, and Alhamdulillah, she is no longer gay and is married to a man. You are right in that they are still our siblings and in a position to receive our love and understanding as per Allah Himself. Love and kindness alone can do wonders.


  3. Asalamualaykum,

    Thank you for writing in and for wanting to help your brother, rather than just ostracizing him or not caring.

    Remember that acting homosexually is ONE sin. There are many other sins, and we routinely overlook and forgive them in our closest relatives and friends.

    Therefore, do not judge your brother harshly. Instead, every time you are tempted to judge, think about a sin of your own that you need to work on, realizing that Allah is well-aware of everyone's weaknesses.

    Set a good example for your brother. Be kind to him, but don't support his lifestyle in any way.

    Honestly, this is not something you can really "help" him with, aside from setting a positive example of a heterosexual , Islamic lifestyle. I would not confront him about what you found, as you should not be going through his phone or laptop in the first place.

    Inshallah through love, compassion, and setting a good example, he will himself realize his mistakes and come to the right path.



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