Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I indulge in intimate kisses with my cousin, but it hurts me to think that my brother had once kissed her

No KissingSalam to all my Muslim brothers and sisters, ok may be i would sound like a psycho, but this thing in my mind is really hurting me but i want  to say truth coz i have no body to discuss it coz i feel ashamed,,

lets come to the point.... i feel shame to tell my story but i don't have any other option except you guys,,,, i love a girl and she is my cousin,,, she loves me too she is 19 years old and i'm 23, we have been doing foreplay( french kiss etc) for many years and i was the one who insisted her to do these kind of things,,

problem is that when she was a 13 year old girl and i was between 16-17 and my younger brother was 15, we both brothers used to like this same girl and we both told her about our feelings,,on that time she was confused and she stopped both of us but she had inclination towards my brother, anyhow nothing happened although they both liked each other,,, even she also liked me (i read her old diary some days ago) ,,,

she was confused on that time but after some months we started liking each other and after some more months i started kissing her and eventually we fell in serious love from that day she never went away from me,, and we did foreplay a lot of times (not intercourse),, about 9 months ago i asked my brother that did he ever kiss her when he used to like he told me yeah when she was 13 i kissed her suddenly on her lips but she got a little bit angry,,,

when i heard this i got out of my senses then i asked my gf that is it true so she said yeah its true.... i started blaming her and abusing her,,,,, she prays 5 times a day and she is memorizing Quran,,, she took oath on ALLAH several times that she never kissed any one except me and except this incident with my brother and she says that it wasn't her fault he did it suddenly and it was not a very intimate kiss like not french kiss,, like he just suddenly kissed her,,,

my brother also says the same thing,,, now my gf told me that about 3 years ago my brother tried to kiss her but she slapped him in the beginning i thought she is lying but her sister told me this thing even my sister told me that it is true that 3 years ago when our brother tried to kiss her she slapped him,,,, and when i asked my brother about this thing so he didn't say any thing  and he seemed ashamed,,,

now i know it is true that she is not a bad girl and i trust her she even one day took oath on Quran that she never gave her self to anybody else except me, i believe her, every thing is going fine, my brother likes someone else and she loves me very much and my brother and she speak nicely but deep down in my heart it pinches me that my brother kissed her even though it was a small kiss like it was not intimate but then sometimes i think o its all right it is a small thing, it wasn't her fault etc she slapped him etc,,,,

i shouldn't leave her she's a good girl i have done so many things with her etc i'm all confused what should i do one of my friends said you should not leave her she is a good girl and another guy said no your life will be destroyed if you will marry her... whats your opinion sincerely, having eye on every thing..... I AM CONFUSED

- ali1237

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

21 Responses »

  1. Salaam brother.

    What advice do you want? Stop the Zina and repent. Then marry her or leave her and both of you get on with your lives.

    This was something that happened when she was a child! She did not instigate it and it happened the once. Get over it! What's the difference between you or your brother or anyone else kissing her? She is not anyone's property and every person has a past!

    Forget what happened and move on.


  2. Set your passions aside. Repent to Allah. Correct your evils against this girl by marrying her. Ensure that you will be a worthy husband with the sense of responsibility a Muslim man should have by learning about Islam and the life of our Beloved Rasul (saw).

  3. my dear brother even I hav the same question as brother jav
    I mean wot do u need now?? u hav been committing sins and now you are asking a solution again for a haram !!! ... even ur gf is wrong she prays she reads quran and she is kissing u how?? this is not de practice of islam this is the practice of shaitaan....just leave her and repent sincerely 2 Allah Subhanatallah for your sins and live in the light of Quran and our beloved Rasulullas sunnah . and if u really love that girl then stop this zina and take your parents 2 her house and try 2 get married 2 her ...but right now what u are doing is really haram

    May Allah guide every ummathi Muhammad on the staright path Ameen

  4. Salam Akhi

    Dude seriously grow up and marry this girl, what stupid grudge are you carrying, some people marry others that have kids with other people etc after they become divorced.

    You said this girl is awesome your self whats wrong with you, complete half your deen and stop being stupid. She was 13, Wallah, are you nuts bro. you gonna hold something against a lovely girl when she was 13.

    Sort it out bro and let go of the past.


  5. Asalamwalaikum Brother. Even though you must be feeling ashamed, many of us do make mistakes which we repent on. You should've believed your gf if she prayed 5 times namaz mash'Allah and took an oath on Allah. When it comes to serious stuff about affairs, some of the girl's would lie to make themselves look like the innocent one. But since you heard from your sister and brother about it, you shouldn't have abused her. This must've made her feel very upset. Whatever happened has happened, we can't go back to it but next time make sure that you give the girl a chance to tell you her side of the story before you hear your brothers or anything from anyone else. Although, I must say that I know every one of us makes mistakes, but your gf who mash'Allah prays 5 times and recites the Quran, she shouldn't be kissing you at all and you shouldn't be the one whos encouraging her to do it. Allah may be happy with her praying 5 times namaz and reciting the Quran, but how will your gf receive her good deeds whilst she is kissing someone which is forbidden in Islam? Your 23 now and if you really want to express love to someone then you should complete your deen by getting married. You should be repenting for what you have done and slow down everything even the french kissing between you and your gf as this is Haram. May Allah guide you to the right path, In shaa Allah Ameen.

  6. Assalamu'alaikum brother Ali,

    Know that what you did was a sin, so was what your brother tried to do. But he did it once and you have been doing it for years... You must feel remorse for having disobeyed Allah and crossing His limits. He set boundaries for is to safeguard them and not breach them.

    Your cousin, you said prays all the 5 and is memorizing the Quran. If her deen ia good, you may initiate talks about marriage, but ot won't be good to live (I mean after marriage) with your brother as she and her modesty won't be safe.

    She has been sinning equally and needs to repent to Allah. The expiation for your sin as per Islam is two rakaa'aat of prayer (Salatut Tawbah). Tawbah includes expiation, stopping the sin, remorse and a resolution not to repeat the sin.

    You must stop immediately and repent to Allah before thinking about further steps.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  7. bro. I'm also in the same condition.
    I'm in love my cousin and she loves me too.
    I'm 3 years older than her.
    But here my younger brother is irittating her.they are of same age.

    I asked him oneday.He said he loves her.
    but she doesn't said it to me.
    I saw he try to rub her feet with his feet.
    But she always try to take it off.
    I asked her that why she is not telling that my brother is irritating her.
    she thinks that we brothers will become enemies.
    Thats why she's nt telling this to me..

    And she promised that I will be her life partner.
    and noway she is going mingle with any other guyz.She is only belongs to me

    so bro 'trust is must in love'

    take her to your world...
    marry her...

  8. {Editor's comment: Don't post judgemental and condemning comments. Constructive criticism is fine. Insulting others isn't.}

  9. Asalam o alaikum,

    You are 23 years old, you should stop what you call foreplay for once and for all and then you should propose to her and ask her parents for her hand in marriage. What you've been doing is wrong, and you know that, you are supposed forget about the past and think about the present and future, ask Allah for forgiveness and repent for your sins, she must do the same.
    You seem to be deeply in love so, you can't just leave her after what you two have done, I'm sure that she agreed to indulge in foreplay and such only cuz she knew that you were gonna marry her.
    She seems like a good person and you too seem like a nice man, you are to stop these activities and marry her.
    As far as the ordeal with your brother is concerned, you should believe in her, she took an oath on the Holy Quran for your sake, what other doubts do you have left? She doesn't love your brother, she loves you and only you. It was just an accident, she didn't even want to kiss your brother.
    Repent for your sins and marry her, when you are indulged in a close relationship with someone, you should think positive not negative and believe in your partner.
    Inshaallah everything will be fine and you two will lead happy lives.

  10. Assalamualaikum Varahmathullahi vabarakathuhu
    i have almost the sam problm..
    i have a cousin who is 12 years and im 16
    it happened a long back ....3 years ago .........i kissed her .... touched her many time at many occasions ..... and it was intimate 🙁
    now i regret abt the past what i had done to her ...... because she is so small
    she didnt became angry
    instead she kissed me back
    and now she is threatening that she will tell this to everybody
    what can i do ? im so upset from 8 months
    i love her but ...........
    her attitude made me sad 🙁
    hope anyone will answer me 🙂

    • You should apologize to her, and sincerely let her know how much you regret your actions and that you do not do such things anymore (right?). Then stay away from her completely, have no contact with her, and hope (and pray) that she does not reveal what happened. I would call it child abuse except that you were both children. Forget about "loving" her, just avoid her and leave her to her life.

      Wael Editor

      • but she loves me back......
        and i too love her
        then how it would be child abuse
        she liked what i did to her
        i kissed and did many things (except sex)

        • Astaghfirullah. It is child abuse because she is a CHILD! She was only 9 years old when you started, and even now at 12 she is still a child. She may have liked what you did but she does not have the maturity to understand the consequences. It's quite likely that when she grows older she will feel shame and regret. You too should be ashamed, but it doesn't sound like you regret your actions at all. I hope she does tell her parents and expose you. If I knew you personally I would report you to the police.


  11. Its zeena
    Seeing a non mhram girl is haram
    And u hug her kiss her etc is sin in islam and so on
    Oops but no take tention if u realy woried then ask for ur forgiveness to allah and if u realy like that girl then simply marry with her is the gud decision and enjoy ur life with halal manners not with shetan and sinful acts

Leave a Response