Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I keep talking to my Christian friend even when she criticizes Islam?

Angry woman

Angry woman.

Asalam alaykom,

One year ago, I met a christian friend. She was was such a great person. We used to talk and hung out with each other most of the time.

she has always been asking me about Islam and I help her a lot by answering all of her question and explaining so many things about Islam. I even encouraged her to go to the mosque to ask the scholars there about what can she do to convert.

At that time, she totally accepted Islam, performed shahada, and she practiced Islam in her daily life.

Two months later, she kept telling me that she started to have doubts about Islam because she goes online and she reads all the crazy stuff about islam. She used to say that she can't accept things in Islam like marriage, jihad and she thinks that the black-stone in al kaa'ba is idolatry.

I tried so hard to to discuss everything with her and keep her faith in Islam strong. Unfortunately, all my efforts were in vain. She left Islam.

Now the problem is that she tries to tell me that she found the truth in the gospel and Islam is a lie and false religion. She always keeps confusing me and I tell her that I don't want to discuss religions with her. she does nothing but trying to pull me away from Islam.

I keep telling her that I totally believe in Islam and this won't change in my heart. she tells me that she doesn't want me to go to hell and she prays for all Muslims to find the truth!!!! now I really don't know what to do! should I keep talking to this person who always tries to conflict me or cut my relationship with her because I'm not comfortable with her anymore! Please help me!

- Tammy Tam


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25 Responses »

  1. Pardon me for deviating away from the poster’s concern but I can’t help but say this.

    In my childhood I used to watch this scary show called “Goosebumps” where a series of scary stories were told and there was one episode that consisted of a scary dummy. The picture pasted above (i.e., the 'angry woman') reminds me of that dummy and I couldn’t help but feel shivers down my spine when I saw it; it brings back scary memories!

    -Helping Sister

  2. Your belief in Islam is firm enough to not let her sway you, so if she won't stop with the continuous attempts to convert you, cut her off. Chances are she's fallen in with some evangelical "society of the saved" group. She's most likely trying to convert every catholic and jew she meets as well. I had a friend who fell in the deep hole of evangelical christiandom and I finally had to end my friendship with her and delete her from my facebook because I just couldn't take it another minute. Whenever I would run into her in social settings, she'd tell me she was praying for my soul and ask me to pray with her. Finally, I decided to lie, so I told her I joined a coven. Now she leaves me alone. I know. Lying is a sin. I don't suggest that you lie, but I understand what you are going through.

  3. Salamualaikum,

    One should do Da'wah only after preparing to do so by gaining knowledge about what one is going to call to, so that there is no doubt involved.

    Allah Guides Who He Wills. Perhaps she is not Destined to be Guided at this moment. Infact, she poses a danger to your faith. I have seen many people with mighty faith go astray after having been Guided, because they had less knowledge about Deen.

    Hence, I suggest you to gain as much Knowledge as possible about Allah, His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, His Deen and whatever could make your Imaan strong, FROM AUTHENTIC SOURCES. I could help you locate authentic information if you need it, insha Allah.

    For immediate action, tell her that you are satisfied with Allah as your Only Lord, Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam as your Nabi and Islam as your Deen, and stop your contact with her. This way, you could close the door to any fitnah upon your faith.

    And keep saying the Dua:

    Allahumma Thabbit Qalbi 'Ala Deenik
    (O Allah, Keep my heart firm upon Your Deen)

    If you need any more help, please write to us.

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Exactly brother, also sister, try to find WHY she converted to the gospel, what were her reasons? An extremely clever, but militant, Muslim scholar on the Christian bible is Ahmed Deedat. He is dead(may Allah grant him Jannah), but you can watch his talks on YouTube and also buy them.

      If u really fear for ur iman after all this, and ur 'friend' still isn't convinced....delete her from online social-networking sites, from ur memory, in real life. But ONLY if she is a threat to ur iman, otherwise every time she preaches to u, preach back about Islam and clear the misconceptions. But the results lie on the Hands of Allah, He knows best.
      Assalamu alaikum

      • Ali,
        I will agree that there are many issues with the validity of the bible due to it's frequent translations over time, the reformation of christianity during the 1500's and beyond etc. However, I will NEVER refer to the bible as "disgusting" . I would never call the Quran or the Talmud "disgusting" either, whether I agree or disagree, question, or accept the teachings therein. To refer to the bible as a "disgusting" document is rather insulting to Allah. Regardless of your feelings on the document of the bible, there are MANY similar stories in both the bible and the Quran, the prophets are the same, their stories are the same, Maryam is featured in both, Jesus is featured in both, etc. To therefore refer to the bible as "disgusting" is akin to suggesting that the Quran is "disgusting" as well. Yes, the bible is flawed, but it contains many of the same stories as the Quran. So how can one be disgusting and the other not?

        it is the BIBLE which promotes honor killings and other extreme stuff attributed to Islam.

        Yes, honor killings were prevelant during the pre-Islamic arabian era, it was a cultural thing. They were NOT attributed to Islam in the bible, as Islam did and does not exist in the bible. The bible ends with Jesus. There is NO mention of the Prophet (PBUH) in the bible. And honor killings still exist today. Unfortunately most occur within theocratic countries that follow Islam. But just like the pre-Islamic era, many of these honor killings have more to do with tribal and cultural norms than they do with Islam. They occur NOT because of Islam, but IN SPITE of Islam.

        • Lydia, I have removed Ali's comment. Ali is a child who has strong opinions and needs to do more listening and learning before he starts advising people. He's already on moderated status and that comment of his should not have been approved as is.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I have watched all of these Deedat debates, and this they totally enriched my knowledge about Islam. My friend have seen them as well but I know what is her problem...she is still not convinced. Anyways, I rarely talk to her now, and I think this better for both of us.

    • Assalamualaykum Brother Waseem,

      "AUTHENTIC SOURCES"? Why did you specifically highligh this? Authentic is authentic, no recent group or sect could make it authentic. Alhamdulillah our Salaf and previous ulemas had defined what is authentic for us.

      • Wa Alaikum as Salam brother,

        Jazakallahu Khair for asking.

        Authentic is Authentic, but the deviant ones also call themselves Authentic. I highlighted "Authentic Sources" to differentiate what the Salaf believed to be Authentic, from what is just claimed to be Authentic, to which, the common folk easily fall prey.

        Muhammad Waseem
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salaams,

    Having once been a Christian myself before converting to Islam, I think I can safely say that she no longer sees you as a real friend. She sees you as a ministry, a witnessing opportunity....more or less a project to help her lead the lost to salvation. True friends who may have different faiths know better than to proselytize each other. If she really valued your friendship, she would make sure that your time spent together would include more than sermons on her understanding of the gospel. However, she is not doing that, and you shouldn't be put in a position of having to waste your time and breath arguing back. I would go ahead and spend more time and energy with your other friends who accept you as you are. If she ever asks why you distanced from her you can explain this, and let her know that you would be willing to be her friend again as long as it was based on mutual enjoyment of each other's company and not who can score the biggest conversion score.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Sister tammy tam, your name sound like a revert sister. What are the reasons she give you... for her leaving islam, alleging islam is a false religion, and for her embracing the 'gospel'? You can post the reasons here so that we can discuss on it... You know, i ones stumbled into this websites that try to spoil the image of islam, and try to confuse people and sway them away from islam.. I was very very devastated when i saw the way this people misquote and mistranslate the koran, hadith and islam in general. And I would admit that if someone doesnt have enough knowledge of his religion (islam), the contents of those websites could really cast doubts and confusion into someones heart... This devils in human form quote the verses of the koran 'out of context' and they also mistranslate the verses of the koran and hadiths and manipulate everything to suit there notion (which ofcourse is *islam is a religion of terror, *islam degrades women, *islam ordains the killing of infidels, *islam is a babaric religion, *muslims worship the moon god, *muslims worship the black house/stone in ka'aba in mecca etc etc) ... This is pure injustice, pure wickedness and a very nice way of inviting people to hell fire. They just want to mislead humans from the true religion of God (islam)... Whoever wants to translate the koran, should translate it the way the prophet muhammad himself translated it. Not just say things out of your own whims and desires and then attribute it to islam.. The people operating those websites are not even muslims, they barely know what islam is and who true muslims are, and they peruse through the koran (with a very negative intention, and with there mind full of hatred and negative thoughts toward islam), quote verses OUT OF CONTEXT, AND MISTRANSLATE the koran and hadiths. And with this they deceive and confuse vulnerable people... Again many atimes the lie against the koran, they fabricate verses and use them against islam, and which if you check the koran, you would never find such verses. Also they fabricate some hadiths or wrongly/falsely translate the hadiths to suit there evil notion. So your friend was one of there victims, she fell into there trap.

    My advice should be if someone doesnt have the real knowledge of his deen, visiting such websites is a big fitnah, he/she shouldnt even try it..

    So sister, what are your friend reasons for her leaving islam and labelling it as a 'false religion' ?? I think we should begin from here.

    • Well, no. I'm not a revert, I was born and raised as a Muslim alhamdolillah. Now, you are totally right because my friend was really deceived by all these sites. She told me that she has many problems with Islam like the rule of killing apostates, she says that this is very cruel and everyone must have the freedom to choose his faith without killing. She says that the bible is so peaceful unlike the Qur'an and doesn't encourage his followers to kill. She also doesn't accept the idea of marring four woman, she told me that every man should have only one woman and there is no need to marry four no matter what. In addition, she thinks that spinning around AL ka'aba is idolatry that we worship a stone!! she said that God wouldn't ask his believers to do this because kissing and touching the stone has nothing to do with being close to God....all of these matters keep her away from Islam.

      • She is telling you that she has problem with islam killing apostates and she called it cruel? But then the bible she claims she has accepted teaches more of this killings than even the koran... Because the bible even says that " if thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is in thine own soul, entice thee secretely, saying, let us go and serve other gods, which thou has not known, thou, nor thy fathers; namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shall thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: but thou shalt surely kill him: thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the lord thy God,..." deut13:6-10 ..
        The bible also says anyone who worships any other gods or worship the sun or the moon etc, must be stoned to death (deut 17:2-5)..
        Infact the bible says anyone who blasphemes the name of the lord must be put to death and the entire assembly must stone him. (leviticus24:16)
        anyone who curse God must be put to death (1 kings 21:10)
        also wizards spiritists and witches must be put to death (leviticus 20:27)
        anyone who commits adultory must be put to death by stoning (deut 22:23-24).
        Homosexuals and lesbians must be put to death (leviticus 20:13).
        Even a cow, bull or any animal that kills, must be stoned to death (exodus 21:28)
        this are laws jesus himself said he came to confirm and not to destroy. "think not that i am come to destroy the law, or the prophets (of the old testament): i am come not to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily i say unto you, till heavens and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefor breaks one of there least commandment and teaches men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, thesame shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." (matthew5:17-19)

        also in matthew15:4-6, jesus reiterates the commandment to kill children for cursing or disobeying there parents "for God commands saying, honour your father and mother; and he that curseth his father or mother, let him die the death. But you say..... Thus have you made the commandment of God of none effect by your traditions." jesus was reinforcing the laws from exodus21:17, leviticus20:9 and particularly deuteronomy20:9 which details the requirements that parents bring stubborn boys to the city and be excuted by stoning. Here Jesus also criticize the humanitarian efforts of the pharasees, who struggled for years to find ways to soften the impact of this brutal commandment, and to make it unenforceable.

  6. Assalamu alaykum
    @Lydia, sister Mohammad SWS is mentioned in the bible!as isa as (jesus) mentioned mohammads SWS name in the bible, he said after him there will be another prophet and we should follow his teachings!

    • So then why would one regard and describe the bible as "disgusting"?

      • muslimgirl is not the one who made that comment. There's no need to try to pick a fight with every other commenter because of something that one adolescent said.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Br. Wael,
          I am well aware that Muslimgirl did not make that comment which is why I wrote "one", not "you". I am absolutely not trying to pick a fight with muslimgirl. Why should I? Muslimgirl did nothing more than turn me on to research the bible further and find some answers regarding the truth. I realize that some may find me argumentative with my "why" questions, and I don't mean to be. I'm just trying to figure out my way religiously, and who, what, when, why, how questions are the way to do that. The more I ask, the more I read, the more I pray, the more I am drawn to Islam.
          I will try to briefly state my entrance into understanding Islam: I am of a group that keeps a close and watchful eye on certain "cults" in the US that would like to use the bible to drive fear into the hearts of others; those that would love the US to become a warped NT theocracy. Even when I was a christian I was opposed to their singular beliefs. One "cult" in particular has certain royal families that blog and are read not only nationwide, but world-wide. One day, a year ago, this family posted on their blog "Allah is not God". When I read their erroneous blog entry, I felt COMPELLED to respond. So, I spent hours researching Islam and responding on their site. Weeks later I met a muslim who helped me remove my misconceptions of Islam some more. When I went to work, I helped my co-worker remove her misconceptions of Islam. She, in turn, has educated her parents and helped them remove their misconceptions as well. Have I reverted? No. have I left my christian denomination? Yes. But I continue to learn via the Quran and other texts, as well as sites here.

          At the same time as i realize the pureness of the Quran, I also recognize the similarities that exist in the books of the other Abrahamic religions. And despite my in-betweeness religion-wise, I am not, nor ever will be in authority to judge another's religious text and denounce them as "disgusting". That was my point. I accept your censure Br. Wael, and I can only pray that my journey of discovery leads me to the path Allah (swt) has chosen for me. I imagine that I will eventually get there, though not all paths are smooth or clearly marked. i do expect to stumble, but have faith in Him. May He bless us all with understanding.

          • Lydia, your story is fascinating, and your participation here is welcome. May Allah continue to guide you on the path. As Muslims we revere and respect all holy books, even when we do not agree with them. Sometimes young people take extreme attitudes, but Islam is a way of compassion and brotherhood/sisterhood.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. Salam,

    I is disturbing to find out that comments are erased if they are not liked by the admins of the website. Where is the freedom of speech, every one should be able to express their opinions. If the comments are of offensive nature they should be quoted and there should be a note added for the reader before the comments.

    • Yasir, what's the benefit of allowing offensive comments? The purpose of this website is to guide people and help them, not to give a microphone to troublemakers and bad-tempered people.

      Everyone has complete freedom of speech. They can publish their own website or blog, and say whatever they like. But on this website, we moderate the comments.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Many of these laws are in the old testament. The 'God/holy ghost' that inspired the old testament, the 'God' that inspire moses and all the other biblical prophets to carry out such laws, is still thesame God/holyghost that inspired the new testament. And according to the christians, jesus is God, and he is the holyghost that inspired the authors of the new testaments to write what they have writen... So technically, jesus is actually the one that reveals/inspired all these laws to moses and the prophets.

    You know, am not trying to criticize there bible for commanding them to kill people who serve other gods or committing some crimes as stated above.. But you see, when someone goes out of his way to be criticizing islam just because it permits killing apostates, or killing a murderer (who does it intentionally) or someone who commits adultory [these are only the set of people that God allows muslims to kill] , but such person did not consider and criticize the killings his bible orders him to do, then what can you label such person??? Then really his arguement is meaningless.
    Infact this issue of killing apostates only applies to countries that practice the sharia law... If it happens in a country that do not practice sharia (whether muslim or nonmuslim country), then nobody is allowed to take the law into his hands, only the authorities take such decisions.. Allah said "THERE IS NO COMPULSION IN RELIGION. VERILY THE RIGHT PATH HAS BECOME DISTINCT FROM THE WRONG PATH..."koran2:256
    for the case of adultorers and other sinners, it is considered as a very grave mistake and sin for someone to commit harams and then go on disclosing it to others.. Whoso ever Allah conceals his sins for him, then he should never disclose it to anyone. Such person should infact ask allow for forgiveness and Allah is OFT-FORGIVEN, MOST MERCIFUL. Also whosoever refrain his tongue for disclosing the secretes or sins of others, the Allah shall help such person in this world and in the hereafter.

  9. Sister Tammy Tam,

    I agree with Sister Amy's comments above.

    Also, some people like to argue because they think they can "win" the argument or feel superior to others. The disbelievers will never be swayed. Only Allah can choose to lead them.

    However, as a slave of Allah, you may someday have the opportunity to act as a method for Allah to lead her. Until then, do what you can to maintain a friendly relationship with her. Someday, it may be the will of Allah that you play a role in her return to Islam. Be ready to be His conduit, His tool, His method of leading her.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com

  10. Concerning spinning around the ka'aba, it only represents the house of God, it doesnt mean God is in that small room, God is far above been confined in a place..
    Circumbulating the kaaba is the traditions of the prophets. Abraham was the one that build the kaaba when God ordered him to do so. And if you trace to the heavens parallel to the ka'aba in mecca, you would still find similar ka'abas from the first heaven to the 7th heaven.. This ka'abas are being frequently visited by the angels and they spine around it just the way muslims spine around this world ka'aba and kiss the black stone. So your friend shouldnt be confused about this, we do not worship the kaaba or the black stone or the maqam ibrahim.. GOD is somewhere up above the seven heavens..

    And concerning polygamous marriage, there is not a single verse in the whole bible that condemn or forbids it, infact the prophets it the bible did it. Abraham according to there bible had 3 wives sarah, hagar and keturah, solomon has 700 wives and 300 concubines etc etc and all this are prophets and great men of God.. Then why is she going against it? Her religion does not in anyway says anything against marrying more than one wife...

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