Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My cousin and I want to get married… My parents disapprove

cousin marriages

As-salamu alaykum everyone, I'm in a really big dilemma and am seeking help from all of you.

I'm very much love with my cousin (my mom's sister's son). We have a age difference of 10 years (I'm 19) but I seriously don't mind that at all. But my parent's don't seem to have the same opinion on this. My dad highly disapproves of the age gap and that he's my cousin. There's no other problem since he's highly educated and is seeking higher education in UK. And we all know his family as well. His family on the other hand, don't have any problem to this and they accept it. They were the one to bring the proposal to my house on the first place. And my dad indirectly said no by saying he will get me married after I finish college which is 4 years later.

One year has passed by and I don't think my parent's changed their mind. But since my cousin and I live in two different countries we kept in touch via e-mail and all. An that's how I found out he loves me and wants to marry me but can't do anything for my family. I also have feelings for him but like him I can't go against my family.

I understand my family knows what's best for me and want me someone better in my life. But they should also understand they can't force me to marrying someone else. But they don't even know that I love him or want to marry him since they never asked for my opinion.

Please help me out. I'm in dire need of advice and we just want to settle down and get married the right way with our parent's blessing. Thanks you!

shymeem


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4 Responses »

  1. Why your parents waiting 4 years to marry you off I dont get this. Ask your dad and talk to him because if you really like your cousin and what to marry him then be HONEST and tell your parents how you feel. You have to tell your parents about what you want because in the end no one else will know until you show your interest. Islamically it is your right to choose and no one can force you. In pakistani families force/emotional blackmail still goes on but its up to you to make a stand for yourself and inshAllah make the right decisions for YOU.

  2. OP: I understand my family knows what's best for me and want me someone better in my life...............But they should also understand they can't force me to marrying someone else. But they don't even know that I love him or want to marry him since they never asked for my opinion.

    If you think your family knows best, listen to them and follow them, no ifs ands or buts.

    How can you say "I love him" to a non-mehram? Love goes out of the window in most love marriages. Tell your family to find a boy with good job and good education and sound mind.

    One reason your cousin wants to marry you may be getting UK citizenship.

  3. I felt bad for you until you said that your parents don't know how you feel about your cousin because you didn't tell them. Do you expect them to read your mind?? Allah gave you a voice so use it. Maybe if you tell them you're interested in your cousin they'll rethink the proposal. If nothing else, it will give you all the chance to discuss the proposal and hear your parents reasons for their refusal. Who knows, maybe they have a good reason and will convince you of their point of view, or maybe you'll be able to convince them. But you won't know if you don't say anything!

  4. I know that in Islam it is permissible to marry your cousin but to be frank with you, i would advice you against it 1) because there are many side effects that comes with two cousins marrying each other: A) Mental health problems such as down syndrome, Autism, and in certain cases even deformities, sickle cell anemia, if God forbid both of you are of the same blood type such as AS, or Aa etc.. And so much more

    2) You said you know your parents/fam know what is best for you so i think you should listen to them to avoid having any regrets in future.

    3) Remember, you are still young so take it easy on yourself. Don't rush, you have alot of time ahead of you for all that.

    4) Follow your heart but brace yourself for the consequences.

    5) Goodluck with your Decision making 🙂

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