I love my cousin but he gets angry very quickly and stops talking, any duas please
Assalam O Alikum,
You are doing a great job by providing the solutions to the people's problem. I would like to request a dua please help me I love my cousin and he also loves me but the problem is that he gets angry on every silly things. He stops talking to me without any reason, I really love him so much please suggest me any dua so that he also starts loving me the same way I love him. I pray five times a day and recite Holy Quran and various duas Alhamdulillah but every time he becomes angry; I become sad please pray for me and suggest me dua in Arabic.
Jawii.
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Salaams,
I'm sorry, but I don't know enough Arabic to outline any particular dua's. However, I would like to comment about your post.
From the brief bit you've shared, it seems that you and your cousin share some type of romantic "love" relationship. You didn't really say if you two were supposed to be getting married at some point or not, or exactly what the nature of your "love" was. It does make a difference.
I would just like to say that the purpose of dua is not to change people to what we would like them to be. You mentioned that you wanted a dua so that he would "love you like you love him", but that's not the way things work. In every relationship, there's no guarantee that the couple will have the same exact amount of love for each other. One person may "love" the other person more, and quite honestly there doesn't have to be a problem with this. What matters in a relationship is whether the two people are committed to the same level. Even if a man and woman have a little bit of a difference in love, if they are both equally committed the relationship has promise.
Commitment is where the feelings and thoughts of love turn into action. The whole reason I'm bringing this up is because you mentioned he seems to have an anger problem. Whether he loves you the same as you or less than you, if he is not committed to use his love toward helping him control his anger better, you won't feel loved. On the converse, even if he loved you less...if he was committed to treating you with respect and care instead of anger, it would satisfy you.
So the question here isn't whether he can or will love you just like you love him, but whether he will, in that love he has for you, commit to treating you well. If he is not committed to that goal, and continues to lash out at you, then you have to seriously question if that's the person you want to spend life with because certainly that's not what you deserve.
I am saying all of the above under the assumption that the nature of your relationship is one with marriage being the goal. If you two have no plans to marry, then needless to say you should end the relationship immediately as there is no place for "love" without marriage.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Jawii,
Marital life has many challenges to it and it is unfortunately true that love is not enough. Either you realize that today or after 10 years when you have children with him and he dumps his stress onto you.
His anger problem is his responsibility, not for you. There might be a du'a, but from the sounds of it, I doubt this will get better, it will get worse. It will get worse when you have a child and you can't give him the attention you could give before, It will get worse if you didn't do something he wanted in time and so forth and so forth...
Especially if he is getting mad and doesn't provide a reason. Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and means of control. I would be very careful and understand that emotions of love would die if they are not properly taken care of.
I hope that you think this through thoroughly and listen to those who have been married and experienced more than you.
Thanks i really appreciate your answer In sha Allah there are many chances of us to get married only problem is with his anger he gets angry on every silly things and after few minutes he becomes normal i am really afraid of loosing him due to his anger please pray for me. Thanks once again.
Normal dua is the best thing , i do not have any particular dua for you , but you can only ask Allah , remember if you ask Allah he will answer , aya Kursi is also good and so is suratul Fatihah , you can always make salaat on the Prophet then make duaa beacause the Prophet says no duaa will make it to Allah untill you make sallaat on him how to make salaat on Prphet is : say: "O'Allah give your pryers and blessings on Muhammad" . or you can make sallat then make duaa. but i agree you should also try talking to him and tell how you feel when he show this behavior so try both.
Though you are not married I donot know weather it's worth it or not because it's difficult to find out. And basically in Islam bf or gf is not allowed.
Hello Nadia,
Could you elaborate on this a bit more : s no duaa will make it to Allah untill you make sallaat on him how to make salaat on Prophet (SAW)
We do not call on anyone but Allah; We cannot call even on the Prophet Muhammad (sws). To call on anyone besides Allah is shirk. Certainly many Muslims do it. These kinds of shirk practices are common in the Muslim world among those who are not Islamically educated, and in certain sufi sects.
I think what the Hadith says is if you send salaam and blessings on the Prophet (SAW) -
"Verily your dua's are held between heaven and earth and do not ascend to heaven until you invoke blessings upon your Prophet (SAW).
At-Tirmidhi
Praying to anyone but Allah, swearing upon anyone but Allah is shirk.
Out of curiosity how old is your cousin and what "silly" things anger him? Sometimes when we are young we allow things to bother us, but as we age and mature, the silly things anger us less and less because we learn to pick our battles more wisely. Perhaps your cousin just needs time to mature.
Then I am sorry for my comment I apology for my misguide to this sister. And thank you for opening my eyes that I was going in wrong path as "shirk". I am sorry sister please ignore my comment thank you.
Sister,
Think long and hard before marrying your cousin. His behavior will not change and it will only worsen over time. I speak from a life of experience at the hands of my husband who is like this. This behavior is not only childish, it is very hard to live with. Take your time and think long and hard over your decision to marry him. Life is way to short to put up with someone who behaves this way, cousin or not.
Salam
I agree. To attempt to change the will of others is spell casting. To pray that one loves you as you love him is to cast a spell over his/her will. It might work for a time, but the person's will, will eventually right itself back to where he/she began. To ask Allah (swt) to make someone love you is akin to magic. Would not a dua to help him deal with his anger be more appropriate than one that helps him love you as you love him?
lydia sis he is 20 years old he is not just having the anger problem even his dad who is my uncle is also having the same problem he is a very kind person i dont know all suddenly what happens to him he start becoming angry its hard for me to marry someone else and forget him i love him so much and thanks everyone for commenting please remember me in your prayers
love is gentle
Love is kind
Love is patient.
Explore the world....I know how you feel.
To love is different than being in love. When both are in love anger doesn't exisit.
Love can be good but Love can be blind !
...May be he is just SHY...
Salam...mostly.indian.and.pakistan.they.are.marreid.to.thier.cousin..but me.is.phlippines we will.not.going.married.our.own.cousin... Our.culture.is.not.allowed that
Yess..in.quran.mention.it.. Marry your.son.of.your.uncle.or.daugther.of.your.anty like thisss so.on..but.i cant.undersstand.how.people do this same blood.married each other.or.relation blood togethe...mixed.it allahu akbar....im sorry.to.say.this.but we are.phlippines muslim
We.are muslim.but neevr.we.marred.to.relatives just think.how.at.what was feeling.of.it same place and.see alwsy.then.love.each.other.allahu.akbar.. What.is.feeling.of that...by the.way this is a indian and.pak culture.. Im now.live.in.arabic.country.saudi.arabi
.i.live.here.10 yers i hve.some many.freinds.arabic.then.i.asking.them.bout.marry.cousin.they answer me yes that.before.now.they. Avoid.it or.due.to.same
By the way sorry for kinds a comment.
.just.i.was.confuse.people.love own.cousin.and.relatives.. But.me.from.philippines.country.nevr.marred.to.raltives or cousin....
It's ok Sarah if cousin marriage is repulsive to you. It is your culture and science theories that has made it repulsive to you. As you already know islamically it is not in any grey zone instead clearly permissible so when we marry cousin it's halal ,Allah has permitted it and if we don't want to then its our personal choice and cultural influence.
It is similar as although I can eat halal meat but sight ,taste or smell of it is repulsive to me so I prefer to be vegetarian . Both are fine.