Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My dad molested me again

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(Editor's note: Please read previous posts and


I previously wrote about my abusive dad who has molested me since I was a small girl. About a month ago I wrote about getting strength to finally do someting about it. The last few years have been horrible been for me as I have been very ill because of problems with jinn and black magic. But that was last year, and things have changed.  I finally have a job  and I am feeling better, as I said before in my last post that my jinn problem is sorted.

My father is back though, after he was away from some time. I was worried before he came because I didn't want him to molest me again. Since he's come back, I am doing overtime in my job- so I go early in the morning and I come back late in the evening,  and I don't really see him. This way he doesn't have any opportunity to touch me, and you know I have been so happy that I am able to escape from this hell which I call my family. I have just been so busy at work, that I haven't have the chance to think about anything- let alone him. This job has been and is so good for me; it has given me confidence and I have an opportunity to socialize, meet new people and have a normal life.

For a while everything was fine, but something happened today. I was at home as today was my day off, and my dad came behind me and he licked me on my neck. I feel sick- so sick and disgusted and I couldn't do anything  about it. I just ran upstairs and I just feel sick. I can't believe it, I feel like I am back to square one. I thought (I don't know why)  everything will be good now. That somehow nothing bad will happen, and that maybe since it hasn't happened since he came, maybe he has changed.

But like I said it was because I was at work- so he didn't have a chance until now.  I just, dunno, I just am stupid. I just feel worthless and dirty.  I just want to escape because I don't want to sink in depression again. I am struggling not to cut my wrist, which I know is bad thing to do, but it helps me- I don't know, it just helps. I wish he will stop doing this, I just want him to stop. I will forgive him for everything he has done in the past if he can stop. I will give anything if he changed and he stop doing this to me.  

I don't why I am writing all these things, but I just need someone to know this, someone to say to me that it will be better and I just need a hug. I just want to someone to tell me that it is a bad dream and I will wake up, and everything will be fine. I am not asking for much, I just want him to stop, but why does it feel like I am asking for the moon?

My job is only temporary and it is going to finish soon. I don't what I am going to do, as this job was the only thing that was letting me escape from this hell. I was finally happy and confident, but I don't feel like that anymore. My dad is like poison and I am worried that one day (i can't believe i am writing this)  he will completely forget that I am his daughter and do something that is unforgivable. This is my biggest nightmare. I can't believe I am pouring my heart out again on this website, but I just need to get this off my chest. I just want to feel safe again, I can't believe that I feel safe outside rather than in my own home. Safety is the only thing I want, it is such a simple word but for me it is everything that I dream of. I deserve this much, don't I?

I want to share something else with you. At my work, I have met someone. He is very kind,  nice and funny. I don't know why, but  I really like him as a person. I don't  know why, because to be honest I don't really trust guys. But for some reason he is different, and I really like him. I know we only just met, but I really feel happy around him. I am myself with him, and I don't really feel shy around him. I don't even know if he is the one for me. I mean, I haven't liked anyone for years, and I was kind of worried that I never will. I thought that my heart is broken, that I am broken and incapable of ever liking anyone or even falling in love. I can't say I love him because I don't.  But I really do like this guy.

He is about 10 years older than me, and he makes me feel happy. He is just a warm person, and he is just so likeable. I don't want to be his girlfriend, I know that is haram. I just want to be his friend and get to know him better. He makes me happy, and I don't know if he is written in my destiny, because if he is then for the first time I am not scared about marriage. But even if nothing happens between him and me it doesn't matter, I know now that everything happens for the best. And I have started to believe in destiny, and I believe I have met him for a reason and that is that he has given me an idea of how I am going to escape.

Yesterday he was telling me about a  job in Saudi Arabia, and today when I was upset about everything, I kind of remembered that. Maybe this is fate's way of helping me to escape. I am going to speak to him about the job, and ask him to help me get this job. Maybe he will help me, as he is so nice.  This job is my chance to get out of here, and I will also get a chance to work with him; which means that I will get to know him better. But then again, even though I like him so much, it is really not about me spending time with him or seeing him.  It really is about me surviving.

This job is important to me because I will be able to leave this house, not being around the person who I call dad. I hate that word 'dad'- it means nothing to me, because he does not know what the term 'daughter' is.  If he did, he wouldn't do this to me. He is the reason I hate myself to the point sometimes I just want to die. I just want to escape, if i get this job. It has to be this job, becuase this job is so far away and I get to move away from him and he will never have the chance to touch me or hurt me.  

Because the job is in Saudi, I believe I can persuade my mother to let me go. I would be able to go without shaming my family, and most importantly without hurting my mum's feelings. Even though she ignores everything my dad does -I don't why-  Allah has made my love so strong for her. Even though I sometimes think that she betrayed motherhood by not protecting me, my love for her still doesn't go weak, it still grows stronger with time. But even if she does not let me go, once in life I will still go, and I hope she forgives me. But for the first time I will be selfish and care for myself. From this job I will have enough to buy a ticket, but inshallah it won't come to that. Inshallah she would let me go.

But for this to happen, I want to ask you all for something. I actually want to beg all of you, please pray for me. I have no one to ask, no one that truly loves or care for me. If I did I wouldn't be here in this house. In my last post someone suggested that I move in with a relative or friend. The only relatives I have are on my father's side so they will never take my side, and I don't think anyone else would help. My friends either live with their parents or are married so I can't really ask them for help either.

I just don't know what to do. I just want to ask you to pray for me, pray that there is still some vacancies left and that I will get this job because if  I do, I will be able to escape from my dad. Without this job I won't be able to escape as I don't have enough money to leave. Please tell me some prayers that I could pray to get my dua to come true.  Please pray for me that I get this job, otherwise if I stay here I would go crazy. Please pray for me, please.  I just want to be happy and safe.

This job is not just a job, this job is like everything for me. It is like- how do I descibe it to you- it's like I am a bird with no wings, and this job is my wing, and I just want to fly. I want to be happy,  I just want to be safe and away from him. Please make dua for me,  inshallah Allah will give me my wish.  Please, please, please, please pray for me, remember this sister who has no one but Allah in your prayers. I know dua is a powerful thing, so please gift me your duas to me, and I would pray also. If my dua doesn't come true, maybe Allah will accept yours, which is why I am asking everyone to pray for me. I would be forever grateful to every single person who remembered me in their prayers. Because if your and mine dua come true, I will finally be free.



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39 Responses »

  1. I am sorry to read this sad ordeal. Anyhow, the best for you is to get married soon and start a happy and comfortable life somewhere far from your Dad. May ALLAH protect you.

    • I agree with your opinion, its the best way toward to start a happy & comfortable life, if you'l make it later, than you will never get out of this trauma, so its an advice search out someone or consult your elders regarding marriage, I am sure and very much confident that within the passage of time and if you take a prompt step toward marriage you will be a content and satisfied woman Inshallah.

      Its a request please don't recall your past and don't share with your love-one otherwise, may be they could shortage your sincere desire toward Marriage.

      Allah is with you and with all those girls who suffers such criminal behaviour.


      • A person who has been abused doesn't try to recall their past and doesn't want to - it is a horrifying experience and despite many years, nothing can make a person forget the disgust of the experience and often they can suffer PTSD. If a person has not experienced it or studied it professionally, the pain and challenges are very difficult to understand.

        Jumping into marriage at this stage without resolving the issues is not a good idea and could instead lead to a failed marriage. I know you mean well, brother, but this isn't something that goes away with a snap of the fingers.

        • I agree with Saba here .Jumping in to marriage is not a solution here .If marriage turns out to be a bad it will be disaster for her ...

          The man is not enough to be called as human being .I would suggest that sister to collect some proof against that monster dad and get him arrested .
          There should not be any sympathy towards him .Get him arrested and make his life HELL for him .. Diffidently he is going to burn in HELL but you should make sure that he should suffer in this world too .


  3. Salaams,

    Sister, I sincerely hope you can get out of this situation, no matter how it happens. I have already made dua for you.

    However, what this man is doing is criminal. Incest is totally illegal and sick, and I think you need to involve the police at this point since your mother has not been supportive of you at all. It doesn't matter that you're an adult, this is still criminal behavior. I think you need to report this to the police whether you go to Saudi or not.

    Secondly, I think you need to put any thoughts about the future with this coworker out of your mind. After what you've been through as a victim of incest and molestation, you are not in a healthy place to consider such possibilities. You need to focus on getting treatment and healing for yourself before looking in that direction. If you let yourself get involved prematurely, you may be exercising poor judgment and choosing someone who will also mistreat you (though they will seem safe and trustworthy at first). Even if they are a quality person, the baggage left from your trauma and abuse can come up in bad ways in the relationship, and wind up sabotaging it. It's crucial that you wait until you have been independent and working on your own feelings/growth before getting involved with someone else.

    I'm sorry to say, sister, but men like your father seldom "get better". I completely understand why you wish for this and hope for it, but the odds are against it actually happening. I say that only so that the desire you have for his shifa won't cloud your motivation to save yourself from him. You need to keep the focus on yourself and what you need to do, and not let your wishes sabotage that. I know you're already struggling with a lot of emotions, so keeping your mind on the steps you need to take is vital.

    That being said, if something doesn't work out with this job opportunity (and quite honestly, it may not be the solution you see it as), you need to find a way to live independently. If you have money, try to move out on your own- away from him. On your days off, spend the day outside of the house or with a friend. If your job is temporary, start lining another one up locally in case you can't go to Saudi. If you have to go to a shelter then go to a shelter, but right NOW even that is better than sharing a home with your father. It's clearly too risky.

    -Amy Editor

  4. I am so sad reading about what is happening to you .
    You need to understand that you do not have to go through this again .Its time you stand up for yourself and make it very clear to your father that he cannot continue doing this .Speak to your guy friend about this ..its always better to speak to somebody about these things .I am sure he will help you get a nice job that will keep you away from your monster father .Dnt lose hope ,things will get better for you .I will always pray for your protection and happiness . Have faith in Allah and yourself .

  5. Why should you ran away? You need to stand and fight for your right. Usually when wicked people realize that you are alone outside, without a family, they can also manipulate you, and then you end up becoming a victim to them, so please be careful Sister.

  6. inform your dad to police and let him arrested.
    your father is sick and need to be treated.

  7. Salaam Alaikum dear sister,

    It hurts me to read what you have been through and continue to struggle with. I pray that Allah give you strength and determination to do what you need to, since YOU come first and what I am about to suggest is all about getting the support and help you need.

    I am a mental health professional and work with a Muslim community in Canada,so my thoughts below are coming from having a professional background and experience in this area.

    First of all, I believe you, I believe everything you shared and don’t doubt anything you said or experienced. I want you to know this, since sometimes when we are deeply entrenched in situations, it doesn’t seem real. But I know it is and I believe you. Don’t forget that.

    The most important thing you need to do is leave the house right away. Your father has a mental illness and he needs support because he will NOT change and he will NOT stop molesting you. You must stand up for yourself and you do this by leaving a situation that is causing you great harm. Islamically, you are allowed to do this since your wali is compromising your physical and emotional safety. Whether or not you are an adult or not, you can leave. There are many women’s shelters in the UK that can help, and Muslim Women’s network UK is another great resource. Please contact them ASAP and seek support. While it means packing up and leaving and starting over, you have a right to do this and your parents cannot say otherwise. They will help you find a place and you have a job alhamdulilah. But please, do not stay where you are, there are options for you. And once you leave, do NOT feel guilty and do NOT go back. Your father is to blame for everything, he is mis-using his power against you and he knows better. Do not feel guilty or ashamed for anything, you are not to blame. You don’t need anyone’s permission to leave and you don’t need to tell anyone where you are going.

    I would suggest seeking counselling too, since you have been through so much and while venting on here helps, you need to work through all that you have experienced. You need to heal in a healthy and safe space and it doesn’t seem like your home is either. It’s great if the counsellor or psychologist is Muslim but if not, the most important thing is to seek the support of a professional.

    While prayers and dues help, you also need to take action. Running to Saudi may not help since it’s a temporary solution. You need to find something that will stop this once and for all. I would also report your father to the police. What he is doing is illegal and he needs to be punished for that. Only you can do that and again, it’s for your own safety and wellbeing and to protect any other victims from his disturbed mind.

    InshAllah this advice helps. If you need anything, please email me, (contact info deleted by editor).May Allah give you the strength and determination you need to take action.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you,


    • Salaams,

      Sameera, I appreciate you offering your assistance to this sister. However we do not allow the exchange of personal contact info publicly on this site. I too am a mental health professional, so please understand that this is also to safeguard your privacy, which I am sure you value in your position.

      u0904058, if you agree and would like to speak with sister Sameera privately, I will be more than happy to contact you both off this site and give your contact information to one another. Please follow up here and let us know in shaa Allah.

      -Amy Editor

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Sameera,

      May Allah reward you for making yourself available to our Sister. Ameen.

  8. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. May Allah protect you from harm and reward you for your struggles.

    From what you've written in your posts, it is clear that your father is not acting in anything like his Islamic role - he is meant to be a guardian and guide for his family, but is instead hurting you and causing you distress. There is no excuse or justification for abuse, and it's important to hold on to the knowledge that you have not caused this to happen and do not deserve bad things - the fault for abuse lies with the perpetrator.

    I think it's important to involve the police if it is safe to do so. If a man is abusing one woman, he may be abusing more, or may go on to abuse more - by reporting him to the authorities, they can investigate the matter and inshaAllah may be able to help other sisters. Many authorities will have specialist female officers who are trained in supporting women reporting sexual abuse, so inshaAllah they may well be able to help you get some more support.

    You need to make sure that you are safe from further harm from him. If you can, it might be a good idea to move out of the family home and not to tell him (or anyone who might tell him) where you are staying. The world can be a difficult place for a woman living alone, so maybe see if any of your friends are looking for a lodger or flat-share, or even if they have a spare room or couch available - people are often very willing to help their friends in times of need. After the experiences you've had, it might be hard to open up and involve others, but if you ask your close friends for help, inshaAllah you should find that they are there for you.

    If for whatever reason you feel you can't ask your friends or there are obstacles, there are many Islamic women's centres which can inshAllah put you in touch with appropriate support services, including helping you find emergency accommodation and legal advice. If you have internet access, try searching online for local centres, or speak to someone at your local mosque - you wouldn't need to say why you want the information.

    After you've done this, find yourself a counsellor or therapist, and take some time to work through what has happened. You have come through so much in your life - seek help so you can recover from the trauma and re-learn who you are.

    Remember that Allah is always there for us, and His love will sustain us even through our darkest times. Make sure you keep up your prayers and read Quran regularly. May He guide you through this and comfort you.

    Midnightmoon editor

  9. To SVS:


    The original poster has asked for help and guidance, and the general approach of this website is to address all posts as being genuine.

    Midnightmoon editor

  10. by the way
    before you arrested your father, you need a good proof.
    Therefore probably best proofe will be a video record.
    You can buy pen shape hidden camera very cheap nowadays.
    And you can record your fathers molestments and words and let the police be sure that your father is sick
    and you are not dreaming as others said.

  11. To Issah:


    My concern with doing these things prior to taking action to confront her father would be the time it would take - personally, I feel these are things that would be best done when the poster is in a safer place than in the home in which she is feeling distressed and abused by someone who she should be able to trust and respect.

    I think it probably would be helpful for the poster to speak with a counsellor or therapist, in order to come to terms with her experiences and help her heal. But we need to be careful when replying to posts from people in crisis situations, that we do not suggest the issue might not be real or might be in someone's head - that could be very upsetting and damaging for a vulnerable person reaching out for help.

    Sexual abuse is suffered by men and women around the world, sometimes even as children. No matter the circumstances of the abuse, it is wrong and we as a community need to stand up and protect our brothers and sisters. For those of us who have not had to endure such ordeals, many aspects of it may remain difficult to understand - and for that, we should be very thankful. May Allah protect us all from such evil.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Wa Alaikum Salaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh Sister Midnightmoon,

      I agree with you Sister, and I think I am getting some points from what Sister Sameera wrote about the father having a mental illness. However, I am concerned about her leaving the house. I thought reporting her father to the authorities would be better than leaving the whole house.

      In fact, I truly withdraw my comment. Please help me remove it.

      Jazakillahu Khair.

      • Assalaamualaikam

        That should be it removed from the thread. I left the other post you made as it made a valid point about the need to be careful and protect oneself.

        Midnightmoon editor

  12. sister which country are you in

    if in the uk they have huge resources to get you out of that situation im not sure about other countries

  13. Assalam alaikum Sister u0904058,

    I agree with the posters above which have suggested that you tell authorities AFTER you leave to a safer place OR you can seek help from the police and/or cousellors as to how you should go about finding a safe place. Do not live like this.

    It is extremely terrifying, especially when people that are close to you (like your mother) do not believe you. I am not sure if you read my reply on your last post, but you shouldn't be concerned at this point what your mother feels/thinks about what has happened--your first priority is to take care of yourself.

    When a Wali mis-uses and abuses his position, and in this case, your father, life can be very confusing and it can greatly affect your well-being. It is important that you get the right support to think clearly. I understand and empathesize with you and feel very worried that someone else could take advantage of you. Please, please, do not talk to any man, no matter how nice he seems because unfortunately there are sick opportunist waiting to take advantage of girls in situations like the one you are in.

    Reading about your interactions with your co-worker are worrisome, sister, because right now you are vulnerable. When a girl is abused in her childhood and that abuse continues, it strips away at your confidence and leaves a hole inside of you. You can try all you want to fill that hole with friendships and empty promises of love, but sister, it is not the way to go and will ultimately lead to more pain.

    If you truly want to consider marriage soon, you will have to consider talking to the local Imam and/or a trusted female friend in the Muslim community who can help you--but other than considering marriage, do not even approach friendship with any man--No matter how safe or better it makes you feel, it is a trap for sure.

    Take care of yourself. Follow Sister Sameera's advice and contact the local women's shelter. If you are going to befriend anyone--women are the way to go--friendship with a man will seriously jeopardize your safety especially under these circumstances.

    May Allah ease and heal your pain, May Allah help you to find a safe and peaceful place, May Allah find for you a solution to this very difficult situation, Ameen, thummah Ameen!

  14. Asalamo Alaykum,
    I'm sorry but you need to get yourself OUT of that place ASAP. Can you not stay with your friend? You're mother is ridiculous for not believing you I'm sorry but how the hell can she just ignore your cries? Why on earth would you like about something like this? Protect yourself by reading ayatul qursi inshallah and whenever your sick father tries to approach you try to recite quran!!!! Just recite any ayah that comes to mind or even aytal qursi and say it loudly because this will scare him and make shaytaan go away. Please don't be afraid to use self defence you kick him in his groin and give his chin an upper cut do not be scared!! Please don't let him do this to you, don't let him lay a finger on you!!! Wallahi I'm so angry at how a father could do this to his own children it's so disgusting and sickening to a whole new level. You need to tell police you don't need evidence the police will believe you inshallah and will remove you from the house in the mean time until they gather info and make a case against your father. Please dial the emergency services as soon as you read my comment inshallah and tell them that you feel your life and safety are in danger. It's not time to think about stupid irrelevant things like your familiy's honour and how your mother wil be upset by you leaving- your mother and whole family is messed up and you seriously need to leave ASAP inshallah and take your sister with you please. Inshallah be safe and may allah swt be with you always. Ameen

  15. Dear Sister,

    I am in extreme disbelief and agony as i read your story. I am a man so as much as I try I cannot really be in your shoes, though i do pray for you from the bottom of my heart.. It really isn't anything to do with you, being a daughter, or anything like that. It's just life and the tests it puts us in. Every single person you come across is fighting battles we do not know of. And everyone thinks, "but it must be nothing like what I am going through." However, we only know when we be in that position.
    Remedies to your problem I believe would be to speak to your father openly and remind him that this is a sin. Instill fear of Allah. Tell him you have forgiven him. That it's not him but shaitaan overpowering him. Ask him to spend time in zikr and masjid. No person is fully evil, I am sure as much as he does this, there must always be moments when he must be completely regretting what he is doing. But then again, his nafs and his desires may overpower him and he would lose all sense of rationality. If you try to engage him with the people in the local masjid, it will mean he is in pious company, as little as it may be, to begin with. There is always hope.
    Secondly, about your job in Saudi, well, I live here in Jeddah, so I don't think that will work for you. Because a woman cannot come to the country all by herself. She needs a mahram along with her. As in, a husband or her father. The immigration laws are such. However, they do make exceptions in cases of visiting consultants, etc. But, even then, do review the job properly before taking it up. You may think all is good in Saudi Arabia, but let me tell you, it's not. Life as a single woman here can be terrible, unless you are liberal. I would not recommend you to come down here unless you have someone from amongst your friends or relatives settled here as a family. If you don't, you risk having no social life at all. And sad to say but the local men are a pack of wolves always eyeing the lone sheep.
    If you need any other help or questions about anything down here, you can reply to the thread.
    Only Allah knows what reward he holds for you, for being patient through such times. Most would crumble, including myself. May Allah keep you steadfast and alleviate your problem. Aameen.

  16. Sister, it absolutely breaks my heart to read such a thing. Your father is sick, and you must take this to the police. Do not think for a second that this is your fault, but if you don't take this to the authority, I'm afraid this problem will continue to get worse. If you run away, he will target someone else. Sister, we care so much for you, and you will remain in my prayers, but please, seek help.
    Allah ENCOURAGES that you seek help in this way. And also, see a counsellor!

  17. salaam,

    Those asking me to report my father, it is not easy as it seems. I dun't want revenge or will it give me any satisfaction that he be behind jails. I know that he is not doing it to others, otherwise i would report it. I dun't want any drama, i want to leave peacefully as possible, without causing any griefs. And if i report it i have to go through torture because they want to speak about it or give evidence. I dun't want to speak about it, it is different coming here because i am not speaking to you face to face. It would be very difficult for me talking about it to them because they will ask initimate questions which i do not think i am mentally equip to do so. I am not really to talk about it.

    i want to ask sister sameera personal email. I went to health visitor few months ago. This was due to me sinking into depression, it went so bad that i tried to kill myself. The suicidal thoughts were so strong that i was really petrified. I went to health visitor who assessed me and she told me that i needed psychiatrist help to talk about abuse as she put my depression down to this. I wanted to go to this psychiatrist as i know i needed help, but i was too scared to go. I was scared if i reveal to much then they would report my dad, it was too much of a risk, so i never made the appointment. Also i was scared talking about it, because the health visitor told me it would be tough as i would have to talk about these incidents. After exorcised, i thought my depression was caused by jinns, because the sheikh told me that. But since yesterday I have been crying, and today at work, i would go to the toilet and cry. i would then readjust my makeup and walk out as if nothing happened. No one suspected a thing, why would they, i have years of acting experiences. But i am scared that i am going to sink to depression again, i dun't want to feel like i did in my depression again. it was awful and i felt like i was going crazy.

    I stay in late today, and will continuing doing so until this job finishes, which is very soon. Which is why i need to look for jobs, i am going to ask about the saudi and apply for jobs local. I do not have enough money to leave right now so i need look for jobs if i want to leave. To be honest that job in saudi looks like a dream, and i know better than anyone that dreams do not come true. I will still ask him because there is no harm in asking but i guess there is no hope of getting my hopes high. i guess i was feeling so low at the moment when i was writing that it really did seem the answers of my problem. I thought i could go there and everything in my life would be perfect. Can you blame me, saudi for me would be like jannah, a place where none of family will be, a place where no one can harm me.

    Please pray for me

    • I know that it would be very difficult to report this information and I agree with you that it would be like living another torturous experience.

      I still think you need to leave the house in which your father is living. Saudi does sound like a dream when we live afar from it and have no experience, but the realities there are very different and you could suffer in other ways--even though women do go to work there without a Mahram, but have to stay within a certain area/compound, still life would be very challenging. I have had female relatives goto work there from the UK and the experience wasn't easy.

      Sister, I am extremely sorry that you are going through this and I pray for you a lot. May Allah help you in ways beyond your expectations, Ameen.

      Is it possible to go to a friend's? Is it possible to live with other females and share a place? Have you contacted someone in a women's shelter?

      Though we can't do much for you, you are in my prayers and I hope that you continue to let us know about your progress.

      May Allah replace your difficulties with great ease, Ameen.

    • u0904058: Those asking me to report my father, it is not easy as it seems. I dun't want revenge or will it give me any satisfaction that he be behind jails

      In many societies/cultures same thing happens. Girls get blamed by their mothers and other family members. As men are the main bread winners and have power over their families, families don't get police or other ousiders involved. Nothing happens.

      I have read few cases where Imams were involved in sexual abuse of boys and girls and many people approached victims parents to not get police involved for the sake of honor of community and Imam.

  18. AsSalaamu Alaikum Beloved Sister,

    May Allah reward you for your faith in Him. I will make dua for you, Insha'Allah.

    You are such a strong young woman. I hear it in your reason. May Allah swt strengthen you further.

    I am so impressed with how you process what is happening. Despite it all you love your mother and have forgiveness in your heart for your father, Masha'Allah. Love and forgive, Sister, but also preserve yourself. You are a treasure to the Ummah. May Allah swt preserve you.

    The way you asked for our dua, Sister.... your faith looks so beautiful to me. Use just a little drop of your deep ocean of faith to seek the help of crisis and intervention services around you, and follow through. The appointment they set for you, go to it, Beloved Sister. Understand that if you keep your faith in Allah swt as you proceed, He will be there with you. He will protect you, and keep you safe. And at the end of this trial, is your success and your true, lovely self. You can follow your admirable and understandable inclination to be discrete, but ultimately rest your faith in Allah, and let him handle the fate of your parents. Your work is to protect His beautiful soul- you.

    We will pray for you, not just those of us who commented here, but so many who did not comment but love you and have faith in Allah swt.

    your Sister, Hana

    • I just wanted to add something since I understand how important going to Saudi is to you. If it doesn't work out that you can go to Saudi, don't lose heart. Keep doing the things that will lead you to the open door Allah has waiting for you. Get help. You took a huge step seeking counselling. Try to go again. Keep up your job search. Look for safe living accommodations. Spend your days off filling out applications and submitting your resume. You have access to internet, so you have a great tool for both your job and accommodation search, and crisis intervention services. May Allah swt help you. Ameen

  19. My advice is to get your own place and move out try council or something, other thing is find someone you can marry and please don't trust no Men but not everyone is not the same it's hard, Do nikkah with Someone good if they refuse to nikkah you know what that means, waste of time. I will pray for you. everyone got dilemmas. I once did find someone which I must of said about nikkah many time's but that women kept saying no, then I thought what is the best I offer her then nikkah because I use to think we meet anyway which is haram and not in Islam, I did explain we will be married but I will keep my distance because I don't want you to be in any dilema, And when the time is wright I will ask for your hand from your family. But I move on thinking forget her she don't understand I changed my number. So if you like someone meet there family first.

  20. Sa'ad Ahmed commented " I live here in Jeddah, so I don't think that will work for you. Because a woman cannot come to the country all by herself. She needs a mahram along with her. As in, a husband or her father. The immigration laws are such. However, they do make exceptions in cases of visiting consultants, etc. But, even then, do review the job properly before taking it up. You may think all is good in Saudi Arabia, but let me tell you, it's not. Life as a single woman here can be terrible, unless you are liberal. I would not recommend you to come down here unless you have someone from amongst your friends or relatives settled here as a family. If you don't, you risk having no social life at all. AND SAD TO SAY BUT THE LOCAL MEN ARE a pack of wolves always eyeing the lone sheep."

    Suadi option may not be a great one.

  21. i feel like u r writing my own story....and i also get rid of DAD after I adopt a job ...initially my job was not very secure...i had feeling of tension ..then i met someone and i feel like he would be the best person for me and get married and then other problems came like from in law side ....till 7-8 years they abused me and also financial situation was not so good ...and now everything is nice in law become good to me ...have kids ...but even now my relationship with hasband become very less as time passes ...we donot talk ,,, donot have much fun as other wife or hasband do ...even i meissing love i have onlyh kids on whom i can show love or anger ...they also love me ...but other then that noone in my life loves me truely ....i come on that stage where i feel be care ful in choosing partner this is my advise ...because in worst time who ever feel good may or may not be the best one ...and donot be in hurry like me .....make ur career first .....

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Hina Ali,

      Masha'Allah this is a very good point you have made...when you are in a desperate situation, even bad things looks good...

      I will pray for you Sister Hina Ali, that Allah swt bring happiness into your marriage...I know you love your children and I know they are not the only kind of companionship you need. I hope things improve with your husband the way they did with your in-laws. Insha'Allah.

      Children make wonderful companions when they grow older. I love to spend a lot of time with my mother, and I try to do things with her that she enjoys. Insha'Allah you have some fun times in your future.

      you Sister, Hana

    • Hina Ali: i feel like u r writing my own story....and i also get rid of DAD after I adopt a job ...initially my job was not very secure

      God rid of DAD, can mean different things. What did you do to him?

      Do you mean you changed your situation by finding a job and marrying a guy?

      You say.......but other then that none in my life loves me truely

      Who do you expect you to love you truely? Do you love him/her truely?

  22. May Allah protect you sister I will keep you in my duas. In sh Allah you will be happy soon, surely after hardship there is ease . Be strong my beloved sister ♡

  23. Sorry Hina to hear about your story, i will pray for you for the bottom of my heart, inshallah Allah will reward you for your sabr.

  24. You need get out of there and get ur own place and ur father is sick and mentally I'll he needs to be treated and contact authorities immediately !

  25. AsSalaamu Alaikum,

    Sister, I really advice you to take care of your career, you have matured and able to work. Do not let anyone take that away from you. Once you stable yourself in both educationally and financially by working, you'll find your path much more simpler and flexible inshallag. This way regardless of your troubles, you will be able to take care of yourself and let's not forget, to also serve your mother whenever she is in need of you. By then you wont have to rely on anyone besides Allah and be more dependent on yourself. This is how i tackled my troubles with my family, thanks to god it gave me power to be able to make a amends, whereas before that, i was stuck in a loop and the problems just dragged me around with it.

    However, do not forget your family when everything has stabilized in your life, they are extremely important whether you love them or not, when they leave this world, it will not feel the same and you defiantly don't want any regrets after they leave this world. Always seek their forgiveness, we do not know when Allah will take a soul away.

    Sister, if you would like to, send me an email as I may be able to assist you in finding a job in the Middle East or at least Qatar. I'll do what i can to see to it and inshallah all goes well without causing harm in any form to any of your family including yourself.

    May Allah protect you throughout your journey and live a wonderful life. Never forget Allah and Allah shall always watch over you. Stay strong and committed to your prayers.

    • Please do NOT post your email address or any other private contact information. It is not allowed on this forum.

      Wael Editor

      • I do apologize, this is my first post and I was unaware of that... How can i edit this as I can no longer see an "edit" button...
        Again, I am terribly sorry..

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