Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My daughter and domestic abuse.


I lost contact with my daughter when she was 7 after I divorced. The mother poisened my daughter for years and together managed to halt all contact initiatives. As an adult and thankfully strong minded we began contact and I attended my daughter wedding.

Some background , I am from a catholic family and of Italian nationality , converting to Islam when I married. My wife's family originally from Pakistan but were born in Kenya before moving to Britain. So a mixed marriage.

My daughter has married into a family who predominantly marry their cousins and are traditionally cultured from the area Kashmere on Pakistan side. Not that all this matters but it is some background . My daughter married last year. 6 months later he has thrown my daughter to the floor , smashed the house up , and threatened to burn her. His temper has been ferocious and seems to be swayed by his family who keep telling him how my daughter is not one of them and is not following there ways , seems too westernised . She told me that she has calmly spoken with him and said she will leave if there is a repeat. She has begged me not to sort him out  and not even speak to him about it. I have questioned my daughter that this is totally unacceptable behaviour by him but my daughter insists he's changed since the talk and that he knows she will leave if a repeat , I just feel powerless and as I have no one to talk to about this , I've put it on here.

What can you do if your daughter insists he's changed, maybe I worry too much and  I shouldn't interfere unless my daughter asks for my help.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salam Spera,

    I would ask her to promise you to tell you immediately if he does something. And promise you that you are required to intervene on the next event.

  2. You need to man up...If this was daughter ..I would take her out for coffee and tell her how you feel ..1st you say that I love you and I will help you in anyway...You must listen to her problems 1st then with a fair n sound judgement give good advice....the cops is the next thING .Abuse unacceptable in Islam as well as being controlled by a bully.....Please save your daughter from this person....If I didn't have IMAN I most likely fix him up straight...Hurry she needs you and please be open and make it right.....Also it's nice to hear u r Muslim. ..I am also born from a Portuguese mom who Converted to a Sunni muslim...I myself spend some time in tabligh jamaat in U.k and after learning basics and the work of dawah and the need for self improvement. .I married a scholar who studied at o e of the durool institute's. My friend success is oy obeying the commandments of Allah and teachings of prophet Muhammad S.a.w. We must live in this world that we can be blessed in everyway right upto are last breath. SO BE AWARE AND FEAR ALLAH...HELP EVERYONE SO ALLAH CAN HELP YOU.MASTER SALAH AND READ QURAN DAILY....KEEP AWAY FROM EVIL AND WATCH WHAT YOU EAT....YOU WILL SEE THAT YOUR LIFE WILL FEEL AND BE BETTER AND PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU.....BUT 1ST SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER

  3. Assalamo walikum Muslim uncle
    You are a parent and yes you are worried for your daughter and that's absolutely normal, but if she says he have changed then you have to believe that as this is her marriage and she is adult as well. Just be supportive and wait for your daughter. If she needs help then help her. Even though am sure you know it's forbidden to raise man's hand on his wife and it's hard to trust those man afterwards. But still trust her, she knows what's best for her by now. And she won't be those women who are scared to leave their husband because how other will think of her, as a weak woman. As long you have her back she will not be affraid to leave him if neccessary.

    Do zakeer and be patience!

  4. Hey
    As a father you are failing to do your duty towards your daughter.
    1. You need to go and straighten the guy before he repeats himself. Trust me he might repeat.

    2.(Which you are currently following) Else you can wait for sometime and if it repeats then you can beat him up.

    3.Better yet ask for a divorce now. If a man can't respect the value of a woman he has he doesn't deserve to have her.
    In better words you don't give invaluable to the ungrateful.

    If you would ask me I would do the 1st and then the 3rd one.

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