Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My ex-boyfriend is threatening me

True Love

I was going out with this guy for 4 years. He was two years younger than me. My parents were unaware of it as they were against this kind of relation. However, when my parents got to know they didn't approve of it and told me that it was impossible for me to get married to him as he was not financially secure (was doing an odd job) and the age difference was also an issue that everyone else in my family would raise as I was 2 years older than him. I understood what they meant but still couldn't leave the guy as we were together for a long time.

Then, after some weeks my parents were getting me married to another guy and I told my bf to do something about it. He tried talking to my parents and then my parents explained it to me again. I understood clearly this time and told my bf off.

Before my nikkah, my boyfriend created havoc in my family. He went to the guy's family and sent our pictures(not very decent) to their house and even my house. The guy's family came and insulted my parents and then my parents had to cancel our nikkah.

My parents were extremely hurt as they didn't expect this from me and they were insulted very badly in the society. Later, my parents tried talking to my boyfriend's parents but they refused to acknowledge that their son could do a thing like that and also said very bad things about me. I had done very bad things with my bf which i regret and repent about to Allah.

My parents lost control and gave me a good thrashing as they were extremely hurt and embarrassed to even go out because it was extremely immoral; the things I had done. My parents had been very lenient to me and trusted me like crazy, but I had taken advantage of it and stabbed them by doing immoral things. After all this, things came at peace as my parents took time and forgave me. all this time I asked Allah for forgiveness.

Later, my boyfriend tried to contact me through various means and i ignored. Through a friend, he threatened me again to tell my parents all the details of what I had done with him. My parents dont know the details yet but they were given just a vague idea by his parents.

Now that matters are at peace, he is threatening me again to ruin my life as I broke the commitment with him and also if I get married again, he will tell and show evidence to everyone and get it broken again.

I have asked Allah for help and felt so much stronger. I cannot discuss this with my parents as they are still grieved and i dont want to put them in stress. I have no one to confide in. This was the only place i could find to speak my heart out.

Please help me and tell me how should I stop him from ruining my life and telling my parents about what I have done. As me and my ex bf we both know that if my parents find out they will refuse to accept me as their child. And how can I stop him from reaching out to other friends of mine( we have A LOT of mutual friends in common) and ruining my future life also? Please suggest me what I should do.

Ja zak Allah

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam

    I read it somewhere that regret is also the form of punishment. Whatever you have done , it wasn't right and you know that now. So it's better to leave what you have done. Repent sincerely , ask Allah for forgiveness & never ever let your parents down again.

    Now the point is what should you do. If he has got some videos or your pics, you better find someone in your family whom you can trust. I mean someone mature, ask him to file a case against him in Police. If you don't wanna go there you can write an email to nr3c or FIA cyber crimes. Tell them he has got your videos, or images and he is threatening you to upload them on Internet, This will work. They will file a case & once he is caught he will never think about it again.

    If you don't wanna go to Police. It's better to talk to your mum. I know it will be hard, but they have seen worse so it's better if you can save them from worst situation by telling them so they can handle it themselves. Do not mention everything just mention that he is blackmailing you because he has got some images or Videos.They will understand, saving reputation is more important than punishing you at this moment.

    If he doesn't have any physical things like images or videos, do not worry just tell your parents he is harassing you. tell them he is lying and harassing you.

    May Allah SWT helps you in this critical time. Do not worry think calmly, and then do it


  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Get the police involved and keep a record of phone calls and texts in which he is threatening you. If it is in person, make a video or a recording of it and take it to the authorities.

    Do not betray the trust of your parents again--it seems you have learnt your lesson.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  3. Asalam Alaikum.

    I'm facing somewhat the same problem only my ex lives in a different country and he has no way of coming here and harassing me in person but he is doing his best from faraway, threatening me with pictures and stuff. I know how you feel please be strong and trust ALLAH. If you have repented then He will help you, I think since your parents already know half of the stuff you should confide the rest to your mother because no matter what happens a mother always forgives. If you can't, I can understand why but this person needs to be stopped we can not let men like him control us only because we were weak enough to trust them with our body. I'm at the point where I hate all men (yes I know not all men are the same but most are, or the ones I know) and I've repented for my mistakes of the past to the point where I'm willing to spend the rest of my life as spinster because I don't think I can ever trust a man with anything again.

  4. If bes blackmailing u call police n thy will get rid of evidence.. hw long will this go on fr..and wht kinda guy u with? Lucky u didnt marry him..hes acting so low

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