Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My family are not letting me marry the girl I want!

mercy nikah

Salamu alaikum,

I met a girl from abroad and I liked her. She muslim and from a Muslim family living in a Muslim country. To me she's who I want to be my wife. We have been talking for a year now. I like her and she feels the same. I even travelled to see her fanily and everything was good to me.

My dad doesn't allow it and he's threatening to disown me and telling me I can't go back to the house (I live somewhere else due to study). I don't want my relationship with my family to be bad because of a girl but at the same time I love this girl and I can't let her go. Throughout my life I never talked to any girl and I didn't take any girlfriends.

Now I'm going forward and trying to do it properly but it's hard on my parents. I met her parents and they're very cool with it and they look at me as their own son.

Does my dad really has any legitimate reason to say no? I want my parents to be there when I get married to this girl and meet her family at least once so I can get the nikkah done(I really want them to be there and I don't wanna do it alone). I really don't know what to do now. I spoke to a few people while I was there and very one is talking good about her and her family. Both families are Muslim but there cultural differences since we come from different origins.

What should I do? Would it be okay to proceed without my parents. I'm scared that I won't be happy in my life without my parents but again I like the girl and I can't remove her from my mind.


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4 Responses »

  1. Try asking your dad why he says no. You're an adult, and so is he. Ask him to treat you like one, which is with respect. Sit down somewhere and have a conversation, both of you have to tell each other's point of view. Tell your dad that it's not fair he's not letting you marry the girl you want. I mean, what's the problem? Why not go along with the marriage?

    Hear your dad's point of view, too. Maybe he doesn't want to let go of you, or maybe he feels that something is wrong with the girl, or something like that. Then, you guys have to come to an understanding.

    But if he's normally ignorant, hotheaded, or hard to talk with (not trying to offend anybody), that would be a problem. You have to persist, get him to listen to you. Tell him you're an adult, and so is he, so you should be treated like one.

    God willing, it should work. Pray to God to guide you to the path of true Islam.



  2. salam tough scenerio. find out from mufti menk facebook? He will know best solution. You can also write a letter and explain how you feel. Another thing wait and be patient let her know whats going on. Dont rush things play smart and ask for Allah help make dua at tahujjud time.Theres also another site You must refer to a muft or Alim about this situation for a solution.Remember sometimes Allah knows whats really best for us and finally he is the controller of hearts. So dont get upset if things dont workout.

  3. Assalamualaikum,

    @ alanali: brother we do have the same situation, I also met a muslim guy living in UK online, but originally sri Lankan. We both wanted to get married soon and make everything halal but his parents/relatives does NOT at all accept love marriage. He flew all the way from UK to his home to talk to his parents about us, but then as expected they aren't happy with it so he decided to end what we have and stop talking to me just like that. I am in shocked up to now. Btw, this man has been married previously to someone his family arranged for him and it did not work out... and now again,, he is willing to give up his own happiness just so to please his parents, and their whole family..
    I am also an obedient daughter to my own parents and I also aim to make and keep them happy in my life in Dunya, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to convince them that this man is good for me, if ever I am in his situation... I am just heartbroken right now and helpless.

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