Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My family criticise and judge my husband

My Husband; A gift from Allah.

Assalamalaikum everyone

I am very depressed and sad and I don't know what to do right now

I have a situation here where I don't know what to do and now I'm helpless.

I was married at the age of 18 and right now im 24 and alhamdullilah have a daughter. She's 5 years old and we live in Canada.

I was married to a psychopath. He gave me a very tough time and our marriage only lasted for few months. My in laws have never seen my daughter. My mother took care of me after I got khula and me and my daughter came to Canada last year as I'm am a Canadian citizen.

Last year I started talking to a guy on social media and after talking for few months he proposed me and sent proposal at my home. Regardless of knowing that I have a daughter he sent the proposal and his parents didn't mind too and said we fear Allah so we don't mind that you have a daughter. But my family had issues cos the guy isn't so good looking and doesn't earn much and he's not established at all. He's still struggling with his life and career. He's in Dubai and I was in Pakistan at that time.

Somehow I convinced my family and they agreed for our nikah which was done last year. No one was happy except me because he gives me respect and love. And that's what I always wished for. That's all I asked even before. But I guess I wasn't lucky enough. My family is full of ego and they say you're very beautiful and you can find a way more better guy than him. I know it's all about money and looks. And even if I show his pic to my friends they say Omg are you blind. You're so beautiful and he's nothing in front of you. He's not handsome and he doesn't have lots of money in his bank account so he's useless in their eyes. But even though now he's my husband my family doesn't consider that and say bad words for him which I can't even explain but I stay quiet as they are my elders but it hurts deep down inside.

I don't know I'm on the right track or not but looking at all of this I have become so weak that I have started doubting myself that have I made the right decision or not. What if he turns out to be something else after marriage? What if he married me cos I'm a Canadian citizen? Everyone is making me stressed. All I asked for is love and now I don't even know that what I have done.

My in laws are asking me to come to Pakistan for Ruksati. But everyone from my family is unhappy. And they say nikah is nothing. Nikah is just like engagement nowadays. You can break anytime you want but don't risk your and your daughter's life for a man who doesn't have anything.

I love my mother and family and at the same time I love my husband but I wanna keep them both happy. But my family isn't accepting our relation even after nikah. What's Islamic point of view here?  Please please help me. JazakAllah

angel19


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5 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Your family is wrong in saying the things about his looks and you are right to feel hurt by that.

    There is a however to this.

    However, the fact that you are a Canadian citizen and he is not and his family have no qualms with you having a daughter sounds suspicious to me--others may think otherwise. I would say the same thing if your husband was good-looking and rich. I must also mention that there are people out there who try to find people in a situation like yours through social media in order to get out of Pakistan. This isn't uncommon and this isn't unheard of.

    There is no way to predict your future - the only thing I can think of is if his family has property that they put your husband's part of that property in your name. Something has to give. It would give you some leverage if you plan on going through with the Ruksati and sponsoring him--if it is all for free, he might completely appreciate it OR he might not. This is a risk, not because of your husband's looks or financial situation, but because of how you met him (especially because you could be vulnerable and this would impact your judgement) and your citizenship. I hope this doesn't upset you, but there are just too many of these situations that go wrong.

    Pray Isthikhara, seek Allah's guidance, you know more than any of us know..., May Allah help you towards the best solution, Ameen.

    • Also, just want to add that you have to be very careful because

      1) You have a 5 year old daughter.

      2) When a person sponsors their spouse in Canada, the following applies:

      The sponsorship agreement that a sponsor/co-signer signs with Immigration Canada is a legally binding document. The sponsor bears full financial responsibility for the sponsored person; this includes meals, accommodation and other living needs. How long the sponsorship agreement remains in effect depends on the family member that is being sponsored.

      The sponsorship agreement must be signed by the sponsor, co-signer and the sponsored person. This document confirms that they know the rights and responsibilities associated with the sponsorship and must be included in the sponsorship application.

      In the case of a spouse, I believe the length of sponsorship undertaking is 3 years.

      I know that you want to be loved and respected, but this is something easy to offer to someone for a short while if you are getting citizenship with all expenses paid to a place like Canada. I completely disagree with how your family is dealing with this issue, but I also think you are vulnerable and perhaps making a decision in haste.

      Please be careful.

  2. Regardless of his look and his financial situation, the questions to you is how much do you know about this man since you knew each other in social media? One cannot help to be extra cautious as your marriage involves "citizenship". Some people can promise a lot and show a lot of respect / love before they got the citizenship. This is a red flag for you. You said you did a nikah, where did you do it and how you did it?

    I will suggest you to go with a male relatives and do some research about this family and his history. I don't know how much you can trust about this man if only contact is via social media. Please do not rush or feel desperate to get married soon, it can blind your judgement easily. Pray isthikhara.

    Your family's criticizing the man because of look and financial is hurtful and wrong. Let them know what is your main concerns now and you need their support and opinion. No need to offend them or push them into an opposite side of yours. For now, all you need is a more objective opinion than having a conflict with your family.

  3. Your family don't have any right to ask you for divorce now ,only you can take that decision .
    The Canadian sponsorship agreement looks tough there and I am sure you will loose patience after some months if he don't get a Job and if he depends on your money in Canada for long time .
    Ask him to save money from his current Dubai job and manage his expenses on its own once he comes there in Canada .
    In case if valid nikah is done then you just can try this and see .If he behaves sensibly you can think about continuing life with him else second option is already there as your family is already supporting that ..

  4. Sister ,

    Did you marry the same Budhist Guy who said he will convert as i read it from your previous post .

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