Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My family knows about my relationship and do not approve of the person I love and want me to marry someone else – what should I do?


Hi i am 23 year old Muslim girl . I was in a relationship for 5 years . We both like each other a lot. We have committed zina in the past earlier in our relationship, but then realized and repented for it . And we do not want to do anything like that again. Hence now i am not in contact with him. But he said he will wait for me. And we decided when the situation is correct I should contact him and tell him to send a marriage proposal for me to my parents.

But when my parents came to know of my past with him (i didnt tell them everything but they came to know about us by some other source) they are very angry with me which i completely understand and they hate him. Now they have found another person with whom they want me to marry. He is a good person and everyone says that his family is very good religiously as well as financially.I saw the person once.Also my mother is very happy with this proposal its like she has always prayed for me to marry this guy and now her prayers are answered. She keeps on telling me this.

I have always wanted to see her this happy and i dont want to break her heart. She has already faced so many troubles in her life i dont want to add to them. Also My parents told me to forget about my past and to never tell about it to anyone and marry this new person.

They are not ready to give the person i love another chance . They are not even considering to talk to him once. they think that he was just using me and that he will never keep me happy , that he is good to me only until i marry him , that he will change later , once i marry him he wont take care of me and he is not from a good family background etc.All this they keep on saying without even meeting him once. Although i know that he truly loves me.

But now I am starting to think if my parents are correct then i will regret my entire life and wouldnt have any hope. But then again he is ready to wait for me for however long it takes doesnt that show that he truly loves me. And i have known him from so long and he is very good at heart. But my parents wont understand. And i dont want to hurt my mother at all. Before i always used to think that my parents will agree. But now its like if i want to be with him i will have to fight with them which i really really dont want to do . I love my parents and i cant hurt them especially my mother. I know if I put up a fight(fight in the sense tell them that i wont marry anyone else accept him no matter what) after some or long time they might accept him because of me . But that means they will be very hurt. what should i do ? should i agree to what my parents want? or should i marry the person i love?

I know anyway i will be hurting someone and therefore thinking about any of the solution doesnt make me happy. I feel like i wont be happy in any situation after all this. I pray a lot asking Allah for every ones happiness. But i am not able to come to a decision.Please help me to find a peaceful way out .


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaikum... Do what ur conscience says..... Ur already matured to take a sensible decision If you're in ur senses.... N no real man would have zina before marriage if he really loved you......lust overpowers love.... Love what u see is fake... A mirage... Hope you open ur eyes someday in life n wish ur life doesn't turn out to be the ones we see in the posts here..... May Allah protect you from zina.....

  2. Assalamo walikum sister
    What I have learned from being a Muslim woman and daughter is that you can't go against your parents, Allah doesnt like that. Also it seemed like you have made zina with this person, which you don't have choice but to marry him. If he doesn't accept you then that's different story but you have to accept him now because what you both did. Ask yourself: should i not take my responsibility of my mess? Should I just marry the guy my mom choose for me? What will happen if I tell him about my mistake and can he accept me? In my knowledge I believe that you have to come clean to your parents about what you did so that you can marry the guy you love. That's the only way they will rethink about him. This might not make them happy but you will save yourself from hell of fire and am sure that's more important to your parents mind will be. Yes it's difficult and your family might not see you that way anymore, but at the same time you don't need to live with this burden in your heart or betraying him.

    Hope this helps!
    Good luck!

  3. Yes I agree with brother unknown ...its not love this is pure lust. A real man will not have sex b4 marriage. leave him and accept the proposal your mother has chosen for you.

    May Allah bless you and your fiancé . Marry him OK.

  4. Assalamualaikum ,

    I know i have messed things up and i am repenting for it every day . But i am in a very bad condition now. No one at my home trusts me and they want me to marry the guy my parents have chosen. I know now that i dont want this. But its very difficult for me to fight against all the emotional as well as verbal and physical abuse..that is going on now. Initially ii wasnt that bad. But now its like i have lost everything and there is no one supporting me from my family.
    I am praying to Allah everyday . repenting for my sins and praying that i shouldnt be forced to marry this guy as i may not be what he expects. The guy i was with is ready to accept me and i want to be with him. But my parents are totally against him. And they dont want to meet him .

    My parents know everything about my past relationship. And i didnt had sex. but we used to kiss. But everything comes under Zina. I want to walk on right path now and i have changed my self completely. But if this marriage happens i feel like i will be under stress and tension forever.
    Please tell me how to convince my parents.

    • Assalamu alaikum.. M back again.. Then you must chose the guy whom u love in your life.. Coz it would be very difficult for you to do justice to your husband if you marry the other guy.. Everytime comparison comes up n u will still be caught up in ur thoughts abt better try to convince ur parents n take a decision that you feel would be good for you.... Don't take a decision that would make u regret in the future... If your bf is able to ensure a secured n decent life for you, why in the world would your family want to ignore him... But one thing is for sure. ur parents wouldn't be proud that their daughter married the best person coz they've got already a bad impression of him n it's difficult to overcome... Take a wise decision.. Hope your marriage won't get messed up like the others that we see in the posts here.... If you marry ur bf, u have to make adjustments n never complain of anything in the future n never let down ur parents by divorce n other things coz most of love marriages have failed like we see in the stories posted here..... Hope you take the best decision after a complete assessment of every factors.... Inshallah

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