My father has chosen a husband for me who I cannot love
Salam brodas n sistas I have a problem and I need answers. I never grew up with my family and its not like they are not alive but I grew up with someone I love, respect and call him father. All my life growing up I have never disobeyed my father in watever he says wen he says he doesn't like sumtin I have done I apologize imediately n neva to do it again alwaays wanting to please and make him happy.
Of late my father has maade a decision for me that's hurts me so much I can't sleep at nyt. this decision is for me to get married to a man I do not love and can't love. he says it because he loves mi that's why he wnts me to be with this person but I do not love this person and don't waant to disobey my father. but if I marry this man I fear that I will never be happy.
I don't know what to do as I loose slip over this matter. plus he said they met an uztazz who helped in carrying out istihara dua and says it gud but I fear he is jst saying it.
pls help as this issue is tiring me apart.
- abdulfati
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Salaams,
It's nice to see you have so much respect for this person who is the father figure in your life. It sounds like he has tried to guide you and look after you when your own biological family was not willing or able to do so. However, regardless of this man's status in your life, no one can force you to marry someone. Rejecting a proposal that a family member or respected elder suggests is not considered disobedience, because it is your right to choose whom you marry or not. In fact, it is sin upon any guardian who tries to force his charge to marry someone in particular:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)."
If you don't want to marry this man that your guardian is suggesting, then don't. Be very clear and plain when speaking with him that although you respect him and love him immensely, you are acting upon your Islamic rights by rejecting this proposal, and that you won't change your mind about it. Let him know that you would be willing to work with him in finding another suitable match that you are more inclined to, but you will first need to discuss with him what you are looking for in a husband. If this guardian is truly a good man he will understand and try to work together with you. If he is non-negotiable about this man you are referring to in your post, just continue to stick to your guns and reject the proposal as often as needed until the message gets across.
As far as the istikhara, I am very wary of "third party" revelations. If you want to do your own istikhara and see what you feel Allah is guiding your toward that's fine, but someone else's istikhara about your life should be taken with more than a grain of salt...I'd take the entire saltshaker!
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy is right. You have an absolute right in Islam to choose your own husband or at least to give your consent or refusal to someone that your family suggests. Exercising your right does not mean that you are ungrateful, stubborn, or difficult. It means that you are a living, thinking human being with your own preferences and the power to choose.
Also, as Amy said, you should pray Istikhara for yourself.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Honey is not my business, since your asking for advice I say Marry who ever you want, marrige is a big step in life you will be living with him not your father sweetie. These days u can't please anybody because there not please enough!!! I can not believe they still have arrange marriges these days. Where I came from is not like that anymore my dad let me marry the guy of my dreams alhamdullah my dad be in heaven for doing that insallah.., I wish you all the best everything you do...insallah allahbe with you.
Dear Sister Abdulfati may every parent ahve a daughter like you who is so caring about her parwnts,and only seeks for their happiness.As for you question I would advise you tpbtalk woth your parents first.... tell them why you c,ant marry him.... why you ahve fear.. I am sure they will help you out. If this doesnot work out read isthikara and it will be a guidence to your decesions.
If you any more questions please ask....
Take Care