Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My father is cheating

LIpstick mark on shirt.

I'm 17 years old girl n found my dad cheating. I found it through his texts n pics in his old phone which he uses when abroad. My mother is completely oblivious to the issue. She's never probed him on coming home late as she trusts him a lot but he's betraying her.

2 years ago I saw a woman's text:" keep the condoms with u dear" in his phone and as I was young i asked him who that woman was and he said that no body and assured me that he loves his family especially his mom and wife. I trusted him.

But now again I found him cheating and he goes to different countries due to business and he has committed zina there many times. I even have proof but I don't know what to do about it now. I am having exams next week and I can't concentrate in studying because of this issue. I've even started hating my dad. I want to forget about this matter but I don't know how.

Raza


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11 Responses »

  1. your father is a shameless creature.

    its time for you to expose him or may be leave him on his condition
    or do some pranks on him through fake female facebook id

  2. sugar how is shameful suggestions you are giving this girl .why are you saying that prank him through fake female Facebook id how shameless act that a daughter prank her father through fake I'd and her father think about his daughter lustful and he talk with her on Facebook with disgraceful way what a impact on her daughter and how much she feel shame.

    • his name is raza shah. please read the user name okie then speak

      • Umm no Sugar Monroe,perhaps you have to read the "first line" and then speak. Take no offence but that was kinda rude.
        Anyway here's the reference from the author's first line of her question:
        "I'm 17 years old girl n found my dad cheating"
        So yes,it's a "she". I wouldn't say sugar monroe suggested something completely bad but I would ask the author sister to perhaps create a Fake ID with a male name and try to extract information from her dad.
        It's creepy if the dad fanatsises about the sister....downward creepy!
        So a male ID is better. Although I'm not sure if that's the best idea because I've been there. But Alhamdulillah it's over now. I really feel you sister.
        It hurts,doesn't it?
        I'll pray lots for you and may Allah give you patience and strengthen you to endure it all.
        All the love <3

      • first line of post is I am 17/years old girl.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Raza,

    I'm so very sorry to hear about your father's disloyalty to your mother. It is so hard to be the daughter/son in that situation, and I really feel for you. I would say that if you are still studying, try your absolute best to concentrate on your studies during this time, thinking of them as almost an "escape route" for you...in other words, something to occupy your mind with that is good and for your benefit. You deserve to do as well in school as you can.

    That said, if you are entirely unable to focus on your studies no matter how hard you try and the issue is continuing to affect you, I think it would be ok for you to tell your mother about your findings. It will cause some further stress in the household in the short term, but may be better in the long term.

    If you feel like you'd rather not tell your mother but are really suffering inside, you could put the matter on hold. Visualize putting the issue in an overhead compartment of an airplane where you'll deal with it later, if that helps. By the time "later" arrives, it may be a non-issue, kind of like junkmail we put aside for later and end up never needing.

    If this doesn't work either, you could set up appointments with a therapist who you can talk about your feelings with and vent to. A burden shared is half the burden.

    If you haven't already, pray and make a dua to Allah from your heart, and Inshallah it will be accepted and you will find some recourse for this.

    I hope this helps and may Allah relieve you of your burden.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. Sister , i think you just need to sit around with your father and tell him upfront that you have got to know about all this nuisance. Take a chance and see what he has to reply on that.

    He is unaware about you knowing all this. So make sure he knows that you know all this. Secondly what has got him to do all these things. I mean the reasons? When he has a beautiful family including your mother , you and may be your sibling / siblings.

    It might also be possible that someone is trying to play with you father by sending those obnoxious texts so as to break him up from you all. May be business rivalry ? Never know

    So what i suggest is dont jump on to conclusions until and unless you are pretty sure about the whole scenario. It shouldnt happen that you repent later for doubting your father. So face to face clear it off.

    And please dont do anything of the sort like creating fake id and all. He is your father not a friend. You never know he might have disclosed all this to your mother if at all it is genuine from his end. May be your mother knows but since her hands are tied up she probably has to say a YES to everything to what your father says. But in front of you she might be pretending as if nothing is going wrong or she isnt aware about it. So please that FB and all a big NO.

    Wa Salam !

  5. Salam Raza.

    First off I'd like to hats off to Nor Masha Allah great advice. But as someone who knows how you really feel...unfortunately it won't be as easy as visualising it off unless you're some sort of sweet woman who just gets over things and can hide her feelings( most I know ain't like that haha but if you manage to do it, great!)

    It is a true shame to hear about your situation and may Allah guide us and grant us ease. My first piece of advice is nail your tests and forget your father, I know it may sound weird but these tests are very important to our future. I too am 17 and am sitting exams. trust me you can't let your fathers stupidity (forgive me if I have offended you) hinder and affect your whole life and career. So please please get your your head down and try your absolute best.

    Moving on to the main problem I fully understand how you feel. Please don't feel oh yeah what does he know. Because I am in a very similar situation to you. These emotions are very tough to deal with, so please do find an outlet to vent your frustration otherwise you will probably react in a way you regret. I recommended sports, grab a baseball bat or hammer and just smash stones and stuff in your garden. Now this may seem crazy but its better than the other haram crap that "chills" ppl out. Wallahi sometimes I just want to beat him up so badly(not saying I would but...), it makes me sick to my stomach the fact that he is so unhappy with us he'd rather be with someone else.

    In your case I must say give your father chance to stop, verbally warn him you know what he's up to.But judging by how he's been doin it for two years he probably wont learn from his mistakes so please be vigilant and keep a close eye on him. And if he continues tell your mother what he is up to ask her if she's willing to forgive him. Forgiveness is a great reward I saw on a Islamic lecture I heard a few days back. It's one of the most powerful deeds one can do. So try convincing her to do it.

    If you cant forgive them then ***omitted as I fear influencing you by giving the tools to destroy these 2 people single handedly***

    So key points:
    ---smash your tests
    ---once your done warn him
    ---keep your eye on him, he will do it again
    ---inform your mom
    ---try to forgive
    --- remember there's light at the end of the tunnel.
    I'll remember you in my duas so take care.
    And if you ever need someone to talk to, remember I'm always here. And I would be more than happy to give you my e-mail if you wish.
    Salam my dear sister.
    Stay strong!
    🙂

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