Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My father is not fair

divorced family with child, divorce couple with baby


I want to make this story as short as possible as it's a very long and been happening for over a decade.

My father is not fair to my mom he went and go another wife on her without my my permission. My mother is a good women so she accepted. Threw the years this women has been causing our family a lot of problem at one point she has even cheated and put my father in jail and my father would still not divorce her. I find that he was scared of her!!

On top of all the my father only comes to see us when he feels like it he is always at the other women house. My mom would say you need to be fair but he is not. He also never supports my mom he gives all his money and she steals all of it from him.

It has been like this for 10 years and I don't know how worse it can get? I'm just wondering what does Allah say about things like this? We all been patient and nuthing has happened ? I would never wish bad on my father but for what he is putting us threw I do wish bad on him we are all crying and waiting around while he is with this very evil lady.


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1 Responses »

  1. While I sympathize with your situation and can understand your predicament, these adult people. The decision making lies with your parents. As your father is not willing or able to see the harm be inflicts you, you can't really force him. You mention this has been on going for a decade. It's gone on for far too long and your mother should really have made a decision sooner.
    Why the wait?

    Marriages are a contract that we can enter and exit. Your father is not being responsible as a father or husband. He does not even maintain his financial responsibilities towards you. So what's left? Is this family? Marriage?

    The Quran speaks of marriage and the love necessary to maintain it. It says if a woman only fears ill treatment from her husband, she may leave. It speaks of husbands as protectors and maintainers of women. It speaks of such beautiful rights for women and men, and it saddens me you don't know.

    I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your mothers position. But I can tell you what your mother should do. She has options. But depending on where you live and what social security and help is available. In many cases women opt not to get divorced and just tolerate because they have no other options. Or so many think.

    Some realities need to be accepted especially if you can't change them. I dont see how you can influence or change your father. I could say yu should find a mediator or a local scholar/imam/cleric who can sit your dad down and explain to him the sharia marital obligations and the basics of polygamy. But your father might not listen or even attend such a meeting. Force rarely works. And what's the point of a relationship if you have to force it. Right now tour mother is both your father and mother. So do you really need him in your life? Only you know.

    Your father as financial obligations towards you can your mother. You may examine the legal options to get your rights through the court. But again this does not apply in all muslim countries where rights are far from equal ans still underway. So where you live is important as to the options you have. That said I understand your frustration and anger towards your father. We are human after all. It's natural to feel this way. Allah says to use your senses and your mind in life and give us rights which we dont even know of let alone fight for.

    I hope you can use this. And that you are able to come to some sort of settlement in this matter.