Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My father ruined my life

Girl with hidden face, teenage girl

I feel like my father has been my biggest enemy. He has been forcing me since childhood to be a doctor then when I didn't bring satisfying results in my inter according to him, even though I worked really really hard but I just was not interested. I couldn't learn that quickly, and even though I passed but it was not enough for my father.

He always said it's my fault - I don't try hard enough. He emotionally tortured me. I have been in depression since 5-7 years but still haven't told anybody because here nobody thinks it's a thing of consideration.

After I failed the entry test of MBBS for university he tried getting me into a private university on money but I finally refused and said I can't do it. After much tensed days I disclosed my long held interest in law and asked to be admitted into a law school to which he said I should rather follow another field that he had in mind and forced me to give a bureaucracy test (CSS test).

This test has 3 attempt, I'm about to give my first although I am not prepared, every minute I imagine what it would be like to study for law. He doesn't listen to me.

The only reason he has thrust these careers choices on me, is because my cousins are trying for these professions. He wants me to compete, he wants to show off, he only cares about his name and prestige and his honor.

My sister went to art school on which he also became very upset but now he loves her because she is M.A excelling in what she does. But he still emotionally blackmails me says he will die if I don't excel in this exam he asked me to take. But even if I try I am not able to. I really really want to study law. I feel like being manipulated.

Because of him I have deteriorated my mental condition, I feel like a loser. I have inferiority complex. I am unable to defend myself. I have lack of confidence. I want to die but it's haram, Allah says he doesn't put burden more than we can endure and asani comes after mushkil but I can't take it anymore and I am scared if it goes on like this I might start hating my father even more and become disrespectful. I am already being treated by black sheep of the family by him. It's like he especially tortures me.

Help me please, I want to escape this guilt and hatred that is building in my heart. Can I do suicide if I want to escape this sin of being disrespectful to my father? What should I do please guide me I'm lost. May Allah bless you and saves you from hardships.


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3 Responses »

  1. First of all , I admire you for your courage to step up and seek help from others. This is the first step, and you managed it very well. Others , who keep all the negative emotions inside them all eventually end up in a very bad situation.

    Now to answer your suggestion about suicide? This is absolutely the plan of Satan, Satan ultimate goal is to lure you into thinking like that.

    I understand the pressure your in. I was in the same situation when my father wanted me to become like him and choose a career he chose for himself. I tried , but I failed and that was my answer and his answer.

    Sometimes parents believe that their children don't know what's best for them , when in reality no one on this earth will know better than the person herself or himself.

    Now what I need you to do is that you should start to control your emotions and all the negative thoughts you have.

    First, always seek refuge from allah , always do estekhara in every decision you make in life. And since you got the answer.

    Second, talk to people around you, your mother , you best friend, your relatives, or anyone that has influence on your father and see if they can talk them out it. Just don't think alone!

    Third, you should always remember in difficult times by reminding yourself that it could've been worse!! But alhamdullah your not someone who's being forced into marriage , someone being abused physically by parents or husband , your not living on the street, your not a refugee who's only goal is to survive, let alone they got nothing in life no money , no house , no family, no dream, just survive.

    Fourth, engage in any activity that makes you feel good even if you start studying for the things you want from now. Physical activity also are very helpful and can help release all your stress even for short term.

    Fifth, never give up on your dreams keep fighting but in the best way that suits your situation. For example , parents when they grow old , they become more fearful and always live with stress and think if they don't do the right thing for their children it won't be ok. Remember , everything in life works under Allah rule and command. Even the food you ate earlier today it was Allah will. So leave it to Allah , he will take care of you. Your being tested , wallahi every person is or will be tested either on their income, health, wealth, or anything that matters the most to that person??

    So what are you going to answer Allah, no I give up? Of course not . He's watching you now , knows everything in your heart, so do everything to please him.

    This is the advice that no human being can even imagine the power of this , and listen to this very very very carefully . Wallahi I have been in situations when every person told me about a particular issue that I should give up , it's over , I asked professionals, paid a lot of money , they all said sorry you just can't accomplish what you want.

    Instead I kept my faith in Allah more than any powerful authority in life. Now , this is exactly what I did and please please please I urge you to do it.

    As long as you have the ability to talk.

    Keep doing zikr, istighfar, duaa, and praying 2 rakaat in the middle of the night and ask Allah everything in your sujood.

    You might think I'm telling you to say zikr, like astaghferoallah al azeem 1000 times , no say every second the moment you wake up until you fall asleep. At work, while studying, while eating, after prayers , before prayers, all the time.

    I promise you , I promise you , I promise

    Your problem will be resolved in a way you have never imagined or thought before.

    The Quran says in Surat nooh " And said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers. And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers. What is [the matter] with you that you do not attribute to Allah [due] grandeur"

    Remember this is not my promise , it's his almighty promise to all mankind 🙂

    Smile be happy he's the most powerful , the most forgiving , the most merciful.

    Also say your salat on the prophet pbuh

    O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family as You blessed the family of Ibrahim. Verily, You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious. Grant favor to Muhammad and the members of his household as You granted favor to the members of the household of Ibrahim in the world. Verily, You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious

    Your going to see Magic by saying this all the time.

    Allah said in the Quran that in Surat al Sharh"For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
    Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease."

    Read the full Surat as well.

    Remember , I'm not a doctor , not a magician , I'm just a guy who's been thought situation when I thought it was impossible to resolve.

    All I had to do seek allahs help. And you will live to see this inshallah

    May Allah ease your pain and help you overcome this issue sooner than you think. Amen

    Just promise me please never ever ever give up or think of hurting yourself. Your simply being tested , now it's time you show Allah that your worthy of all rewards he planned for you.

    Do what I asked you to do and inshallah your problems will be over soon.

  2. Salam my friend don't say things that you shouldn't say.We are all in the same boat .All being tested and will be tested right upto are last breath.We have only been sent to this world to be tested nothing more.The world was only created for are provisions food cloth shelter and work for means to support your spouse and children.The generations of Muslim have become so weak and indifferent in views of how we view life as regards to what society wants us to be like...AS a Muslim now brought up from a fast pace rich life which really didn't have any meaning.I then found Islam .The answers to everything!!!!No this success in this world and in the hereafter is only Obeying Allah's commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad. Besides this regardless poor rich intelligent dumb.This humanbeing who doesn't have the correct belief will always live in stress worry fear anxiety and he or she will never be satisfied.My friend go learn Deen and whatever education you decide for a career help the ummah .The people who are weak uneducated poor and you will see that Allah will give you such a happy feeling that will be hard to explain it.That is why the companions of the prophet strived in the path of Allah to invite people to Islam.they basically had the world to there feet .It said in some passages that don't chase this world .let this world chase you. SO THAT IS WISE THE COMPANIONS WERE SUCCESSFULL AND EVEN STILL THERE NAMES ARE TALKED ABOUT today.That is why you are reading this because Allah guided you here .There was a call and deep cry.Allah always listens but because we have know connection with him through amals how can we receive his help.The scholors say less then 5%of muslims who make up over 1 billion in the world pray Salah and out of the 5 % only less then 1% pray with concentration and devotion.Then we ask our selves were is Allah's help.The companions understood that Allah is the controller everything and his knowledge in compasses everything.How did the small group of muslims defending there beliefs against the Roman army that was 10× the size of them defeated them?there are many stories recorded but the world remains silent hmm! Finally know there is a invisible creation who causes mischief and they stop at nothing except for those who remember Allah at all times.These devils only have one purpose 24/7 and that is to bring all the sons of Adam to Hell.The final resting place the eternal place.So my friend there is much for you to learn.You are a sunni Muslim who will follow the Hanifi school of Law so that will keep you on the straight path.Adopt the sunnah 100% dress look like are prophet and Allah will be so close to you because as it said on the quran .Love my prophet and I will love you.Barakah will come to you and peace.Trust me I was raised from a non Muslim . Do not let people dictate your life.You are the master of your destiny.Your Dad only sees the dolled. The success in this but it doesn't go very far For it will come to an end.That is a fact.just look at all the previous people who came and gone.What was there purpose?Master quran you are smart because I know.Iman will give you the inside of things but that Wil be your secret.Becareful of the SHAITAN for he knows you better He was present when you were born he knows your fears and weakness so be prepared.He will uses or go through others just to bring you down and it starts with insults so be patient and do zikr.If you can spend 3 days with the tabling Jamaat that will give you an envoroment of Deen and strengthen your Iman and increase in you a male and awareness.Goodluck never give up.

  3. Ask your mother, sister or some other relative to explain your ambitions and interest to your father.
    Take small steps yourself. Every few days tell your father politely that you do not want to do CSS/MBBS but you would rather do law. Give examples of people around you who are successful in law. Be polite but firm about your ambition.
    Your father only wants the best for you and your sister. He came around to your sister because all he probably wants is to see you both successful in the society that you live in and its expectations.

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