Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My father

domestic violence

Assalam O Alikum

The question I have is now we are the family of 9 persons (my father ,my mother , my two sisters , me (me and my other sister the other one recently got married . my marriage is complete but she had nikkah so she'll be getting married next year in Sha Allah.  my two younger brothers ). we live,together but I'm not currently living with my husband because we live in other country and I have to sponsor him.

so my question is since the day I've rendered to realize,what's,right and,wrong (at the,agr of 3) I've seen the worst childhood my father hits my mom. he hits her because he doesn't like the meal she prepares (well that happens rarely ). and there also some other reasons too but now we're grown up we can't see him hit her anymore .

so my dad idk he prays 5 times a day he fast every Ramadan he is nice to other people in his family but why not us. idk he jokes around but we still love him cause he is our father . my dad says funny things to our husband in fun . my sister she doesn't love my father that much cause whatever has happened even if she's not mistaken she got hit by him for no reason so lately my father keep saying things to our husband. I don't like when says that but I don't know how this happened that I never said him anything but my sister,earlier today on the first Ramadan she slammed my father by saying "don't do this ,plz behave yourself" after that he swore on the good by saying if I ever talked to her I'm not my (late) mothers son but from the prostitute one. after that we were praying maghreb that he came and got my youngest brother because the blanket was not on place he hit my other brother during praying . in the shop right now an hour ago he hit my oldest sister and my mother because he didn't like the heavy she made but three of them were fasting .

I felt very bad I don't know what to do i feel sometimes really bad that why this is still happening to us I pray to Allah that I hope my mother died cause she's already a,cancer patient I hope one of us die by my father's hand so he'll be punished. he was really mad at my sister but he is hitting other . ( can he hit my sister even if she's in nikkah)?


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5 Responses »

  1. Sister i fell very sad for your family. Your father is an opressor and your mother most probably got cancer due to depression. Her life had been made such miserable that she wanted to die. You can recite the follwing verse 100 times before going to sleep. During recitation think of your father going away. InshaAllah you all will be saved from his opression.
    Arabic: Fasa yakfi ka hu mullah hu wa hu wass same ul aleem.
    English: Allah is enough for me and he knows and sees.

  2. Bismillah
    Please dont think of your father going away Astagferullah
    Rather ask Allah to guide your father and ask Allah for help.
    Know that this is a test from Allah.
    Your father is indeed an oppressor, for him to hit someone while they are praying to Allah, idk whats worse than that. Dont lose hope in mercy of Allah and ask for your fathers forgiveness.
    My father used to be tough as rocks now he is so mellow i joke around with him all the time.
    I used to pray for him to die, astagferullah but now i would die if anything ever happened to him.
    Its always tough when your situation is bad but it ALWAYS gets better.
    A king told his servent to get something imprinted on a ring that it would make him happy when hes sad and sad when hes happy
    So his servent wrote
    "This time will pass too"
    So Believe in Allah and PRAY FOR YOUR FATHER.
    Pray 5 times a day and stay on the path of islam.

  3. Unfortunately, a lot of Muslim parents and families believe their prayers, fasts, halal eating and everything else shallow they put on show free them from their Islamic and human moral responsibilities. Such as the responsibility of treating their family with kindness and love. The same people are usually of the belief that their parental status grants them the unconditional right to unconditional respect and love from their kids - and if they are not given respect and love exactly how they want it they believe it's their right to force the respect and love out of their children with violence and cruelty. To those kind of parents I can only say this: If you have to force it, you're parenting wrong. Children are innocent and pure, and therefore more than capable of showering their parents with respect, love and care...but if you break their soul, they're equally capable of resenting you and lose all respect for you.

    Anyway, the main problem I see in your situation is that you are way too many people living under the same roof. Actually, the main problem is that you are way too many people living under the same roof with a tyrant. Unless you live in a huge mansion where every single one of you can retreat to your own private space (and not just a little bedroom), even the calmest of families would have severe conflicts if they were that many people living together. I assume most of you are adults with jobs, so...the quickest solution to your problem would be to move out. You don't even have to live on your own, 2-4 of you could find a nice home to share. And you can live close to your family so you can see them all the time. Particularly your mother who's sick with cancer. In fact, you should take her out of your father's house to live with you. What kind of cruel monster not hits a severely sick person (or any person), but also expects them to cook iftar for them? Subhanallah...

    Anyway, my point is that you have to do whatever you can to get out of your bad situation, because, most likely, it's not going to change. I'm sorry to say, but none of us possess the power to change anybody but ourselves, and with some people we can't even encourage or suggest to them to make changes, because they're too violent and stubborn to absorb anything from anyone. Especially from those they do not respect or view as equals. Your best bet, I think, is to get out of your father's house as soon as possible. I guess with you being married, you have a good excuse to set up your own home. Especially when you are in a position of having to sponsor your husband (I'm sensing some red signals with this kind of marriage, but that's a different issue). In my country, there's no way your husband would be allowed in if you don't have a home for him to go to...because the state doesn't want the responsibility of housing or financing a foreigner.

  4. Why don't all the siblings set up a meeting to gang up against your tyrant father (including all family members). Tell him that he is wrong and has no right to hit your mom who has cancer and grown children. Tell him that his abuse is not acceptable in Islam and prayers will not mean much. I am assuming you are living in Pakistan. How old are your brothers, are they big and stronger than him. When it come to him to raising his hands, your brothers can get in front of him and stop it.

  5. I am was experiencing a similar situation with my dad fighting and driving everyone out of his house. We all left him due to his behavior by moving out into a flat. Its just very difficult for me becouse he is struggling financially and his health is getting worse all the time so i have to constantly check up on him. Financially​ and emotionally i am suffering alot, but aleats my mom and siblings are at peace. I hope things can get better for you but dont just leave things the way they are , you have sit with your family and make a well thought decision.

    NB : Make a lot of dua to Allalh he always helps.

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