Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiance forces me to do cyber and phone sex

Manipulation, being manipulated

He's trying to control me.

I am very much depressed these days..I am a 22years old girl.I was engaged when i was 19...It was arranged...

He slowly developed my mind for physical relation.He forced me to send my nude pics to him and made my mind to develop physical relation with him.Unfortunately i do that (seek forgiveness from ALLAH PAK )...He also forced me to do phone sex. and cyber sex... He wanted me also to ask him also for phone sex but i never called him,always he.I told him that i will do that but after a haalal relation.He was angry at me.He said that you dont have any sexual feelings,what kind of a woman you are....He wanted me to initiate or invite him for phone sex.Whenever i talked to him mostly he listens lightly (not giving importance)to all my conversations but wants to do phone sex.As i never show any interest in that he used to told me that i don't love him.

He used to told me that after that relation between us he never ditched me and will marry me.But now i am confused that what can i do.I seek forgiveness from ALLAH PAK and wants to be a good muslim and wants make a haalal relation but he wants to do that wrong things uptill marriage.Once i said to end the relation he shouted at me that what kind of woman you are ,you want to end this relation after we both do that so what is your character ...He said that it is minor thing for me to end after such a relation.I was getting upset.He abused me also.

I am very ashamed,repent to ALLAH PAK....Now ,at this stage i don't know what to do whether i should marry him or leave him(but we do soo many wrong things)...I want to be a true muslim....I don't want to be in that wrong thing anymore...I want to marry him but what can i do for his extreme lust .. He don't give much importance to any of my issues taking it lightly and just want that.

I seek forgiveness from ALLAH PAK.... i am very much depressed

Please help me and suggest me what to do....

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12 Responses »

  1. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    1. You fiance is not a good Muslim.

    2. He is an abusive man.

    3. He does not love you, but he has lust for you.

    4. He wants to turn you into a different woman--other than a pious Muslimah.

    5. He is just using you, and is not interested in marrying you.

    Chances are that, even if he marries you, he will emotionally and physically abuse you, especially when you don't do what he wants, or when you complain about his non-Islamic behaviour. So my sincere advice for you is that, don't marry him.

    In Islam, when you want to marry, you marry the person that is good in both deen and character, so that you and your future children are safer and happier, inshaAllah. Based on your description of your fiance, he is disqualified to be a leader of a Muslim family.

    Hope this helps, and Allah Knows best.

  2. OP: I am very much depressed these days..I am a 22 years old girl.I was engaged when i was 19...It was arranged...He forced me to send my nude pics to him and made my mind to develop physical relation with him.Unfortunately i do that (seek forgiveness from ALLAH PAK )...He also forced me to do phone sex. and cyber sex..

    Why don't you get married? You are depressed because you did wrong things. You have done almost every thing you were not supposed to do. Do you guys still talk to each other. Is he your cousin?

  3. Sister,

    This man is your fiance...not your husband. He has no right to ask you to do any of the things he has. No one can force you to do anything unless you allow it. Do you want to know how much this man loves you and wants to be with you? Do the following: tell him that you love him and would like to make a life with him however, you are not going to be doing any more cyber sex, phone sex or dirty talk any more. What has happened is in the past and you wish to bring yourself closer to Allah and ask for forgiveness for your transgressions. Make clear to him that what you are doing is haram and is going to stop today. No excuses...none. If he really loves you and has any respect at all for you, he will listen to what you say and stop. Chances are, he will twist everything up and make you feel guilty for not giving in to his wants. If he will not respect your decision, he is not the man for you.

    Salam

  4. SVS: Why don't you get married?
    Did it ever cross your mind that getting married isn't so simple in today's complicated societies?

    SVS: You are depressed because you did wrong things. That could very well be the reason for her depression. And it could also be that she's engaged to someone who is very manipulative and emotionally abusive.

    SVS:You have done almost
    every thing you were not supposed to do. Alhamdulilah she stopped at "almost".

    SVS: Is he your cousin? How is that relevant? She is engaged to a man who pressures her into sinning with him. Does it matter whether he is her cousin or not?

  5. Do not marry this person he will ruin ur life.
    if he have such habbit that means 90 percent r the chances that this man has such relationships before u and now he wants it from u if u wanna save urself plz do not marry this man

  6. Dnt talk to him

  7. Salam! I had my nikkah few months ago and now we use to talk on cell but I'm forced to have sex, send him nude pics and a lot more but I do not want all this mess before ruksati, therefore we still have a year in ruksati, so what should I do now, I'm very tensed. I'm waiting for your reply, thankyou.

    • As-salamu alaykum Lucy. You should not be sending nude pics to anyone, under any circumstances, because you never know what might happen to them, or who might intercept them.

      If you've already had your nikah then you are married. Rukhsati is a cultural tradition unique to the subcontinent. It is not a required Islamic ritual. The fact is that the man is your husband. So you have the right to have sex with him if you like. However, no one should force you. If he is truly "forcing" you - in other words is physically overpowering you and raping you - then obviously this is a very serious situation and you need to stop all your contact with him and get a divorce. But I suspect what you mean that is he pressures you, and you give in. In that case it's up to you. As I said, he is your husband.

      If you don't like his current behavior with you, then tell him so and be firm about it. But you should also consider his rights as your husband.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • what if she gets a divorce due to any reason before rukhsati.
        Her parents and future husband will believe her to be virgin but she will not be.
        My advice is not to have any physical contact before rukhsati.

      • Thankyou for your helpful reply as I do agree what ever you said. He never forced me physically but he is trying to convince me to meet him but our parents are not giving us permission to meet and I agree with my because I don't like to meet him before ruksati but my husband wants to meet me. What should I do?

        • Since the both of you are married (Nikaah is complete), then he has a right over you as you do over him. Your elders shouldn't be preventing you both meeting--however, there is culture impacting him. One thing I can say for sure is do not meet him in secret without the knowledge of your parents and his parents, this will lead to disaster. If you must meet him, tell your father (& mother) and make sure they inform his parents. That is my sincere advice.

          • Thanku so much Saba for the helpful advice this idea was in my back of mind, surely we will inform our parents before meeting, thanku again, God bless you.

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