Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiance wants me to send him nude pictures… What should I do?

unhappy woman, upset woman, with laptop

Hello,

I am a hijabi girl from Afghanistan living in States. I'm 25 years old and my fiance is 25 years old too, we were born just 12 hours apart. It's funny, we both were born on the same day.

I just recently got engaged with my fiance and we have known each other for over 1 year. My family knows his family over many many years. My mom and his aunt are best friends and also our families are quite distantly related.  Anyway, my fiance and I  haven't had nikka yet. I just went overseas to get engaged with him.

He is from Afghanistan and living in Afghanistan as right now. He comes from a very poor family and one reason I fell in love with him is because I wanted to help his family and  to bring him to USA to help his family. InshaaAllah we can then bring his family to USA one day.  He comes from a big family with too many siblings yet they are amazing people that I truly love. I have been working on his paper work to bring him to USA.

I truly do love him so much but he has been asking me for my nude picture or else he won't talk to me.  I haven't talked to him for the last 3 days. I'm scared to ask advice from my friends or family because I don't want anyone to think of him as a wrong type of guy.

I really don't want to break the engagement because it will break 3 families apart yet he doesn't agree with me on anything and I'm just lost and don't know who to talk to.

Sometimes I want to break off the engagement but I'm scared that I will break 3 families (his family, his aunt's family and my family) apart.  I'm asking for your advice - should I send him my nude pictures or not? Please help me.

afghanGirl678

Thanks

Alia

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30 Responses »

  1. Salaam sis. I dont know if youcan access into my posts but i was in a situation like this. Unfortunately i have fallen into the trap n done the mistake. Believe me sister you will suffer the pain after you do the mistake. With me im still getting threatend although i got rid of the pictures. Its hard. Believe me its hard. While you are still at the stage of not sent any yet. Dont send it no matter how much you both love eachother. I went through the same situation. Sister letme give an example its like this. You give him your hand he will grab your arm. So what im saying is its not gonna finish of by a picture(s) that will be just the begining. It will lead onto more trust me ive went through it and still am suffering from this pain and mistake. Not only the gunah and haram and pain you will get but sister you will spoil the good relationahip that your in with him. Because stuff like this brings evilness arguments foul words etc erc so you will spoil whats good already and it will bring out some bad sides of him which in reality may not be the way he is. I hope i make sense. Ive expierenced it unfortunately and still repenting. I hope you wont do anything silly. Il do dua for you InshaAllah. May Allah keep you away from the shaytaan and shaytaan acts. Ameen.

  2. No send him NOTHING do not listen to him.
    Tell your parents or someone in the family this is all wrong.
    If he truly loves you he would wait and not be throwing tantrums just because he doesn't get what he wants.

    Ask yourself this question seriously is this the type of person you want to be with and also if he is not the one DO NOT MARRY HIM. This is your life and your future if you have nothing in common do not marry break the engagement you seriously do not want to marry for the wrong reasons. Think things through and talk to your parents tell them how you feel.

  3. NOT.

    Him asking for nude pictures, shows just what type of character he is and lack of respect.

    There is a time to think about others, family etc..and a time to be selfish,..now is the time to be selfish and think about what you want.

    You will NEVER be able to keep everyone happy. But you CAN keep Allah happy by NOT sending him your pictures. And by doing so, keeping your own self respect, honour and dignity in tact.

    Leave him to it...Bringing him to the states and looking after his family et cetera is not your responsibility.

    Take care

    Best of luck!

  4. Does he( ur fiancee) really loves you at all. Cos if he does he will get married to u and wouldn't ask for ur nude pix.
    I will advice u to think well before going any further and pray to Allah for guidance.

    Tell ur fiancee to be patient and if he can't wait any longer he should do Akidu Nikkai so that he can have access to u fully in an halal way.
    May Allah guide u

  5. Sister ,

    This is haraam and not allowed in Islam .You can imagine the character of this man who is telling you to do haraam .
    Imagine after marriage and after coming to USA he might further get involved in all sorts of haraam to spoil your mental peace ...These kind of arrangements of helping poor cousin by getting married doesn't work out in most of the cases .Always they will lead to money problems between husband and wife ...

    More importantly he is asking you to send nude pictures and no doubt he is of low morals and bad character man .I will suggest you to break this engagement ... Read other stories in this site where sisters have suffered because of bad character of husbands ...Remember Character is the main important factor you need to look in the marriage ....He is a black spot to your Afghan country .

  6. Sister do yourself a favor and break your engagement with this guy. Trust me he is not the type of guy anyone would want to get married to!! You are not even married yet, he already is manipulating you!!! You don't want to tell your parents because you already know how wrong it is!! He has a really bad character, no pious person would ask a question like this. He said he wont talk to you, if you don't send him your nude pictures, this is so manipulative!!! You need to tell your parents, thats why they are there for, to help you as it looks like you are a very naive person and they can easily use you. To be honest you are getting married for the wrong reason. I guarantee you once this guy is in the US he will create a lot of problems. He has a bad character, do not send him your pictures and tell your parents. Don't worry if you break 3 families, even if you break100 families. It's your life, you have a choice now.be wise.is your right.I really hope you make the right decision.

  7. Dear sister
    I just read this blog , gosh it's horribly upsetting, this guy whos is to be your future husband is acting like a monster. Shouldn't say this but his sounding like a pervert, yuk yuk! I hate to think about what he'd do after marriage. Tbh I'd stay well clear of him, his very manipulating.
    It's against islam sending nudes I wouldn't send that to my husband even though we have been married so many years.
    Ask him to stop this nonsense and be a real man. Real men don't push and behave in manner like so.
    Just image you sent pictures of so it's not just against islam it's totally wrong. Imagine they were shown to others huh, I mean accidently leak out, what would you do. Hate thinking that people make young girls do such things.
    You know there is this website where lots of girls have posed nude for who ever for whatever reason.
    Please say you can't and for him to be have if he still asks and try manipulating then call it a day. You will be better off without his sickness. Why can't he wait if he is to marry you. But even then don't pose nude ever it's not right.
    when the relationship doesn't work they use these pics to do you in.,
    Anyway good luck to whatever you decide, please think about islam as islam doesn't allow it, A,h

  8. Oh my goodness. No definitely don't send ur nude pictures - why would you even consider doing that, it's a no brainer!! I think I would find it quite insulting if my husband had asked for nude pics whilst we were married -so disrespectful. Sorry to say but he doesn't sound like marriage material at all. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Don't marry him for the sake of family. Break off your engagement and look for someone who respects you and fears Allah swt. Sorry to be so blunt but your fiancé sounds perverted! He says he won't talk to you if you don't send your nude pics, well then good riddance! He has shown his true colours, save yourself! I know that if prior to marriage any guy made such a revolting request I would not only break off my engagement with him, I would block him from my life for good !!! He doesn't sound very God fearing to me which means that he is unlikely to recognise his responsibilities and duties after marriage. If he is asking for your nude pics it's a possibility he is involved in other perverted behaviour too eg pornography.

    You seem like a kind hearted and sincere person. You say you want to help bring him and his family to the states. I only hope that if u do end up married to him that your not taken advantage of.

    My sincere advice to you would be to break off this engagement and inshaAllah aim to find someone who is God fearing with good morals and character.

  9. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister,

    I need for you to understand a few things:

    1. There is no significant value to the mere fact that you and your fiancee were born on the same day 12 hours apart. The fact that this is your opening line to a very serious post concerns me, dear Sister. It makes me think that you are sentimental, naive and therefore, very oblivious to the seriousness of what your fiancee, who is 100% non-mehram to you, is asking you to do. Life will eventually teach you how these "funny" things are not so important and are in fact distractions from keeping us aware of what is more significant.

    2. Let's say for a moment that your fiancee didn't ask you to provide nude pictures. You seem to have this notion of coming in and being a hero to him and his family and giving them a wonderful life in the USA, but I can tell you with 100% assurety that this is only in your mind. Life for him is not going to be some cakewalk and his family and his kindness cannot be taken as sincere since you are essentially a golden ticket for them. This is reality. You will eventually learn this. The sooner you learn this, the less painful it will be. Your post is full of generalities about how you love him and his family, but no specifics. You also mention that one of the reasons that you fell in love with him is because you wanted to help him and his family. I think that you want to do this so that in return you will be adored by them. I am afraid that this is not going to happen. AND, if you expect it and it doesn't happen, or you want something in return for this, how are you going to cope?

    3. Now, in reality, your fiancee is asking for nude pictures. And he knows how to get it. You know how? By manipulating you in a way that will twist your mind in a million ways to make you think that you are wrong and he is right. And on top of it all, he will make you feel guilty to breaking up the family because emotionally he knows how to play a woman. I am not surprised. Have you asked yourself if he feels guilty in destroying three families? Have you asked him if he would knowingly allow his own sister to share her nude pictures with a non-mehram who was a financee? I am not suggesting that you do ask him--but in fact, ask yourself and you know the answer. In fact, I don't think you should talk to him again. You should break this engagement for more than one reason, but this one reason is enough. Once you do this, there is no guarantee that he will marry you or if he does marry you, is it because of obtaining a green card. Also, often men in those parts of the world have a notion that women in the west will easily jump to their immodest suggestions--he could be testing you just to see what you do. He will never forget it. And then, if he does marry you and joins you in USA, he could very well leave you after and use your pictures against you. This is NOT unheard of.

    4. Stand your ground. Tell your mother what he said. Do not marry him and for that matter, do not talk to him again. No one can force you to marry him, you live in the USA.

    Learn that women have certain tendencies. A woman's nature in a husband and wife relationship can often be of softness and mercy. She can be understanding and feel guilty if she upsets her husband and needs reassurance from him emotionally--because you have started to talk to him privately (I assume since he has asked for nude pictures), he is using his emotional power over you to get what he wants. By the way, had he been your husband, I would still tell you not to send the pictures because nothing is protected once it is online. Besides, a husband with shame would never put his wife in such an awkward position--he would want to protect her at all costs.

    So finally, I hope you do not feel guilty. Tap into your self-awareness and realize how you can be manipulated emotionally. And if you wouldn't let your sister do this or a future daughter do this, that means, you shouldn't do it either.

    As for my straightforwardness in my post and my assumptions, I felt that you needed to hear these. It is better for me to be very upfront than for you to face harsh realities that are unnecessary in the future.

    May Allah swt grant you a pious husband and keep you safe from this man who is currently manipulating you. Ameen.

  10. Sister,

    Personally I think you are too worried about the families and what everyone else will think if you choose to end things with this man. That is something you simply cannot be bothered to think about. You need to think more about yourself. The fact that this man is asking you for nude pics is very concerning. It shows his lack of character and respect for you.

    You stated he will not talk to you unless you give him nude photos. Next time he says this, tell him that it is YOU who will not talk to him. Tell him he has no right to ask you for nude photos and he will not be getting any today, tomorrow or ever.

    As a mother myself, I strongly urge you to speak to your parents about this. Don't leave them in the dark about this mans request. If you were my daughter, I would not allow things to proceed at all. You are a beautiful young woman about to begin a new journey in life with this man...not some woman he met in a bar. You can do better.

    Salam

  11. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    It's important in traditional families that the honor of the family is retained. In general, a particular family member who is acting in a shameful way will be reprimanded by their family until they correct the problem. If they don't, they may be cut off altogether, because the family's honor is most important.

    In this case, your fiance is acting wrongly and shamefully. It is he that is bringing dishonor to the three families, not you. I believe this immoral behavior needs to be brought to the attention of your parents, his, and his aunts. In shaa Allah, they will chastise him and correct him for even asking this awful thing of you.

    If they don't, then they aren't an honorable family. Your family shouldn't want to be joined to a dishonorable family, or for you to be shamed by being part of one. They should be willing to protect you by urging you to end the engagement and seek someone with a better character.

    You say you don't want others to get "the wrong idea" about him. Perhaps you might have the wrong idea about him, after all. As others have mentioned, someone with integrity and taqwa won't request such a thing of a woman, no matter how close they are to marriage. Trust me, marrying someone who doesn't fear Allah, or who deal with you in such a devaluing way, most likely won't make a good husband in the end. Character really is everything, and it appears to be something he's lacking.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. As-salamu Alaykum,
    You have already been given a lot of good advice. I would add that I have been married for more than 20 years and would never send such pictures to my own husband. Further, I have a daughter and would definitely want to know if her fiancé had made such a request. If I were you, I would cease all contact with this individual and tell your parents that the engagement is off.

  13. Don't send u r pics at all... u don't know what is he gonna do with ur pics...

    Also u r thinking about him n his family What about him... is he thinking about his siblings n family... he is threatening you n not talking to u but did he even think about 3 familieso. ..NOP

    Why only u r giving in all aspects

  14. Sister, please break it off. He is not a good man. If he is not good now then he will be worse after marriage. He is a pervert. And has no respect for you. I find it disgusting that a man can ask for nudity pictures. Please tell you parents immediately what he said. Think about yourself first. You are smart to come here for advice. I wish you find a decent and religious man who will respect and honor you.

  15. I was not going to comment on this post because it has already received many good answers, but I feel compelled to say the fact that you could seriously contemplate this request for even a second indicates clearly that your priorities are completely out of whack. This is directed to any girl faced with such an issue, and from this forum it seems that there are many: if you can put someone else's base desires (because that's what it boils down to in the end; all this stuff about how you're going to save his family is just cover) above your own dignity and self respect as a woman and, even worse, above the most basic guiding principles of Islam, then you need to seriously reconsider your understanding and commitment to your faith and really just your basic logic and thought process. If you used your brain for one second you would clearly see that such a request shouldn't even be on the table for any woman, let alone a Muslim woman. The fact that he even had the audacity to ask this of you speaks volumes about his character and how little respect he has for you.

  16. OMG dont you do it.. a lot of pictures for sisters that do that end up on p0rn websites online. I am sure you wouldnt want that

  17. OP: I truly do love him so much but he has been asking me for my nude picture or else he won't talk to me. I haven't talked to him for the last 3 days. I'm scared to ask advice from my friends or family because I don't want anyone to think of him as a wrong type of guy.

    You are already in love with him. He wants your nude pics. What are you scared to ask friends and family? You don't want your freinds and family to think he is a wrong type of guy.

    I have a feeling lot of conversations lead to this. It is not that you were talking about politics and religion and all of a sudden he requested you to send him your nude pics.

    Tell him to wait. After marriage he can scan you with his eyes and store the file in his brain.

    Good people also do bad things on the Internet.

  18. Sorry sister, but he just showed his 'true colors' right there. A man who not only disgustingly ask his fiance for nude picture but also won't talk to her ???? What kind of man is he, dear sister ? You sound like a very adorable and lovalbe girl. Find a man who will respect you

  19. Assalamualaikum

    END THIS ENGAGEMENT AND PRAY ALLAH TO BLESS YOU WITH PERSON WHO LOVES YOU FOR SAKE OF ALLAH WHO WILL COVER YOUR HAYA AND BEAUTY AND PROTECT YOU NOT MAKE YOU NAKED Astagfirullah ,MARRY A MAN WHO WILL HOLD YOUR HAND TO ATTAIN JANNAH AND NOT HELL FIRE , LIVE RESPECTFUL LIFE AND THANK ALLAH FOR SAVING YOU FROM DISASTER RELATION .

    JAZAKALLAHUKHAIR

  20. Dear AfghanGirl,

    Please do not share such stuff (nude pics) to non-mahram/ fiance. Even when you talk to him via Skype please be dressed modestly (cover loose and opaque).

    Insha-Allah once your nikah is done then you may adhere to his needs, however, from your post I find his character questionable - he seems unwise and selfish and irresponsible and disrespectful. But you know better.

    If you think he is fine then get your nikkah done and then he will be your mahram/husband and only then you can share yourself to him. But internet sharing of yourself as nude is terrible idea even after marriage (imo).

    Always please Allah first and then within Islamic boundaries please Allah's creation.

    I pray that you make the right decision not for your families/your community but for yourself!

    Love,
    Rose -x-

  21. Same is happening with me but this guy is my boyfriend he says that he love me so much but the next second he asks for my nudes. I've tried to ignore him tried to made him agree for not doing this because this is haram ... I told him these are private parts we should keep them private but naah he is not getting my point... I tried my best but i love him i also know i dont deserve him ... He has changed i dont know what to do now please someone help me out of this plz. Im afraid if he would anything wrong to himself when i leave him. 🙁
    Nd sorry about my grammer.

    • I don't understand what there is to think about ? He's sleazy and not husband material. Leave him and never look back, have some dignity. I've had people in the past say inappropriate things to me, but I learnt where the block and delete buttons were one my fone and then used them.

      • Ps he def won't do anything to himself despite the million threats he's give. Do u really want to spend the rest of your life with a sleaze ball, the thought of it makes me feel sick.

  22. sis, i advice you to break your relationship and do two things; inform him straight away that you can not do it until married and then see his behaviou, which will allow you make decision.

    i dont understand that what typre of person he is. he wont be a loveable husband for you, for sure.

  23. Assalamaualikum... Even em gonna get engaged very soon...probably even my guy would ask me too...bt sis dis is unlawful...haram n its all selfish... Break wit him coz he is doest suits u...may allah blesss alll...jazak allahu kareem

  24. OP: He is from Afghanistan and living in Afghanistan as right now. He comes from a very poor family and one reason I fell in love with him is because I wanted to help his family and to bring him to USA to help his family. InshaaAllah we can then bring his family to USA one day. He comes from a big family with too many siblings yet they are amazing people that I truly love. I have been working on his paper work to bring him to USA.

    You just want to marry him because he is poor and you want to bring his whole family to USA.

  25. No my sister don't send that pic to him

  26. Your doing so much for his family and all he need is your nudes wow that's messed up...I mean if he really loved you he will just ask for a pic of your face or body(but covered)...tell him to have patients or fuck off...or tell him that "you just need and love my body not me"...that's all

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