Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiancee cheated me after the engagement and blamed my mom and put false allegations on my mom

leaves floating, falling into pieces, falling apart

Myself ali.  i know her from last 3 years .. she used to text me frequently though i never cared her initially as i was so busy with my work

as a friend she started messaging me ..she used to cry ..she used to tell that she is not getting proposals and boys asking too much dowry to her..initially i dint care..but she kept on saying her problems..my heart started believing her..and i told her that i will marry her without any dowry and i convinced my parents too..after that we went to see her to her home..we put flowers ..i told my parents to say complete yes from our end ..indirectly they betrayed our family members..at that time i was working for start-up and my salary was very less..she is used to text me before all this..but she suddenly blocked me in facebook , whatsapp and linkedin..they only rejected us because of  some reasons ..she used to tell i belong to "baig" thats why der family might reject..but finally she stopped texting me...i cried a lot and a lot for her..i texted her too many times..called her too many times..but she dint reply me...

after 1 year

i got placed in one of the top mnc..and i updated in linkedin..and i had sent request to her...she texted me ..by saying how are you..and all..and asked me..will u accept me this time..so this time i asked her that  i will accept her only if she promise me that she would never leave me..she told whatever happens she will never leave me..thats why i accepted her for the second time..she told to get engaged asap i convinced my parents very badly..my parents were not ready as they were angry coz they had rejected us last year..but still i convinced our parents ..and finally got it engaged..lot of misunderstandings came..but i solved most of them..by this time i loved her very sincerely ..i used to meet her most of the days..in 5 months ..i really loved her and trusted her too much for second time..by thinking we are gonna get married...i used to hug her..i used to sit with her..but we have not crossed major limits..but did some minor harram things..again some misunderstandings came..she started blaming my mom..she put false allegations on my mom..i dint even ask single rupee/penny  from der family..i agreed to everything..i convinced my parents a lot..i used to drop her to her home..and her office..i loved her so truly for second time..but when misunderstandings came..she again stopped calling me..and suddenly stopped messaging and texting to me..she broke her promise for the second time...she never called and spoke to me..what to do next..how to solve this..instead she misunderstood me..and her parents only broke the engagement...my parents felt very sad..that they done this for second time...i trusted her for second time..i lost all my reputation in my family...she broke my heart for the second time...

my parents told me ..that if she would have really loved you..she would have came back to you..she would have convinced her parents to get this marriage done..instead she only ditched me for the second time...i got hurt very badly..

i supported her all the time..i tolerated so many things..but she never tolerated a single thing from me...

i went to meet her to ask whether she is ready to marry with me or not..but she informed to her dad..i came to meet her..her dad called  and scolded me...

she really hurted me a lot...

also i asked lot of taubaa / forgiveness to allah ..i am feeling guilty for the minor mistakes which we have done after engagement...

 

 

 

how should i forget this....?

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4 Responses »

  1. As salamialikum
    You mention misunderstanding a lot. What were the misunderstandings and why were they always there. Did she also asked you not to do something like you asked her not to leave but you kept on doing and that created misunderstandings.You state your rise of status compelled her to come back ,then why did she leave if she was after your money or status. Did you ask her any inappropriate thing before marriage that she got scared and had to inform her dad instead of having open talk with you.
    Giving up is the most easiest thing and there surely is communication gap between you both.
    She asked for engagement and then what misunderstandings lead to this ? Why were you always clearing yourself up , i see you guys can really work it of you can end the communication gap
    May Allah help you

  2. Also i would want to comment on what you said 'minor mistakes' after engagement,was this part of misunderstandings, may be she wasnt ready yet and felt forced into all this .This might be the reason she asked her dad to talk instead since some girls are very possessive about anything physical outside marriage. First decide what you want and then try explaining her politely and wisely if it helps. And assure her there will be no minor mistakes .Also ask her to apologize to your mother so that the air gets clear. Also what did you tolerate and what she didn't tolerate?were you a controlling type man in the relationship? There are maby questions that need answer to see both side of the picture.

  3. Aslamualiqum,
    Dear Brother Dont get me wrong:)
    But i feel that you were probaly taking advantage of the fact that you were touching her in an appropiate way, It seems the way of what you have written. This whole engagment thing is totaly not good and really is more of a ritual. NIKAH is everything.Engagment is very much simular to bf and gf siutaton but its more openly agreed HARAM commitment.Dont mind me what i am saying because i am being very honest and open to you. You dont clearly mention the misunderstandinds as the first person on here mentions. Why would she just leave you without any reason? What is the point of a marriage when you guys are commiting ''minor haram'. I come from a pathan family, and i was not even allowed to talk to my husband before marriage alone ever or anything. It was on very few special occasions where we really didnt even got to know each other untill marriage.

  4. Sister ,

    i agree 100 % with your below comment .You have hit the nail .

    "NIKAH is everything.Engagment is very much simular to bf and gf siutaton but its more openly agreed HARAM commitment."

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