Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fourth marriage is unravelling because of suspicion and lack of trust

Suspicion can become chronic and difficult to reason with.
Suspicion can become chronic and impervious to reason.

I have been married to my current husband for a year and a month, the majority of that time was separation because we got married out of the country and then he immigrated to the US.

I converted to Islam in Nov 2007, and had a real shaky time of it due to a brother who was only after sex and Mut'a (temporary marriage) because he was married to a woman in Morocco already. We had become very close as friends talking before ever meeting in person, and I had no idea that I would one day revert to Islam. After the initial marriage, we divorced, and married and divorced and then I found another man that I thought was a good man and would want me as his permanent wife only, but he wasnt willing to live in the States or make a plan for our life together. We divorced and then the first brother married me again.

I had lots of regrets for all of this, and I felt embarassed and disgusted and to top it off the first man lied to me about so many things, to manipulate me into only listening to him and doing what he wanted for his sick and perverted reasons. You see, I have my tubes tied from 11 years ago, and I dont fall under the waiting period that most women do in terms of remarriage, which I did not know and he told me lies about that as well.

So the date of my last divorce was Jun 16 2008, and my marriage to my husband now, whom I love so dearly and know he is the right one, and I desperately dont want to lose him, is Aug 27 2008. I didn't tell him all these details with dates because I was scared, from the waiting period ('Iddah). After 6 months now, that he has been in the states, everything has come out, primarily because he prayed Istikhara and everything was revealed in time. He doesn't trust now, and we argue and fight about these past things almost every week. He said last night that either he has to forgive and trust me and stop digging or he will have to realize his worst nightmare to come true which to me means Divorce....but I cant keep going thru this torture!

There is no contact between myself and my former husband, but my husband believes there is, he just doesn't trust, and very suspicious, and so controlling. I dont know what to do, please help, with some advice.

Ma Salama

- Sister Jennah

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2 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    firstly i would like to welcome you for accepting islam. after i read i understand your situation, so i would like to say is tell your husband everything a-z and tell him whateva happened in the past just to leave it in the past. hope thimgs work out for you inshallah

    ma salama

  2. Assalamu aleykum sister
    i would first like to say alhamdulillah for Allah has shown you the right path in finding islam, as i believe he will help you with everything that has been going on in your life.
    I know how it is for someone not to trust you when you are being true and honest to them in every possible way. If he is a muslim he needs to understand that everyone including HIM has a past that they rather not reveal. Now that everything is out on the table it is NOT ok for him to treat you this way. you need to tell him that your marriage is falling apart because he cannot leave the past in the PAST. tell him that if you give him a reason to not trust you than he has a reason to leave you, but if you have given him NO reason not to trust you than he needs to learn to love and appreciate you for the person you are TODAY.

    Pray to Allah and i am sure he will answer your prayer with patience.

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