Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My friends keep taking me to places that serve pork

Hamburger bed, man sleeping in bed

Salam,

I am just going to plunge right in because I honestly dont know where to start 🙁

I keep doing the same mistakes again and again. I repent and I do it again after promising Allah I wont. I feel like I dont have any backbone at all, I have a hard time standing up for myself and I am shy to say if something makes me uncomfortable, like for example if my friends and I go out. I know I am not suppose to eat at a restaurant that serves pork and I honestly was not expecting that we would have gone to a place like that, the first time I ate at a place like that, I repented and promised Allah I wont do that again and a couple of weeks ago it happened again 🙁 that was the 2nd time. I even missed 2 of my salah that day because I was shy to say I have to go pray and because there was no place for me to pray. I hate that I am this way so much, I made up for it but it did not feel the same. Would I be excused if there was no place to pray? Even though I did not eat anything that is haram, will my prayers not be accepted for 40 days still?We have plans to hang out in a couple of weeks and I feel like it's going to happen again, I dont know how to say no 🙁 None of my friends are muslims. I say that I love Allah but my actions contradicts what I am saying/how I feel 🙁 .

My salah dont feel the same anymore since that day, I am easily distracted and I feel worried. I am worried my prayers wont be accepted for the next forty days. Does anyone know any dua that I can say that the prophet (pbuh) recommended for cases like this??

Thank you.

blackseed

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6 Responses »

  1. I don't want to really say to ditch these people as friends. You're officially a representative of the religion. Generally people are more accepting than you might think and if they aren't then they aren't people you should be around. Just sit down and, while you're making plans, tell them how you feel. I have non Muslim friends and non Muslim family, and I feel comfortable enough with them to not judge me. My dad is difficult and loves pork so I just don't go with him unless I pick the place.

    Here are some suggestions. Why don't you pick the place? Why don't you save some money and stay in and make something at home or a friend's home? If you don't know how to cook, this is a good starting place haha. Tell one of the friends in the group and have them sat something for you.

    If you make plans so far in advanced, it's like you're planning to disobey Allah. I know that's not specifically your intention but that's something to think about. If you're not comfortable enough with your friends to express yourself then that's something else you should really think about. You may end up having to find new friends....

  2. You need to work on your confidence brother, I mean you call them your friends but you can't tell them something simple as that because you are afraid they will judge you. Let me tell you something, if they are your real friends they will support you and not judge you. They will accept you the way you are, your religion is a part of you/ your life, so make sure you tell them and if they are really your friends they will accept you insh'Allah. You need to respect yourself brother, if you don't trust me no one will.

  3. Are there not many places that don't serve pork at all? you could just order the salad, or just go to a junk food place like McDonalds - i'm pretty sure that mcdonalds is not real meat (joke). But really you need to tell your friends properly make them understand and maybe if they still refuse to be considerate of you then are they really your friends.... but just to go with the flow, just don't order pork and specifically ask the waiter that your food is prepared with things that are not used for pork. Maybe they have separate pots n pans. You should research the restaurants that are suitable for you and present this list to your friends. If there keep inviting you to pork serving restaurants and are still really not wanting to go, make up some excuse that you cant go, or if they surprise you then come up with about the excuse to get out of it. My grandfather is Jewish and doesn't eat pork but realizes that it doesn't matter if he's in the presence of others eating it - as long as he does not consume it because that's really what's important.
    Are they your friends or looking for an extra seat filler?

  4. Tell your friends. I feel same as you i get it you do feel guilty that's why you know the answer. I strongly will not eat food where alcohol is served and also the place is haraam food becuase it is haraam to eat out where haraam is served. You need to be honest and its better to be honest otherwise you do feel guilty we are forbidden these kinds of places for a reason stick to what is comfortable for you. Haraam is haraam and stand up for yourself.

  5. Salam lets go back to basics?You are or should be a sunni muslim following 1 of the major of thoughts eg. hanifi is the largest in the world.Next nice friends.These are not true friends so we need to find sisters that are involved at the mosque helping the community te children teens and elderly.We busy are self with deeni talk reading quran learning the lifestyle and teachings of Muhammad and implementing.My sister hanging in a perfume shop were a man sells you perfume but you do not buy.But you still come out with the beautiful fragrance.Similiarly if we sit with ulema or pious people and good company then there qaulities rub off on us.Also it doesnt matter were we are we should plan ahead and if our intentions are correct then Allah will except it .Dont forget everything in our life is a test test!!! If wexare not praying punctually nd reading quran and learning some new hadithwatching what our eyes look at what our ears listen too what are tongues say and of course what we eat This life for a believer is a prison.This body is a ammanat trust.We will have to answer for are crimes

  6. Asalam o alaikum Sister,

    You are a shy person that's why you are afraid to say that you can't go to that place and it's prayer time etc. But tell me sister is it wrong to excuse for a prayer or to say nooo to a place like that? It's not wrong right? Then have courage and take stand for yourself. You are not doing anything wrong while practicing your religion then why this shyness is for. Your friends know that you are a Muslim. Then just excuse them and tell them what you feel. Tell them that you are forbidden to eat at such places. There are plenty of other places where you can go. If they are your true friends. they will understand otherwise you know the answer.

    Show them an example of a Muslim by practicing your Islam sincerely, i mean by being punctual in your prayers whether you are in or out. Say no to such places. You are advanced so i can't say that stop hanging out but try to control the situation by taking stand for your self.

    First try to make your self understand that you are not doing anything wrong while saying no to such places or by excusing for prayer as you are feeling guilty. Stop that guilt by taking a stand. Just be honest with your friends, have some courage and be kind. You'll not feel guilty anymore.

    About repentance, your sincere heart is enough. Repent sincerely and ask ALLAH for help, for giving you courage and make promise that you won't repeat this time. ALLAH will make your way easy just keep your faith in HIM.

    INSHAA ALLA you'll find some peace by taking some hard steps as you are shy so it will be little hard for you to take stand but just remember you are not doing anything wrong by taking stand and telling your friends that you are uncomfortable and you are forbidden. Be strong girl, ALLAH will help you.

    Pray for us. Stay Blessed

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