Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My girlfriend threatens suicide if I don’t marry her


We met 2 years before via chatting when we were 17 year old. We started texting and calling each other day and night and were best friends. One day,she said she loves me. I said that I love her too but don't promise marrying her unless my parents permit. She was ok with that. We started exchanging pics and have phone sex (I started it). We also sent each other our full body pics but have never met each other because we live in different cities.

My parents want me to marry my cousin and I cannot deny them because they have done a lot for me, but now she threatens to commit suicide if i don't marry her. I want to leave her but whenever I leave her she cuts herself and sends me pics in which her hand,arm etc are cut. Thats why I cannot leave her. She has disturbed my studies. It was my mistake but then I was not mature. I care for her and for her life. She is really stubborn and wants me to meet her and spend my whole day with her. She does not give me time to study or to do something else. I want to leave her while making sure that she lives happily too. I am very sensitive and God fearing. I am ashamed about phone sex now but she demands me to have phone sex otherwise she cuts herself. It was my biggest mistake in life, plz friends help me. I am really tense. What should I do?


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10 Responses »

  1. You say: " I said that I love her too but don't promise marrying her unless my parents permit. She was ok with that."

    I have feeling you knew all along that you were not going to marry her. You were talking to her "day and night" when you were interested in her . You did phone sex. Now you think she is waste of your time. What do you mean you exchanged full body pictures? Do you mean naked pictures. I am sure most of these "chatting friendships" end this way. Boys just leave the girl once they get what they want.

    Don't meet her, you both may cross the limits.

    Now you have told her, she may find another "chat friend" for phone sex and forget about you. Girl is cutting herself. She may be depressed. Suggest her to see a counsellor

  2. I cannot take you seriously! How dare you lie and lead her on. Why on earth would you tell her that you love her when you clearly don't?! I suggest that you change your number and stop talking to her immediately. Cut all form of contact and just make dua that she doesn't do anything stupid and harms herself. And your miskin cousin, no woman deserves a man like you. Fix up and repent

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Obviously you have realized that problems that arise from such relationships.

    Let the girl have an opportunity for closure. Apologize for leading her on and tell her that Allah is not pleased with either you or her for engaging in this type of relationship. I wouldn't tell her you are going to get married, but rather that you want to repent for actions and Islamically you want to mend your ways immediately.

    It is too bad that things went on for so long--I know you want to please your parents to marry your cousin, but how would you react if you found out that your cousin was involved with someone for 2 years? I don't think it is fair to your cousin until you sincerely repent for what you have done and change your ways for good by not chatting to girls and not getting involved intimately (in real or on phone).

    With respect to cutting, there can be different reasons why someone might cut themselves--sometimes it can be to ease the emotional pain--it may be because this girl doesn't know how to deal with stress. Even if you were going to stay with her, it is very concerning and she needs to seek counselling--I wonder if she has had a traumatic experience in her life?

    I am sure other brothers/sisters will be able to give you better advice, because I really feel torn about how to advise you about your next step.

    May Allah guide you and her so that He may be pleased with you both, Ameen.

  4. AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,

    You didn't talk about how you want to repent and return to Allah. You are just concerned of what the girl is doing. What you were doing with the girl is a sin; it's near zina, and Allah Has forbidden that. Allah says: "And do not come near adultery. It is immoral, and an evil way." (Quran 17: 32)

    Do you know how Allah is angry with you for doing all you did with the girl? Do you even care whether Allah will ever forgive you your sins? Have you got any idea how the hellfire shall be? Allah says: "On the Day when We will say to Hell, “Are you full?” And it will say, “Are there any more (sinners)?” (Quran 50: 30)

    Now you did a mistake by being intouch with the girl in the first place. And maybe she is taking advantage of your sensitive nature to blackmail you. I could only suggest that you delete her number and then change yours as well.

  5. Dear ameerhamza
    You say " I am very sensitive and God fearing.", but you have indulged in many haram activities(17 years is too old to distinguish between right & wrong). Stop being a hypocrite, repend to Allah SWT and marry the girl.

  6. In all honesty, and without meaning any disrespect to your family, I would like to know how you would feel if Allah forbid, some dude played around with your sister like this, and then just dumped her, saying he could not marry her.You would want to kill the stupid git, no?.Well, this girl is also someone's sister and daughter, and the honour of some household.You were bold enough to sin with her, why shy away from doing the right thing and taking a stand for her?If you are truly God fearing, you will realize the enormity of your actions and seek to rectify them.In other words, stop being such a wimp, and marry her.

    • You are right, this is what is happening to me now and I am suicidal. The guy led me on for three years and promised marriage. We even got physical astaghfirullah I regret it so much. And now he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't find me attractive, and that we are too different. He's a Muslim and I never thought he would do this to me. I am on antidepressants, got fired from my job, and have built up debt.

      A woman's honor is the most important and precious thing that she can give anyone. I even wrote a suicide note but I can't follow through with it because I know it's eternal hell. I'm devastated at how many men do this to women. We women are delicate and fragile, and breaking our hearts is a natural curse for the guy.

      OP you should marry her. You led her on. Her respect and honor is placed in your hands. Don't prolong this any further and marry her.

      • It also means that women shouldn't talk to men or trust that "friendly guy." Some men prey on women who will make that leap of faith and trust them with only just sweet words. Before marriage, those sweet words, especially from a Muslim man (because they know it is wrong and in order to get what they want, they lie), are a trap.

        It must be hard for you Hiba. Make the lesson that you learnt worth it by telling the females in your life to abide by the Islamic way of meeting men to avoid at least this type of heartache.

        The men who are worth it will meet with you in the Islamic way and talk to you wali--if they are serious, they will treat you the way they hope their daughter will be treated one day. The men who want to play with emotions will avoid meeting your wali face to face and only insist on a secret relationship.

      • Sallam 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullah.
        Just a side note ukhti, a person who commits suicide has done a major sin, but he will not be in the hellfire forever waAllahu 'Alam. (A kaafir will FOREVER be in hellfire)

        We have to be careful, because the khawarij (khawarij = the dogs of hell, like ISIS and an-Nusrah (in Iraq and Syria) ) says if a person does one of the major sins (like disobeying parents, killing a person, having zina) then (according to the khawarij) the person will be a kaafir - which is a wrong statement.

        Ahl-Sunnah wa jama say the person has sinned, but is still a muslim, (if that muslim dies with a sin like suicide) if Allah wills He will forgive the muslim for that sin, if not He will punish him, BUT eventually he will come in Jannah.

  7. Ya Allah forgive us, Allahu 'Aalem!

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