Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My girlfriend’s parents don’t want us to get married

I have a question. My girlfriend's family don't want that we both get married. But we both want to marry each other only.

She can marry me without her parents permission, and we both get married in the presence of 3 witnesses - 2 male from my side and 1 female from her side. But as we  can't meet or talk we have married on message with each other and I have promised her to pay the mehar too.

According to Islam in ur nikha we have acceptance, mehar, and witnesses.... Is the nikha valid?

Please give answer in accordance to Quran and hadiths with the verses of it in Quran and hadiths.... Jazak Allah


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10 Responses »

  1. Dear Brother

    Think logically a nikaah over messenger and without the acceptance of her parents approval. It sounds ridiculous.

    Girls cannot marry without the permission of their parents or any guardian because a guardian has protected the girl for years and is responsible for the success of her future life. The girl becomes an emotional part of the guardian. So the guardian(parents) will feel guilty or worry for the rest of life if they choose the wrong partner for their daughter.

    So Islam has invalidated any marriage without the permission of girl's guardian..

    You need to do two things

    1. Do not pay any mehar or meet her privately until her parents gave you two guys their blessings and permission.

    2. Convince her parents first. Send us the reasons of their rejection so that we may help you convincing them or give some suitable advice to you in dealing with situation.

    • @Felix
      There is a difference of opinion on the matter whether adult woman can marry without her guardians permission or not although it is not liked to do so.
      A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2).

      It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or decendants e.g. son, grandson, etc.

      The Mahr (dowry) is the woman’s right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage.In principle, if a person wishes to marry a person at a distant place and both parties or their representatives cannot be at the same venue, then Nikah may be performed by proxy.

      It is not permissible to do the procession through the internet Camera.The procedure of marriage via the internet is same as marriage by proxy where one of the partners (boy or girl) propose to marry the other. It is advisable that the proposal be written in front of two persons. However, this is not a precondition. (Shaami vol.3 pg.12; HM Saeed)

      The two witnesses should also sign the document be sent to the other party, for example, in a foreign land and accept the written proposal in the presence of two witnesses. The presence of these two witnesses is a pre-condition. It is important to exercise extreme precaution by verifying the proposal and its witnessing to avoid any possibility of fraud and deception.

      and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

      Mufti Ebrahim Desai

      • Dear Brother Ebrahim

        There is a lot of difference in opinion on many issues but the people in this forum strongly recommends the position that parents of the female must be convinced first of the suitability of the proposal and i have explained the reason because both woman and her parents will feel guilty if she marries a person, who creates a hell for her later.

        The problem with marrying a person you have met online is woman and her parents will never get a chance to learn about the background of the boy thoroughly before marriage.

  2. Dear brother feelix

    I have tried my best to talk to her parents... But her parents r not talking to me......they don't want me to marry her....the main reason this for that is she is from different country n I from different....they think I'm fraud... As they were not .meeting me more replying to my call I msg. He father n brother that I'm ready to do job in there country n do wht ever they want.....I'man engineer....I belongs from a good family I said her father that they should come to my place see my family n after that they decide about our relationship...... I beg her father for her.....I have tried all the ways I have......I have also catch her father father's leg for her....she also don't want to marry anyone else than me.....we both want to live together as spouse..... Still we r wrong...???

  3. Dear waheed

    Do you work in an office some where. If yes then send your job profile to her parents so that they may contact your working boss there. He may help them in understanding that you are not a fraud.

    Good Luck

    • Brother I have tried that too they didn't want me ....they don't want I marry their daughter...

      • Dear Brother

        This is real tricky situation. I hope if other forum members can suggest a method that can help her parents have a full checkup on you so that they can verify that you are not a fraud.

        Did her parents or cousins have any relative or friend in your country?

        • Yes but don't have there mobile no....I have called my gf relatives also like her mother brother.but still her brother said that they will not agree for me....u even can't think I have tried so much bro.....see bro i love her n make promise her that I will not leave her at any I will try all I can......

          • Dear Brother

            If you have tried all the options and failed. Then the only option is to sit back and relax, focus on your job and parents.

            Ask your female friend(i am still not sure whether she is your wife or not according to Islam) to contact a local mufti or scholar(having a good and trusted reputation) and discuss this problem with him. She has the right to convince her parents through a genuine scholar or mufti.

            Good luck and take care


    "And whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry free, believing women, then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of believing slave girls. And Allah is most knowing about your faith. You [believers] are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable...."

    You don't have the permission of her people and are trying to circumvent their refusal. You are trying to marry her secretly.

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